Tell me about your transition from monogamy to non-monogamy or straight to bisexuality as a married/partnered couple.

[TonyF862]

We went from monogamous to non monogamous by accident. In short we were together since 19, in our mid 20s I spent time overseas with work a lot, a few years later she told me she had slept with a few men while I was away. We got over it and it became a big turn on and a great laugh for us. Early 30s after getting married we started having kids and all went very quiet and busy for a long time. Was my mid 40s before I tried meeting men. Late 40s we decided to spice things up and find a guy for a 3sum. She ends up chatting to a guy, meets him some time later and has been seeing him alone for the last 3 years. He was only 26 when she first slept with him. Has kept us closer and our sex life alive. Keeps us talking all the time.

Our sex life and level of communication has never been better since we started swinging. We are not the "down for anything" type swingers. Actually more of a "swingers light" - but enough to keep things spicy.

Speaking of swinging and "spicy", wife invited her "crush" over last night - first time as a threesome. I offered to leave but they both wanted me to stay (especially since it was the first time).

Turned into a truly magical evening - with wife experiencing her first orgasm with another man - in her entire life (We've been together for 32 years). As a matter of fact, she liked it so much she ended up having about 4-5 more before the night was over! What a beautiful site!

 

[jakie69]

With regards to being bisexual, both my wife and I were always bisexual and knew it. We hid it from each other until we started to have threesomes and then started dogging and swinging. That was the turning point for us both to start to convince the other to explore our sexuality and also our kinks and fetishes. When we eventually indulged she thought for a long time that she turned me bisexual because she wanted to see me with another man once. It went well beyond that though. Once we had to have a clear the air talk and we laid ourselves bare to each other it became clear we shouldn’t have hid who we were.

As for monogamous to polygamous, that happened as a result of us swinging and an issue with a stalker. My wife’s best friend moved in with us because she had to move out of her place but also because of the problem we had had. Michelle had been in threesomes with us but spending all our time together moved us from friendship to something else and soon Michelle wasn’t a best friend but a girlfriend. Unfortunately it ended when we realised we wanted different things and we split amicably and stayed as good friends as ever. We tried a couple of other polyamorous relationships with men and women until eventually giving up on it.

During the time I came out as trans we decided to move and start fresh because it felt right and we were leaving some toxicity and heartache behind. Sarah who was our closest swinging partner and who spent most of her time with us anyway, came out to us and told us she felt more than sexual attraction and that she loved us both. This prompted a long talk and led to us moving in together as a trial. Fast forward four and a half years and we are cemented as a throuple (hate that term) but we are still in love and lust with each other.

 

[NCWSLvr]

Always been a bit submissive, always wanted to feel helpless or under control. But for the past five or more years, I kept imaging my wife under control - she has always had those fantasies as well. So when we would play we would imagine both of us submissive, both being in distress, etc.

The more we would have these roleplay, more talking fantasies while we had mutual masturbation time, the more it would be about her being overtaken, used by a group, etc. Me lending her out. Me watching her. It scratched my submissive itch.

One day she told me that she wanted to be more submissive in general - being told what to do, giving up control, sexually, to me. I suppose I always demurred being forceful sexually because I wanted to be a good partner, equality, etc. I always made sure she (or any partner) would cum first and then whatever was leftover for me was good.

But I also starting having more and more fantasies about slut training my wife, about controlling her and making her have sex with others. The stars aligned (and I wrote about this previously). The interesting thing is, me switching and becoming more Dominant took only a shift in perspective. I read LOTS of books, lots here and other sites, and really nothing has changed - the submissive desires are there, but they have poured into my work with her. I see/feel the submissiveness THROUGH her. Being sexually Dominant with her became very easy and natural - looking back we don't know why it took so long because of how natural it feels for us. We have trust, and we are always equal in partnership - it has just focused the roles more. She relinquishes control to me, and my job is to see she is satisified.

It is my greatest pleasure to watch her submit to cock and fuck for my amusement and pleasure. It is her greatest pleasure to submit to her perverted desires and become a fucktoy for men.

 

[Africansexmachine]

Hey @Bayzapper10 - You sound like someone who shares similar interests - especially in hearing/learning about others' journeys.

I'll start with some context (that if you've seen any of my various posts might sound familiar), then what triggered our current journey into (light) swinging this past year. Needless to say, it has been a year I NEVER imagined would actually come true!

Fast facts:
Me: 61 yo, 5'10" 185 lbs; bald from the balls up; relatively good shape - work out 5 days a week. A bit on the larger size 7-8" cock that passes my belly button when I'm on my back. I always thought I was average, but (at the risk of sounding braggy) have been told throughout my life by both guys and girls that I have a "big cock"

Wife: 58 yo; 4'10"; 100 lbs soaking wet; former D cup now a C cup due to her heavy workout schedule; former gymnast is that still obvious when you look at her body; dark haired, Spanish heritage (with the sex drive to match);

I was a male whore in college - fuck anything/everything that I could get my cock in. It helped that I was very social and involved in a lot of extras (fraternity, Student govt, etc)

Wife dated the same guy so she had only had about 4-5 real fucks/lovers before me (she did titty fuck a random guy in a band backstage once!!)

We fucked the night we met in Apr '92. Have always had a good sex life and mutual attraction, save the stressful years of raising 3 kids (all grown now)

about 1 1/2 years ago (summer of '23) after a particularly hot fuck/play session, she casually said: "I'd love to see you suck a cock". Caught me TOTALLY by surprise. I'm not gay/bi. Had never discussed this or expressed any interest in it. BUT I instantly saw an opportunity that if I WERE to do this, that would mean she'd generally be open to a MFM threesome. We had never talked about anything outside of the two of us. But now, here it was!

And if a MFM threesome, how easy it would be to do a FMF or a MFMF? Would I suck a guy's cock in order to have other sexual adventures that I DO want to have? How do I feel about my wife fucking other guys? Would SHE eat a pussy (if I'm to suck a cock, it seems only fair, right?)

So I put my plan in place to start "studying" all I could on this journey.

And thusly began the year of swinging.

I want this too

 

[LookN2Talk]

We are at the other end of your "next 20 years" having started just 1 year ago (almost to the day). Would love to hear how that first encounter went?

Ditto - would love to hear about yours.

You'd be surprised - especially after decades and good communication. Perhaps not at first or early in a relationship, but with time.

I could have thought this too a few years ago, but now I feel the opposite is true. I have never been more in love with my wife of 30 years than I have in the last year when we started swinging. It has brought a level of openness and honesty I only dreamed about in our younger relationship. I truly enjoy watching her being pleasured because the trust is there.

Wow! So amazing.

Our sex life and level of communication has never been better since we started swinging. We are not the "down for anything" type swingers. Actually more of a "swingers light" - but enough to keep things spicy.

Speaking of swinging and "spicy", wife invited her "crush" over last night - first time as a threesome. I offered to leave but they both wanted me to stay (especially since it was the first time).

Turned into a truly magical evening - with wife experiencing her first orgasm with another man - in her entire life (We've been together for 32 years). As a matter of fact, she liked it so much she ended up having about 4-5 more before the night was over! What a beautiful site!

 

[DoodyMonster]

Our sex life and level of communication has never been better since we started swinging. We are not the "down for anything" type swingers. Actually more of a "swingers light" - but enough to keep things spicy.

Speaking of swinging and "spicy", wife invited her "crush" over last night - first time as a threesome. I offered to leave but they both wanted me to stay (especially since it was the first time).

Turned into a truly magical evening - with wife experiencing her first orgasm with another man - in her entire life (We've been together for 32 years). As a matter of fact, she liked it so much she ended up having about 4-5 more before the night was over! What a beautiful site!

Hi TonyF
How would you describe "swingers light"?

 

[TonyF862]

Hi TonyF
How would you describe "swingers light"?

Good question. For us it’s “as the opportunity presents itself” more than “looking for new lovers”

When we started, 1 year ago, we agreed to look at couples that seemed to fit our interests and lifestyle, open-minded sexually, but put a priority on a friendship connection.

We started by joining a local online swinger site that also hosts weekly “events” (pronounced: parties)

We met about a half dozen or so couples this way, most of which we ended up “playing” with in various forms. We even traveled w one of the couples to a lifestyle resort in FL

Since last summer, my wife decided she didn’t like the constant push (me) to “meet new people” since, quite honestly, she is not a “people person” (ironic, no?). I am a BIG people person. But it proves to be overwhelming for her.

Fast forward to now, we took the winter off so to speak, but have begun seeing our swinger friends again - mostly just socially.

Wife HAS/did take a solo lover for a threesome w me - that was downright magical! And I think she would again.

If we continue to “swing” w our inner circle of friends, it will be with these folks only.

Hence my term “swinger light”

 

[Bayzapper10]

I have an update: after 27 Years, in 6 days my wife had her first and second cock that wasn’t mine.

The first was kinda spontaneous, at a bi Meet & Greet (where only straight sex actually happened), I was getting a blowjob while the woman sucking me off was getting a hard fucking as my wife watched. My wife was so turned on, she asked the guy if she could touch him, got behind him and rubbed his body as he was fucking, watching me watching her. After I came, the woman giving me head got up to get some water. The guy who had been fucking her rolled around and pulled my wife on top of him. They began kissing each other passionately and my wife, still in her hospital scrubs having come from work to the event, began grinding on his very large cock. After about ten minutes he asked if he could take off her top, ten minutes later he asked her if he could take off her bottoms. Now naked, he continued kissing her and rubbing her body, for a few minutes. My wife is very vocal and was really turned on, moaning loudly and cursing adorably! He rolled her on to her back, slid down kissing her body until he was between her legs and began licking her pussy … she was going crazy. And it was crazy hot to be watching. There were several people in the room and I could hardly believe that my previously very self conscious wife was laying on a hotel bed, completely naked, was letting a near stranger eat her out while half dozen people watched. When the guy lay down on his back, and rolled a fresh condom on his large cock (8-9”), I knew my wife couldn’t resist, she climbed on top of him and rode him hard through her first orgasm. He was quite the good “first” for her as he kept up for at least another 45 minutes: missionary, doggy, her on her side … they did it all. Two other couples rotated on to the bed while they were going at it, and fucked beside them. By the time he finally came and they lay in bed softly stroking each other, everyone else but the three of us were dressed and half of the group had left. He was good, complimenting her, telling her she was amazing and beautiful. Then we got dressed, started saying our “goodbyes”, the first woman asked if she could have some solo play time with him, he told her “yes”, then he gave my wife a hug, turned around and left.

The car ride home was quiet, and the next day she was very much in her head about it. The impersonal feeling that she was just “a good time” bothered her. She had also broken a boundary. Leading up to the event we had talked and agreed not to fuck at this event, that oral was okay if there was someone who offered and we felt okay about it. We established “go/no-go” words in case the other did feel uncomfortable, but after her bottoms came off, she never looked back. Even though he was really “good” and did everything she had wanted, she did have regrets.

I was only unhappy about that. I didn’t want her to regret her/our first time, and I knew she likely would given the circumstances. But watching her with another man? Kissing her, touching her body, telling her how incredible she looked while he was fucking here? Nope, no problems with that at all. He was very respectful to her and I both, so, except for the very transactional way it ended, it was good.

Six days later we met up with a guy that we had been talking to for a month and had our first true MMF threesome, And it was FANTASTIC. I’ll include it in a part II.

 

[muycurioso]

We're over 50, sexless for 10-15 years, she's not sexually active. I'm bisexual

How the conversation started - well, in a way she started it by expressing empathy toward me never having any sex. We spent more than a year trying to find a compromise but she just wasn't willing to participate at a frequency which was satisfying, or, to do more than a very small number of very specific acts. It was one-sided and performative and after a while I just said she shouldn't bother because I can't get excited for it when she's not into it. There's not much that's unsexier than "duty sex."

However, there was a point where I said I wouldn't be in a sexless marriage forever. I didn't say it as a threat, and I didn't have to ever say that more than the one time. So after failing to find a compromise on sex between us which would work for both of us, I said I wanted to talk about seeing other people.

We're about a year and a half into this new kind of marriage agreement. I didn't have to repeat what the stakes were, for me. She understood.

So, maybe this is why people won't have that conversation: The stakes just aren't that high for them. So, they don't say anything about it because they aren't going to do anything about it.

Either that, or, their entire relationship has communication problems. For me, communication problems would be an even bigger reason to end it than sex problems.

I don't have a communication problem, and I'm fortunate to have a spouse who also doesn't have communication problems. She heard me and believed me when I said I wouldn't be celibate for the rest of my life. She didn't take it personally as some kind of an attack on her. She has the empathy to want me to be happy in this relationship.

I didn't ever make a threat or an ultimatum. I just expressed my stakes and made it about me and my needs, not about her and her needs. I definitely didn't at any point make it "her fault." That's toxic and one might as well just break up if one is going to be all blamey and fingerpointy. A relationship can't survive that. (Similarly, if this is how the other person behaves, it might as well be over. No?)

You really both have to want it to get better for whoever is suffering. And both people can suffer - it's the nature of compromise. This isn't perfect for either one of us, but, it's necessary since other options are far worse.

Her having sex she doesn't want to have? No.
Me having sex with someone who doesn't want it? No.
Me being celibate forever? No.
Me just cheating? No.
Splitting up? No.

These are the stakes. Someone who won't say so is someone who has lower stakes than these.

You say they want to, but clearly they don't want it that bad.

Either that or they're just paralyzed by the depression and can't bring themselves to dare, because the depression tells them that improvement is impossible so why take any risk.

No judgement - I've been there. Depression kills, and it has come close to killing me, so... Never again.

The stakes are what they are. Everyone chooses.

I shouda thought of some of this b4 I got divorced.

 

[TonyF862]

I shouda thought of some of this b4 I got divorced.

Would have been cheaper…

 

[magic_rat]

Since having the freedom to see other people basically means I also have the freedom to do sex differently, I fairly recently came to realize that I can pursue kinky interests.

THIS!!

We started with swinging, became ENM, are now poly.

Everybody brings something different to the table. Sex with A doesn't have to compare to sex with B. My partner has one night stands, we somertimes play as a couple, and she has a FWB who predates me, who she loves because he's very well hung. We also see a couple, different dynamic again, and he's very bi (as am I) so that adds a further dimension. I can have one night stands, I have a more than FWB (love her dearly) who indulges more of my kinks and is a completely different experience in the bedroom. She's bi, and has a female FWB.

It's basically all about expanding your sexual vocabulary.

 

[Britva415]

I shouda thought of some of this b4 I got divorced.

Would it have worked?

Would the ex wife have been able to have these conversations without creating a lot of divorceable energy anyway?

 

[muycurioso]

Would it have worked?

Would the ex wife have been able to have these conversations without creating a lot of divorceable energy anyway?

IDK, I basically told her (but she was to busy talking, arguing, yelling and not listening), if you need something outside of the marriage, then do it. Just don t embarrass or humiliate me with it. I even had a few 3 some bedroom time talk about it. MMF. Divorced now. I cant meet ANYONE no matter what!!!

 

[PrettyReckless_ILM]

I have an update: after 27 Years, in 6 days my wife had her first and second cock that wasn’t mine.

The first was kinda spontaneous, at a bi Meet & Greet (where only straight sex actually happened), I was getting a blowjob while the woman sucking me off was getting a hard fucking as my wife watched. My wife was so turned on, she asked the guy if she could touch him, got behind him and rubbed his body as he was fucking, watching me watching her. After I came, the woman giving me head got up to get some water. The guy who had been fucking her rolled around and pulled my wife on top of him. They began kissing each other passionately and my wife, still in her hospital scrubs having come from work to the event, began grinding on his very large cock. After about ten minutes he asked if he could take off her top, ten minutes later he asked her if he could take off her bottoms. Now naked, he continued kissing her and rubbing her body, for a few minutes. My wife is very vocal and was really turned on, moaning loudly and cursing adorably! He rolled her on to her back, slid down kissing her body until he was between her legs and began licking her pussy … she was going crazy. And it was crazy hot to be watching. There were several people in the room and I could hardly believe that my previously very self conscious wife was laying on a hotel bed, completely naked, was letting a near stranger eat her out while half dozen people watched. When the guy lay down on his back, and rolled a fresh condom on his large cock (8-9”), I knew my wife couldn’t resist, she climbed on top of him and rode him hard through her first orgasm. He was quite the good “first” for her as he kept up for at least another 45 minutes: missionary, doggy, her on her side … they did it all. Two other couples rotated on to the bed while they were going at it, and fucked beside them. By the time he finally came and they lay in bed softly stroking each other, everyone else but the three of us were dressed and half of the group had left. He was good, complimenting her, telling her she was amazing and beautiful. Then we got dressed, started saying our “goodbyes”, the first woman asked if she could have some solo play time with him, he told her “yes”, then he gave my wife a hug, turned around and left.

The car ride home was quiet, and the next day she was very much in her head about it. The impersonal feeling that she was just “a good time” bothered her. She had also broken a boundary. Leading up to the event we had talked and agreed not to fuck at this event, that oral was okay if there was someone who offered and we felt okay about it. We established “go/no-go” words in case the other did feel uncomfortable, but after her bottoms came off, she never looked back. Even though he was really “good” and did everything she had wanted, she did have regrets.

I was only unhappy about that. I didn’t want her to regret her/our first time, and I knew she likely would given the circumstances. But watching her with another man? Kissing her, touching her body, telling her how incredible she looked while he was fucking here? Nope, no problems with that at all. He was very respectful to her and I both, so, except for the very transactional way it ended, it was good.

Six days later we met up with a guy that we had been talking to for a month and had our first true MMF threesome, And it was FANTASTIC. I’ll include it in a part II.

You had me when you mentioned her in scrubs...nothing like a woman in scrubs. Yum.