Trust issues

[LWulf]

I must be a lot more trusting than the average litster. I don't mind lies. People tell themselves a lie every morning when they look in the mirror. You can rationalize it any way you like saying "well, that don't count because it's not REALLY a lie." Those are the worst lies, the lies that pretend they aren't lies, but that's for each person to discuss with their hereafter.

As I said, lies don't bother me. Casual lying is usually a defense mechanism (or an indication of a delusional state). Just because a person lies doesn't mean they are a bad person, likewise just because someone never lies, they can't suddenly become an axe murderer. In real life, cowboys with black hats aren't automatically the bad guy.

Do I have trust issues? ayup, but does that mean I stop trying to live and act like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs? nope.

edit: Let me put it a different way, if you go around, turning your insides out with worry by using credit checks, etc. before you meet people, then let me fill you in, you can still get buffaloed, it's just less likely. Me? I'd rather accept the consequences, go in with apprehension, and meet the person.

Locks only keep honest people; honest. If someone really wants to get a foot up on you, they will. I'm not saying to go in blindfolded, but making yourself a nervous wreck will lead to an early grave too.

edit 2: and yes, I've been burned from an internet "date" that went real life, several times.

 

[bjhass]

Says the man with the creepy Game of Thrones meme in his siggy...lol

Wait, don't research me yet ... I need to turn on my VPN first!

(Not to mention learn more about how to torture someone from Roose Bolton)

 

[Leigh81]

I was duped by a man pretending to be a woman.
That ended my cybering & yes caused me to go into a shell. Luckily real life in the love/sex dept. is going beyond anything I could dream of so I don't really get involved with people here except in a friendly way. I'm here for the banter & to learn. I'm opening up more recently but will never play on here with either sex.

L

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I was duped by a man pretending to be a woman.
That ended my cybering & yes caused me to go into a shell. Luckily real life in the love/sex dept. is going beyond anything I could dream of so I don't really get involved with people here except in a friendly way. I'm here for the banter & to learn. I'm opening up more recently but will never play on here with either sex.

L

 

[tolyk]

I was duped by a man pretending to be a woman.
That ended my cybering & yes caused me to go into a shell. Luckily real life in the love/sex dept. is going beyond anything I could dream of so I don't really get involved with people here except in a friendly way. I'm here for the banter & to learn. I'm opening up more recently but will never play on here with either sex.

L

Was that here on lit? That's horrible that you went though that

 

[Leigh81]

Was that here on lit? That's horrible that you went though that

Yes, but the past is the past. I've moved on & don't hold a grudge now.
Just like going through cancer, some positives can come out of it, being stronger is one.

L

 

[Glycerinelimits]

This reminds of some asswipe that figured out where I live from my posts on thor's Alaska thread. He kept PMing he wanted to get a coffee at Safeway. Not interested at all but the douche somehow let it slip his wife ran a gym. Detective Aqua took it upon herself to google the owner of the gym, get her name, look her up on FB, which traced back to him, voilà he was a youth pastor!!!

I love burning people with their lies revealed.

Ok, that, is awesome.

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

I try to comment on any thread I open. Usually I sound like an idiot but that never stopped me before.

As far as trust, I was on a motorcycle forum and there was a young man who most liked and trusted. He seemed sincere. He even posted "his" photos and his ranch, cars, trucks, motorcycles, and so on.
Daytona bike week was coming up. He invited several young female members to stay in a large nice home right on Daytona Beach. My wife and I were familiar with the house pictured and the ideal location.

Several of the young ladies knew my wife and I attended those events and asked if we'd stay at that house with them and this smooth talker.
I messaged him explaining. We were all set to go and even checked the place out earlier when there. Of course the home owners had no knowledge of a bunch of bikers staying there and a biker magazine photo shoot with sexy young biker babes.

Skipping much of the details the male member who had planned all of this placed a blog in the biker forum that his parents had an accident on the way from Texas to Daytona and were killed. He'd attend later in the week. Nothing was found on any news reports.

Shit happened, the guy disappeared from the bike forum, and we all felt like idiots.

 

[EroticRomanticMan]

My gut says it's time for lunch!

I have met two people from Literotica in real life. They were both lovely ladies and exactly as they had professed to be! I got some nice hugs!!! I guess I am pretty trusting.

 

[DayMaker]

Try 1/10th the size of your town.

Awwww thanks. I for one was glad to see you make your way back here.

I feel for you. I'm more surprised at the odds of two people from that area running into each other Lit...but long winters lead to idle hands....

I'm very VERY happy to be back, thank you.

 

[Girly_girl]

just look at the quote in my signature about trust....

 

[SMNaughtywife]

I typically give most the benefit of the doubt. Taking what they say at face value and letting them prove me wrong. I have the memory of an elephant, a few slips of the tongue and I'll catch it. Promise.

 

[PattiJolene]

l just had to give this thread more thought.....

l believe we develop trust as a child. Trust ... is key and plays a major role in children’s ongoing growth and development. If you were brought up in a insecure environment you can maybe understand the point lm trying to explain. Painful events in childhood can leave unseen scars and have a profound impact on a person throughout life. In an attempt to protect yourself, you build a system of defense against the pain, confusion, and disillusionment. Some even vow never to trust anyone ever again and they say others become hyper-vigilant and feel determined to not be a “sucker.” I think lm a little of both... being hurt and mislead by someone very young...l don't believe you ever have the ability to trust...."Trust takes years to build if at all possible, only seconds to break , and forever to repair " Always trust your intuition, It will never lead you wrong. If it doesn't feel right deep down inside, then it probably isn't......
so if its online or real life.... for some its not so easy to trust.

 

[Bookishleigh]

anyone else on here been burned to the point of doing background checks with people they meet online? (Not here, necessarily, but if things were to go offline, I do.)
I admit, I won't even respond to a suitor from an online website if they give their phone number in the first email and when I run the number I get that it's a VOIP line listed to some unprounceable name or listed as halfway across the country when they're supposed to be across town.

I've even pinged email addresses and if it doesn't add up geographically, I put a hard stop on electronic communication unless they agree to meet me for lunch or coffee..

Am I the only one who does this?

Sadly, I feel this way about MOST men. I have learned (from my super spy friend) always check their social media such as FB, Twitter, etc. I am AMAZED how many people portray themselves as single then post pics of their family (wife included). It's not just people from online either. People I have met in real life are just as shady. And yes, definitely Google search the phone number and email (assuming they pass the social media test, which they rarely do).

Perhaps I am just a jaded person, but anymore I assume everyone is married and lying. If you're into the married thing then great. But the last thing I want is some woman coming after me for "attempting" to steal her man. (Because the man rarely has any responsibility in cheating - it's always the slut girlfriend)

The idea of dating and meeting people makes me sick to my stomach. I might need more time.

LMAO - and kudos to the dude who made a Roose Bolton reference. I should just assume everyone from online IS Roose Bolton!

 

[LWulf]

... Perhaps I am just a jaded person, but anymore I assume everyone is married and lying. ...

I remember one woman I started chatting with online. Spoke to her on phone, said she was childless and single. Third time talking to her on the phone, I hear kids playing in the background.

I'd say you're more realistic now. Dr House is right, "everyone lies"

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I did have trauma in my childhood. Lost my mother when I was 6 to an accident. I developed a close and very healthy relationship with my father, who also passed away under traumatic circumstances when I was 30.

So, I've been sans authority figures for a while. A huge problem, that's mine, of course, is that my father was such a great friend, parent, cheerleader, that I really do measure potential partners against the qualities my father had. Seldom have I found any to measure up. The ones I thought measured up proceeded to fail somehow (hell, my ex thought it was fun to aggravate my TS..used to get a good knee-slapping laugh when I couldn't stop ticing.)

So it's hard to come back from being with someone you *thought* loved you, but in reality only chose you because they knew "you are a strong woman and can put up with my shit, but there hasn't been a day in our marriage when I couldn't have lived without you."<<== that's a real quote, btw

Compound that little bit of psychological trauma with the world apparently being filled with people determined to make other people feel used or suckered, and, well, I'm surprised most people don't also subscribe to services such as Intellius...

That said, I was always very accepting, forgiving, understanding of people in general. My father taught me that you help others regardless of compensation. Don't judge anyone untill you have the whole story.

Carry on..Just me babbling..

 

[Minalick]

This reminds of some asswipe that figured out where I live from my posts on thor's Alaska thread. He kept PMing he wanted to get a coffee at Safeway. Not interested at all but the douche somehow let it slip his wife ran a gym. Detective Aqua took it upon herself to google the owner of the gym, get her name, look her up on FB, which traced back to him, voilà he was a youth pastor!!!

I love burning people with their lies revealed.

You rock!

I'd like to think I've gotten better at not being gullible, but by the same token I don't want to be so bitter that I think everyone is an asshole.
I don't want to miss the good people on here.. Like Aquagal

 

[makemewet69]

I've met one litster in person and it's been the best experience. I was nervous at first, because you never know and trust issues, um yes, I have them. But he was everything he portrayed and more. I'm sure not all experiences on here are like that and I feel very lucky and fortunate.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I've met one litster in person and it's been the best experience. I was nervous at first, because you never know and trust issues, um yes, I have them. But he was everything he portrayed and more. I'm sure not all experiences on here are like that and I feel very lucky and fortunate.

that's awesome
I've met a few Litsters that I'd meet again, and there are several more I want to grab lunch with.

 

[GimpyIntellect]

My thoughts in 5 seconds or less:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJXejD_FEXs

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

My thoughts in 5 seconds or less:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJXejD_FEXs

https://youtu.be/ScabBZgOSME

 

[pfflyerhot]

Trust issues?

I'm so fucking starved for human warmth, touch and affection, but I doubt I'll ever be able to trust anyone enough to let 'em get that close to ever have that again. It's sad and lonely, and my own entrapment. Fuck me.
Y'see... I trust to my own detriment... every time.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I'm so fucking starved for human warmth, touch and affection, but I doubt I'll ever be able to trust anyone enough to let 'em get that close to ever have that again. It's sad and lonely, and my own entrapment. Fuck me.
Y'see... I trust to my own detriment... every time.

((((((big hugs)))))))

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

I feel left out. My younger brother's girlfriend fixed me up with a skinny hillbilly from Minnesota. This was in central Illinois where I was raised. We were still in high school.
It wasn't supposed to happen. One date and I was done with that kid.
Another date and another. This was 1956 and we are still dating.

We neither know being lonely or hurt. Yet we know it's not easy for anyone.
It's been a strange marriage but I'd never give her up for anything in the world.

Enough of this mushy crap.

 

[Titts4Tatts]

I'm just naturally reserved. Always cautious. I dont open up easily. I also don't trust easily.