Mental Illness

[xPassionx]

Went to a coda meeting yesterday for the first time in a long time and did some meditative yoga for the first time with some strangers I met on Meetup. It's very unlike me to suddenly just do these things. I didn't really think about them before doing them either. I just did it. If I had thought about it too much I probably wouldn't have done it. I'm planning on making these weekly endevours. Thus far, I'm proud of myself.

Thanks everyone for the kind words and support.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[xPassionx]

That's so cool!

And mediation, is I think, a big one, where you let guards down somewhat and allow a certain vulnerability of self in the space! did you manage to exchange a few words with anyone? That's another huge step, just a smile, or hi? Or, ' is anyone in this space?' And then ' see you next week!'

Thanks. Yeah. There was a lot of socializing. There was only 6 of us. They were all really nice and made me feel welcome. We sat in silent meditation for a whole hour. Wow, did my legs hurt the whole time. lol

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[xPassionx]

This is good acheivement! Be proud! ( you might consider a yoga bolster or something to sit on if it will help you and you plan to do this longer term...I am comfortable on the floor but I know lots prefer to be slightly elevated for such.

Is there another meet up you think you might try too?

I limited by travel, but I'm seeing what my options are. This meditation thing is a weekly meetup and i'ts across the street from my house, so can't get any more convienen than that. I'm seeing what my options are for what's local. I'll join more meetup groups if they're local and that I think will be beneficial to me.

 

[xPassionx]

There's something that I think a lot of can relate to, and that's generalizing and catastrophizing. If our symtoms get in the way of our lives and we make a mistakes and things turn out badly for ourselves or others, we immediately take it as proof that there's something inherintly wrong with us and it's a sign that we're always going to be this way. If anyones falling into these delusions of thinking, try using counter statements to your negative self talk. You're allowed to make mistakes, and you can forgive yourself for them even if you do make them again. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. It just means that you're symptoms are getting the better of you at times, but if you're being mindful that you're falling into this negative self-talk, take a step back and assess the situation. Ask yourself: 'What's the evidence that there's something inherintly wrong with me?'

You're going to make mistakes. It's part of being human. I'm sure we've all been in places where were like: 'Oh, my God! This person hates me! They'll never forgive me.' But in reality, they're probably long past it and may not even remember it. We're way too hard on ourselves. I mean, we probably wouldn't have the same judgements if we say someone else dealing with the same issues, so why are we the acception that proves the rule?

I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the matter.

 

[SpunThings]

There's something that I think a lot of can relate to, and that's generalizing and catastrophizing. If our symtoms get in the way of our lives and we make a mistakes and things turn out badly for ourselves or others, we immediately take it as proof that there's something inherintly wrong with us and it's a sign that we're always going to be this way. If anyones falling into these delusions of thinking, try using counter statements to your negative self talk. You're allowed to make mistakes, and you can forgive yourself for them even if you do make them again. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you. It just means that you're symptoms are getting the better of you at times, but if you're being mindful that you're falling into this negative self-talk, take a step back and assess the situation. Ask yourself: 'What's the evidence that there's something inherintly wrong with me?'

You're going to make mistakes. It's part of being human. I'm sure we've all been in places where were like: 'Oh, my God! This person hates me! They'll never forgive me.' But in reality, they're probably long past it and may not even remember it. We're way too hard on ourselves. I mean, we probably wouldn't have the same judgements if we say someone else dealing with the same issues, so why are we the acception that proves the rule?

I'm curious to hear what others have to say on the matter.

I have a bad habit of negative self talk, and catastrophic thinking (although in slightly different ways). I'm apparently a bit of a perfectionist too, so I avoid anything I don't know enough about, or don't think I can do exactly right. Because of this I have social anxiety disorder (no formal diagnosis yet, but it's not exactly hard to diagnose).

Anyways I'm learning a lot about what goes on in my head. I need to actually identify the negative self talk first. Learning mindfulness has been hard, but really eye opening.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I've adopted a new sort of life rule to help me take more chances and chill the fuck out a bit. "Be fucking wrong sometimes." It wasn't enough to give myself permission to mess up, I had to make it a requirement.

 

[xPassionx]

I have a bad habit of negative self talk, and catastrophic thinking (although in slightly different ways). I'm apparently a bit of a perfectionist too, so I avoid anything I don't know enough about, or don't think I can do exactly right. Because of this I have social anxiety disorder (no formal diagnosis yet, but it's not exactly hard to diagnose).

Anyways I'm learning a lot about what goes on in my head. I need to actually identify the negative self talk first. Learning mindfulness has been hard, but really eye opening.

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I've adopted a new sort of life rule to help me take more chances and chill the fuck out a bit. "Be fucking wrong sometimes." It wasn't enough to give myself permission to mess up, I had to make it a requirement.

I have a serious problem with being a perfectionist too. I think as if I have to be an expert at something before going into it for the first time or that I must know everything about it.

 

[Farawyn]

Thanks very much. I don't expect to make a lot of progress right away. I'm scared out of my mind, to be honest, but I owe it to myself to be happy.

I've done CODA.

Group worked for me.

Going out after for food...? Not so much.
Good luck.

 

[xPassionx]

I've done CODA.

Group worked for me.

Going out after for food...? Not so much.
Good luck.

How long do you do Coda for?

 

[purplexkitten]

This probably seems really silly...

...but I'm so depressed right now, I can barely think straight.

Long story short, I just dropped out of a role play group that I started a year ago with another RP friend. It's killing me, but it just pissed me off that another girl we brought in as an admin (who has a strong Type A personality) just kept acting like she knew everything better than everyone else and made "scolding" comments on a regular basis. I had been struggling with leaving for awhile now, but this really hurts. It was a year in June that the group had been going. Her last "scolding" post just pushed me too far. I told them to just take care of the group and that I was done and left. Sent my good bye messages and unfollowed everyone. No going back now.

It just sucks. I don't do much for entertainment and now I don't have that anymore, either. I guess I'll have time to get my studying done now (unless I spend more time on here now - hehe). Okay, so that's my big issue today. It just sucks...and hurts.

Kitten

 

[xPassionx]

...but I'm so depressed right now, I can barely think straight.

Long story short, I just dropped out of a role play group that I started a year ago with another RP friend. It's killing me, but it just pissed me off that another girl we brought in as an admin (who has a strong Type A personality) just kept acting like she knew everything better than everyone else and made "scolding" comments on a regular basis. I had been struggling with leaving for awhile now, but this really hurts. It was a year in June that the group had been going. Her last "scolding" post just pushed me too far. I told them to just take care of the group and that I was done and left. Sent my good bye messages and unfollowed everyone. No going back now.

It just sucks. I don't do much for entertainment and now I don't have that anymore, either. I guess I'll have time to get my studying done now (unless I spend more time on here now - hehe). Okay, so that's my big issue today. It just sucks...and hurts.

Kitten

I'm sorry that happened, Kitten.

 

[SpunThings]

...but I'm so depressed right now, I can barely think straight.

Long story short, I just dropped out of a role play group that I started a year ago with another RP friend. It's killing me, but it just pissed me off that another girl we brought in as an admin (who has a strong Type A personality) just kept acting like she knew everything better than everyone else and made "scolding" comments on a regular basis. I had been struggling with leaving for awhile now, but this really hurts. It was a year in June that the group had been going. Her last "scolding" post just pushed me too far. I told them to just take care of the group and that I was done and left. Sent my good bye messages and unfollowed everyone. No going back now.

It just sucks. I don't do much for entertainment and now I don't have that anymore, either. I guess I'll have time to get my studying done now (unless I spend more time on here now - hehe). Okay, so that's my big issue today. It just sucks...and hurts.

Kitten

It's not silly. Social activities and hobbies are supposed to add to your life, not take from it. You did the right thing.

 

[purplexkitten]

I'm sorry that happened, Kitten.

It's not silly. Social activities and hobbies are supposed to add to your life, not take from it. You did the right thing.

Thank so much! It just hurts letting go of something that I put so much of myself and my time into. i guess everything has its season, though, right? Maybe it's time to make room for something new? (Trying to look at the positive)

 

[xPassionx]

Thank so much! It just hurts letting go of something that I put so much of myself and my time into. i guess everything has its season, though, right? Maybe it's time to make room for something new? (Trying to look at the positive)

That's a good attitude!

 

[Farawyn]

How long do you do Coda for?

2 years.

And guess what? We all became co-dependent on each other!

It was awful.

 

[xPassionx]

2 years.

And guess what? We all became co-dependent on each other!

It was awful.

You mean you and the coda group? How so?

 

[DaddysTastyTreat]

I'm finally accepting my diagnoses and their affect on my personal life. They do not make me less of a human being or less valid a person.

I don't give the stigma power. Half the people we meet everyday have diagnoses of their own. Some have never been diagnosed and deal with their struggles in ways only they can. That's okay.

You know.. I'm still learning to accept myself, but that's okay. I am ultimately in control of my life if I can PAUSE and not say the 1st thing I THINK. Lack of filter is great for laughs. NOT SO MUCH for not alienating others. PLUS, I'm trying to focus on the power of self-talk and the energy one sends out into the universe.

So for all the other litsters dealing with their own shit... Good luck, my friends. May you keep fighting the good fight. Peace.

 

[Farawyn]

Thank so much! It just hurts letting go of something that I put so much of myself and my time into. i guess everything has its season, though, right? Maybe it's time to make room for something new? (Trying to look at the positive)

Well, you haven't been hanging out with us in the Café as much... Now is the time!

You mean you and the coda group? How so?

Oh, we all started hanging out. And drinking. And calling each other. And being jealous and insecure and all the things that we were there NOT to do.

The group itself was GREAT. It really helped me. But when you get a bunch pf people with no boundaries in a room together and add booze, well....

 

[Setanta84]

I've posted on this thread in the past. To summarize my own issues, I'm basically prone to debilitating episodes of depression and/or anxiety. The cause of this is murky because I'm an American from a working class background, meaning I have wildly varying access to the lower tiers of an inexcusably broken mental health system. Diagnoses run the gamut from chronic depression with features of suicidal ideation and PTSD to adjustment disorder to a repeated idea that I may be a misdiagnosed bipolar depressive (that never goes anywhere because my employer-provided insurance usually terminates around the time they begin to raise that suspicion)

Also, as I wrote earlier in the thread, I was engaged to a woman who had severe issues of her own a couple of years ago. Basically, she has a conflict-prone personality/some variety of anti-social personality disorder and the syntax featured in her writing reminds me of examples of how schizophrenics write from psychology textbooks.

Issues in our relationship were she was a pathological liar, unfaithful, took way more than she put in, engaged in silent treatments, and ultimately abandoned me, kidnapped our dog, and left me to die when I was diagnosed with cancer. Also, months after she left, I found out that she had been planning to leave since the beginning of our relationship--feeling out potential new partners, looking into relocation options, leading some of these leads on, etc.

The new stuff is that she's popped back into my life recently. She got into another rocky relationship where she claims she was physically abused shortly after she left me. They broke up and suddenly she's contacting me again--and appears to be even more emotionally volatile than before she left.

At this point, I know hoping for a normal, healthy relationship with this woman is a pipe dream. She's batshit crazy to the point that I think she is often legitimately confused regarding her own emotional state and believes her own lies.

The counterpoint to this is--for some reason--I'm drawn to her and the sex is great.

I'm torn on whether to engage her again with massively lowered expectations and hard emotional boundaries or just run like Hell.

 

[HomewardBound41]

I've posted on this thread in the past. To summarize my own issues, I'm basically prone to debilitating episodes of depression and/or anxiety. The cause of this is murky because I'm an American from a working class background, meaning I have wildly varying access to the lower tiers of an inexcusably broken mental health system. Diagnoses run the gamut from chronic depression with features of suicidal ideation and PTSD to adjustment disorder to a repeated idea that I may be a misdiagnosed bipolar depressive (that never goes anywhere because my employer-provided insurance usually terminates around the time they begin to raise that suspicion)

Also, as I wrote earlier in the thread, I was engaged to a woman who had severe issues of her own a couple of years ago. Basically, she has a conflict-prone personality/some variety of anti-social personality disorder and the syntax featured in her writing reminds me of examples of how schizophrenics write from psychology textbooks.

Issues in our relationship were she was a pathological liar, unfaithful, took way more than she put in, engaged in silent treatments, and ultimately abandoned me, kidnapped our dog, and left me to die when I was diagnosed with cancer. Also, months after she left, I found out that she had been planning to leave since the beginning of our relationship--feeling out potential new partners, looking into relocation options, leading some of these leads on, etc.

The new stuff is that she's popped back into my life recently. She got into another rocky relationship where she claims she was physically abused shortly after she left me. They broke up and suddenly she's contacting me again--and appears to be even more emotionally volatile than before she left.

At this point, I know hoping for a normal, healthy relationship with this woman is a pipe dream. She's batshit crazy to the point that I think she is often legitimately confused regarding her own emotional state and believes her own lies.

The counterpoint to this is--for some reason--I'm drawn to her and the sex is great.

I'm torn on whether to engage her again with massively lowered expectations and hard emotional boundaries or just run like Hell.

Run like hell. Never let loneliness or great sex drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don't belong with.

 

[xPassionx]

Run like hell. Never let loneliness or great sex drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don't belong with.

I agree. It won't be worth it in the long-term. Cut your ties and move on. It's your safest bet.

 

[FurryFury]

My oldest is now achieving some goals. Yay!

My youngest is still not doing anything that I can tell.

My mother reeled me in, just to fuck with me again and I'm having to put distance and limits in place once more to protect myself.

My boss got torn a new one due to three people leaving. She was temporarily nicer for about a week. It's possible I've lost my good interview mojo. I've interviewed for two jobs and not gotten either.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

My oldest is now achieving some goals. Yay!

My youngest is still not doing anything that I can tell.

My mother reeled me in, just to fuck with me again and I'm having to put distance and limits in place once more to protect myself.

My boss got torn a new one due to three people leaving. She was temporarily nicer for about a week. It's possible I've lost my good interview mojo. I've interview for two jobs and not gotten either.

I usta get almost every job I applied for, because I know how to interview.

All bosses are interested in a few traits. So I assured them I had the traits they wanted.

1. I don't wanna be the CEO.
2. I'm never late.
3. I'm almost never sick.
4.I don't smoke so I don't take smoke breaks
5.You can trust me with your money and your life, but not your wife. Keep us apart,
6.I love hard work more than sex.
7. I don't do excuses.
9.I never lie so I have no friends to waste my time.

 

[FurryFury]

Def fit all of these except I wouldn't fuck my bosses husband. YUCK!

I usta get almost every job I applied for, because I know how to interview.

All bosses are interested in a few traits. So I assured them I had the traits they wanted.

1. I don't wanna be the CEO.
2. I'm never late.
3. I'm almost never sick.
4.I don't smoke so I don't take smoke breaks
5.You can trust me with your money and your life, but not your wife. Keep us apart,
6.I love hard work more than sex.
7. I don't do excuses.
9.I never lie so I have no friends to waste my time.