The Literotica Bulwer-Lytton thread.

[JuanSeiszFitzHall]

He wore dark and stormy tights, the storminess produced by his unwise dietary choices.

 

[StillStunned]

I'd never have fucked my mother if she hadn't shaved those awful pubes.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

The upset 'Oook!' echoed across Unseen University's otherwise-empty quad like some sort of freshman's frolicsome freshening spell, leaving those educated at the University of Hard Knocks (or at least the Mended Drum) on high alert for incoming peanut-like projectiles and pugilistic, pugnacious primates - someone had squashed a nice, ripe banana in the Tome of High Dudgeon and hid it back in the stacks until its odoriferous announcement viciously snagged the scenting organs of the unwary, unwarned passers-by.

 

[Bamagan]

I've read quite a few books about fiction writing, and there's always the advice to never use adverbs. I've always taken that with a grain of salt - adverbs are part of the English language, and they can serve a purpose if used judiciously. But after I'd written my sentence above, I looked at it and decided it wasn't quite clumsy enough. So I added a smattering of adverbs, and they dragged it down into the depths where it belongs.

I use them profligately, much to the dismay of the grammar checker in Word. I have a vague idea that a conspicuous absence of them might be taken as evidence of AI writing.

My sentence:
It was a morbidly dark and furiously stormy night, with the rain falling like tiny anvils and the wind howling like a mob of Karens who arrived minutes too late for the best Black Friday deals, not to mention the unseasonal chill that put one in mind of a summer in Duluth, Minnesota, when I set out on my ludicrous quest of seducing my bangin'-hot, big-tittied mom, only to find out that my dad had got the same idea twenty-two and three-quarters years ago to the day, which meant I scored with my mom-slash-sister-slash-half-sister-slash-cousin when my balls finally got drained in her.

 

[cdstefi]

When Ayn Rand tried her hand at erotic literature

Please, just no!

 

[SimonDoom]

I've read quite a few books about fiction writing, and there's always the advice to never use adverbs.

"I can't wait for you to clean my dirty pool, Todd," Mrs. Pooner said to me, milfily.

 

[StillStunned]

"I can't wait for you to clean my dirty pool, Todd," Mrs. Pooner said to me, milfily.

Most days Todd stayed in bed adolescently playing with himself, but on Wednesdays in the summer he always rose hornily, knowing that Mrs Pooner would be lounging scantily cladly around the pool to watch him work and tease him milfily with her near-nakedness and aura of availability - if only he dared.

 

[NaughteeDragon]

“Fuck,” Todd breathed out as he viewed the the picture of his sister’s swollen cunt, the freshly shaved vulva still showed signs of razor burn and her labia were dark red with the engorging arousal, that was stretched wide by the dildo she had cast from his Foster’s-can sized cock.

 

[TheOtherTeacher]

Though, at the time, Susan had thought using her "man's milk" in her tea was hilarious; she was now regretting the suggestion that he also provide enough for her cornflakes.

 

[PapaRomantic]

I suddenly realized I had been more than lax at communicating with my father, but when had he married a woman who looked younger than me and was now walking to greet me - the sexy sway of her hips and the leer of her smile suggesting she wanted more than a simple familial hug?

 

[SimonDoom]

"I want your man-meat to please me now," Tamara said lustily, breasts bobbing up and down wildly like rabid Welsh clog dancers, but secretly, looking askance at Tim's unimpressive package on display, she wondered if he was up to the task.

 

[BobbyBrandt]

“Holy crap, this is going to be ugly!”

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Her grool drizzled off my lip, a short rainbow-glinting bridge falling to entangle in my beard under her lustful gaze and heavy breathing pumping those luscious breasts and rock-solid nipples in a complex vibration-laden dance under the influence of her breathing, her heart, her pussy, my fingers and tongue - her libido aflame and scorching the soles of her soul, leading to a dervish dance of sensual mania and driving passion which in turn lead to more groans and panting, making that dual nipple-dance all the more wild, more wickedly enticing as she labored up Mount Orgasm to the very peak, dreaming of the long plunge to come - to cum! - off its peak.

 

[rob_bicurious]

A dog barked, solitary, lonesome, echoing off the stone walls making the darkness darker, the cold colder, the the quiet panting of Miranda diminished, somehow removed from the act, as if my dagger buried deep into the quivering flesh was not enough, not enough to quell the smoldering flame that burned and swirled in the hot heart of Miranda's feminine countenance.

 

[riverboy]

"You're a big little boy," she MILFed.

 

[TheLobster]

To MILF or not to MILF -- that is the question.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Call me DILF, for even if that’s not my name, nor have I procreated, and may well not be in your range of sexual attraction, that’s all I’ll give you to call me, obnoxiously dissociative bastard on an ego trip that I may (or may not) be.

 

[WCSGarland]

The button of her clit begged me to press it until she devolved into a squirmy wet mess of a sex crazed mound of female flesh.

 

[mirafrida]

When she breezed into my office that dark and stormy night, the thing that got me rock-hard wasn't her 44" DD knockers, her 22" waist, her day-is-long legs, her six-inch heels, or even the shaved kitty I knew she kept tucked primly away under that fuck-me red dress - but rather, the size of those drop-dead frontal-lobes locked away inside that lovely skull of hers, because, as I told her then (in my cigarette-smoker's growl), "sweetheart, they say the brain is the most important sex organ in the human body."

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

Mary was eighteen, a cute 5'2, blonde, with perky DD-cup breasts, measurements of 38-23-36, wearing high heels, a tight skirt, stockings, and almost-transparent blouse, her nipples peaking through the fabric as she looked at the size of the giant fish John had just caught, giant like the size of his cock, she thought, or his giant yacht paid for by his job as CEO of America Incorporated which he'd built from the ground up in just ten years, even though his skank of an ex-wife had tried to ruin it all with the divorce settlement but the joke was on her because she got nothing due to the legal technicality of her being a giant bitch.

(Yes, 'peaking' is deliberate; no, this isn't from one of my stories...)

 

[SimonDoom]

Jim Bob's cock whooshed up like a rocket, and not just any rocket, but one of those Saturn V jobs they used to get men to the moon, piercing the mysterious dark depths of space, discharging its load at its destination, and then withdrawing after discarding most of its length-- and that was before he'd even turned the computer on.

 

[jehoram]

My own humble contribution:

While the savage thrusts caused Joleen's massive, pendulous triple-D boobs to smash repeatedly into her eyes as Freddy's ten-inch cock released a ball-load of baby batter into her wet fuck-hole an a spew of cow-girl climax, she was thinking "Jeez, how am I going to explain these shiners to my husband tomorrow?"

 

[SimonDoom]

Mom's untrimmed bush stood before me like a jungle, tangled and unruly, hiding unseen secrets and mysteries, tempting me with its unexplored treasures, until, like Indiana Jones, I squared my shoulders, adjusted my hat, cracked my whip, and said, "It's time to go cave diving."

 

[StillStunned]

It was a Dark 'n Stormy night, like every Thursday at Eddie's Bar ever since Eddie had signed that contract with Gosling Brothers.

 

[karina_jayde]

I stood in front of the mirror, admiring my high cheekbones and perky D-cup tits, which pushed perkily against the lacey bra my late husband got me last year. I heard footsteps behind me coming up the stairs...it was my handsome, athletic, 19 year old son. I could hear the sound of his thick, 12 inch love-staff prodding against the fabric of his gym shorts.