I tried to bring back the Kink with my wife. She didn't respond so well. What do you think?

[LMWM321]

I always find it interesting that the response is let your wife do whatever she wants but you should stay home and be loyal and ready if you are lucky she will want sex lol.

Open marriage seems like the equitable thing to do.

So you don't like my idea of allowing a wife to have NSA sex outside of a marriage even if she's not willing to let the husband do the same? That's fine of course and probably the way most men would feel.

But you do realize that if men OPEN their marriage, their wife is apt to have way more NSA sex than he is, anyway. Most women could find a hookup with relative ease, but not so with most men.

 

[JackStayII]

So you don't like my idea of allowing a wife to have NSA sex outside of a marriage even if she's not willing to let the husband do the same? That's fine of course and probably the way most men would feel.

But you do realize that if men OPEN the marriage, the wife is apt to have way more NSA sex that he is anyway. Most women could find a hookup with relative ease, but not so with most men.

Based on my experience, this is true. My wife and I opened our marriage in the spring of 1977. I was in the Navy, and she was a second semester junior at a university. She was attractive, with a tanned, petite, tight physically fit body and butt long brown hair. She was also a nude model for the life drawing classes surrounded by horny young men. She had embraced our open marriage with open legs.

In the meantime, I was stationed at a navy base or at sea. I discovered, I could get laid, but it was expensive, and the ladies were either cheating on their husbands, divorced and looking for a new breadwinner or single and hoping to find a breadwinner.

I found it was best to save my money and wait until I was able to get home on liberty as my wife had a number of female classmates who were as promiscuous and adventurous as she was.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

yeah, definitely don't take my advice. It's quite clear you don't have the right mindset for it. Opening your marriage as I described

Definitely know that about women being able to score more often as I know a woman that got divorced and has easily fucked 100 men over the last couple of years and could have multiple anight if she wanted to.
Remember we are talking about a guy here who's wife is thinking she wants to be with another woman not what you are suggesting. Could it happen that she figures out pussy isn't her game either? Absolutely.

Some people no matter which sex just don't have the needs or desires others have.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

Ah, the age old story of man meets woman, woman lures man into marriage with sex being her biggest strategy and then it goes down hill after you put a ring on her finger.
Not many women that I have encountered have a mans attitude obout sexuality and sex.

Mine it can be work, stress, kids, parents, bills, body image, take your pick of a bazillion things.

Yup once the ring goes on the finger, dating stops and man stops trying to impress his woman. Man expects women to become his mother . Of course this isn't true all the time, but unfortunately life does happen to get in the way a lot of the time. I don't think I was attracted to the boy at a bar who sat in the bathroom for an hour on the toilet and farted at the table either.

Most what I read in the responses are true but so frustrating that part of our job as a man is to be a constant cheerleader for our wives so we can get laid.
The part they don't get is day by day life slips by with no guarantees tomorrow will come and with tomorrow will a hard dick come with it or will some medical issue put an end to your sexlife that was wasted away for in our minds bullshit reasons.

I find my wife at 125 lbs sexy or 170 kbs sexy but she definitely doesn't so there is the beginning of the female mindset I am not perfect so sex can't happen.

Men look at women everyday all day and imagine fucking them, yes as a women, especially as we age, it's hard to feel attractive and wanted whist our spouse is staring at a beautiful women or jerking off to them. Unfortunately we cannot compare to those sexy women, unless you married a sexy porn star.

You have a few options, settle for what you get, go elsewhere on the downlow, talk to her about an open marriage so you can have what you want.

All but the first one most likely will lead to separation or divorce you decide.

Open marriage is not for most, but I think starting by doing things with your wife that you both find fun, try and remember what you used to do that made her feel sexy, and made her jump on your dick!

 

[Noor]

So you don't like my idea of allowing a wife to have NSA sex outside of a marriage even if she's not willing to let the husband do the same? That's fine of course and probably the way most men would feel.

But you do realize that if men OPEN their marriage, their wife is apt to have way more NSA sex than he is, anyway. Most women could find a hookup with relative ease, but not so with most men.

the problem with bringing other partners in to the relationship, the more reluctant partner may like it too much or the new partners to the point that they leave with a new partner or dump everyone.

 

[MaturemanAJ]

the problem with bringing other partners in to the relationship, the more reluctant partner may like it too much or the new partners to the point that they leave with a new partner or dumb everyone.

Happened to old neighbors of mine. They swapped qives permanently and then one couple got divorced

 

[muycurioso]

It's very hard to do it with the same person.

Familiarity sets in at some point and people make less efforts.

Husbands do this all the time and are blamed for it, but wives also drop any efforts in sex, being sexy and maybe in domestic duties, but they usually figure out ways to justify it or make excuses. Even for each other.

Sometimes it's due to the children, but it's easy to create excuses for either gender and stick to them while blaming your spouse.

the kids always accidentally see what is up and they run out of the room. Daddy was on top of mommy and they were naked...

 

[SPARTAN047]

the kids always accidentally see what is up and they run out of the room. Daddy was on top of mommy and they were naked...

That does happen a lot.

 

[Mike130]

Here's what I'll say from personal experience: when I was first with my ex-husband, I was eager to do the things that I knew excited him. However, it became very evident over time that he wasn't at all dialled in to the things that actually interested/excited me. This carried into our day-to-day life, with me feeling as though he didn't prioritize the things that were important to me, such as cleaning up after himself around the house, etc. As a result, I completely pulled back from doing the things I knew he enjoyed/desired, as well. In the end, our entire relationship died.

All this to say, perhaps she did those things in the beginning because she knew *you* found them sexy. Perhaps she found it exciting to excite you. But it's possible that she's now feeling as though you're not tuned in to *her* at all, and only focused on your own needs and desires. I don't know that this is the case, but it's a possibility. It was absolutely the case for me.

That’s actually sage advice. I sometimes get a bit carried away with fantasies, mostly of her having sex with other guys, which she did when we were dating, and when we’re in bed, sometimes one of us will bring it up; how good it would be to have a threesome with another guy. It would almost get to the point where I would tell her she should call up an old boyfriend. I think for me it would be erotically stimulating, but for her it might be emotionally confusing. The ying and yang of lust vs love, which generally we’re very good at separating, in fantasy at least.

But I am very conscious of displaying my passion for her all the time. A kiss for no reason during the day, always telling her how good she looks, cuddling her at night; the non- sexual acts that make her feel loved. She’s more than just a sex object, and her desires or non- desires are just as important. Actually more so because sex is so much better when she’s really turned on and into the act, the position, the zone of lust…

 

[MerWilh]

That’s actually sage advice. I sometimes get a bit carried away with fantasies, mostly of her having sex with other guys, which she did when we were dating, and when we’re in bed, sometimes one of us will bring it up; how good it would be to have a threesome with another guy. It would almost get to the point where I would tell her she should call up an old boyfriend. I think for me it would be erotically stimulating, but for her it might be emotionally confusing. The ying and yang of lust vs love, which generally we’re very good at separating, in fantasy at least.

But I am very conscious of displaying my passion for her all the time. A kiss for no reason during the day, always telling her how good she looks, cuddling her at night; the non- sexual acts that make her feel loved. She’s more than just a sex object, and her desires or non- desires are just as important. Actually more so because sex is so much better when she’s really turned on and into the act, the position, the zone of lust…

You are a great husband

 

[curioustxn]

My wife and I have a fairly active sex life, once or twice a week. Nothing crazy sexual beyond missionary, her on top or me from behind. It's second marriage for us both and her first husband was not very sexual. I've gotten her to open up a lot about her fantasies of being with other men (double penetration) and being with a women. She absolutely explodes when I tell her stories while we are having sex. However, she will not talk about it unless in the bed or she's had a few glasses of wine. She travels every few months and recently was in Vegas for a conference. When we were having sex before she left town I told her I had an idea for a super fun sexy game. While she was out of town, I wanted her to look for a man she'd like to fuck or a woman she'd like to be with. Then, when she was back at her hotel pleasure herself thinking about him/or and tell me all about it. She's masterbated on the phone with me before so it's nothing new. She promised me "while we were in bed" that she'd do it and would be fun. She leaves town the next day for a five day conference. She doesn't bring it up again so I remind her of our fun game. She agrees to keep an eye out, then noting. Didn't bring it up again the entire time. When she was in the airport coming home I asked her how come she didn't go through with it. Her response was to blow it off an not address it. Fast forward a few days later and I asked her if we can bring some toys back in the bedroom, like we used to do just after getting married. I used to fuck her with a XL dildo and she pretended she was fucking another guy while I watched her. She literally would squirt every time we used it, but then she lost interest. A few days after she got home from the conference I went to the Hustler Store and picked up some fun toys and a large dildo, though not quite as large as the last one she used. Days went by with out her wanting me to break them out. I told her I'd really like to play with her with the toys. She got angry ,combative and told me I was clearly not happy with her in the bedroom. I explained that was totally not the case and loved her, her body and being with her. I told her I thought it would be super sexy, fun and she knew it was something that I liked. Plus, she used to play with toys. As a side note, when we first got married she would film herself with the dildo and text it to me at work. It would drive me crazy. All that has stopped, except the normal sex, normal positions on her terms. Her response made me feel guilty and a bit dirty. I don't know why she would all of a sudden change and not be the same person in the bed. One of my college buddies told me I should just be happy because my wife is fucking me.

I would really appreciate hearing what y'all t think especially the ladies. Thanks!

You didn't reveal much about your wife, but things like menopause, poor diet, or medications that affect a woman's hormone levels can make her lose interest in sex. When this happens, a woman who loves her husband, and is committed to her marriage will sometimes continue to provide sex for him, even though she has lost interest herself.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

You didn't reveal much about your wife, but things like menopause, poor diet, or medications that affect a woman's hormone levels can make her lose interest in sex. When this happens, a woman who loves her husband, and is committed to her marriage will sometimes continue to provide sex for him, even though she has lost interest herself.

Yes I think many women lose the desire for sex, but will continue to have sex to keep the husband content. Gotta keep the mans needs met. Relationships are a give and take if expected to last.

 

[LMWM321]

menopause, poor diet, or medications that affect a woman's hormone levels can make her lose interest in sex.

Menopause does not necessarily destroy a woman's libido, what MIGHT destroy a woman's libido is being married to a man who still expects to have sex the same way he did before menopause - ie., climb on top of her, abruptly slide it in her, then aggressively pump till he cums. ..This sort of sex might have been tolerable (maybe even enjoyable) before menopause, but because of the vaginal dryness and thinning of vaginal tissues that menopause brings, the old way of having sex may now be quite uncomfortable for a woman.

After menopause, sex may have to be approached very differently with lots of gentler foreplay, lots of lube, and maybe even NO penetration - at least sometimes. And because some husbands refuse to change their expectations, some women call a halt to sex because they'd rather have NO sex than have sex that is uncomfortable. And who can blame them?

In these sorts of instances, the blame for no sex belongs to the husband, not the woman's menopause.

 

[curioustxn]

Menopause does not necessarily destroy a woman's libido, what MIGHT destroy a woman's libido is being married to a man who still expects to have sex the same way he did before menopause - ie., climb on top of her, abruptly slide it in her, then aggressively pump till he cums. ..This sort of sex might have been tolerable (maybe even enjoyable) before menopause, but because of the vaginal dryness and thinning of vaginal tissues that menopause brings, the old way of having sex may now be quite uncomfortable for a woman.

After menopause, sex may have to be approached very differently with lots of gentler foreplay, lots of lube, and maybe even NO penetration - at least sometimes. And because some husbands refuse to change their expectations, some women call a halt to sex because they'd rather have NO sex than have sex that is uncomfortable. And who can blame them?

In these sorts of instances, the blame for no sex belongs to the husband, not the woman's menopause.

As life circumstances change, we have to change with it.

 

[smoothwiener]

Hi having a fantasy, taking about a fantasy and actually wanting to fulfill the fantasy are three separate and very different things.

If she pulled back from it you have to show respect and not push her on it. Yes you could bring it up another time at the right time and place but it's shouldn't be anytime soon, and you have to respect her if she's still opposed to doing it.

Find something else to do instead she is open to.

You can't have everything you want. Trust me, been there as well. It sucks but if she's not 110% on board it's better to drop it or it will likely turn ugly, and you don't want that.

 

[LMWM321]

It's annoying that the OP hasn't responded to any of the very thoughtful replies... How is that a thing, here on Lit? ...People posting serious questions, then disappear?

That notwithstanding, it's been a good thread..

 

[Bigboobbabe]

I think it's a shame. Come on over and I will make you feel better.

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

You didn't reveal much about your wife, but things like menopause, poor diet, or medications that affect a woman's hormone levels can make her lose interest in sex. When this happens, a woman who loves her husband, and is committed to her marriage will sometimes continue to provide sex for him, even though she has lost interest herself.

Get her off the pharma. Cheers

 

[muycurioso]

My wife and I have a fairly active sex life, once or twice a week. Nothing crazy sexual beyond missionary, her on top or me from behind. It's second marriage for us both and her first husband was not very sexual. I've gotten her to open up a lot about her fantasies of being with other men (double penetration) and being with a women. She absolutely explodes when I tell her stories while we are having sex. However, she will not talk about it unless in the bed or she's had a few glasses of wine. She travels every few months and recently was in Vegas for a conference. When we were having sex before she left town I told her I had an idea for a super fun sexy game. While she was out of town, I wanted her to look for a man she'd like to fuck or a woman she'd like to be with. Then, when she was back at her hotel pleasure herself thinking about him/or and tell me all about it. She's masterbated on the phone with me before so it's nothing new. She promised me "while we were in bed" that she'd do it and would be fun. She leaves town the next day for a five day conference. She doesn't bring it up again so I remind her of our fun game. She agrees to keep an eye out, then noting. Didn't bring it up again the entire time. When she was in the airport coming home I asked her how come she didn't go through with it. Her response was to blow it off an not address it. Fast forward a few days later and I asked her if we can bring some toys back in the bedroom, like we used to do just after getting married. I used to fuck her with a XL dildo and she pretended she was fucking another guy while I watched her. She literally would squirt every time we used it, but then she lost interest. A few days after she got home from the conference I went to the Hustler Store and picked up some fun toys and a large dildo, though not quite as large as the last one she used. Days went by with out her wanting me to break them out. I told her I'd really like to play with her with the toys. She got angry ,combative and told me I was clearly not happy with her in the bedroom. I explained that was totally not the case and loved her, her body and being with her. I told her I thought it would be super sexy, fun and she knew it was something that I liked. Plus, she used to play with toys. As a side note, when we first got married she would film herself with the dildo and text it to me at work. It would drive me crazy. All that has stopped, except the normal sex, normal positions on her terms. Her response made me feel guilty and a bit dirty. I don't know why she would all of a sudden change and not be the same person in the bed. One of my college buddies told me I should just be happy because my wife is fucking me.

I would really appreciate hearing what y'all t think especially the ladies. Thanks!

I agree with your friend

 

[MH2024hot]

I agree with many on here that there has to be a strong foundation of security, love, respect and taking care of her needs. Do you make her feel valued outside the bedroom, protect her, provide for her, give her freedom to be with her friends, take care of your kids, make her pleasure your priority? Women are often wired differently. I once gave my wife a hot, wet towel massage for her feet after work and she nearly teared up because she thought it was so kind. And I had no sexual strings attached, I just wanted to help. . She still talks about it (and I've done it a number of times after). And I have lots and lots of lust and dirty fantasies, mind you.

If you have that, it's fine to try to branch out. I have with some success, still working on it. But it needs to be incremental. I've been slowly revealing things over several years, including my porn habit. You can't dump the 2 gal-1 cock compilation videos and giant dildos on her all at once.

 

[smoothwiener]

If she didn't respond favorably, drop it, pushing it further isn't going to end well. Find something else she might have a personal interest in too

 

[Akpervert]

If you are unhappy with her in bed, admit it.

If you aren’t, drop it.

There’s a HUGE difference between being “unhappy in bed” and the interest and desire to do more.
And “dropping it” is to let it go as if it was no longer desired!
I’m “unhappy in bed” because I don’t even get what he’s getting - I’m lucky to get it once a month.
And I desire for my wife to peg me, but she’s unwilling and uninterested.
It’s literally the difference between some…and none.

 

[Britva415]

There’s a HUGE difference between being “unhappy in bed” and the interest and desire to do more.
And “dropping it” is to let it go as if it was no longer desired!

I don't see it that way. It's not a signal that it's not desired, it's a recognition that it isn't worth rocking the boat over.

If it is worth it, then do it - rock the boat instead of dropping it.

Sometimes a person and their partner don't want the same things. You and OP are both clearly alike in that way - you both want something your partners don't want.

I’m “unhappy in bed” because I don’t even get what he’s getting - I’m lucky to get it once a month.
And I desire for my wife to peg me, but she’s unwilling and uninterested.
It’s literally the difference between some…and none.

It's not a contest. You each figure out for yourselves, if you're unhappy, what are you doing about it?

If you're not doing anything about it, how unhappy about it are you, really?