The Author's Hangout Vending Machine

[Chantilyvamp]

And get back a group of yuppies dressed in Eddie Bauer hiking gear

I put in a roll of bondage tape

and you get a sub to take to the movies.

I put it in my old boots...

 

[JagFarlane]

and you get a sub to take to the movies.

I put it in my old boots...

...and you get back a leather vest.

I put in my X-box, slightly used

 

[Gizzmotick]

...and you get back a leather vest.

I put in my X-box, slightly used

And you get back a robot - as seen here.

I put in a pair of ski goggles.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And you get back a robot - as seen here.

I put in a pair of ski goggles.

And get back a platoon of Norwegian ski troops.


I put in a Mauser 96.

 

[harrlequin]

And get back a platoon of Norwegian ski troops.


I put in a Mauser 96.

And took out a single daisy.

I put in some tattered undies.

 

[JagFarlane]

And took out a single daisy.

I put in some tattered undies.

And get back a new vibrator

I put in a bottle of Hydroxycut

 

[Gizzmotick]

And get back a new vibrator

I put in a bottle of Hydroxycut

And get back a jumbo candy bar.

I put in a matching candle set.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And get back a jumbo candy bar.

I put in a matching candle set.

And get back a Cook Shack electric smoker.

I put in a well-rubbed beef brisket.

 

[Chantilyvamp]

And get back a Cook Shack electric smoker.

I put in a well-rubbed beef brisket.

and you get back a spicy vegetarian burger.

I put in a rather odd looking rainbow pen...

 

[Gizzmotick]

and you get back a spicy vegetarian burger.

I put in a rather odd looking rainbow pen...

And get back a rather odd poem about a rainbow.

I put in a stack of my old textbooks.

 

[harrlequin]

And get back a rather odd poem about a rainbow.

I put in a stack of my old textbooks.

And get back the Collected Audio Works of Douglas Adams.

I put in my Eeyore supersized coffee cup...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And get back the Collected Audio Works of Douglas Adams.

I put in my Eeyore supersized coffee cup...

And get an Italian expresso maker in brushed chrome with tigereye knobs.

I push in a broken down Jeep Cherokee.

 

[FallingToFly]

And get an Italian expresso maker in brushed chrome with tigereye knobs.

I push in a broken down Jeep Cherokee.

And get back three wet and muddy children.

I put in a bottle of my favorite rose-scented body oil...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And get back three wet and muddy children.

I put in a bottle of my favorite rose-scented body oil...

And get back a swarthy, muscular, half-naked masseur.

I put in a set of seriously stressed out, stiff, sore neck muscles.

 

[FallingToFly]

And get back a swarthy, muscular, half-naked masseur.

I put in a set of seriously stressed out, stiff, sore neck muscles.

And get back a Brazilian wax to make you forget your neck pain.

I put in a pack of cheap useless tarot cards and a Wiccan spellbook...

 

[Gizzmotick]

And get back a Brazilian wax to make you forget your neck pain.

I put in a pack of cheap useless tarot cards and a Wiccan spellbook...

And get back a useful poker chip set, with 2 decks of cards, and a book of Hoyle.

I put in my failing hard drive.

 

[Katyusha]

And get back a useful poker chip set, with 2 decks of cards, and a book of Hoyle.

I put in my failing hard drive.

And get back twenty-five jump drives full of music.

I put in my hair ties.

 

[TE999]

And get back twenty-five jump drives full of music.

I put in my hair ties.

And you get back submissive hair.

I put in a stack of 'Car and Driver' magazines...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

And you get back submissive hair.

I put in a stack of 'Car and Driver' magazines...

And get back a politically incorrect Hummer 2.


I put in an entire carton of Guns and Ammo.

 

[JagFarlane]

And get back a politically incorrect Hummer 2.


I put in an entire carton of Guns and Ammo.

And get back a new generation of gun owners.

I put in my Nerf toys

 

[Emperor_Nero]

And get back a new generation of gun owners.

I put in my Nerf toys

And you get back a pile of bright orange foam shreds

I put in a copy of Wii Sports...

 

[TE999]

And you get back a pile of bright orange foam shreds

I put in a copy of Wii Sports...

And you get back a gift certificate for a chiropractor.

I put in a worn out 'puter keyboard...

 

[Emperor_Nero]

And you get back a gift certificate for a chiropractor.

I put in a worn out 'puter keyboard...

...You get a tired little mouse

I put in a box of brownie mix...

 

[TE999]

...You get a tired little mouse

I put in a box of brownie mix...

and you get back a box of leprechaun mix.

I put in a rusty tow chain...

 

[voluptuary_manque]

and you get back a box of leprechaun mix.

I put in a rusty tow chain...

And you get back two rusty chains.


I put in a Diner's Guide to Charlotte, NC.