The Literotica Bulwer-Lytton thread.

[StillStunned]

I stood in front of the mirror, admiring my high cheekbones and perky D-cup tits, which pushed perkily against the lacey bra my late husband got me last year. I heard footsteps behind me coming up the stairs...it was my handsome, athletic, 19 year old son. I could hear the sound of his thick, 12 inch love-staff prodding against the fabric of his gym shorts.

It's supposed to be a single sentence. That said, "the sound of his ... love-staff prodding against the fabric" is hilarious.

 

[SimonDoom]

Mom, mom, light of my life, fire of my loins, but that doesn't really work because I came from her loins, after all, and to be honest you don't want to overthink it when you're about to tell a story about how you and mom got it on one weird day after a long shower and a dropped towel and Fountains of Wayne playing in the background.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Bob looked like a giant dick. His head appeared to be a swollen, enormous cockhead, and his mouth looked like a sideways piss-slit. The rise of his nose was some syphilict sore, complete with fibrous tissue which formed his unibrow. The dull, bloodshot eyes looked like someone poked needles into the tissue as a pair of failed biopsies. He was displeasing when you came face to face with him.

 

[StillStunned]

Bob looked like a giant dick. His head appeared to be a swollen, enormous cockhead, and his mouth looked like a sideways piss-slit. The rise of his nose was some syphilict sore, complete with fibrous tissue which formed his unibrow. The dull, bloodshot eyes looked like someone poked needles into the tissue as a pair of failed biopsies. He was displeasing when you came face to face with him.

Dammit, has someone been posting pictures of me online again?

 

[jehoram]

Bob looked like a giant dick. His head appeared to be a swollen, enormous cockhead, and his mouth looked like a sideways piss-slit. The rise of his nose was some syphilict sore, complete with fibrous tissue which formed his unibrow. The dull, bloodshot eyes looked like someone poked needles into the tissue as a pair of failed biopsies. He was displeasing when you came face to face with him.

Again, more than one sentence... four, actually. But the sentiment is there.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Sorry, I have a thread about the best opening paragraphs and didn't read the parameters well enough. Well, this is my second posting here, so maybe I forgot them.

Again, more than one sentence... four, actually. But the sentiment is there.

 

[PennyThompson]

"Bobby, be a deer and unzip me," the sultry cougar purred, before turning around and grabbing Bobby's neck with her powerful jaws, crushing the deer's windpipe and dragging him up into the tree to consume at her leisure.

 

[SimonDoom]

"Well, doesn't that look like fun," Kimiko said while accepting the online invitation to the Bukkake party, thinking, wrongly, that it was an invitation to a film festival and that Bukkake was one of the villainous monsters in the Kaiju films she liked so much as a kid, who sometimes beat Godzilla but mostly got their sorry reptilian asses kicked by his fire breath.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

The ground was rhythmically rocking under the cutely-put-together reporter as she emoted to the camera, "As you know, there was a second kaiju sighted, approaching the docks and at least as tall as..." before a resounding HHhhhhHhHHOoooooooonnk echoed across the reeling city - for it was rapidly becoming clear this harbor was the monsters' chosen mating site.

 

[Boobytrap73]

His hands went directly to my pendulous breasts, squeezing them tightly and preventing me from doing what I really wanted which was to fall to my knees so that I could take his massive cock into my throat and let him fuck my tonsils in the way that he had taught me to love.

~BT73

 

[Zootonius]

When Ayn Rand tried her hand at erotic literature

I will leave you with a thought. Rand was into free love. And Alan Greenspan was an acolyte of hers.

 

[Actingup]

"The thing is, love," said Bruce in a fake Hollywood style Australian accent - the kind that you end up with when your creative ambitions and artistic sensibilities are overruled, overwhelmed, nay even trumped by an overpaid jerk in a bad lounge suit who earns much more than you and understands nothing of your work and doesn't even have a passport - "that when a sheila wants a bit of loving, she needs to learn to wait until her man's finished his beer before it gets too warm."

 

[SimonDoom]

"The thing is, love," said Bruce in a fake Hollywood style Australian accent - the kind that you end up with when your creative ambitions and artistic sensibilities are overruled, overwhelmed, nay even trumped by an overpaid jerk in a bad lounge suit who earns much more than you and understands nothing of your work and doesn't even have a passport - "that when a sheila wants a bit of loving, she needs to learn to wait until her man's finished his beer before it gets too warm."

Well done!

 

[PennyThompson]

"Fancy a bita strange," Poxy Meg asked with a hacking cough, leering at me from the alley and lifting her filthy tattered skirt above her dirty scuffed knees, but I ignored her and continued up the street knowing that once I murdered the Psychopomp of the Church of Dust and hocked his Ruby of Unforeseen Plot Consequences for a thousand gold nobles, I'd be swimming in more strange than I could shake a leper's stolen crutch at.

(Deepest apologies to @StillStunned and the City of Scum)

 

[StillStunned]

With the ease of long practice, I tugged competently and sensually at my foot-long cock while preparing idly for my sister to be finished in the bathroom.

 

[Publius68]

I've read quite a few books about fiction writing, and there's always the advice to never use adverbs.

“I want you to listen closely,” Annabeth Harlington Chase said to me, crawling lithsomely into my lap, startling me beyong expectations and causing me to look around the room nervously (the dining hall being uncharacteristically vacant, a circumstance I knew was alarmingly subject to change without notice) as her pendulous breasts brushed heavily against my reedy chest and her hand eagerly grasped my package through my suddenly straining jeans, “so you will fully understand that this must remain between us or I will not lovingly suck this straining cock of yours until you shiver uncontrollaby and mightily spill your seed profligately across my urgently eager but sadly homely face."

 

[yowser]

“I want you to listen closely,” Annabeth Harlington Chase said to me, crawling lithsomely into my lap, startling me beyong expectations and causing me to look around the room nervously (the dining hall being uncharacteristically vacant, a circumstance I knew was alarmingly subject to change without notice) as her pendulous breasts brushed heavily against my reedy chest and her hand eagerly grasped my package through my suddenly straining jeans, “so you will fully understand that this must remain between us or I will not lovingly suck this straining cock of yours until you shiver uncontrollaby and mightily spill your seed profligately across my urgently eager but sadly homely face."

Over twelve percent of the total word count are adverbs. Impressive!

 

[jehoram]

Over twelve percent of the total word count are adverbs. Impressive!

Adverbs are very handy for word padding.

 

[SimonDoom]

She resisted when I tried to pull her off the stage, tits flying everywhere like pale, manic bats, hair spraying like a fuzzy fountain, and shaved, plump lady parts wantonly on display for the raucous crowd of lusty men in the nudie club on the edge of town, but I was determined, so I pulled harder and shouted above the din, "Mom, you said you'd be cooking at home tonight because it's Taco Tuesday."

 

[PennyThompson]

tits flying everywhere like pale, manic bats

 

[StillStunned]

She resisted when I tried to pull her off the stage, tits flying everywhere like pale, manic bats, hair spraying like a fuzzy fountain, and shaved, plump lady parts wantonly on display for the raucous crowd of lusty men in the nudie club on the edge of town, but I was determined, so I pulled harder and shouted above the din, "Mom, you said you'd be cooking at home tonight because it's Taco Tuesday."

My mind just went to a different kind of taco.

 

[SimonDoom]

Claire was the best of moms, she was the worst of moms, a mom of the utmost decorum, a mom of the deepest depravity, a mom to pack sonny's school lunch box with bologna sandwiches, and a mom to pack his college care package with spread-leg shots she'd taken in the seedy photo booth at the mall, a nice mom, a naughty mom, a mom that with equal zeal kept her legs primly together in the church pews and splayed them open for the pastor's pleasure in his backroom office -- in short, a mom whose skill at providing quick cheap satisfaction resembled the drive-thru window at the local In 'n Out Burger.

 

[SimonDoom]

My mind just went to a different kind of taco.

Rest assured, our minds are going to the same place.

 

[Actingup]

Rest assured, our minds are going to the same place.

There’s a classic Australian song that makes a similar connection. It was all over the radio.

 

[onehitwanda]

In a little house, you know the kind of house, the droop-shouldered house that's got one broken window pane and a shutter hanging askew, in a house, I say, a house that you'd not be surprised to see a little old lady wearing an apron and slapping her pastry, why, in that kind of house, that whitewashed house where the whitewash has almost but not quite worn away, where the chimney is held up by prayer rather than foundations, where even the sparrows are poor, why, in that kind of house, in that house, the house halfway down the hill, beneath the ashes, well, in that house was a drawer and in the drawer was Peggy's vibrator.