The Literotica Bulwer-Lytton thread.

[StillStunned]

In a little house, you know the kind of house, the droop-shouldered house that's got one broken window pane and a shutter hanging askew, in a house, I say, a house that you'd not be surprised to see a little old lady wearing an apron and slapping her pastry, why, in that kind of house, that whitewashed house where the whitewash has almost but not quite worn away, where the chimney is held up by prayer rather than foundations, where even the sparrows are poor, why, in that kind of house, in that house, the house halfway down the hill, beneath the ashes, well, in that house was a drawer and in the drawer was Peggy's vibrator.

I'd read that story.

 

[onehitwanda]

I'd read that story.

Yes, but you're a masochist.

 

[StillStunned]

Yes, but you're a masochist.

Or maybe I have a thing for women called Peggy.

 

[onehitwanda]

Or maybe I have a thing for women called Peggy.

Peggy's into heavy petting and heavier pegging.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

In a little house, you know the kind of house, the droop-shouldered house that's got one broken window pane and a shutter hanging askew, in a house, I say, a house that you'd not be surprised to see a little old lady wearing an apron and slapping her pastry, why, in that kind of house, that whitewashed house where the whitewash has almost but not quite worn away, where the chimney is held up by prayer rather than foundations, where even the sparrows are poor, why, in that kind of house, in that house, the house halfway down the hill, beneath the ashes, well, in that house was a drawer and in the drawer was Peggy's vibrator.

When I was in college, there was a contest in our Fortran IV class to see who could write the most involved program in just one line. You would probably have won. Just a guess.

 

[StillStunned]

Peggy's into heavy petting and heavier pegging.

I'll settle for a heavy pet. My cat weighs 17 pounds, for example.

 

[onehitwanda]

My cat weighs 17 pounds

The Napoleonic navy would have shoved a tricorne on his head and fired him at any hapless British merchantman they happened across.

 

[onehitwanda]

When I was in college, there was a contest in our Fortran IV class to see who could write the most involved program in just one line. You would probably have won. Just a guess.

I prefer Ada. She's hotter and she fucks on first dates.

 

[onehitwanda]

I am channeling the Imp of the Perverse. Beware. Muahahahaha.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Ambling along the sidewalk, gentle if ripe breezes playing through my long and wispy hair, I had myself a talk with no one else there, words plump and pregnant with understated mystery flowing nowhere but past, into some discarded history unwatched by caring eye or comprehending mind, for honest concern is ever hard to find.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

I am channeling the Imp of the Perverse. Beware. Muahahahaha.

Better channeling than being channeled!

 

[SimonDoom]

The moment Marla slammed the bedroom door behind her, her sex toys sprang to life like Red Bull-drunk zombies in a midnight graveyard, ben wa balls bouncing like kangaroo rats, suction cup dildo swaying like a drunk mime, and the cute little lavender vibrator breaking out into yet another off-pitch rendition of "You've got a friend in me."

 

[shelleycat1]

Tanya leant over the desk, bestowing on him a beautifully bouncing view of her bosoms as they swayed to the left and right, his eyes tracking each mesmerising moment as the mammaries made his eyes saccade, not like a normal saccade when the eyes just swiftly slide from side to side, but like smooth swing of a pendulum of his grandfather's clock, which he realised was an inappropriate song even as he explosively exclaimed,"Tick, Tock, Tanya."

 

[gunhilltrain]

My two favorite things in the whole world were my 1979 Dodge Charger and my Facebook profile picture of me leaning against my 1979 Dodge Charger, both of which reliably generated an endless parade of extremely impressed and horny 18-year-old women.

It might work for him, a lot better than much of what the Chrysler Corporation put out that year (e.g., the Dodge Omni). I'd lose that Confederate flag, however. I wouldn't want to alienate 18-year-old abolitionists.

https://www.supercars.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/images_dodge_charger_1979_1.jpg

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

I prefer Ada. She's hotter and she fucks on first dates.

I could try to compete with her but would come up short. Def not hotter, but I do fuck on first dates. Bonus is I really, really, really want to be a lesbian.

 

[Actingup]

"Screw me, you sexy seducer," screamed Shazza, her bottle blonde bob bouncing in syncopation with her big, bountiful bazookas, "shag me until you've stuffed me with your scorching shots of sperm."

 

[PennyThompson]

"Screw me, you sexy seducer," screamed Shazza, her bottle blonde bob bouncing in syncopation with her big, bountiful bazookas, "shag me until you've stuffed me with your scorching shots of sperm."

Double nested alliteration? Thanks, I hate it

 

[Actingup]

Double nested alliteration? Thanks, I hate it

I kind of want to write the rest of the story now... just so I can read it in horrified fascination.

 

[dmallord]

JoJo was a man who thought he was a loner, somewhat like that Beatles song… he had to leave town to hide out, to get away from them… all kinds of them.

 

[shelleycat1]

"Screw me, you sexy seducer," screamed Shazza, her bottle blonde bob bouncing in syncopation with her big, bountiful bazookas, "shag me until you've stuffed me with your scorching shots of sperm."

You have to read it aloud to get the full effect. I was using alliteration but slightly off, then switch subjects; but this is almost poetic.

 

[Actingup]

You have to read it aloud to get the full effect. I was using alliteration but slightly off, then switch subjects; but this is almost poetic.

I think that it would sound even better after a couple of bottles of wine, even if I do say so myself.

 

[Publius68]

It was a bright and sunny night, a circumstance that one would naturally be inclined to consider unusual, if not apocalyptic, but which in this case was quite ordinary, if still jarring, given that this tale is set in Antarctica, McMurdo Station to be precise, during the dead of winter, well, winter in the northern hemisphere, in some place like Detroit, where Davis was from before he took this job as a snowcat driver, a job that left him wearing sunglasses while driving at 11pm (You’d think he was a Blues Brother), an occupation that was normally quite boring, but tongiht was spiced up when he spied, through the snowy glare that hurt his eyes, a sight for such sore eyes: three topless cheerleaders, hitchhiking in knee deep snow.

 

[Actingup]

It was a bright and sunny night, a circumstance that one would naturally be inclined to consider unusual, if not apocalyptic, but which in this case was quite ordinary, if still jarring, given that this tale is set in Antarctica, McMurdo Station to be precise, during the dead of winter, well, winter in the northern hemisphere, in some place like Detroit, where Davis was from before he took this job as a snowcat driver, a job that left him wearing sunglasses while driving at 11pm (You’d think he was a Blues Brother), an occupation that was normally quite boring, but tongiht was spiced up when he spied, through the snowy glare that hurt his eyes, a sight for such sore eyes: three topless cheerleaders, hitchhiking in knee deep snow.

This is getting into cruel and unusual punishment territory for the readers…. and of course, for the mysterious Antarctic cheerleaders and their frozen nipps.

 

[Publius68]

This is getting into cruel and unusual punishment territory for the readers…. and of course, for the mysterious Antarctic cheerleaders and their frozen nipps.

Those babes are so hot, they’re melting the snow around their feet...

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Those babes are so hot, they’re melting the snow around their feet...

Are they babes, or fusion reactors?