Are the same few people ruining your Lit experience?

[ToPleaseHim]

What if I told you that you have the power to change that? No, you can’t control how or what they post. But, you can take advantage of Lit’s much improved ignore feature. Simply placing the user on ignore will result in you seeing none of their threads and none of their posts! Even if they are quoted, their name and words will not show unless you click to see them (and you can control whether or not you click).

Further, for the messages I receive about not allowing political posts, arguing I should move them to the politics board, I am not going to do this. You don’t need to interact with these threads. That IS in your control. (Incidentally, the politics board was created to address issues in the General Board and it is not a place for reasonable discussion at all.) Should you be thinking, “But, TPH, this forum is to discuss personals, not politics!” Shall I delete every thread and comment that is not discussing personals? That’s nearly the entire Playground…

Please use the tools you have to control your experience here. Don’t let others “ruin it” for you. Now, if complaining is what you want to do, have at it. Your Lit experience is your prerogative.

Quoting this classic post as it is always relevant:

Okay, here is the general advice I give to people in any internet environment.

1. In any online environment you are the curator of your own experience.
2. Accept that you have little or no control over what anyone else says or does.
3. Use the technical tools you have available to curate that experience.
a. Subscribe to those conversations/threads that interest you.
b. Use the ignore feature liberally. (My personal motto is "ignore early, ignore
often".)
c. Report behavior that is in violation of the rules. (Have been on the community
manager side of web forums before, also remember that just because you
think it's against the rules doesn't mean it actually is.)
4. Use the mental tools you have available to you to curate the experience.
a. Besides the technical ignore, you also have "mental ignore". (I used mental
ignore a lot too - "X screen name is an ass, skip...next.".)
b. Make sure you model the behavior you would like to see.
c. Be thoughtful/mindful of your engagement and ask yourself at each post:
"Does this contribute to the environment I would like to help create?"

As for conflict, when it arises online:

1. Conflict is part and parcel of human nature.
2. Because you have minimal to no ability to "make" others post as you would, realize and accept it's going to happen.
3. When conflict arises, don't feed the beast.
4. Don't hold grudges. (A lot of the conflict you see online between users is the result of long simmering grudges, held and preciously nurtured over the years.)
5. You always have a choice between a message that loves and supports your friends and a message that attacks your (and their) perceived enemies. Choose love and support.
6. If it's hot, wait to respond. (That's a general life lesson you'll get a lot of peace out of. Wait an hour. Wait a day. Wait a week.)
7. Choose your online friends carefully. Many people get sucked into conflicts because they're trying to support their friends (a virtue) but at the same time, if they look at their friends conduct, it can be pretty bad. Influence your friends both privately, via PM, email, conversation and publicly (by modeling and encouraging good behaviors).
8. Like in real life, realize that a lot of bad behavior, especially from people who go from cool to hot and back again, is NOT driven by what happens online, instead it's driven by things happening in their life in general. Even for the people whose behavior is always bad, what you're seeing online is a symptom of that behavior. The behavior itself is driven by a wide variety of motives - past abuse, unresolved issues, substance abuse, life disappointment, relationship disappointment, etc. It sucks that they act it out online, but realize many people are fighting hard fucking battles, of which this environment is only a tiny sliver of it. And many of those people are fighting those battles alone.

*In Buddhism we have this mediation/prayer that I've personally found to be an extremely valuable tool. When we encounter behavior that causes negative feelings to arise within us, we say "May all beings know happiness and be free from suffering." It's a good little trick to set you into the right mindset - to take those actions that a.) do not increase suffering and b.) help alleviate the suffering in the world. You can even personalize it when some specific is pissing you off. Stop, step back, take a deep breath and say "May X find happiness and be free from suffering".

 

[Tedfkats]

Edited.
Was just whining. Sorry.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Edited.
Was just whining. Sorry.

I get it. I did read it and I understand.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

What if I told you that you have the power to change that? No, you can’t control how or what they post. But, you can take advantage of Lit’s much improved ignore feature. Simply placing the user on ignore will result in you seeing none of their threads and none of their posts! Even if they are quoted, their name and words will not show unless you click to see them (and you can control whether or not you click).

Further, for the messages I receive about not allowing political posts, arguing I should move them to the politics board, I am not going to do this. You don’t need to interact with these threads. That IS in your control. (Incidentally, the politics board was created to address issues in the General Board and it is not a place for reasonable discussion at all.) Should you be thinking, “But, TPH, this forum is to discuss personals, not politics!” Shall I delete every thread and comment that is not discussing personals? That’s nearly the entire Playground…

Please use the tools you have to control your experience here. Don’t let others “ruin it” for you. Now, if complaining is what you want to do, have at it. Your Lit experience is your prerogative.

Quoting this classic post as it is always relevant:

How dare you tell me that I can stop myself from looking at ignored posts! I'm too dang curious for my own good.

 

[Trekka]

So if I'm on a bunch of people's ignore lists... but my Lit friends don't ignore me ... that means... if I am reading this correctly... that a gang of hooligans on iggy can party within a thread, kinda almost secretly? Like under a cloak of invisibility?

Almost like a playground within a playground....?

 

[gga]

Even if they are quoted, their name and words will not show unless you click to see them (and you can control whether or not you click).

How dare you tell me that I can stop myself from looking at ignored posts! I'm too dang curious for my own good.

I was going to address TPH's about being able to control whether or not you click, but I see that my use case (and there are others as well ) has already taken care of it.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

I was going to address TPH's about being able to control whether or not you click, but I see that my use case (and there are others as well ) has already taken care of it.

Maybe if she threatens me, I'd stop? Somebody please threaten me!!!

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

I hope I'm not on anybody's list.

Everybody is on somebody's list. Except Mods.

 

[gga]

Maybe if she threatens me, I'd stop? Somebody please threaten me!!!

Then you'd just ask @Daisy_Love what was in the posts.

Ok... Stopping now as to not derail from TPH's thread

 

[Trekka]

Everybody is on somebody's list. Except Mods.

Actually…

 

[Diosax]

"But I'm not here to talk politics, I'm here to escape real life"

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

"But I'm not here to talk politics, I'm here to escape real life"

Please stop quoting me.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

I hope I'm not on anybody's list.

If if we are on someone’s ignore list. It’s their loss not mine.

 

[Trekka]

"But I'm not here to talk politics, I'm here to augment my already very healthy REAL ACTUAL SEX life via meeting people through topical discussions about flirty, sexy things."

fixed it for you

 

[Dribble]

Why should I let people bully others? Why should I sit quiet and allow them to insinuate those that disagree with them are ignorant? If me putting them on ignore...stopped them from actively attacking people...I would. They are cunts. (Not sure I have ever used that word here because to me it is the equivalent of nigger and should only be used in the worst of cases). Lit is a big place. Lots of room for people to do what they want. To leave people alone. But instead, if they choose to go into a thread that they do not post in and attack people, that isn't on me if I speak out against them. Do you see these people creating a thread where they can bitch about others freely amongst themselves? Hell, they can even put my name in the title...A Safe Place To Bitch About Dribble and Others That Think We Are Cunts. I wouldn't go there...why would I associate with them? No. Instead...they roam freely...choosing their target ( not me) and attacking under a guise of being "concerned". Their actions are not about protecting women from "bad" people here on Lit. And yes...there are bad people here. Both sexes.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Everybody is on somebody's list. Except Mods.

Yeah, sadly you can't ignore mods.

 

[AmberLGreen]

Everybody is on somebody's list. Except Mods.

Nobody is on my list

I came close to putting somebody on there once but then thought I was making them more special and I didn’t want to do that!

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Yeah, sadly you can't ignore mods.

None of them have a hard on for me, so I don't have an issue with that. lol

Nobody is on my list

I came close to putting somebody on there once but then thought I was making them more special and I didn’t want to do that!

Your ex was on mine for a long time. You're a better person than me!

 

[AmberLGreen]

Why should I let people bully others? Why should I sit quiet and allow them to insinuate those that disagree with them are ignorant? If me putting them on ignore...stopped them from actively attacking people...I would. They are cunts. (Not sure I have ever used that word here because to me it is the equivalent of nigger and should only be used in the worst of cases). Lit is a big place. Lots of room for people to do what they want. To leave people alone. But instead, if they choose to go into a thread that they do not post in and attack people, that isn't on me if I speak out against them. Do you see these people creating a thread where they can bitch about others freely amongst themselves? Hell, they can even put my name in the title...A Safe Place To Bitch About Dribble and Others That Think We Are Cunts. I wouldn't go there...why would I associate with them? No. Instead...they roam freely...choosing their target ( not me) and attacking under a guise of being "concerned". Their actions are not about protecting women from "bad" people here on Lit. And yes...there are bad people here. Both sexes.

Not to be the one to refresh your memory Drivle but you did actually call me a cunt. Now I really do feel special

 

[AmberLGreen]

None of them have a hard on for me, so I don't have an issue with that. lol

Your ex was on mine for a long time. You're a better person than me!

I think he was on a lot of people’s lists even before I joined Lit. There was one time that he was messaging on Lit in an angry tone but at the same time also texting me by phone to discuss co-parenting in a totally different tone. It was quite surreal

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

I think he was on a lot of people’s lists even before I joined Lit. There was one time that he was messaging on Lit in an angry tone but at the same time also texting me by phone to discuss co-parenting in a totally different tone. It was quite surreal

Like when my Mom was yelling bloody murder at us, then answered the phone all sweet and kind?

 

[QuietCanadian]

Yeah, sadly you can't ignore mods.

It's shocking, and seemingly incomprehensible, but it appears that you can.

 

[SassySheDevil]

It's shocking, and seemingly incomprehensible, but it appears that you can.

Ohhh I thought I had tried this a while back. I will have to look again. Thank you.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

Ohhh I thought I had tried this a while back. I will have to look again. Thank you.

There's not an option for ignore on the one I'd like to ignore.

 

[SassySheDevil]

There's not an option for ignore on the one I'd like to ignore.

haha okay. So, some you can. Some you cannot.