Is your past an open book?

[amofiga]

Thought about this after seeing an old re-run of "The Banger Sisters" on TV last week. How many women (or men) have been totally honest about their sexual past with their spouses? There's the old story about how women tend to acknowledge only about half the number of sex partners that they've really had. Have you been totally up-front about your past escapades like maybe having threesomes, gang bangs, lesbian experiences, or other stuff that you've done, or do you have some secrets that you'd never reveal to your spouse?

 

[southern_gal]

Sometimes I wish I had some secrets that I have kept from him because that would mean that I had done things that are a little bit edgy or out of character for me. Sadly that is not the case. Then again, I can only imagine what a burdon it could be to keep something dark, hidden from the one you trust more than any other. I have kept my Lit life secret and that bothers me a lot even though I have rarely done more than exchange some pm's about shared experiences or desires. If I sat hubs down and told him that before we got together I had a fetish for anal sex and had been with as many as 3 men at once.......I had better have a large pitcher of water handy to wake him up with. This could turn out to be a rather interesting thread indeed.

 

[MatthewVett]

My past is an open book, but I'm also male, so it may be different. I usually freely mention everything, and if asked, there isn't anything I'll hide from a partner. I feel you should always be able to be honest with your partners. I wouldn't want someone hiding their sexual past from me out of modesty or shame.

 

[lil_lego]

My past is an open book, my husband knows everything (although sometimes i think he wishes he didn't)

i talk too much so he would have heard it all from me in bits and pieces anyways....

 

[69thfirmesthand]

My past is a open book.My past is dealt with kit gloves.I traveled for a living for 20 years and had many experiences with many different women.Some relationships were when I was in town only and went on many years.I wasnt exclusive during thses times and made it clear.I had as many as three at a time I was seeing and sexually active with.The wife will ask,we will laugh,she will get mad,,etc,can be good,bad.

 

[Aurelia_Malys]

My husband knows everything about my past. He is the one person in the world who knows me completely and knows about everything I have done.

 

[switchbitch]

only master knows it all,hubby knows what he wants to know

 

[MarcelineTheVampireQueen]

Mine thought I was a virgin when I met him. BAWAHAHAHA! If he only knew!

 

[Domesticity]

Mine isn't interested in knowing about my sexual past. I've asked if he wants to know, he said no, that it bothers him to think of me fucking other people so he can just pretend that I was virginal before we met. He said it would be hard to pretend if he knew details.

I don't think I'd share if he asked now (I was young and dumb when we started dating but in the decade+ I've changed my perspective on many things). I've not shared with past partners.

 

[lilsarah_91]

No, I've done some things I would NEVER well my future spouse. lol

 

[Porkwarrior]

I don't see the point in having a spouse that you COULDN'T share past partners with, unless it was something that would hurt. i.e. School sweethearts don't need to know all the times you might have cheated on them before you decided you were "really serious".

There are past escapades I have shared with my spouse that I will NEVER share on Lit. And I like to think and hope she was as honest with me. In fact some of my favourite memories & encounters with my spouse were talking about past lovers that we were really into, and even reenacting to a degree.

 

[jen_litgirl]

My past is an open book but it's a really short book. More like a booklet or a pamphlet.

In all honesty, if I had a colorful past I would have downplayed it or kept it secret. It wouldn't have been the right thing to do but I got married young and I know I would have lied.

 

[desireinyellow]

Yes but no one believes me. (sigh) Oh well, moving forward.

 

[chocolatecookie3]

My past isn't an open book, it's actually on a blog out in cyberspace! My husband knows all the things I've done. Maybe not the details because he didn't ask, but he met me just as I was leaving a wild phase in my life. The fact that he loved me for who I was and didn't expect me to always be wild and crazy was what attracted me to him. Which is good, because I'm pretty boring now!

 

[NightL]

but do partners always necessarily want to know? When does telling become selfish?

take care in the sharing

 

[Scrubber]

Well, my past is certainly not an open book and never will be, although I have shared it with a select few people on Lit, which has been very helpful to me.

If I have a sexual relationship with someone I have always strongly held the view that the relationship is exclusive to me and him. (Hence, whilst I might find the idea of threesomes or orgies a turn on, in practice it would not interest me at all.) I see no reason or value to dragging in details of other liaisons. Even if one or both of us is in another relationship at the time, that gets left at the bedroom door when we are together.

If the man wants to ask me anything about a past relationship (or a present one, for that matter) I don't mind being asked, and I will generally not mind telling them what they want to know, but I am not one to shove information down other people's throats. NightL made a good point.

 

[rexhame317]

If I was asked, yes I would share. When I was married, my ex was a virgin when we got together. He asked about past lovers, to see maybe what I liked and preferred.

Now, I will only share if asked. I have been very sexually adventurous since turning 40, and exploring my kink. So if my partner wanted to know, I will tell. Not ashamed, but they might not need to know all my kinks

 

[Porkwarrior]

If I have a sexual relationship with someone I have always strongly held the view that the relationship is exclusive to me and him.

Well there is a difference between spouses & relationships, and the OP was specifically directed at spouses. I have had relationships where my partner had no inkling to my sexual past, and was shocked and probably had a part in ending it when she discovered snippets here & there.
On the other hand, doesn't a spouse or someone seriously being considered for a spouse have almost a right to know, or at the very least to have you be honest about your past and for you not be judgemental about theirs? The past is over, but it is the road map for who you are now.

Ofcourse I am a history nerd that might have an over idealized conception of "marriage".

And NightL is correct, there is a fine line between "sharing" & "selfishness".

 

[amofiga]

Well there is a difference between spouses & relationships, and the OP was specifically directed at spouses. I have had relationships where my partner had no inkling to my sexual past, and was shocked and probably had a part in ending it when she discovered snippets here & there.
On the other hand, doesn't a spouse or someone seriously being considered for a spouse have almost a right to know, or at the very least to have you be honest about your past and for you not be judgemental about theirs? The past is over, but it is the road map for who you are now.

Ofcourse I am a history nerd that might have an over idealized conception of "marriage".

And NightL is correct, there is a fine line between "sharing" & "selfishness".

Thank you for pointing out the difference between sharing with a spouse and sharing with someone in another sort of relationship. I myself have shared a lot about my own past and preferences and desires with some women who understand and don't judge. They themselves have shared a lot with me that they never shared with their husbands. However, I would not reveal a lot of things to my spouse. I started to once and she freaked out about it. I don't think she wants to know or could handle knowing. Think Jack Nickleson's line in "A Few Good Men"......"you can't handle the truth." However, she knows (has found out) more than I frankly wanted her to know and it has caused some awkward times to say the least. I've often wondered how many people have marriages that are truly open books. From what I know of some of my friends, many people tend to keep a lot of things locked away and that, in many ways, is unfortunate and sad. That's part of my reason for this thread.

 

[TravellingWilly]

My past and my wifes past is an open book.
But it is not like we sat down one day and unloaded everything and everyone we have done. We both know if we asked the other a question about their pasts we would answer honestly and frankly. Past partners was one we talked about early in relationship thoughthe details of what we got up to with them came out throughout the years when we wanted to know.

 

[Scrubber]

Well there is a difference between spouses & relationships, and the OP was specifically directed at spouses. I have had relationships where my partner had no inkling to my sexual past, and was shocked and probably had a part in ending it when she discovered snippets here & there.
On the other hand, doesn't a spouse or someone seriously being considered for a spouse have almost a right to know, or at the very least to have you be honest about your past and for you not be judgemental about theirs? The past is over, but it is the road map for who you are now.

Ofcourse I am a history nerd that might have an over idealized conception of "marriage".

And NightL is correct, there is a fine line between "sharing" & "selfishness".

I am married and my comments apply to my relationship with my husband just as much as to any other liaisons I have had. As I said, I don't mind the questions being asked, but I respect the right of my spouse or partner not to ask the questions.

I have absolutely no desire to know every little detail about my husband's sexual past - as it happens, he has felt moved to tell me far more about his than I have felt moved to tell him about mine (even down to the whore in New Orleans who nicked his wallet) and I am not at all judgemental about it. At the present point in time I would not even wish to know if he was having an affair. In fact if he did have an affair and then felt some awful need to confess without my asking him to I would be furious.

 

[peebudy]

well, the few times before i met my wife that I've visited a prostitute hasn't seemed to come up in conversation during my 20+ years of marriage!

other than that I've come clean with my sexual history, including being abused by some older cousins as a youth.

 

[kellyann1972]

he knows what I've done sexually in the past and I know all about his as well

 

[Emerson40]

My wife and I have the open-book policy and for us, it works. For there to be full acceptance of one another, we agreed that we would never hide or keep anything from each other.

Both of us have had incredible and marvelous experiences before we got together, and others where we were not at our best (or it would be best if we could forget them), but they are just experiences after all, and are in the past.

We are respectful of each other of course, and don't do or say anything during the sharing of these past experiences that would make the other uncomfortable. Boasting, embellishment, and lying are not options. As mentioned above - Take care in the sharing.

That being said, we also "Take care in the asking". We only ask each other what we need or really want to know, and heed the "careful what you ask for" sub-clause that comes with an open-book policy. Sometimes it's plenty enough to know the other was involved in or experienced an activity, and asking for the jizztacular details not only provides you with more info than you were perhaps comfortably expecting, it likely serves no great purpose other than satisfying a curiosity.

 

[Beck31]

If I am asked about my past by a few special people (Miss Lamb included) I will share. Perhaps not in explicit detail but enough for them to get a clear picture and sense of the way
I was in my past. I think this is an interesting question so thanks to the OP for posting this.