A Sad Day In Bad Writing

[SimonDoom]

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest apparently is coming to an end. The operator of the contest, Scott Rice, has decided to end it. It's a sad day. This contest, which challenges entrants to pen the opening sentence of the worst novel imaginable, has generated some amazingly bad/entertaining sentences. I've been a fan of it for years and contributed to it a few times.

 

[WCSGarland]

That is rather sad actually. I've always been a fan of tongue in cheek writing as well.

 

[PennyThompson]

Ooh we should do an Erotica version! The worst opening sentence for an erotic story!

 

[PennyThompson]

Jimmy knew his day was off to a rough start when he mistook his deaf father's Viagra for his daily multivitamin gummy, but the real trouble began when his step-mother sat on his lap for the cramped three hour car ride to the nude beach at the end of Rumbleseat Road.

 

[Erozetta]

Ooh we should do an Erotica version! The worst opening sentence for an erotic story!

*Volunteers every opening line I've ever written*

 

[SinclairGroupLLP]

Jimmy knew his day was off to a rough start when he mistook his deaf father's Viagra for his daily multivitamin gummy, but the real trouble began when his step-mother sat on his lap for the cramped three hour car ride to the nude beach at the end of Rumbleseat Road.

This sentence earned a 4.98 rating in I/T

 

[PennyThompson]

This sentence earned a 4.98 rating in I/T

I literally just snorted my drink on my keyboard, how dare you

 

[TheLobster]

This sentence earned a 4.98 rating in I/T

Would’ve been 5.00 if it was his actual mother.

 

[MrStill]

Would’ve been 5.00 if it was his actual mother.

This needs a scale that goes up to 6.00

 

[StillStunned]

Despite her booking request, the I/T Motel she and her son had picked to break their journey only had a double room, not a twin, and of course she'd forgotten to pack her nightie.

 

[lovecraft68]

Jimmy knew his day was off to a rough start when he mistook his deaf father's Viagra for his daily multivitamin gummy, but the real trouble began when his step-mother sat on his lap for the cramped three hour car ride to the nude beach at the end of Rumbleseat Road.

When you mentioned the father was deaf and viagra I was waiting for a hard of hearing joke.

 

[lovecraft68]

I remember the day I looked out the window and saw my neighbor naked and fucking some of the animals in my back yard and invited me to join, but I told her sorry, I can't gopher that.

 

[SimonDoom]

Ooh we should do an Erotica version! The worst opening sentence for an erotic story!

This is an excellent idea. I'll start a thread. Re-post your sentence there.

 

[Britva415]

Ooh we should do an Erotica version! The worst opening sentence for an erotic story!

I'm pretty sure the actual contest had an Erotica category

 

[MillieDynamite]

She was the best of fucks, she was the worst of fucks, she had a face that would turn a butcher's stomach, she had a body that would give a saint a swollen tongue and dork, she could suck the chrome off a Cadillacs' bumper, she had worst looking DSL of all time and the worst of worst, I married the fuckin whore.

 

[PennyThompson]

She was the best of fucks, she was the worst of fucks, she had a face that would turn a butcher's stomach, she had a body that would give a saint a swollen tongue and dork, she could suck the chrome off a Cadillacs' bumper, she had worst looking DSL of all time and the worst of worst, I married the fuckin whore.

Straight to the Hot List in Loving Wives!

 

[OffNSFW]

At some point, you've probably told yourself, "It's impossible to electrocute yourself in the balls while having sex in an inner tube that drifted over a pack of electric eels," but you weren't hanging out with me in the swamp last Tuesday night.

 

[Zootonius]

I've always wanted to do:

It was dark, and Stormy Knight knew this was no time to think about that run in her stocking.