Should men expect monogamy from women?

[lc69hunter]

Communication is key. I have never considered monogamy as a standalone issue. It comes down to the emotional bond between the spouses. Physical "cheating", ie random hookup is one thing. Emotional cheating is totally different. One is a threat to the relationship, and one is not.

Women step out of the bounds of the marriage for a variety of reasons, some good and some bad, some with husband's knowledge and permission, and some without.
I know. I am a male with a body count of 32, and 14 of those have been with married women. The aftercare with them is so important, about tossing the guilt, and going home to hubby and reigniting the spark in their marriage.

I have always maintained that a random one-off can actually be good for a marriage, so my second wife had a standing hall pass when she was on the road or when opportunity knocked. It recharged her sexual energy, and brought it home to the marital bed.

These are just my thoughts

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Even if what's agreed upon is a 2-way street, what will end up happening may not be. ..That's all I'm saying.

If you expect monogamy from your wife, you yourself should be monogamous.

If your both or one choose otherwise. there will be consequences majority of the time.

 

[LovelyLadyBits]

When I’m truly in love and being fulfilled sexually I’m very faithful !! My first was abusive and each time we’d split up he found it somewhere else , not me ! But once I was done I I didn’t care anymore ! With #2 I crazy in love and fulfilled beyond my wildest dreams ! Never thought about cheating. Even after we split up and I was alone for 2 yrs I was never with anyone else because my heart was still with him . #3 is a totally different scenario. I’ve never been in love with him ( it’s complicated), we didn’t have sex for 26 of the 28 yrs of marriage but I didn’t cheat . But after 28 yrs I did ! And I will again if the opportunity arises and I hope it does !!

 

[EasyBrad59]

When I’m truly in love and being fulfilled sexually I’m very faithful !! My first was abusive and each time we’d split up he found it somewhere else , not me ! But once I was done I I didn’t care anymore ! With #2 I crazy in love and fulfilled beyond my wildest dreams ! Never thought about cheating. Even after we split up and I was alone for 2 yrs I was never with anyone else because my heart was still with him . #3 is a totally different scenario. I’ve never been in love with him ( it’s complicated), we didn’t have sex for 26 of the 28 yrs of marriage but I didn’t cheat . But after 28 yrs I did ! And I will again if the opportunity arises and I hope it does !!

I cannot imagine not having sex for all those years while with someone. You deserve to think about your own needs. I guess it would be preferable to have him on board with you looking elsewhere, but you have to take care of yourself first.

 

[LMWM321]

have always maintained that a random one-off can actually be good for a marriage, so my second wife had a standing hall pass when she was on the road or when opportunity knocked. It recharged her sexual energy, and brought it home to the marital bed.

I think as time goes on researchers will validate that sex with someone other than a primary partner can improve a person's self-image, and sexual confidence and overall interest in sex. And this can positively impact their interest in sex with their primary partner.

I also think researchers will find that it can also raise the sexual interest in the faithful partner. .This phenomenon is known to men and women who've caught their spouse cheating. Yes, there's genuine anger, resentment, and broken trust... and, sadly, maybe even the end of the marriage. ..But there's also often a paradoxical and powerful increase in physical attraction toward the cheating partner. Researchers aren't clear on why this is.

So, why not make it "lawful" within your marriage to have occasional sex with others, albeit with rules and precautions? It seems it can benefit both partners.

As I've said before, I don't find it the least bit admirable when a couple boasts about going 40 years without a single affair yet they stopped having frequent sex with each other. Blech...

 

[MasterDarcy]

OP, you're making radical generalisations based on one example. That one example being the failure of your parents marriage.

It sounds like it made you extremely bitter and cynical.

Life, love and sex are a lot more nuanced than that. There are many, many variables of why people commit adultery.

Gender is irrelevant.

If the relationship in question is based on monogamy then there's no reason why both parties shouldn't be monogamous. Regardless of how "easy it is for women" to garner male attention.

The "men can't turn down sex" is a fallacy and it's perpetuated by men in order to give them an excuse to cheat.

Personally, I'm a demisexual, so I require a mental connection and a bond before I can even think about sleeping with a woman.

You portray men as easy. Yeah. Well. I'm a challenge.

OK. I've read some wacky statements in here:

"if the woman they are with is taking care of him, and she should"

"Women are hotwired to stay with men who provides for them and protects them"

I cant believe what I'm reading. Is this 2025 or 1825?

It's better I leave it here, otherwise I'll say something you'll regret.

 

[Bobm269]

OP, you're making radical generalisations based on one example. That one example being the failure of your parents marriage.

It sounds like it made you extremely bitter and cynical.

Life, love and sex are a lot more nuanced than that. There are many, many variables of why people commit adultery.

Gender is irrelevant.

If the relationship in question is based on monogamy then there's no reason why both parties shouldn't be monogamous. Regardless of how "easy it is for women" to garner male attention.

The "men can't turn down sex" is a fallacy and it's perpetuated by men in order to give them an excuse to cheat.

Personally, I'm a demisexual, so I require a mental connection and a bond before I can even think about sleeping with a woman.

You portray men as easy. Yeah. Well. I'm a challenge.

OK. I've read some wacky statements in here:

"if the woman they are with is taking care of him, and she should"

"Women are hotwired to stay with men who provides for them and protects them"

I cant believe what I'm reading. Is this 2025 or 1825?

It's better I leave it here, otherwise I'll say something you'll regret.

I’m watching, because I agree with you, and want to read more of your words.

 

[LMWM321]

It sounds like it made you extremely bitter and cynical.

Hmm... That's not my take on the original post ..To me it sounds like he's urging men to be more forgiving of a wife having an affair. ..And he implies, quite correctly, that married women are pursued for sex more then married men so it's not so surprising that a woman might give into temptation once or twice over the course of a marriage. ...That men having a "zero tolerance" policy regarding a wife having an affair is perhaps unrealistic and when a husband leaves a wife with kids he leaves a swath heartache and destruction in its swath. This certainly squares with how I see things.

Are we reading the same original post?

 

[MasterDarcy]

Hmm... That's not my take on the original post ..To me it sounds like he's urging men to be more forgiving of a wife having an affair. ..And he implies, quite correctly, that married women are pursued for sex more then married men so it's not so surprising that a woman might give into temptation once or twice over the course of a marriage. ...That men having a "zero tolerance" policy regarding a wife having an affair is perhaps unrealistic and when a husband leaves a wife with kids he leaves a swath heartache and destruction in its swath. This certainly squares with how I see things.

Are we reading the same original post?

No. We're reading different posts.

The suggestion that men should be more forgiving on a cheating wife is extremely condescending. Women aren't weak willed and easy to temptation.

So yes, the assumption that wives are more liable to cheat is a wee bit on the cubicle side.

I haven't looked it up but I bet husbands commit more adulteries than wives.

 

[LMWM321]

No. We're reading different posts.

The suggestion that men should be more forgiving on a cheating wife is extremely condescending. Women aren't weak willed and easy to temptation.

So yes, the assumption that wives are more liable to cheat is a wee bit on the cubicle side.

I haven't looked it up but I bet husbands commit more adulteries than wives.

He didn’t say that they are more liable to cheat. He said they have more opportunities. And I believe that is generally true. I am as attractive as my wife yet have had just a handful of women come on to me since marrying while It has happened to my wife dozens of times. And I fail to see how asking husbands to be more forgiving of an affair is condescending toward women. Women have been way more tolerant of a cheating spouse since the dawn of time.

I think both men and women need to be more tolerant. Especially as we live longer and feel younger as we age. The expectation of having sex with just one person for 40 to 50 years seems utterly ridiculous, to many of us anyway.

 

[LMWM321]

I haven't looked it up but I bet husbands commit more adulteries than wives.

This is of course true… And because women have been less likely to have a means of income, they have had to put up with men’s affairs since pretty much forever. In a sense they’ve been asked to forgive, and move on… which it seems the OP is asking men to do when women have an affair.