Should men expect monogamy from women?

[LMWM321]

2. Contrary to what a lot of people believe, women do not all lose their sex drive once they pass menopause. For some, their sex drive stays he same or increases in intensity. It may be her mind trying to prove to the woman that she's still desirable, but the condition is still there. For whatever reason, she's now free to have sex without the risk of pregnancy.

If the only sex a woman has come to expect from her husband, is that he engages in a little bit of foreplay, then climbs on her, jams his dick in her and pumps away....well, yeah, she's apt to lose all interest in sex. ..Because THAT kind of sex is apt to become quite unpleasant and perhaps even painful after menopause. ..But if her husband is and has always been a conscientious, unselfish lover., I think there's a very good chance she'll continue to want and enjoy sex because she knows her husband is going to make whatever adjustments necessary to make sex pleasurable.

As for your comment about hard-wiring. Sorry, but I don't buy it. As I've said in other threads, our "hard-wiring" is easily overridden by our cognition. As just one example: We naturally fear heights because we don't have wings and we injure easily if we fall from any height greater than five feet. Despite that fear, however, nearly all of us are quite comfortable boarding an airplane that cruises at 35,000 feet. Indeed, many of us (I call them lucky bastards) can get comfortable enough to sleep on them. It's our cognition that allows us to do this.

 

[MasterDarcy]

I do believe that women are hard-wired to seek out a husband who will provide for them and protect them. I also believe that men are hard-wired to impregnate as many women as possible. How influential that hard-wiring is in determining a person's conduct is subject to a lot of things.

Monogamy is in a married woman's best interests while she's in her childbearing and child rearing years. It's that way because when humans were evolving, lifetimes were short and having and raising children to adulthood was the only way a woman could pass on her genes.

Monogamy was not in the best interests for a man while he's young enough to be able to impregnate a woman. It's his only way of passing on his genes.

In today's world, things have changed, but not as much as some would believe.

It's still important for a woman to be in a monogamous relationship while she has children at home. That's no longer hard-wiring. It's just practicality. Once the kids are out on their own several things happen that should be considered mitigating circumstances.

1. Many women do not need a man's income to live comfortably. If she's self supporting, the risk of losing her husband is not a loss of financial security. It's just emotional security and that can be generated by a lover.
2. Contrary to what a lot of people believe, women do not all lose their sex drive once they pass menopause. For some, their sex drive stays he same or increases in intensity. It may be her mind trying to prove to the woman that she's still desirable, but the condition is still there. For whatever reason, she's now free to have sex without the risk of pregnancy.
3. Many men are not up to the task by the time their partner reaches that age, so to speak. Yes, monogamous couples can find ways around that issue, but for men, it's a sign that they aren't the man they once were and some stop trying. If the wife still has a need for intimacy, she might feel justified in seeking it with someone else.
4. Women are not more easily lured out of a monogamous relationship then men, but women do favor at least some form of romance in their lives while men favor willingness on the part of the woman. If the husband can't fulfill his wife's need for romance once in a while, she might seek that somewhere else. She doesn't have to actually have a sexual affair. Most of us have a "work spouse", the person we're closest to at work and with whom we share things we don't share with others. It's not a big step from that to sex if both people are willing for one of the above reasons.

In the end, I can't fault a woman for seeking a lover outside of her marriage any more than I can fault a man for doing the same thing. There are a lot of reasons, but I believe those reasons are the result of a marriage that probably shouldn't have happened to begin with.

What you're doing is generally reducing men to knuckledragging neanderthals who have no will of their own when it comes to sex.

I resent the implication.

It's the excuse that men use to sexually assault women:

"Was that wrong? I couldn't help it. It's in my genes to stick my penis in a vagina. It's not my fault, I'm doing what I'm 'hardwired' to do."

Personally, I'm single. I get hit on a lot, particularly online. However, I'm not some archetypal neanderthal who would sleep with anything in a skirt.

I have standards. That seems to be a dirty word these days.

Personally, it's hard enough for me to find someone who ticks all the boxes. So the odds of me being non-monogamous is nill.

The world has changed a lot.

In my travels I've met successful female therapists, Psychiatrists, neuro surgeons, NASA employees, self made millionaires, CEOs, etc.

All of the aforementioned didn't require a man to complete them or to make them happy or to pay for them, etc.

If people want to be in a poly relationship, more power to them. But it's nothing to do with being hot-wired. Humans aren't robots. Yes, they have set neural pathways, but they also have willpower and dignity, etc.

I'm out.

Nothing more has to be said.

Namaste.

 

[ronde]

What you're doing is generally reducing men to knuckledragging neanderthals who have no will of their own when it comes to sex.

I resent the implication.

It's the excuse that men use to sexually assault women:

"Was that wrong? I couldn't help it. It's in my genes to stick my penis in a vagina. It's not my fault, I'm doing what I'm 'hardwired' to do."

Personally, I'm single. I get hit on a lot, particularly online. However, I'm not some archetypal neanderthal who would sleep with anything in a skirt.

I have standards. That seems to be a dirty word these days.

Personally, it's hard enough for me to find someone who ticks all the boxes. So the odds of me being non-monogamous is nill.

The world has changed a lot.

In my travels I've met successful female therapists, Psychiatrists, neuro surgeons, NASA employees, self made millionaires, CEOs, etc.

All of the aforementioned didn't require a man to complete them or to make them happy or to pay for them, etc.

If people want to be in a poly relationship, more power to them. But it's nothing to do with being hot-wired. Humans aren't robots. Yes, they have set neural pathways, but they also have willpower and dignity, etc.

I'm out.

Nothing more has to be said.

Namaste.

You have entirely missed the points I was attempting to make after you read the first two sentences. If you do some research into the psychology of human behavior, you will realize that I barely scratched the surface of evolutionary traits passed down through humanity over the ages.

All I was saying is that evolution hardwired us to behave in a way to further the human species. To totally ignore how we evolved is folly. The traits instilled in us are there from birth, always have been, and always will be, just as are the traits of fear of heights, fear of snakes, fear of predators, and fear of small, dark spaces. All are survival traits and we all have them to some extent as well as others. If not from evolution, how did we learn those traits?

All I attempted to do was explain why some women might seek monogamy at during their childbearing years but change their mind once those years are behind them. I did not state that all men today roam the wilds of bars in an attempt to impregnate as many women as possible. When we roamed the land in small bands, lives were short and the gestation period of humans is relatively long. Raising a child to adulthood was iffy at best. Pregnant women could not hunt or do much of anything once half-way through the gestation period, and after the child was born, spent a significant amount of time raising that child to relative self-sufficiency. It was advantageous to a woman to mate with a man who would care for her through those years. It was the only way she could increase the odds of passing on her genes. It was advantageous to a man to impregnate as many women as possible to pass along his genes. I did not say he would do so and then abandon the woman to her fate. There have been and still are many cultures where men have multiple wives.

At no point did I say that those traits overpower any logical reasoning, learned behavior, or any other modification of evolutionary traits. I did not say those traits are present to such a degree that they dictate everything we do. Humans have evolved over the ages to understand that we can abandon those traits in order to conform with the rules and standards imposed by the society of the time in which we lived. To believe otherwise is to believe that human mind is not sufficiently intelligent to moderate basic instinct to something socially and morally acceptable. That most of us do is testimony to the fact that we control our own destiny, not the vestiges of survival instincts we've carried since time began. In times of great stress though, those survival instincts can and often do rise to the surface and dictate our actions.

 

[4yourpleasureiam]

No. My mother taught me that men should respect the wife's rights and she also related this to my bride.

 

[PleasureTime01]

I don’t feel anyone has any right or control over someone else’s body.

So no, definitely not.

 

[BInowGay]

And miss out on all those threesomes? I don't think so

 

[Ellewrites]

I think the world is an easier place if people are non monogamous. I think people are built to have long term partners for child rearing, shared goals, companionship, love. But sex? Nah. I think humans have a much higher drive to sleep around than most people think.