Top 7 reasons why single black men don't approach black women

[PoisonedChalice]

I am glad we can have an honest discussion about the man/woman thing on lit...hopefully nobody feels the worse of anyone else for it. The truth is that a lot of women (at least in my age group, mid 20s) think they are bulletproof. They don't have to put any effort into attracting attention from the other sex, and for this reason, I'll hardly ever see a woman approach a man. Men have got to achieve a lot of challenging things in a short space of time if we want to get laid. I hope a few women read this post, as it might make them more empathetic towards the men who talk to them:

1. We've got to muster up the courage to talk to a strange woman we've never ever met before, often in a context where we know nothing about her, in front of a lot of people. That is pretty intimidating. Imagine doing this to guys multiple times a night, at least twice a week, and being ignored most if not all the time? That hurts if you have a heart. Guys also realise that as a result of this double standard, even an average girl probably has had other guys hitting on her. So we feel pressure to distinguish ourselves in some way.

2. Let's say I and the girl are talking. A lot of guys have trouble directing the conversation - there are awkward pauses and the girl doesn't come to feel any connection for that reason, so the key I feel is creating an emotionally charged atmosphere between the two parties. But this isn't always easy, some girls just won't gel with me as I have a rather polarising personality. Heck they might just be tired or on their period...women are so unpredictable...

3. So let's say, amazingly...all of that goes well. The next thing that I have to think about is how to "move" from place A to place B where we will be all cuddly and alone together, and fuck. Another common pitfall here: logistics. "Oh shit, my room is messy as fuck and I'm got porn everywhere!" Then also there's a matter of gauging interest and not being too pushy. And I would say I need to talk to at least 20 women before I get laid even once. Yes, even I. Now, how many women have to do all that while playing those odds?

So the guys who make a decision that it's too much stress putting themselves out there are just being logical. The odds are not stacked in their favour, especially as so many girls these days are cheating wh*res with commitment phobia. My sex drive is so high I just...have to...so I will play the game to preserve my fucking sanity. But the good news is that from everything I have seen, the playing field is much more level from age 30 onward. So any guys in their 20s who feel despondent absolutely should not give up on themselves.

 

[PoisonedChalice]

As an addenum:

You guys are welcome to disagree, but I feel it's common sense that your chances are higher with women you have more in common with. Ethnicity, class and culture are powerful aspects of identity and someone who shares all three with me I find it so much easier to connect with - even if I don't know her from a bar of soap. For example my diction (style of speech and delivery) reflect my background. A girl who shares those might notice how I speak when I order a drink, and be attracted to me as a result.

The truth is that if you're a black man, you can't expect to have as much luck hitting on white girls as you would black girls for the above reasons. This is natural and not going away.

(counting down the seconds until somebody cries "racist")

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

I am glad we can have an honest discussion about the man/woman thing on lit...hopefully nobody feels the worse of anyone else for it. The truth is that a lot of women (at least in my age group, mid 20s) think they are bulletproof. They don't have to put any effort into attracting attention from the other sex, and for this reason, I'll hardly ever see a woman approach a man. Men have got to achieve a lot of challenging things in a short space of time if we want to get laid. I hope a few women read this post, as it might make them more empathetic towards the men who talk to them:

1. We've got to muster up the courage to talk to a strange woman we've never ever met before, often in a context where we know nothing about her, in front of a lot of people. That is pretty intimidating. Imagine doing this to guys multiple times a night, at least twice a week, and being ignored most if not all the time? That hurts if you have a heart. Guys also realise that as a result of this double standard, even an average girl probably has had other guys hitting on her. So we feel pressure to distinguish ourselves in some way.

2. Let's say I and the girl are talking. A lot of guys have trouble directing the conversation - there are awkward pauses and the girl doesn't come to feel any connection for that reason, so the key I feel is creating an emotionally charged atmosphere between the two parties. But this isn't always easy, some girls just won't gel with me as I have a rather polarising personality. Heck they might just be tired or on their period...women are so unpredictable...

3. So let's say, amazingly...all of that goes well. The next thing that I have to think about is how to "move" from place A to place B where we will be all cuddly and alone together, and fuck. Another common pitfall here: logistics. "Oh shit, my room is messy as fuck and I'm got porn everywhere!" Then also there's a matter of gauging interest and not being too pushy. And I would say I need to talk to at least 20 women before I get laid even once. Yes, even I. Now, how many women have to do all that while playing those odds?

So the guys who make a decision that it's too much stress putting themselves out there are just being logical. The odds are not stacked in their favour, especially as so many girls these days are cheating wh*res with commitment phobia. My sex drive is so high I just...have to...so I will play the game to preserve my fucking sanity. But the good news is that from everything I have seen, the playing field is much more level from age 30 onward. So any guys in their 20s who feel despondent absolutely should not give up on themselves.

Actually, I would like to phrase this slightly differently.

The 1st and 2nd point are almost entirely perfect except I want to opine that rather than "Heck they might just be tired or on their period...women are so unpredictable..." I would leave out that women are unpredictable and be more specific: the woman always determines the entire outcome, not you. You are required to put all the effort into breaking the ice and no matter what you do, she has all the power to decide the outcome. Of course, women do not owe you their time, but why do you have to be the one to find out the hard way that she never wanted to talk to you in the first place? Women literally do not ever face that risk. All women who walk into a social situation get hit on. Any female, no matter how fat or ugly or whatever. If you are a woman you always have men to choose from. Nature guarantees this to all adult females.

3. Getting laid right off shouldn't always be your goal. Although again, if you are an adult female it is absolutely beyond utterly impossible to walk into a room full of heterosexual men and not walk out with a sex partner if you have even a moderate desire to find one. A woman walking into a packed heterosexually-oriented night club who just wants to get laid and who can't find a man no matter how hard she tries is pure dystopian science fiction.

4. "Cheating wh*res with commitment phobia", nah, that's not as true as you think. Don't go in assuming women are like this.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

As an addenum:

You guys are welcome to disagree, but I feel it's common sense that your chances are higher with women you have more in common with. Ethnicity, class and culture are powerful aspects of identity and someone who shares all three with me I find it so much easier to connect with - even if I don't know her from a bar of soap. For example my diction (style of speech and delivery) reflect my background. A girl who shares those might notice how I speak when I order a drink, and be attracted to me because, BOOM, we have something in common.

The truth is that if you're a black man, you can't expect to have as much luck hitting on white girls as you would black girls for the above reasons. This is natural and nothing to do with racism.

HAH... as a black man I had orders of magnitude better luck with white women than black women in my youth. That changed drastically later on. It seems that across the pond in England black men are so successful with white women that 50% of them are married to white women.

The statistical problem in America, and worse in England, is that a significant number of black men shun black women. A majority of black women seem to be unmarried; however, hypergamic white women are starting to run into the same problems, hence why the media keeps braying about a "man shortage" (read: "suitable" man shortage).

In my OP I said regardless of race - that means that women are seeing a receding tide of male suitors no matter what race they are. This article made a mistake in assuming this is a black woman's problem.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Catch up to your idiocy? Nah I don't think sapient creatures can fall that far and remember to breathe before they die of oxygen deprivation.

Aww that's so cute. But we both know it's true, honesty is sadly one of my weak points.

 

[PoisonedChalice]

HAH... as a black man I had orders of magnitude better luck with white women than black women in my youth. That changed drastically later on. It seems that across the pond in England black men are so successful with white women that 50% of them are married to white women.

"An order of magnitude?" That would mean that over 95% of black men in the UK are married to white women...it would be generous to give you 9.5% which is an order of magnitude lower. Still, there's nothing like a little hyperbole now and again.

The statistical problem in America, and worse in England, is that a significant number of black men shun black women. A majority of black women seem to be unmarried; however, hypergamic white women are starting to run into the same problems, hence why the media keeps braying about a "man shortage" (read: "suitable" man shortage).

You are talking about two different phenomena.

1. Whiny entitled middle/upper class white women with college degrees. These women have been brainwashed into a fear of commitment and set very high standards for sexual partners as a defense mechanism ("nobody is ever going to be good enough for me"). You are right - they do this because they can. The thing is, if a group of men decide en masse "fuck bitches, let's just watch porn", other men take their place. So I think it is a crazy idea to not approach. There are other ways of leveraging power.

2. Black men with college degrees. I suspect most black men don't have much exposure to white women outside a street setting because of self-segregation and class differences. However, a more affluent black men who does will encounter all the same problems any man would with (1.) and face additional hurdles because they are black.

In my OP I said regardless of race - that means that women are seeing a receding tide of male suitors no matter what race they are. This article made a mistake in assuming this is a black woman's problem.

I disagree. Nature abhors a vacuum.

If you or someone else decides not to approach a woman, that's your choice but the world will roll on and some other guy will fuck that girl instead. That is not going to happen to me.

 

[RoryN]

Okay you got me, recognizing that they're smarter than you is downright insulting to Tumblr users.

Nice try.

That's not all of what you said. You screwed up, smart guy.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

Nice try.

That's not all of what you said. You screwed up, smart guy.

Yes it is. And furthermore your little forum here has a long record of singing and dancing with racists and attacking me for going after racists. Remember Pookie and her constant defense of AJ? Or the love affair with that racist coward Warmachine that's so intense y'all had to bump one of his threads to get back at me, only to quit after you got reminded that he was caught out (by Byron, of all people) to be a liar?

The same forum that joked about raping and skinning a Playground mod alive has the nerve to get on me for taunting SeanH for not making good on his threats to beat up Cade.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

"An order of magnitude?" That would mean that over 95% of black men in the UK are married to white women...it would be generous to give you 9.5% which is an order of magnitude lower. Still, there's nothing like a little hyperbole now and again.

I was far more successful at dating white women. I didn't say marrying, I said dating. I mentioned marriage rates in England because if half of black men are marrying white women, even more are dating white women. (Which, at those percentages, may point to a level of self-hate.)

You are talking about two different phenomena.

1. Whiny entitled middle/upper class white women with college degrees. These women have been brainwashed into a fear of commitment and set very high standards for sexual partners as a defense mechanism ("nobody is ever going to be good enough for me"). You are right - they do this because they can. The thing is, if a group of men decide en masse "fuck bitches, let's just watch porn", other men take their place. So I think it is a crazy idea to not approach. There are other ways of leveraging power.

They're running out of men to take their place, though.

http://www.seattletimes.com/opinion/guest-whatrsquos-wrong-with-seattlersquos-dating-scene/

The tides are changing. It'll take a few generations for this to reach the level of critical mass like it has in Japan (where women are paying through the nose to get pampered by men), but we're slowly inching there.

2. Black men with college degrees. I suspect most black men don't have much exposure to white women outside a street setting because of self-segregation and class differences. However, a more affluent black men who does will encounter all the same problems any man would with (1.) and face additional hurdles because they are black.

When I was poor and in college I was way more successful with white women. I think the issue was cultural differences. I was (and am) a geek. Nowadays you have black girl nerds flying their colors openly on Twitter and pulling in a huge following. Wasn't like that 20 years ago.

I disagree. Nature abhors a vacuum.

If you or someone else decides not to approach a woman, that's your choice but the world will roll on and some other guy will fuck that girl instead. That is not going to happen to me.

I'm telling you, it's not like that anymore. 10-20 years ago you'd be dead right. Things are changing. And as virtual reality porn and other such technologies mature, it's going to accelerate in the wrong direction for women.

But if she chooses to hit on a guy, her odds of success still approach 100% by the time she tries 5 men.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

Aww that's so cute. But we both know it's true, stupidity is sadly one of my strong points.

 

[Sean Renaud]

Don't act so shocked, I would never act as cravenly as you.

 

[RoryN]

Yes it is.

No, you are wrong. Your use of "even" for the adverb in the aforementioned sentence means you slighted Tumblr users. It's fine with me if you don't want to man up to it, but just know you haven't fooled anyone.

And furthermore your little forum here has a long record of singing and dancing with racists and attacking me for going after racists.

That's because you aren't good at going after racists. If you call them out as a lone soldier, they don't care. It's about getting others in a forum to ping them too; that's what annoys them. Numbers game. I wasn't always perfect, but I got under their skin because the entire GB wasn't turning on me like they wanted. I nagged, but I was reasonable enough for it to work.

The fact that I never made threads like these:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1109543&highlight=white
Title: Dear white racist fucks: TALK SHIT, GET HIT

...is partly why. You come off as the other side of a prejudiced coin rather than a reasonable objector (same problem you have with your anti-feminist stuff). The GB is your "fuck it if they don't respond to the message; I'll just annoy them" spot. But, with your personality, that's always gonna be your spot, no matter where you are. That's the best you can do.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

Don't act so shocked, I would never act as cravenly as you.

No, you are wrong.

Repeating yourself makes you more and more wrong.

Your use of "even" for the adverb in the aforementioned sentence means you slighted Tumblr users. It's fine with me if you don't want to man up to it, but just know you haven't fooled anyone.

Hey, you're wrong, I'm right, and I'm going to ignore anything else you have to say, and the world's going to keep spinning without you. You've achieved nothing here but making a giant fool of yourself.

That's because you aren't good at going after racists. If you call them out as a lone soldier, they don't care. It's about getting others in a forum to ping them too; that's what annoys them. Numbers game. I wasn't always perfect, but I got under their skin because the entire GB wasn't turning on me like they wanted. I nagged, but I was reasonable enough for it to work.

This doesn't in any way justify the way you guys have defended racists just to get back at me. This destroys your credibility about punks like Cade. You're mad because I've done to Litsters what they do to me.

And I'm going to keep doing it just to make you post poutrage posts like this.

The fact that I never made threads like these:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1109543&highlight=white
Title: Dear white racist fucks: TALK SHIT, GET HIT

...is partly why. You come off as the other side of a prejudiced coin rather than a reasonable objector (same problem you have with your anti-feminist stuff). The GB is your "fuck it if they don't respond to the message; I'll just annoy them" spot. But, with your personality, that's always gonna be your spot, no matter where you are. That's the best you can do.

I cheer when white supremacist gets his ass pounded. Dead white supremacists don't hurl racial slurs.

You guys coddle white supremacists when it suits you. You despise anyone who discusses men's issues. You are part of why feminism is unwanted in America and worse so in England. You are also part of why racists are going to increasingly find themselves at the wrong end of a rope in the latter half of this century.

Because of this, Litsters' opinions of me mean jack squat. You're looking at a preview of the future in my posts. It's full of men and women overthrowing feminism and white supremacists walking the trail of tears out of this country.

Keep yapping. I'm gonna keep on keeping on and you're going to be that yapping dog trying to stop me. But remember to look outside, the storm clouds are brewing.

It's obvious why you are so afraid of discussing why women complain about men not approaching them anymore...

 

[Sean Renaud]

You don't talk about men's issues however. You denigrate women. There is an actual difference you know.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

You don't talk about men's issues however. You denigrate women. There is an actual difference you know.

A woman who wants male attention is utterly indistinguishable from one who wants men to fuck the fuck off and die.

This is fact, this is not denigration.

 

[Sean Renaud]

No that's just a flat out lie. The number of women who want men to fuck off and die is small if you think you've met one you should just chance asking her. It's like finding a real life unicorn. Take photos, confirm its existence.

If you can't tell the difference between a woman who wants male attention and a woman who is busy checking her facebook page there is something deeply wrong with you.

 

[bronzeage]

A woman who wants male attention is utterly indistinguishable from one who wants men to fuck the fuck off and die.

This is fact, this is not denigration.

This certainly explains the condition of your love life.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

No that's just a flat out lie. The number of women who want men to fuck off and die is small if you think you've met one you should just chance asking her. It's like finding a real life unicorn. Take photos, confirm its existence.

If you can't tell the difference between a woman who wants male attention and a woman who is busy checking her facebook page there is something deeply wrong with you.

Very few women just sitting at the bus stop or at a grocery store want your sorry ass talking to her. She's busy doing something. You're interrupting her when you're hitting on her.

Smart men know this. That's why smart men go to personal ads where women are clearly looking for men and you're not intruding on her time.

Idiot.

 

[BotanyBoy]

Very few women just sitting at the bus stop or at a grocery store want your sorry ass talking to her. She's busy doing something. You're interrupting her when you're hitting on her.

Smart men know this. That's why smart men go to personal ads where women are clearly looking for men and you're not intruding on her time.

Idiot.

LOL nah man...that's just you.


Top reasons for anything?
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/exufcqjj2y9gxexbuhhe.jpg

 

[Sean Renaud]

Very few women just sitting at the bus stop or at a grocery store want your sorry ass talking to her. She's busy doing something. You're interrupting her when you're hitting on her.

Smart men know this. That's why smart men go to personal ads where women are clearly looking for men and you're not intruding on her time.

Idiot.

Yes I am. And unless your goddamn Halle Berry you best not interupt me while I'm shopping. And i you are Halle Berry you still shouldn't interupt me while I'm shopping for video games or comics. That's not about me wanting all women to die. That's about me having a specific purpose at any given point in time.

I'm not sure I'd ever stoop to personal ads but there you go. The woman who wants men to fuck off and die is the same as a rational male. Anybody who is not in a social setting at the moment. Those who do want male attention will make it obvious by being at social gatherings or pimping themselves out online. Seems simple.

 

[Ulaven_Demorte]

No that's just a flat out lie. The number of women who want men to fuck off and die is small if you think you've met one you should just chance asking her. It's like finding a real life unicorn. Take photos, confirm its existence.

If you can't tell the difference between a woman who wants male attention and a woman who is busy checking her facebook page there is something deeply wrong with you.

He can only speak from his own personal experience and you have hit on the truth with your last sentence.

 

[RoryN]

LT cannot distinguish between a woman who wants a man's attention and one who wants him to fuck off because, from his perspective, they are the same: neither want him.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

LT cannot distinguish between a woman who wants a man's attention and one who wants him to fuck off because, from his perspective, they are the same: neither want him.

Mighty big words from a failed self-declared Internet Casanova who can't even get cyberpussy.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Its in the Bible: BLACK MEN ARE BIG DICKS WITH NO BALLS.