Jealousy

[Zamdrist]

How do you deal with it? Either having pangs of jealousy or dealing with a partner who is jealous?

Is it flattering? Is it just plain annoying? I suppose it depends.

I think men have a harder time dealing with it, being territorial and all.

 

[AzureAngel]

Me? I laugh at myself, because I realize that I'm not having confidence in myself if I'm jealous... usually. If someone ELSE is jealous, say a SO... I guess the first time or something it's a little fun. But ultimately it's not a good deal. So, it's "have a talk" time.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I take it as a compliment when my lover tells me he had a pang of jealousy for some reason... He knows that he is safe in my arms....

Control freaks in relatioinships that will not let you look at a cute guy or woman walking down the street are silly.

 

[Wiggles]

I try to ignore it. If I can't ignore it, I do something about it. I'm not proud of the way I act sometimes. My imagination runs wild with the least little thing, I can be irrational.

I think it's a subconscious reaction to being hurt too many times, I want to know first. I want to stop it if I can.

It's annoying, and a definite character flaw.

If you find jealousy in a lover, it might seem flattering. But I've found that a secure man doesn't feel jealousy. Being sure of yourself is attractive.

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

I think there are different kinds of jealousy... when I am feeling it... for whatever reasons...I end up laughing at myself...and it all turns out good. I relax again.

 

[Zamdrist]

If you find jealousy in a lover, it might seem flattering. But I've found that a secure man doesn't feel jealousy. Being sure of yourself is attractive.

I think it's normal to feel pangs of jealousy...I think it's how you choose to deal with it that's crucial.

I would go so far as to say, if you've never felt jealousy in a relationship, ever...you may think to highly of yourself. Not you Wiggles, just speaking in general.

 

[Ice Cold]

I would say a little Jealousy is normal... and should be considered a compliment.... a lot of jealousy is something heading towards a lot of problems and possessiveness.

 

[TN_Vixen]

I'm normally not a jealous person at all

however, I've discovered that I do have a tendency to be jealous at times and I think it stems from feeling very vunerable in situations. If I'm willing to open myself up, then jealousy sneaks in on me and I hate it. I've only recently realized how much of a control problem I have in relationships. Maybe it stems from me realizing I'm no longer in control?

 

[Northern Lights]

Aww.....the green-eyed monster

I've had to deal with my own jealousy in the past. Usually, it's irrational and groundless, but it sure seems real. What a horrible feeling it is. Even though you know jealousy isn't healthy for a relationship, it's hard to cure. I've gotten past it by resolving my insecurities with the person. After a good discussion about it and a little time, I feel confident enough to let those jealous feelings go.

No, it's not flattering at all. I can't find anything positive about being jealous or having someone else be jealous of you. It's a destructive feeling that leads to further mistrust. You gotta nip it, nip it, nip it in the bud. It will eat away at your relationship if you don't confront it.

I think woman can be just as jealous as men, but perhaps don't display it as openly.

 

[Northern Lights]

Re: I'm normally not a jealous person at all

however, I've discovered that I do have a tendency to be jealous at times and I think it stems from feeling very vunerable in situations. If I'm willing to open myself up, then jealousy sneaks in on me and I hate it. I've only recently realized how much of a control problem I have in relationships. Maybe it stems from me realizing I'm no longer in control?

Vixen, I agree that jealousy is a control issue. Learning that a person can't control another person and, more importantly, *shouldn't* control another person if the relationship is to grow, are the keys in my opinion. Tough to do, though.

 

[rexfelis]

I have only really ever felt jealousy in one relationship. It was a very long distance relationship, and I was jealous because I knew how wonderful a woman I had found and that I could not have her.

Usually I am of the belief that if someone wants to be with me, they will act like it, and if they don't, then who am I to try to control them?

I am only human though.

 

[Kelly_Liscious]

How do you deal with it? Either having pangs of jealousy or dealing with a partner who is jealous?

Is it flattering? Is it just plain annoying? I suppose it depends.

I think men have a harder time dealing with it, being territorial and all.

Well , its a rare thing when I get jealous - but there have been men I have dated who were very jealous when it came to our relationship.

It might be flattering if its fun and both us agree its all in fun. But there have been times when a man seems to be consumed by jealousy and that really annoys me.

 

[SXCRgirl]

Serious jealousy in a relationship can really put a strain on both of you. Pangs of jealousy, I believe are normal. We all have felt them at one point and another. I also believe that it's healthy to feel uncertain every once in a while. It keeps us on our toes, and they are little reminders of how wonderful our partners are.

In most of my relationships, I have felt secure in my partner and didn't feel a lot of pangs so to speak. But, the ones wherein I felt so unsure about the other person, despite the little talks, I felt them full force. I hated feeling that way. I hated feeling as if I had to control the other person and it ended up ruining us.

Just my 0.02.

 

[Zamdrist]

Wow, some really good responses here, and not very off line from what I was thinking.

A little is OK, anymore and it get's ugly.

Feeling vulnerable is not the same as feeling unconfident in yourself.

 

[WhiteRose]

I like to know it's ME that's turning my man on, rather than him being turned on by someone else then making out with me just because I happen to be there. When I go out with a guy, no, I don't like trying to have a conversation while he's so busy eying the other ladies around that I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall or that he'd be happier if I wasn't there (no, there was no second date with the guy who did this )

When I'm with someone, I tend to have tunnelvision. I see only him, and I don't even consider being with anyone else. It's just always been like that for me from the time I was in high school. It's like all other guys are invisible to me, it's not a conscious choice, it just happens. I don't expect my guy to be so obsessive, but I need to feel that he's really with ME.

I never get jealous about my guy hanging out with the guys or spending time away from me doing things, I am completely understanding about that...I need my alone time or girl-time too. It's when he's doing something that involves being with another woman that I start to have problems with. Yes, I'm territorial. Yes, I get jealous. Yes, I react. I DO try to be logical and sane about the issue, until it begins to be too much.

Maybe this comes from having been in a relationship with an ex who had a female as a really good friend (or so he told me), and they had a lot of the same interests, and yes she was his ex-gf. And I tried to be understanding and accepting of the time he spent with her "as friends"....right up until the night she called to tell me they'd been fooling around that day...and he couldn't figure out why I had such a strong reaction to him seeing her after that...

And yes, he did stop seeing her for good after that, but knowing that they'd been fooling around once in awhile for the first 9 months of our relationship (he never told her he was with me, just that we were "good friends" *sighs* sounds familiar, eh?), any time after that, that he was in a situation with other females around, the green-eyed monster would be yapping in my ear the whole time.

Oddly enough, infidelity wasn't what broke us up in the end. And I've never had another bf who cheated on me, so it was a new experience. I'm hoping in my next relationship to be able to separate the past from the present and be able to give the new guy the benefit of the doubt, though I'll probably remain fairly cautious.

 

[WhiteRose]

On the other hand, I like my guy to be concerned but not paranoid. I like when he shows a LITTLE territorialness (is that a word?) but not to the point where he tries to control me. I don't want to be taken for granted (or even felt like I'm being taken for granted whether he really does or not), but I want to know everyday that I matter to him, and that he wants to be with ME as much as I want to be with him. That can be shown in a thousand different ways though, it doesn't have to come out as destructive jealousy.

 

[Vivacia]

How do you deal with it? Either having pangs of jealousy or dealing with a partner who is jealous?

Is it flattering? Is it just plain annoying? I suppose it depends.

I think men have a harder time dealing with it, being territorial and all.

I am terribly jealous and I think that BasilDD finds it a little of both, I know he is flattered that I love him so much I get jealous at all - but I also know he finds it a pain when I go off in a sulk beacuse he has spoken to an old flame at work.

Equally though he is jealous too, he hates me "flirting" with anyone as he is scared that I may stray - I know that isn't the case, but nothing I do reassures him (which is kind of annoying) - but there is a little bit of me that is flattered that he thinks I am attractive enough to have men flocking after me (even if it is a little misguided)

hey ho, that is the human machine I guess... we always worry about things we really shouldn't!

 

[Rex1960]

I take it as a compliment when my lover tells me he had a pang of jealousy for some reason... He knows that he is safe in my arms....

Control freaks in relatioinships that will not let you look at a cute guy or woman walking down the street are silly.

exactly - nothing to admit.... but

it's all a matter of selfconfidence, but how to handle if your partner made bad experiences in his/her former life ?

Rex

 

[badasschick]

I think it would be just a big waste of time to be a jealous lover.

It frustrates your partner, and sows the seeds of distrust on the whole deal.

Don't get involved with anyone unless you can trust them, and if your lover can't trust you, then why are they your lover?

I'm utterly annoyed when a partner gets jealous over either my friends, or the overall fact that I'm a big 'ol flirt with everyone. When that happens I know its time to drop them and move on. Can't stand it when someone wants to bottle my lightening. On the flip, some guys get a gassed up head when I get attention from other men out in public. Then I have to spend the rest of the night hemmed up by some guy who thinks he's the Mack.

Can a girl win?

 

[zantac666]

I'm nt sure depends on how mad i am
if i lost my temper the guy would learn how to fly quick then her stuff would be on the lawn.