Mental Illness

[BiBunny]

Ok, so I ended up asking her if she wanted to go be evaluated at a psychiatric facility, and she said yes. I took her, and they admitted her. I really, really hope she gets the help she needs there. I'm glad she has care and support for now. I hate to say it, but I'm not overly optimistic for the long run. I can admit that here. She is insisting she probably has a thyroid problem or has had a stroke. She is in total denial about being bipolar. I hope they help her accept her condition, if that will help her move on. She always insists she isn't "crazy", so she stops taking her meds, and then is shocked when she bottoms out. Grrrrrrrr! I want to see her get some insight into her own condition, but only if it helps bring her peace.

Elle - I hear what you are saying about her job situation. Unfortunately, it's almost a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing It's highly dependent upon the higher ups at work.

GOD, THAT BEHAVIOR DRIVES ME BATSHIT. I've seen so much of it, and it makes me want to kick everybody who does it.

Here's the thing about being bipolar: We are crazy. But if we can take meds and feel better, then who the fuck cares if we're crazy or not? Like, that is completely irrelevant to the issue of taking medication.

The problem is that lack of insight into one's condition is very much a hallmark of bipolar. That's a part of a lot of mental illnesses, but I think it's even more pronounced in the psychotic disorders like bipolar and schizophrenia.

I'm so very sorry that you're having to deal with this. I hope this place will help her, and that she'll get her shit together and realize that she needs her meds. And I hope that, at the very least, you won't have to deal with it constantly.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

GOD, THAT BEHAVIOR DRIVES ME BATSHIT. I've seen so much of it, and it makes me want to kick everybody who does it.

Here's the thing about being bipolar: We are crazy. But if we can take meds and feel better, then who the fuck cares if we're crazy or not? Like, that is completely irrelevant to the issue of taking medication.

The problem is that lack of insight into one's condition is very much a hallmark of bipolar. That's a part of a lot of mental illnesses, but I think it's even more pronounced in the psychotic disorders like bipolar and schizophrenia.

I'm so very sorry that you're having to deal with this. I hope this place will help her, and that she'll get her shit together and realize that she needs her meds. And I hope that, at the very least, you won't have to deal with it constantly.

Constantly, no. A few times a week are enough to send me running away screaming
And yes, that lack of insight and acceptance by her drives me directly to complete distraction!

 

[MsAmative]

Ok, so I ended up asking her if she wanted to go be evaluated at a psychiatric facility, and she said yes. I took her, and they admitted her. I really, really hope she gets the help she needs there. I'm glad she has care and support for now. I hate to say it, but I'm not overly optimistic for the long run. I can admit that here. She is insisting she probably has a thyroid problem or has had a stroke. She is in total denial about being bipolar. I hope they help her accept her condition, if that will help her move on. She always insists she isn't "crazy", so she stops taking her meds, and then is shocked when she bottoms out. Grrrrrrrr! I want to see her get some insight into her own condition, but only if it helps bring her peace.

Elle - I hear what you are saying about her job situation. Unfortunately, it's almost a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing It's highly dependent upon the higher ups at work.

I don't know where you are all located, but if she has the diagnosis of bipolar and you are in the US - it IS part of the ADA and they have to give her reasonable accommodation for the disability. This would include things like restructuring her job duties and hours among other things. She would have to disclose the disorder and request accommodation. This would help protect her job and maybe give her what she needs to keep and get better.

No matter what happens, I hope she can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope the future can bring some peace and calm for you both.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I don't know where you are all located, but if she has the diagnosis of bipolar and you are in the US - it IS part of the ADA and they have to give her reasonable accommodation for the disability. This would include things like restructuring her job duties and hours among other things. She would have to disclose the disorder and request accommodation. This would help protect her job and maybe give her what she needs to keep and get better.

No matter what happens, I hope she can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope the future can bring some peace and calm for you both.

Thank you! I will look into this for her. She works for a very small family business, so unfortunately it wouldn't be difficult to manufacture a reason to get rid of her. But I will check it out and give her the info. Appreciated

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

So, she is back home. She might, might have heard me today when I told her some things.
There is nothing physical to find, which is why (regular, not psychiatric) doctors keep telling you they can't find anything wrong with you.
Natural remedies and homeopathy will not work for you, much as you would prefer that they do.
You must not stop taking your modern, prescribed medication, no matter what new "remedy" you come across.
I really wish she could get out of Denial City and start being constructive with her life. I think some of her views are shifting from this, we shall see.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Thank you Elle, I need the encouragement

 

[Pinklovemuffin]

Collar, you are being a GREAT friend.

I totally agree. I am not bipolar but I do suffer from chronic depression. It is often difficult for me to reach out to anyone. I tend to isolate a lot and not let people into my world... pretty much ashamed that there are times when functioning is difficult, so I withdraw and try not to get attached to too many. Those few people that can see past my isolation are what keep me going. Remember to take care of yourself though.

My daughter is bi polar and that is tough to deal with. I withdraw and she lashes out. We both have decent treatment plans though. It is difficult to watch my child suffer that way but I still have to remember to keep up strict boundaries with her for my own health.

So please take care of you first Collar but continue to be a friend!!!!! So glad there are people like you in this world.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

I totally agree. I am not bipolar but I do suffer from chronic depression. It is often difficult for me to reach out to anyone. I tend to isolate a lot and not let people into my world... pretty much ashamed that there are times when functioning is difficult, so I withdraw and try not to get attached to too many. Those few people that can see past my isolation are what keep me going. Remember to take care of yourself though.

My daughter is bi polar and that is tough to deal with. I withdraw and she lashes out. We both have decent treatment plans though. It is difficult to watch my child suffer that way but I still have to remember to keep up strict boundaries with her for my own health.

So please take care of you first Collar but continue to be a friend!!!!! So glad there are people like you in this world.

Thank you
And as Elle says, we are here for you!

 

[Pinklovemuffin]

Thank you
And as Elle says, we are here for you!

Thanks to you both for the warm welcome!

 

[desertslave]

First: Welcome Pinklovemuffin! I hope you find the same kindness and helpfulness that I've found here!

So this happened today. I got a scheduled call from a social worker through my health care provider, following up on my depression and suicide attempt in May. The guy was very nice and friendly, but I gave him an earful about not being able to find someone for follow-up therapy after my May meltdown. I told him about my intent attempts to freaking find someone to help me after my inpatient stay, and how very bad the provider website was in my attempts. He seemed genuinely surprised and promised to follow up and find me someone.

I told him that 80% of the crap that caused my meltdown had been resolved or was progressing. He seemed genuinely concerned about tackling the other 20%. I laughed and schooled him on trust issues and lawyers. He laughed back, told me he liked me, and we moved on. Putting "charmed a social worker by long distance" on my resume.

All snark aside, I'm looking forward to my next call, and seriously hoping for someone who can help me out locally. Our marriage counselor has been awesome, but now that she's on maternity leave I'm a little nervous about...well, everything.

Dammit, I hate being scared about nothing tangible!

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Being scared about the intangible.

Yep. I miss my totally fearless stages when they aren't around. I find I can conquer most things with Xanax, though Go figure. But I just rationalize that as I'm no longer afraid of it once I take Xanax, then I really don't need to fear it. Luckily, this logic works for me most of the time and I can leave worries at the Xanax altar and move on.

I hope you can, too

 

[Pinklovemuffin]

First: Welcome Pinklovemuffin! I hope you find the same kindness and helpfulness that I've found here!

So this happened today. I got a scheduled call from a social worker through my health care provider, following up on my depression and suicide attempt in May. The guy was very nice and friendly, but I gave him an earful about not being able to find someone for follow-up therapy after my May meltdown. I told him about my intent attempts to freaking find someone to help me after my inpatient stay, and how very bad the provider website was in my attempts. He seemed genuinely surprised and promised to follow up and find me someone.

I told him that 80% of the crap that caused my meltdown had been resolved or was progressing. He seemed genuinely concerned about tackling the other 20%. I laughed and schooled him on trust issues and lawyers. He laughed back, told me he liked me, and we moved on. Putting "charmed a social worker by long distance" on my resume.

All snark aside, I'm looking forward to my next call, and seriously hoping for someone who can help me out locally. Our marriage counselor has been awesome, but now that she's on maternity leave I'm a little nervous about...well, everything.

Dammit, I hate being scared about nothing tangible!

Thank you for the welcome.

There is one thing I do know about the mental health system and that is finding the right provider is a job in itself. It is a frustrating process. Even the best inpatient facilities are very poor with follow up after care referrals. They just look at who is in your area or insurance network.

Good luck on that quest. I've been where you are. It has taken a very long time to actually trust a treatment plan, myself along with the provider I have. Not a lot of people wake up one day and decide that they don't want to live anymore. A lot has to happen and go on for one to get to that point of no return in depression. Trust is a something that takes a lot of time to develop on so many different levels. Good help is hard to find... Stay safe, my friend!!!

 

[jegm]

BiPolar

Ok, so I ended up asking her if she wanted to go be evaluated at a psychiatric facility, and she said yes. I took her, and they admitted her. I really, really hope she gets the help she needs there. I'm glad she has care and support for now. I hate to say it, but I'm not overly optimistic for the long run. I can admit that here. She is insisting she probably has a thyroid problem or has had a stroke. She is in total denial about being bipolar. I hope they help her accept her condition, if that will help her move on. She always insists she isn't "crazy", so she stops taking her meds, and then is shocked when she bottoms out. Grrrrrrrr! I want to see her get some insight into her own condition, but only if it helps bring her peace.

Elle - I hear what you are saying about her job situation. Unfortunately, it's almost a damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing It's highly dependent upon the higher ups at work.

Collar that describes my 30 year old daughter to a T. The denial is what is bone crushing. I have talked with her about reaching out to her friends and our family ( i live in a different state) but not sure she will. She claims she is fine, but tbis illness destroys lives.

 

[Collar_N_Cuffs]

Collar that describes my 30 year old daughter to a T. The denial is what is bone crushing. I have talked with her about reaching out to her friends and our family ( i live in a different state) but not sure she will. She claims she is fine, but tbis illness destroys lives.

So very true, unfortunately.
I hope you can work it out with your daughter.

 

[FurryFury]

My mother is really acting out and verbally attacking me lately. Everything is my fault. She "has" to cut off contact. Okay. I want the best for her. Maybe this is the only way she will be able to go into assisted living. Of course she has chosen something 10 hours away but maybe that's best for her.

Hate it.

Want her happy.

I know I'm not to blame for her issues and unhappiness.

Oh well.

 

[desertslave]

My mother is really acting out and verbally attacking me lately. Everything is my fault. She "has" to cut off contact. Okay. I want the best for her. Maybe this is the only way she will be able to go into assisted living. Of course she has chosen something 10 hours away but maybe that's best for her.

Hate it.

Want her happy.

I know I'm not to blame for her issues and unhappiness.

Oh well.

Hugs, first!
Been there, done that, quirks intervened to sidetrack that decision.

If she is ready and willing for assisted living, go for it. BUT go with her to check places out before she makes a decision. If there are siblings, bring them in on it if they are willing. It will mitigate contention down the road.

If she is not willing, see if you can encourage her towards 'independence evaluations' (called different things in different places). The point is to see if she is truly capable to live on her own, what interventions might benefit her best, and any sort of psych/dementia criteria that might affect her. Usually county social services will help you with this, though lack of consent could be an issue. Talk to her doctors as you can. They won't be able to give you much feedback (and some are jerks and will tattle on you) but at least making them aware of your concerns can make them pay attention in different ways.

I'll PM if I can think of anything else, if that's ok. More hugs to you on this difficult situation.

 

[gypsy*seer]

S had a mental breakdown tonight. I've never seen anything like this. He's overloaded with responsibilities and physical pain. I don't know what to do or expect, since he thinks I'm the enemy one minute, and makes me promise to take care of him the next. Wouldn't let me take him to the er, but called his sister to do so - only to leave and come home before I could get there. He is upstairs in his place (long story) now, and I'm hoping he will get some sleep. I'm staying close to the door if he needs me - just don't know what to do for him.

I'm sure I'll be back here soon.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[gypsy*seer]

Do you and his sister have good relationship? Is his sister supportive? Could she talk to him about taking him again?

This is still going on tonight, this morning (3:30 am here), and when I just spoke to his sister a minute ago, I asked her why he didn't want to see me - if he thinks I'm the enemy (for lack of a better word) and she couldn't say anything. I know that this is how mental illness works sometimes, but right now it's just killing me that he won't let me in, both literally and figuratively, just to hold him, give him a hug and tell him it's all going to be ok.
Thank you, Elle

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[gypsy*seer]

its horrid, horrid , horrid for you. But its not " real". Its like....being upset about monster under bed. to him its real, and to you its hurtful, but try and think its not the part that loves you that thinks you are enemy, its the part that is unwell and needs help. Its not wrong to be hurt, its normal, but don't share that monster. Be hurt but also pragmatic.

Sometimes love is knowing that this unwell bit is powerful and that it doesn't matter how it gets help, who takes it, but that the ones we care for get help is all that matters.

It could be for example, his mind fears the vulnerability of caring for someone, or a permutation of this. This is HIS demon NOT yours. Yours is how you will deal with this and stay whole and healthy.

Thank you SO much, Elle. You don't know how much I needed to hear this right now. My mom finally went back to bed, and all I can do is cry, not because of what he may think about me right now, but because there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to help him. All I can do is just sit and wait. And it hurts so much.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks! I can't make plans with her. She pushes me away, cancels and obstructs. I do want her to have the help she needs. She just is so mentally ill it won't be the help she thinks she needs. Feel free to PM me anytime. Thanks for caring!

Hugs, first!
Been there, done that, quirks intervened to sidetrack that decision.

If she is ready and willing for assisted living, go for it. BUT go with her to check places out before she makes a decision. If there are siblings, bring them in on it if they are willing. It will mitigate contention down the road.

If she is not willing, see if you can encourage her towards 'independence evaluations' (called different things in different places). The point is to see if she is truly capable to live on her own, what interventions might benefit her best, and any sort of psych/dementia criteria that might affect her. Usually county social services will help you with this, though lack of consent could be an issue. Talk to her doctors as you can. They won't be able to give you much feedback (and some are jerks and will tattle on you) but at least making them aware of your concerns can make them pay attention in different ways.

I'll PM if I can think of anything else, if that's ok. More hugs to you on this difficult situation.