Trust issues

[Girly_girl]

Lmao huh?That strikes me all as sketchy af. But you do you and good luck to those you mingle with.

I’m sensitive on this subject. Truth and trust are important.

I don’t do superficial very well, if you get to know me, you get me. Discretion is one thing, lies are another. But hiding things leads to faulty expectations, feelings based on half truths that maybe would have been a hard no if someone had all the facts.

There’s a real person on the other side of the keyboard... many would do well to remember that.

When I open up to someone, REALLY open up to someone, they get the real me. I've been burned twice here, The first one is no longer here, he was my first lit crush....actually he crushed on me after seeing my pic in the face thread. We were very close, he was incredibly sweet, never spoke down to me, never was rude and he was a great listener and such a positive person, He wanted to meet me and take me out, after many a night of chatting late into the night, he had told me he was head over heels. He was very special to me, but one day he was talking to me, he couldn't wait to get home so we could talk, I never heard from him. I was crushed, I left here for a few months, a few lit friends were worried about me because they couldn't reach me. Well after 2 months of being away from here, I signed back in and found a pm waiting for me from him. He was basically telling me something my gut already knew. He had been afraid to tell me that he was married in fear that I wouldn't want to talk to him anymore, I respected him for coming back to tell me but it wasn't the same. Not long after that I discovered he deleted his account. I wont get into the second one, I guess he just doubted me, but he will always have a piece of me, Sorry for the ramble

 

[SoulAssasin247]

As much as everyone has been burned, men and women need each other. A man and a woman needs each other, not to live, but to be complete as a person. Think about how you feel when a man you love is holding you, think about it. There are both men and female users, but we all men or women shouldn't be held responsible, for the men or women that burned you.

 

[Girly_girl]

As much as everyone has been burned, men and women need each other. A man and a woman needs each other, not to live, but to be complete as a person. Think about how you feel when a man you love is holding you, think about it. There are both men and female users, but we all men or women shouldn't be held responsible, for the men or women that burned you.

Nah I wasn't saying that everyone in Litland is responsible for me getting burned. I am just very skeptical about letting anyone here get close to me again, they would really have to prove it that they generally wanted to get to know the real me.

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Nah I wasn't saying that everyone in Litland is responsible for me getting burned. I am just very skeptical about letting anyone here get close to me again, they would really have to prove it that they generally wanted to get to know the real me.

Lmao I am glad. Sometimes when all the women get together, complaining about men, it feels like a Lynch Mob "Burn him to the stake, chop off his genitals and feed it to the wolves"lmao

 

[LostGirlTink]

As much as everyone has been burned, men and women need each other. A man and a woman needs each other, not to live, but to be complete as a person. Think about how you feel when a man you love is holding you, think about it. There are both men and female users, but we all men or women shouldn't be held responsible, for the men or women that burned you.

I wasn’t saying you were responsible. We are all adults here.
But I do feel people should behave better than they sometimes do
It wouldn’t hurt any of us to try to be a little better sometimes.
*shrugs* maybe that’s just me

 

[SoulAssasin247]

Nah I wasn't saying that everyone in Litland is responsible for me getting burned. I am just very skeptical about letting anyone here get close to me again, they would really have to prove it that they generally wanted to get to know the real me.

I wasn’t saying you were responsible. We are all adults here.
But I do feel people should behave better than they sometimes do
It wouldn’t hurt any of us to try to be a little better sometimes.
*shrugs* maybe that’s just me

I do understand what you mean now, before I didn't. When I feel someone has wronged me, I usually leave them alone and I tell them the reason.

 

[lacandy]

Nah I wasn't saying that everyone in Litland is responsible for me getting burned. I am just very skeptical about letting anyone here get close to me again, they would really have to prove it that they generally wanted to get to know the real me.

Exactly what GG says...I don't blame every man here. But, letting go of that betrayal is sooo difficult to do.

I recently had someone point out the same thing...that HE didn't betray me and shouldn't be held responsible for the one who did. And while it's easier to hold on to that anger and hurt, he was right. So I have to trust...I mean I like some silly naughty as much as the next girl, but I want more and that requires me to trust again. *sigh*

 

[Girly_girl]

Exactly what GG says...I don't blame every man here. But, letting go of that betrayal is sooo difficult to do.

I recently had someone point out the same thing...that HE didn't betray me and shouldn't be held responsible for the one who did. And while it's easier to hold on to that anger and hurt, he was right. So I have to trust...I mean I like some silly naughty as much as the next girl, but I want more and that requires me to trust again. *sigh*

 

[BiTodd]

Sometimes it is hard enough just trusting myself.

 

[curvyangel1969]

Tink, Indie, Candy and GG, have said it all and probably better than I could have.
I was a different person when I joined Lit. To be honest I have just shut down. I love my female friends and that's why I still show up. ❤ my lady friends*

 

[Eisranac]

Tink, Indie, candy and GG, have said it all and probably better than I could have.
I was a different person when I joined Lit. To be honest I have just shut down. I love my female friends and that's why I still show up. ❤ my lady friends*

I find that rather sad; but I also understand.

Simply speaking for myself, healthy skepticism and cynicism are very effective defense mechanisms which help to protect a person and should not be ignored.

The problem is when that skepticism and cynicism are allowed to grow to a point which shuts a person down. That is debilitating on so many levels, in my opinion. Learn from negative experiences; but do not allow for them to deny potentially good experiences in the future.

What prevents me from shutting down is that I do everything I can to not let bad people ruin things for me or other good people. I try to be a good person to myself and others; and despite what happens to me, I know that there are good people in this world, which keeps me going. If my defense mechanisms work overtime, I risk denying myself the opportunities of interactions with people who can potentially enrich my life. I do not want for that to happen.

That is not an easy balance to maintain, to be sure; but it has worked well for me for the most part.

 

[Pantyboy74]

Yeah.... he did, because he withheld information that turned out to be vital.

And I don’t care if you’re lying or not. Irrelevant to me... but I wasn’t nasty to you above, I was straightforward and didn’t sugar coat anything. I don’t have to be nice just because I’m a nice person. This isn’t a nice topic. Sometimes I call bullshit when I see bullshit.

My point was that if anyone (not meaning you necessarily but the behaviors you describe) is unverifiable in any way they probably are hiding things and people should in fact be cautious
YMMV

Preach SISTA!!

I've been here a pretty good while...and have been ghosted so many times I have forgotten some of them. And that's surely an issue, but the most cruel thing that someone has done was out and out lie about something that was important and changed the way that I viewed them and how much I shared with them. He STOLE my trust. (And now flaunts it all over the place).

Sharing with someone here is scary for most. There are very few people who know much about me. There are maybe 5 in all the years that I've been here who know my full name. I keep things close to the chest (well, everything is usually close to the chest for me )... and I pride myself on being a good judge of character, so I feel stupid and hurt because I was duped...

That one act has changed how I interact and completely destroyed my ability to trust...people here often think that it's all fun and games, but there are real people on the other side of the screen, and a broken heart is one thing, but fearing that your life could be affected is always worrying...and takes a toll.

When I open up to someone, REALLY open up to someone, they get the real me. I've been burned twice here, The first one is no longer here, he was my first lit crush....actually he crushed on me after seeing my pic in the face thread. We were very close, he was incredibly sweet, never spoke down to me, never was rude and he was a great listener and such a positive person, He wanted to meet me and take me out, after many a night of chatting late into the night, he had told me he was head over heels. He was very special to me, but one day he was talking to me, he couldn't wait to get home so we could talk, I never heard from him. I was crushed, I left here for a few months, a few lit friends were worried about me because they couldn't reach me. Well after 2 months of being away from here, I signed back in and found a pm waiting for me from him. He was basically telling me something my gut already knew. He had been afraid to tell me that he was married in fear that I wouldn't want to talk to him anymore, I respected him for coming back to tell me but it wasn't the same. Not long after that I discovered he deleted his account. I wont get into the second one, I guess he just doubted me, but he will always have a piece of me, Sorry for the ramble

Tink, Indie, Candy and GG, have said it all and probably better than I could have.
I was a different person when I joined Lit. To be honest I have just shut down. I love my female friends and that's why I still show up. ❤ my lady friends*

I'm lucky to say that as far as I'm aware, at least 50% of the above ladies trust me.

Just like indie I'm what you get. I don't see the point in lying. To be a great liar you need a great memory and with one slip all that trust is gone.

I actually said recently to someone with everything that's happened over the past 12 month, the majority of what I was as a man has been lost. I've no confidence, self love, I'm paranoid etc. But. I pride myself on being trustworthy.

I know how easy it is to say all these things, hence why I'm proud that I know I'm trusted and I won't betray that.

 

[curvyangel1969]

I find that rather sad; but I also understand.

Simply speaking for myself, healthy skepticism and cynicism are very effective defense mechanisms which help to protect a person and should not be ignored.

The problem is when that skepticism and cynicism are allowed to grow to a point which shuts a person down. That is debilitating on so many levels, in my opinion. Learn from negative experiences; but do not allow for them to deny potentially good experiences in the future.

What prevents me from shutting down is that I do everything I can to not let bad people ruin things for me or other good people. I try to be a good person to myself and others; and despite what happens to me, I know that there are good people in this world, which keeps me going. If my defense mechanisms work overtime, I risk denying myself the opportunities of interactions with people who can potentially enrich my life. I do not want for that to happen.

That is not an easy balance to maintain, to be sure; but it has worked well for me for the most part.

I appreciate what your saying.
I used to feel much the same way. However, I apparently have incredibly shitty instincts where men (and some women) are concerned. So...now it is what it is.

I'm lucky to say that as far as I'm aware, at least 50% of the above ladies trust me.

Just like indie I'm what you get. I don't see the point in lying. To be a great liar you need a great memory and with one slip all that trust is gone.

I actually said recently to someone with everything that's happened over the past 12 month, the majority of what I was as a man has been lost. I've no confidence, self love, I'm paranoid etc. But. I pride myself on being trustworthy.

I know how easy it is to say all these things, hence why I'm proud that I know I'm trusted and I won't betray that.

75%

Just wanted to add that I'm not trying to come across as a man hater. I'm far from it and have made some good friends here. Just don't care to revisit past or encourage future "litlationships".

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I'm bumping this thread, because, well...I was gone for a while and hadn't realized that it had been brought back to life.


Bottom line?

If you're Male, I won't talk to you for any length of time because, ultimately you get the feels and then I have to turn you down, and that shit gets ugly

If you're female...I won't talk to you for very long because you'll get tired of hearing my advice and perspective on things, so it's best to just not get a relationship started.


See?
I figured out the ultimate win-win for trusting people.

I only trust them for a hot minute and then cut 'em loose.

 

[IhateClowns]

I'm bumping this thread, because, well...I was gone for a while and hadn't realized that it had been brought back to life.


Bottom line?

If you're Male, I won't talk to you for any length of time because, ultimately you get the feels and then I have to turn you down, and that shit gets ugly

If you're female...I won't talk to you for very long because you'll get tired of hearing my advice and perspective on things, so it's best to just not get a relationship started.


See?
I figured out the ultimate win-win for trusting people.

I only trust them for a hot minute and then cut 'em loose.

You’re “get the feels” worthy though. Why are you denying us the pleasure?!? Don’t respond. I will assume you like me and want to see my penis. It’s just how I roll.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

You’re “get the feels” worthy though. Why are you denying us the pleasure?!? Don’t respond. I will assume you like me and want to see my penis. It’s just how I roll.

*blow raspberries at you*

 

[IhateClowns]

*blow raspberries at you*

Blows zerberts

 

[Dribble]

When people hold onto hurt and anger....who does it hurt?

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

When people hold onto hurt and anger....who does it hurt?

*raises hand*
Ohh! Me! Me!
I know the answer to this one!

The one who gets hurt is the one who forgets and then inevitably repeats history.

 

[Dribble]

*raises hand*
Ohh! Me! Me!
I know the answer to this one!

The one who gets hurt is the one who forgets and then inevitably repeats history.

I don't know if it is inevitable...but yea if we keep reaching into the same basket, you're gonna get the same kind of apple. I make mistakes. But if I dwell on them, I am not living in the moment. I think for me, it is more of asking myself why I keep reaching in the same basket. What need am I searching for? And how do I get that need filled elsewhere since it is obviously a need that I keep reaching for and that basket isn't working for me? For me, it is about fighting the battle where the battle is. I choose to let today's happiness not be stained by my past choices.

I like your threads RA...they make me think.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I don't know if it is inevitable...but yea if we keep reaching into the same basket, you're gonna get the same kind of apple. I make mistakes. But if I dwell on them, I am not living in the moment. I think for me, it is more of asking myself why I keep reaching in the same basket. What need am I searching for? And how do I get that need filled elsewhere since it is obviously a need that I keep reaching for and that basket isn't working for me? For me, it is about fighting the battle where the battle is. I choose to let today's happiness not be stained by my past choices.

I like your threads RA...they make me think.

Thank you!

 

[Spins]

Being on this board for going on <counts my fingers, pulls off a sock to count the rest> a very long time I am sure that I have seen it all.

Lit crush? Check.

Lit heartache? Check.

Lit liar? Check

Lit Stalker? Check.

Lit Meet up? Check.

Really, I imagine if you throw out a stereotype I have brushed up beside it at a minimum.

Why extend trust when you have experienced the downfalls that come with it?

What is the other option? Become bitter and live your life always worrying what someone may do to you? Never turn the other cheek? Be resentful of what others found? Be unhappy?

Sure it sucks donkey balls when you give of yourself and folks abuse that.

Online interactions come with a built in out. It is what makes it so seductive (kind of like Westworld Season 1. What the fuck is going on in season 2?!?).

For many of us that rush that comes from a connection is just too hard to give up. We protect it as long as we can before "revealing" the truths we just know will cause the end of the connection.

Most of the people here that continue to come back have survived those truths.

You're still here. Thus you can survive it again if you need to.

But it is always scary to think about what might happen. How this could be something good, but likely won't be.

All you can control is how you act. You are not responsible for how others act.

It is OK to be hurt when you are just being you.

 

[LostGirlTink]

Online interactions come with a built in out. It is what makes it so seductive (kind of like Westworld Season 1. What the fuck is going on in season 2?!?).

For many of us that rush that comes from a connection is just too hard to give up. We protect it as long as we can before "revealing" the truths we just know will cause the end of the connection.

Can you clarify this for me?
What is the built in out?

Because to me it sounds like House's ultimate quote, which is "everybody lies"

Do I really do Lit that differently from others? To me this is the place I can be COMPLETELY honest without having to hide any aspect of myself.

 

[Spins]

Can you clarify this for me?
What is the built in out?

Because to me it sounds like House's ultimate quote, which is "everybody lies"

Do I really do Lit that differently from others? To me this is the place I can be COMPLETELY honest without having to hide any aspect of myself.

The built in out is simply logging off.

The consequences of being whatever you are here on Lit can simply be walked away from. Sure there are a few stories of folks hacking IP addresses and tracking down others, but, for the most part, if you were to log off of your account 99.9% of the people you had anything going on with would have no idea how to find you.

Thus you can simply walk away.

I believe everyone lies from a certain point of view. Certainly everyone here is curating what is seen (or not seen). That can be considered a lie if you so choose to see it like that.

And, you can certainly be whoever you want to be. You can even show everything you are with a full, brutal honesty. Is that different that most people here?

If you read the thread, listen to folks stories, brushed up against heartache...you probably already know the answer

 

[LostGirlTink]

The built in out is simply logging off.

The consequences of being whatever you are here on Lit can simply be walked away from. Sure there are a few stories of folks hacking IP addresses and tracking down others, but, for the most part, if you were to log off of your account 99.9% of the people you had anything going on with would have no idea how to find you.

Thus you can simply walk away.

I believe everyone lies from a certain point of view. Certainly everyone here is curating what is seen (or not seen). That can be considered a lie if you so choose to see it like that.

And, you can certainly be whoever you want to be. You can even show everything you are with a full, brutal honesty. Is that different that most people here?

If you read the thread, listen to folks stories, brushed up against heartache...you probably already know the answer

Oh.
I guess because I wouldn't do that... simply log off.. on someone, I can't imagine why anyone would think that's acceptable or an out.

There are in fact real people on the other side of the screen.
People forget that it seems.