How to deal with your partner fantasies and/or curiosities?

[devakama469]

Dream of every straight male, have his female partner bring in another female into the bedroom play...What is to be curious about? Welcome it with open arms, I am sure both will fit into your embrace)

Wholeheartedly agree, this is a dream situation for plenty of males who are secure enough in themselves, in their sexuality, and, especially, in their relationships, because it opens up the field to explore on both sides plenty of things that, otherwise, would lead to lots of disagreements and quarreling.

I know this thread is old, but I still have to say it, embrace it! Have your conversations, set your expectations and boundaries, both soft and hard (because they *will* change over time, trust me!), open and build up solid and trust-worthy lines of communication with your spouse… and then let your imagination and intimacy lose and explore and enjoy!

 

[aziegmann]

Concordo plenamente, esta é uma situação de sonho para muitos homens que são seguros o suficiente de si mesmos, de sua sexualidade e, especialmente, de seus relacionamentos, porque abre o campo para explorar de ambos os lados muitas coisas que, de outra forma, levariam a muitos desentendimentos e brigas.

Eu sei que esse tópico é antigo, mas ainda tenho que dizer, abrace-o! Tenha suas conversas, estabeleça suas expectativas e limites, tanto suaves quanto rígidos (porque eles *vão* mudar com o tempo, acredite em mim!), abra e construa linhas de comunicação sólidas e confiáveis com seu cônjuge... e então deixe sua imaginação e intimidade se soltarem, explorarem e aproveitarem!

After a long time without bringing this up here, I can say that my wife mentioned it again last week, during our vacation and right after sex, when she suddenly said (I don’t remember what triggered it): “You know I have a crush on that woman, right?”

By “that woman,” you can understand that she was referring to a famous singer who died in 2001 and was known to be a lesbian.

Well, my wife has this interest that even she can’t quite explain, but she made it clear that she would only be attracted to a woman with a more masculine attitude. Then she wondered, “Am I bi?” and immediately asked if I was okay with it. And honestly, I am, as long as I remain her priority.

I feel that at some point, this conversation might progress further since she gets excited about talking about it periodically after sex. I’m thinking about how to keep exploring this and help her anyway without making it feel forced.

 

[devakama469]

After a long time without bringing this up here, I can say that my wife mentioned it again last week, during our vacation and right after sex, when she suddenly said (I don’t remember what triggered it): “You know I have a crush on that woman, right?”

By “that woman,” you can understand that she was referring to a famous singer who died in 2001 and was known to be a lesbian.

Well, my wife has this interest that even she can’t quite explain, but she made it clear that she would only be attracted to a woman with a more masculine attitude. Then she wondered, “Am I bi?” and immediately asked if I was okay with it. And honestly, I am, as long as I remain her priority.

I feel that at some point, this conversation might progress further since she gets excited about talking about it periodically after sex. I’m thinking about how to keep exploring this and help her anyway without making it feel forced.

I was so confused at first when I saw the author of the post you quoted was me… while reading my post in Portuguese!

In short, encouraging and supporting in every way you can your partner's explorations and aspirations is, in my opinion, a cornerstone of any happy, successful, and plentiful relationship, very much in a two-way-street fashion, and unfortunately more-often-than-not we fail to include the sexual aspect (read: fantasies, wishes, kinks, etc.) in that.

I believe one very important key to breaking that barrier is a strong, honest, and open communication channel between all those involved, which could be used to express whatever they want without ever feeling judged. If you can achieve that, and build from there, then the world is yours to conquer!

 

[devakama469]

You’re really only going to get a clear picture of what she wants if you sit down and talk about it. Take the same casual approach she took when bringing it up, but ask the questions that are running through your head. If you’re both on the same page, don’t be afraid to give it a try.
Edited to add: I’ve always been very open about my fantasies with my current and previous partners. Most of them were the same. It really builds a sense of intimacy, and it’s fun.

If I replied to this thread, I'd be repeating @DpropertyofR's comment here almost verbatim!

 

[devakama469]

Thanks for your reply. Do you have some example or ideas to share? I mean… How to start this conversation?

Did you manage to get it started? I could think of so many ways, but I wouldn't want to sound potentially repetitive, hence my asking first…

 

[aziegmann]

Did you manage to get it started? I could think of so many ways, but I wouldn't want to sound potentially repetitive, hence my asking first…

Not yet, but I want to in the next time we have sex, when sometimes she is more open to bring this topic from nowhere.

 

[devakama469]

Not yet, but I want to in the next time we have sex, when sometimes she is more open to bring this topic from nowhere.

Whenever that happens, just seize the moment and ask her, point blank, "how serious are you about those fantasies?", "what do you *really* want to do?", "would you like to experience a threesome? What kind of a threesome"?, "would you like me to participate"? Or do you want to do it on your own? Or some happy medium where I watch"?

And so many other questions you could ask her that'd get her into the mood of talking and openly sharing with you what it is that she's really fantasizing. And, in order to achieve that, you'd of course have to make the necessary effort to make her feel at ease, emphasizing to her that you really do want to hear her most honest thoughts, that you're really interested, that she should trust you, set aside taboos, etc, etc… that is, of course, if you're really prepared to hear anything that might come out of her mouth! And what I mean by that, for example… what if she tells you that she wants to experience with another man, or another woman, without you even being in the room? Is that something you're prepared to listen, let alone entertain? What if you guys don't manage to agree on a common set of condtions?

All I'm saying is that I believe it's an *amazing* conversation, out of which a lot of good things can be extracted… but it can be a complex and lengthy and contentious discussion as well, where disagreements, even unpleasant ones, can be experienced, so both have to make an effort to be extra open-minded and ready to hear and consider the other party's wishes, desires, and limitations.

And I could continue writing for hours, but I don't want to saturate, hope those two cents serve any, and feel free to let me know if you'd like to hear more

In any case, best of luck, and do let us know how it goes!

 

[aziegmann]

And I could continue writing for hours, but I don't want to saturate, hope those two cents serve any, and feel free to let me know if you'd like to hear more

In any case, best of luck, and do let us know how it goes!

It never saturates. Actually, this topic excites me, because it’s hot. If you don’t mind, you can write me privately in order to not bother others here with this conversation.

 

[devakama469]

It never saturates. Actually, this topic excites me, because it’s hot. If you don’t mind, you can write me privately in order to not bother others here with this conversation.

PM'd you!