How to deal with your partner fantasies and/or curiosities?

[magic_rat]

This is one of those persistent difficulties with this nontraditional lifestyle.

No it’s not.

Probably 50% of ‘open’ relationships will fail because of unrealistic expectations and a lack of communication, much like many people who try polyamory will end up disappointed.

I’m in an ENM relationship with my partner. We met through swinging so we both knew we liked a lot of sex. We talked a lot before we decided to become a couple and decided 100% honesty was needed.

She likes, and gets, a lot of cock. She’ll always tell me if she’s attracted to a guy (or girl) and it’s not unheard of for me to come home and find a guy balls-deep in her (I join in before you ask).

I don’t get as much variety but I have a girlfriend who stays with us most weekends who is also helping my partner explore her bi side.

If you find a thousand couples having an unconventional relationship they’ll handle it 1000 different ways but they’ll work because both parties are open and honest with each other and those they play with.

 

[SmoothAndSweet]

As far as I am concerned, my partner would never cause me pain or suffering and whatever she wants will only give me pleasure as a result of her actions

 

[Erosfan]

My late wife and I were very open when discussing our fantasies. She said she didn't have any fantasies. I have plenty and we spent a lot of time on this. Neither of us wanted to share the other. My fantasies primarily involve exhibitionism and CFNM. We had some amazing experiences because we could be open with each other. Neither of us were interested in cuckolding or humiliation. It was all in fun where we both could let go and enjoy each other. I wanted to be her fantasy where she could do anything she wanted with or to me. We both got into this mindset and shared some wonderful experiences.

 

[eroticbum]

How open are you willing to let the marriage become?

A few months ago, my partner started making comments about open relationships and non-monogamy, based on something she read in the news or saw on TV—making it clear that she believes monogamy and sexual exclusivity are not natural to humans. And I agree with her 100%.

One day, she told me, "Shall we have an open relationship?" in a tone that was navigating between joking and a simple way of introducing the topic between us. I must admit I don’t know what to answer in these moments, although I do consider the idea.

Recently, after we had sex, she told me about being curious to know what it would be like to receive oral sex from another woman, revealing that she might be able to handle it, but would only really know by trying.

I confess that this revelation made me curious, and now I wonder if this is a way that she found out to discover what I think about this topic and if I'd be willing to explore new options/adventures with her. How can I be sure of this? Should I be direct and make her some questions to put the cards on the table, discuss about rules and concerns etc.? Or is it already so clear and obvious what she wants that just only me haven't realized it yet?

Have you experienced something similar lime this? If so, how did you deal with it?

Ask yourself - How open are you willing to let the marriage become? Will you get jealous of wifes exploits?
What will wife let you do in an open marriage? Will activities be at home or elsewhere?
For me an open marriage is fantasy and it would be perfect. In reality I think it may tear us apart.
My wife is not one for multiple partners, and I doubt she'd like to see me with a guy , definitely not with a woman.
Me being in lingerie with a guy would be too gay for my wife

 

[Bigaug]

My wife and I would have sex discussions which always wound up with us having some form of sex, but definitely both having satisfying orgasms. She no doubt admitted she was into women wanted sex with a woman and enjoyed girl on girl stories and porn. When she gets high or drunk she is pretty much game for most anything, the next morning it's "well that was exciting and fun but it's not something we will do all the time" she does like the spontaneous part of it. So all these years, we pretty much know what each of our fetishes fantasies are. I know her favorite is woman on woman, she also would want to be just her and another woman or a group of women, second favorite is woman on girl, she has revealed some of this but not a lot, third young stud, 4th two men not including me, we might have a few more times we will do some of this stuff, but we are both up there in age and starting to lose interest. My suggestion is while you are young , talk to each other, make sex important and talk about your fantasies and work together to make some come true, just remember, agree, it's only for the sex

 

[aziegmann]

My suggestion is while you are young , talk to each other, make sex important and talk about your fantasies and work together to make some come true, just remember, agree, it's only for the sex

For sure it would be only for the sex. My challenge here is always related to how to start this conversation but not as if I’m forcing her to embrace this idea and think about it for a moment. I simply don’t know what is “the” first question to be done and make this sex talk going naturally.

Any tips?

 

[aziegmann]

Ask yourself - How open are you willing to let the marriage become? Will you get jealous of wifes exploits?

If she open up this conversation again, I’m up for it and considering all the important rules, including how to deal with jealousy.

What will wife let you do in an open marriage? Will activities be at home or elsewhere?

For sure it would be out of home, but maybe considering going slow, trying to do the things together, as a test. Or just starting only as a fantasy to see how each one of us would react. I know it requires a lot of communication.

My wife is not one for multiple partners, and I doubt she'd like to see me with a guy , definitely not with a woman.

Mine probably not, but one night, during sex, and after I asked her to imagine as if there were more than two hands touching her tits, she told me about a dream she had two years ago involving both of us with another couple in bed. It was really hot for me to hear something like that.

But my main challenge is still about how to bring up this conversation naturally. What is the first special question to be done, considering the fact we are totally rookies in this scenario? Any tips?

Me being in lingerie with a guy would be too gay for my wife

It’s out of question for me.

 

[eroticbum]

But my main challenge is still about how to bring up this conversation naturally. What is the first special question to be done, considering the fact we are totally rookies in this scenario? Any tips?

That's a tough question to answer.
BUT remember - it sounds like she started this topic with you. Maybe casually ask her if she is still curious about a woman doing oral on her. Finding the right time is up to you. During a hot scene on tv, or when having dinner,
Hope there's a show or movie showing a nice WW scene, and give it a simple compliment so that your wife can also say something about the scene.
That's how my wife found out I'm sorta cock curious - there was a Trans woman with package in a show. I just said she's cute and I probably would when asked

I'm reaching here - I truly have no good answer for you.

 

[Bigaug]

For sure it would be only for the sex. My challenge here is always related to how to start this conversation but not as if I’m forcing her to embrace this idea and think about it for a moment. I simply don’t know what is “the” first question to be done and make this sex talk going naturally.

Any tips?

After sex, as you lay there naked enjoying what you just did, simply say, that was great, is there anything you want to add to our sex life? What about your fantasy? etc etc

 

[aziegmann]

BUT remember - it sounds like she started this topic with you. Maybe casually ask her if she is still curious about a woman doing oral on her. Finding the right time is up to you. During a hot scene on tv, or when having dinner,

Yes, she was the one who brought this subject up. It was brief, and she only said it once, but it was enough to trigger my red alert. Not that I thought it was bad.

Actually, just imagining the scene I really enjoy it, and even if it's something that never gets into reality, I like the idea of one day starting to fantasize about it during sex, in order to spice things up.

 

[Not Normal]

Yes, she was the one who brought this subject up. It was brief, and she only said it once, but it was enough to trigger my red alert. Not that I thought it was bad.

Actually, just imagining the scene I really enjoy it, and even if it's something that never gets into reality, I like the idea of one day starting to fantasize about it during sex, in order to spice things up.

The longer you wait the less the chance of success is. She brought it up, you're interested in furthering the conversation, it's time to open your mouth. Set a time for a conversation.

 

[Sweetdreams71]

I don’t think so, because even today she ocasionally notice me about, for example, TV stars that announced to be involved in an open relationship. But as I said before, she does it always using a tone that navigates between a joke and a new introduction of this subject during a conversation. And that’s the point that makes me think she’s trying to see my reaction.

I believe that tone is used to not upset you and gauge your reaction. And depending on your reaction, possibly judging her in a negative way, or causing you to be upset with her. My thoughts anyway.

 

[Sarge9mm]

You’re really only going to get a clear picture of what she wants if you sit down and talk about it. Take the same casual approach she took when bringing it up, but ask the questions that are running through your head. If you’re both on the same page, don’t be afraid to give it a try.
Edited to add: I’ve always been very open about my fantasies with my current and previous partners. Most of them were the same. It really builds a sense of intimacy, and it’s fun.

You’re really only going to get a clear picture of what she wants if you sit down and talk about it. Take the same casual approach she took when bringing it up, but ask the questions that are running through your head. If you’re both on the same page, don’t be afraid to give it a try.
Edited to add: I’ve always been very open about my fantasies with my current and previous partners. Most of them were the same. It really builds a sense of intimacy, and it’s fun.

Mine seemed to agree then said she agreed because I liked idea was never gonna do it

 

[Easypeter]

As I've gotten older I look at things differently. You only go around once try everything then make your decision if you like it or not. Act like your 16 again give it a try

I decided that I’ll try anything once

 

[Sarge9mm]

I decided that I’ll try anything once

Try it all once it don't like it don't do again. If did enjoy kindle incorporate it and enjoy it as often as you can

 

[Easypeter]

Try it all once it don't like it don't do again. If did enjoy kindle incorporate it and enjoy it as often as you can

I’ve found a few things so far that I enjoy and I know my wife loves big cock

 

[Sarge9mm]

I’ve found a few things so far that I enjoy and I know my wife loves big cock

I've found alot I like. Alot me and my girl enjoy and things want try. And curious about other things even

 

[Easypeter]

I've found alot I like. Alot me and my girl enjoy and things want try. And curious about other things even

One is I’d like to walk in at night and find her spread out being eaten by a guy

 

[SPARTAN047]

Tough. I wouldn't be judgemental about any of them but wouldn't stay with them if they actually carried out some fantasies.

 

[HijabLady_UK]

It's still nice if you can have that openness and trust so that you can discuss with a partner even if it may not be something both want

 

[Erosfan]

My late wife and I were very open when discussing our fantasies. She said she didn't have any fantasies. I have plenty and we spent a lot of time on this. Neither of us wanted to share the other. My fantasies primarily involve exhibitionism and CFNM. We had some amazing experiences because we could be open with each other. Neither of us were interested in cuckolding or humiliation. It was all in fun where we both could let go and enjoy each other. I wanted to be her fantasy where she could do anything she wanted with or to me. We both got into this mindset and shared some wonderful experiences.

I really loved it when she had me naked on our back porch, knowing neighbors could see us if they looked. We did this in our garage, with the door open and we were seen a couple of times. When she wanted to play, I was all hers.

 

[magic_rat]

It would be illuminating to hear what wives in open marriages regard as their responsibilities for their husbands' mental and physical well-being.

I'm in an ENM (open) relationship.

My partner has no responsibilities towards my wellbeing and she's not responsible for getting me laid. I do ok on that score. Not as well as she could if she took every opportunity (she'd be fucking 10 new guys a week) but one has no impact on the other.

How that pans out in reality is that she gives me space to pursue other women (or occasionally men) and vice versa, but the fun part is that she enjoys it more if I'm around, so we have a lot of 3somes.

Where things go wrong is when guys push their wives into opening up the relationship thinking they'll get laid a lot by a stream of beautiful women when the reality is that they'll be sat at home while the wife gets most of the fun. I've seen poly relationships go bad the same way, when the guy pushes for his fantasy then finds it's only the wife that benefits from it.

Swinging, poly, open relationships, ENM, all rely on openness, honesty and realistic expectations. If you don't start from that point, don't bother.

 

[magic_rat]

Better how? Better as in, she's more likely to talk about it if she's frisky? It doesn't seem better as in, an effective conversation which gets to the important details. It seems like a recipe for getting distracted into moving on to something else before the discussion gets anywhere of substance.

We talk stuff through when we're frisky, and we talk stuff through when we're just finding our way through something. Stuff you talk about when frisky is way less likely to happen because it's mostly pillow talk. If it's 'should we try the gangbang night' or shall we invite that bi guy over for a 3some' it's generally done outside of the bedroom. Often while watching TV or cooking or something equally mundane.

 

[Bayzapper10]

As far as I am concerned, my partner would never cause me pain or suffering and whatever she wants will only give me pleasure as a result of her actions

This is where my partner and I are, still some anxiety about how it will all turn out, but we are so rock-solid about each other. For me, I am letting her go as far and at whatever speed she wants, because her adventure naturally becomes our adventure as long as she is comfortable. I don’t risk pushing her somewhere she doesn’t want to go, a mistake I have made in the past. I remain supportive when she tells me her fantasies, we talk about one another’s level of comfort, desire and misgivings so we know where the other is at all times. It is a great way to stay connected with you SO and explore together.

 

[Bayzapper10]

But my main challenge is still about how to bring up this conversation naturally. What is the first special question to be done, considering the fact we are totally rookies in this scenario? Any tips?

It might be that the inspiration comes from an outside source.

My wife and I went to a party last year with bunch of my friends. I was hanging out with different groups of people, catching up, talking, drinking … while my wife found a seat out of the flow. My best friend’s son and his cousin (both 32, she was 47), joined her and they were just chatting. The cousin started bringing her shots of bourbon, and around midnight, went hardcore seducing her. He told her he had been watching her and that she was beautiful and that he wanted to put her against the wall and fuck her. Totally got in her head and flipped some switch. Since then she is on a runaway train of sexual exploration, and I get to go along for the ride.

My tip? Suggest she read stories or maybe send some to her and ask “what do you think?”. Like one with a woman giving another woman oral for the first time, or a MMF threesome. Get her to talk about what is in her mind and TRY not to influence her with your own thoughts. If she feels comfortable telling you her desires then you should have no problem making fantasies become reality.