Those in open relationships, what are your rules?

[hoozierbond]

Do you have established rules for who you and your partner can see, times, etc.?

Our primary rule is simple: don't spend the night somewhere else. Always come home after you're finished. Other than that, we do reserve the right of refusal, but have never told each other no when they express an interest in pursuing someone.

We have been doing this since before we got married in the 1990s and it has worked for us. I'm interested to know what other couples have established in their open relationships.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I wouldn't know what to do. If I was lonely enough to be in one, I'd just say do anything and I'll do what I want, just try and keep us both involved so the relationship doesn't break apart.

 

[screwher]

My wife and I don’t so much have rules in our hotwife relationship. More like boundaries. When we decided as a couple that my wife would sex with other men, we figured it would be best to keep it on the down low. There are some people close to us that we want to keep in the dark.

Also, no activity with any men from “my side” of our marriage. Namely, my friends, family, coworkers. But any men from her side are fair game if she has an attraction to them.

Finally, we’re a hotwife couple. Simplest terms - my wife can spread her legs for a different guy every night if she wanted. While I remain faithful to her.

 

[amigayorbi]

This is a great thread and could be very enlightening! I’m subscribing!

 

[GuySLut]

My wife and I did have a rule in the beginning about no sleep overs but that went away years ago. I don’t honestly remember who had a sleep over first.
The only rule we do have is if someone seems bad for us we can pull the plug on the date. We have luckily only had to put a stop on a few people.

 

[Not Normal]

Currently, I'm seeing one other woman, and I don't think my wife wants me to add more. We have talked about the possibility of Scenes without sex, and maybe even some 'occasional' meetups if the situation were right, but not another regular partner.

We'er mono/poly, and I doubt she'll ever want to change that, but I would never hold her back should she change her mind.

 

[panty_aussie]

Well i had open relationship with two women.

It didn't last long as one thought that only she should other people.

She wanted a casual exclusive relationship. She wanted to see other people while i wasn't allowed too.


I find that a lot of women get jealous of the other women. If you can make it works it good.

I find its more hassle than its worth.

 

[Justfantasies]

I have had several open relationships. They worked to some extent and were fun but didn't last long

 

[Britva415]

We don't have rules, just boundaries.

I'm not going to go into them in detail, beyond just saying that we aren't polyamorous, just ethically nonmonogamous.

 

[YourSecretDesires]

Good thread. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

[magic_rat]

we're in an ENM (ethical non-monogamy) relationship and have been since we met. We met via swinging, decided we enjoyed each-other's company but wanted to carry on fucking around.

We have boundaries rather than rules. Our relationship works because we've always been 100% honest. Trust is essential. More often than not we play as a couple and introduce other men, women or couples into our bed, but have the freedom to play solo as and when we desire. We share fantasies and act on them when it feels right.

 

[BiGuy999]

My wife makes her own decisions about what she does and who she does it with. I absolutely trust her not to do anything she thought might hurt me so I don't see the need for specific rules.

We do have one unwritten rule which is that when she returns home she tells me everything whilst I give her oral. Perhaps it's not so much a rule and more just something we both really enjoy.

When we play together everything has to be consensual for everyone so again I don't see the need for specific rules.

My wife does have one rule, no photos or videos but that's for different reasons and nothing to do with our personal relationship.

 

[dawnonyou]

I agree that there needs to be rules. But "rules" can just replace mainstream social controls with homemade social control. Same problem with big government. The more rules the less freedom. So, when we started we had a number of rules and over the years we have dropped most of them. For example, at first we agreed that if we were going to have sex with someone else it would only be if we were both in the same room during the sex. That seemed, "safe." And at first it seemed to work. We did a few MFM and a few FMF and everyone was happy. But after a very rewarding MFM the other guy stopped by our house the next day. My husband was not home so according to the rules I had to say "no" even though my body was screaming "yes." I called him at work and told him what was going on and how frustrated I felt. He was very understanding and we agreed to drop the rule. Instead we now agree to just let each other know. The only "standing" rule is that if either of us find someone new we have to run it by the other. We both have to agree a person is safe. But in reality we both know and agree about what is "safe." So it has never been an issue. Neither of us have ever used "veto" power based on saying that we don't think the suggested person is safe. But we are all different and have different levels of sexual understanding and maturity. If your mate needs "rules" to feel secure then go with it.

 

[magic_rat]

I wouldn't know what to do. If I was lonely enough to be in one, I'd just say do anything and I'll do what I want, just try and keep us both involved so the relationship doesn't break apart.

You think you have to be lonely in an open relationship? Far from it. Lonely guys just sit at home and jerk off. To be in an open relationship you have to be in a comitted relationship, and being sociable helps too.

 

[magic_rat]

I agree that there needs to be rules. But "rules" can just replace mainstream social controls with homemade social control.

Indeed. We've never had rules; we've both been around the scene to know what is acceptable.

We have boundaries (I guess very loose, flexible rules) that can be stretched if required.

 

[Justfantasies]

Never act jealous

 

[magic_rat]

I disagree. If you feel jealous, talk about it. Get to the root of it. Honesty makes it work.

 

[SPARTAN047]

You think you have to be lonely in an open relationship? Far from it. Lonely guys just sit at home and jerk off. To be in an open relationship you have to be in a comitted relationship, and being sociable helps too.

More reasons why it wouldn't work for me - I'm unsocial. If it has worked for anyone on this thread or IRL, good for you and I envy You.

 

[dawnonyou]

Do you have established rules for who you and your partner can see, times, etc.?

Our primary rule is simple: don't spend the night somewhere else. Always come home after you're finished. Other than that, we do reserve the right of refusal, but have never told each other no when they express an interest in pursuing someone.

We have been doing this since before we got married in the 1990s and it has worked for us. I'm interested to know what other couples have established in their open relationships.

1. No sex with random strangers.
2. We both need to know about it before it happens.
3. We both need each others approval before we get involved with someone new.
4. No internet dating sights or internet based hook-ups.
5. Group activity in our circle is preferred. One on one events only approved with additional vetting.

 

[magic_rat]

More reasons why it wouldn't work for me - I'm unsocial. If it has worked for anyone on this thread or IRL, good for you and I envy You.

Sometimes even I envy me. Life is good.

 

[magic_rat]

1. No sex with random strangers.
2. We both need to know about it before it happens.
3. We both need each others approval before we get involved with someone new.
4. No internet dating sights or internet based hook-ups.
5. Group activity in our circle is preferred. One on one events only approved with additional vetting.

That wouldn't work for us; we both came together through swinging so random strangers can happen; plus we visit a swingers spa, usually together, sometimes solo or with another; who knows what might transpire? We both trust each other enough not to do anything risky, and we'll share the details when we see each other.

We mainly play with a smallish circle of friends now but we don't restrict each other if something fun presents itself.

Not denigrating your rules, by the way; we all do what feels right for us. Our way is no better or worse than yours, just different!

 

[Swuq]

My wife and I have a silent open marriage. We have never set rules. She fucks her bf and I bottom for my top. I don’t ask questions. She doesn’t ask questions. I know what she does. I am pretty sure she knows what I do.

 

[dawnonyou]

That wouldn't work for us; we both came together through swinging so random strangers can happen; plus we visit a swingers spa, usually together, sometimes solo or with another; who knows what might transpire? We both trust each other enough not to do anything risky, and we'll share the details when we see each other.

We mainly play with a smallish circle of friends now but we don't restrict each other if something fun presents itself.

Not denigrating your rules, by the way; we all do what feels right for us. Our way is no better or worse than yours, just different!

Yes and we don't view our rules as the standard for others. Just what keeps us safe.

 

[Handydan]

Ours are simple rules. No secrets, use a condom if you don't know them well enough to trust them, share the details, reclaim eachother after. Neither of us is looking for a relationship so repeats are rare unless it's with our close friends.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Sometimes even I envy me. Life is good.

If it works, it works.

I loved indulging in a few gangbangs and threesomes, it just doesn't seem to work for me in a relationship.