learning
- Thread starter lost
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lovetoread
hello daddy
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Depends.
You need to read about it to get alot of details,but the basics of it is this.
A (D) Dom controls (as in has the power).
A (S) Sub submits (as in lets themself be controlled).
But some people do both.
You need to read about it to get alot of details,but the basics of it is this.
A (D) Dom controls (as in has the power).
A (S) Sub submits (as in lets themself be controlled).
But some people do both.
morninggirl5
Secret Dream Machine
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Welcome, lost, to the BDSM forum.
This thread http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73517 is a group of links for people new to BDSM, lost, confused, mixed-up, searching for answers.
We've all been there, everyone began their journey somewhere. Read, read, think, read some more. There's lots of information here and lots of people willing to try and answer questions.
This thread http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=73517 is a group of links for people new to BDSM, lost, confused, mixed-up, searching for answers.
We've all been there, everyone began their journey somewhere. Read, read, think, read some more. There's lots of information here and lots of people willing to try and answer questions.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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1. Read. Read widely and read from many sources. Keep track of what calls to you as you read, what stirs your soul, what causes you to feel aroused.lost said:
2. Analyze. Analyze that which has caught your interest. Determine if it's the control that calls, and from which side. Is it wielding the control or being controlled? Is it the instruments of pain/pleasure that make you shivery or the intangible of the power shifting between you and your partner, imaginary though they might be at this point, that makes you hunger?
3. Find a few stories you like, stories that draw you, that remain in your mind. What character in those stories is most attractive to you? What things happening to or around and within that character are most compelling?
4. Finally, do you feel dom/me or sub? Do you want to investigate either of those? Are you called to one side instead of the other? Some people, many people, feel pulls from both sides; that's certainly a possiblity, too.
5. It is your life, your sexuality, your decision. There is no one best way for us all and everything depends on what you need and want.
(I'd like to thank MsWorthy and one of her excellent recent threads [the one on dominance vs. aggression] for asking us to think about this very question just recently. I just did a copy and paste, pretty much. Saves wear and tear on the old finger tips!
)
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
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Re: Re: learning
hi lost
glad I sent you here
cym
where is this thread please?
cymbidia said:1
(I'd like to thank MsWorthy and one of her excellent recent threads [the one on dominance vs. aggression] for asking us to think about this very question just recently. I just did a copy and paste, pretty much. Saves wear and tear on the old finger tips!
hi lost
glad I sent you here
cym
where is this thread please?
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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Re: Re: Re: learning
I bumped it back to page one for you, Richard, and here's the link, too: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=110769Richard49 said:
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
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Re: Re: Re: Re: learning
Thank you
cymbidia said:I bumped it back to page one for you, Richard, and here's the link, too: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=110769
Thank you
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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Collars
Oh man. This is a loaded question, lost!
Short answer: no. Not all submissives wear collars.
However, the idea of a collar means different things to all of us. Complicating that statement is the inescapable fact that there are different kinds of collars for different occasions and different times in your life.
I've taken the following words from a thread we did about collars earlier this summer. The whole thread can be found here: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=102933
#1. There is one for play, onto which stuff (chains and lengths of leather, for example) are attached to heighten the bondage/submission/play experience. We've all (probably) got experience with these kinds of collars. They're a basic part of a toy box.
#2. There is another kind of collar, though, which holds the entirety of the BDSM D/s bond in its length. In this one is invested the essence of who i am to my partner and who they are to me. It's a collar of love and loyalty and an agreement to abide by the bonds of dominance and submission...forever. This kind of collar is more serious, more binding, than are marriage vows. Its being offered and acceptance should be a thing of stunning rarity in anyone's life.
3. The third kind of collar is that pukey distasteful artifact that didn't exist before the advent of online BDSM-style chat rooms, that which we know as a "velcro collar". It pretends to be the same collar that i spoke of in my second example but isn't, cannot be, will never be. The reason? BDSM is not a spectator sport. It's a thing of shared heat, skin-to-skin style.
#4. There are different kinds of so-called "training collars", too, i suppose, but i've never done anything with that kinda thing and am not going to start now. Someone who knows about those can elaborate on them, if they feel called to do so.
There are those who want to get married; they don't really care who they marry or anything much past the fact that they get married within some time frame. (Yes. It is true. I saw them all over the place when i was in college.) In a like manner, there are those who just want a collar, even if it's essentially meaningless from an emotional perspective. It's the symbol of acceptance/recognition/kinkiness/belonging/whatever that's of overriding importance.
Bottom line: if wearing a collar - for whatever reason - means a lot to you, then it's necessary and important. You might want to ask yourself why, though, the symbol seems to be overriding the reality of the relationship - if, indeed, it is.
Oh man. This is a loaded question, lost!
Short answer: no. Not all submissives wear collars.
However, the idea of a collar means different things to all of us. Complicating that statement is the inescapable fact that there are different kinds of collars for different occasions and different times in your life.
I've taken the following words from a thread we did about collars earlier this summer. The whole thread can be found here: http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?threadid=102933
In my mind, in my life, there are different kinds of collars.
#1. There is one for play, onto which stuff (chains and lengths of leather, for example) are attached to heighten the bondage/submission/play experience. We've all (probably) got experience with these kinds of collars. They're a basic part of a toy box.
#2. There is another kind of collar, though, which holds the entirety of the BDSM D/s bond in its length. In this one is invested the essence of who i am to my partner and who they are to me. It's a collar of love and loyalty and an agreement to abide by the bonds of dominance and submission...forever. This kind of collar is more serious, more binding, than are marriage vows. Its being offered and acceptance should be a thing of stunning rarity in anyone's life.
3. The third kind of collar is that pukey distasteful artifact that didn't exist before the advent of online BDSM-style chat rooms, that which we know as a "velcro collar". It pretends to be the same collar that i spoke of in my second example but isn't, cannot be, will never be. The reason? BDSM is not a spectator sport. It's a thing of shared heat, skin-to-skin style.
#4. There are different kinds of so-called "training collars", too, i suppose, but i've never done anything with that kinda thing and am not going to start now. Someone who knows about those can elaborate on them, if they feel called to do so.
A collar is important in direct relation to how much you value it and for what reason.
There are those who want to get married; they don't really care who they marry or anything much past the fact that they get married within some time frame. (Yes. It is true. I saw them all over the place when i was in college.) In a like manner, there are those who just want a collar, even if it's essentially meaningless from an emotional perspective. It's the symbol of acceptance/recognition/kinkiness/belonging/whatever that's of overriding importance.
Bottom line: if wearing a collar - for whatever reason - means a lot to you, then it's necessary and important. You might want to ask yourself why, though, the symbol seems to be overriding the reality of the relationship - if, indeed, it is.
Last edited:
Shadowsdream
Dream Maker
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Re: Re: learning
ditto
you will find YOUR way with knowledge that you gain from reading, analizing and discovering what turns YOU on. There is no magic answer that any one person can give to you but if you digest what you read and hear and then take what you feel is of value to YOU you will embark on an interesting journey to say the least.
Welcome amongst U/us
cymbidia said:1. Read. Read widely and read from many sources. Keep track of what calls to you as you read, what stirs your soul, what causes you to feel aroused.
2. Analyze. Analyze that which has caught your interest. Determine if it's the control that calls, and from which side. Is it wielding the control or being controlled? Is it the instruments of pain/pleasure that make you shivery or the intangible of the power shifting between you and your partner, imaginary though they might be at this point, that makes you hunger?
3. Find a few stories you like, stories that draw you, that remain in your mind. What character in those stories is most attractive to you? What things happening to or around and within that character are most compelling?
4. Finally, do you feel dom/me or sub? Do you want to investigate either of those? Are you called to one side instead of the other? Some people, many people, feel pulls from both sides; that's certainly a possiblity, too.
5. It is your life, your sexuality, your decision. There is no one best way for us all and everything depends on what you need and want.
(I'd like to thank MsWorthy and one of her excellent recent threads [the one on dominance vs. aggression] for asking us to think about this very question just recently. I just did a copy and paste, pretty much. Saves wear and tear on the old finger tips!
ditto
you will find YOUR way with knowledge that you gain from reading, analizing and discovering what turns YOU on. There is no magic answer that any one person can give to you but if you digest what you read and hear and then take what you feel is of value to YOU you will embark on an interesting journey to say the least.
Welcome amongst U/us
A Desert Rose
Simply Charming Elsewhere
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Re: Re: Re: learning
Hello, Ma'am.
Rose
Shadowsdream said:
Hello, Ma'am.
Rose
Shadowsdream
Dream Maker
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Re: Re: Re: Re: learning
hello rose
A Desert Rose said:
Hello, Ma'am.
Rose
hello rose
luvsubbbbb
Really Experienced
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Re: Re: Re: learning
yes.......welcome LOST........this forum is a wonderful place to learn, and is full of highly intelligent and articulate persons available to assist in the accumulation of knowledge and ones personal growth in "the lifestyle", should it prove to be your passion/thing..........enjoy!!
(notices Mistress Shadowsdream's rare use of what cym calls "chat room conventions" and smiles, knowing it is just one of those "the hand is quicker than the eye" things that even some of the most talented multi-tasking Mistresses do on occassion!!
)
Shadowsdream said:
yes.......welcome LOST........this forum is a wonderful place to learn, and is full of highly intelligent and articulate persons available to assist in the accumulation of knowledge and ones personal growth in "the lifestyle", should it prove to be your passion/thing..........enjoy!!
(notices Mistress Shadowsdream's rare use of what cym calls "chat room conventions" and smiles, knowing it is just one of those "the hand is quicker than the eye" things that even some of the most talented multi-tasking Mistresses do on occassion!!
)
Wizard
Literotica Guru
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A few links to perhaps help you understand our life............
http://www.strangeland.net/bdsm/beginner.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/handb_tw.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/bdsmfaq.html
http://latches.webslaves.com/faq/
http://cuffs.com/submission/lifestyle.html
I have more but these should get you a lttle understanding ..................ope it helps some.
http://www.strangeland.net/bdsm/beginner.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/handb_tw.html
http://www.sexuality.org/l/bdsm/bdsmfaq.html
http://latches.webslaves.com/faq/
http://cuffs.com/submission/lifestyle.html
I have more but these should get you a lttle understanding ..................ope it helps some.
Little Girl
Experienced
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- Aug 29, 2002
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- 72
lost said:
Lost, I wondered that myself for awhile. I felt the need to be submissive and that need drove me in my relationships, but so many "so called experts" told me I should be a D and not an s because I was so strong and independent :shurgs:
The answer to your question is inside of you. How do you feel, do you have any desire to dominate or is it your desire to submit. A good book to read is "Different Loving" that helped me really start to understand what it was I was looking for and put a name to it.
Hope this helps.
Thank you.
I understand collars.
I have some serious abuse issues in my past and I don't think I could wear a play collar- I can't even wear a turtleneck, but I could handle a necklace.
I have seen info on abuse vs D/s and understand the dif.
Next question-
Are most people into D/s also into some type of bondage?
I understand collars.
I have some serious abuse issues in my past and I don't think I could wear a play collar- I can't even wear a turtleneck, but I could handle a necklace.
I have seen info on abuse vs D/s and understand the dif.
Next question-
Are most people into D/s also into some type of bondage?
Little Girl
Experienced
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- Aug 29, 2002
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lost said:
I can only speak for myself here, but for me I enjoy the mental bondage more than the physical bondage. I understand having a history of abuse, and for a long time I thought something was wrong with me that I wanted to be in a D/s relationship, but I took several years and did alot of reading and asking questions and realized that there is a huge difference between abuse and D/s. I hope this helps.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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I would guess, and it's just that--a guess, that most people who engage in D/s relationships also derive pleasure from all different kinds of bondage.lost said:
Bondage can be mental, you know. It can be as simple as, "Keep your hands above your head no matter what i do to you." It can be as complex as the most intricate rope bondage or as startling as any suspension bondage you can imagine.
Bondage takes all forms.
The most common kind of bondage and the basic underpinning of most BDSM play is found inside a set of cuffs, a pair on your wrists and another on your ankles. Those are then fastened to something else, something that keeps you relatively immobile.
Another common kind of bondage is found in your headspace when you're blindfolded or gagged. We become so used to having all our senses that when one or more is taken from us, the resulting helplessness we feel often translates into a surging eroticism.
Bondage is often the means by which we practice the ideas inherent in the consensual power exchange relationships that we call D/s.
Last edited:
monster666
COOKIE!!
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So true. A paradigm can be a form of bondage.
Some bondage is welcome, other bondage can be restrictive, within and outside of what is thought of as BDSM.
Some bondage is welcome, other bondage can be restrictive, within and outside of what is thought of as BDSM.
cymbidia said:
cellis
Saucy
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lost
First of all welcome to Lit! and feel free to ask all the questions that you like... however, I would encourage you to read through all of the threads here. There is so much information that it is mind boggling.
Now I have just a couple of things to say about the collar. I want to concur with what cym said about it being personal... a bond between a sub and her Dom. I have been with Himself for a year and we have several play collars, but that is all they are used for. I am not collared to Himself although this is something that we have discussed. It is not something that either one of us take lightly.
I too had a history of abuse, like many of the others who have found their way here. I thought that I could never stand something around my throat... but once you are into a scene and that collar snaps around your neck... it is amazing how erotic that feels.
There are many types of boundage. I encourage you to read first and then ask questions. Here is a link to one of my favorite webs sites to send new people to. You may have already been there, but if not there is an excellent section for subs and some great articles on how to choose a Dom/me... how to decide what kind of sub you are and other interesting articles.
Enjoy the journey!
Castle Realm
First of all welcome to Lit! and feel free to ask all the questions that you like... however, I would encourage you to read through all of the threads here. There is so much information that it is mind boggling.
Now I have just a couple of things to say about the collar. I want to concur with what cym said about it being personal... a bond between a sub and her Dom. I have been with Himself for a year and we have several play collars, but that is all they are used for. I am not collared to Himself although this is something that we have discussed. It is not something that either one of us take lightly.
I too had a history of abuse, like many of the others who have found their way here. I thought that I could never stand something around my throat... but once you are into a scene and that collar snaps around your neck... it is amazing how erotic that feels.
There are many types of boundage. I encourage you to read first and then ask questions. Here is a link to one of my favorite webs sites to send new people to. You may have already been there, but if not there is an excellent section for subs and some great articles on how to choose a Dom/me... how to decide what kind of sub you are and other interesting articles.
Enjoy the journey!
Castle Realm
Thank you all for your help. At the suggestion of a friend I purchased a collar yesterday. I have changed my mind.
Cellis thank you very much for that link.
Here goes I'm am not with anyone right now and I have been thinking about getting some toys, any ideas on what I should start w/. If it helps I'm not a virgin, but it has been 3+ years since I have had sex. (BTW- I did read the complete toys thread today and learned much.)
Cellis thank you very much for that link.
Here goes I'm am not with anyone right now and I have been thinking about getting some toys, any ideas on what I should start w/. If it helps I'm not a virgin, but it has been 3+ years since I have had sex. (BTW- I did read the complete toys thread today and learned much.)
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