Tell me about your transition from monogamy to non-monogamy or straight to bisexuality as a married/partnered couple.

[Britva415]

I bought up the subject during pillow talk, after sex with my husband. Mind you, not comprehensive sex, but sex for us, such as it was/is. And for further contex, this was after we'd gone through a period of sexless years, which I eventually took the bull by the horns to address. I learned the reason my husband lost interest was because he had developed ED.
Sooo, back to the pillow talk scene, out of the blue, I asked my husband, "How would you feel if I fucked another man?" Uh huh, I'm a pretty blunt person... & my long-term loving husband is accustomed to, & accepting of that. My husband's reply, "You're gonna do what you're gonna do." Hmmm, he knows me so well.
All my life, I felt I was monogamous, & mostly I was.... I was entirely monogamous with each of 2 husbands, & a live-in lover.
I wanted to be with just 1 lover. And my current husband always trusted me. I'm a very straight forward & honest person. He never questioned where I went or with who. I always had some male friends & project buddies, but he was never jealous or concerned.
Then suddenly I wasn't feeling monogamous anymore, because I was sexually unsatisfied, & I realized, no matter how hard I tried, it wasn't going to change... but at least we did regain & improve our physical & emotional intimacy.
A few weeks went by, & my mind was on cheating. Not for a thrill that cheating may bring some people. And then I did, & I did again, & a 3rd time. At which point I was resolved that I needed to follow-up on this with my husband. I was very tempted to tell him about my cheating, but I didn't, & looks like I won't... not unless he asks.
Discussing with my husband about our sexlife.
Hubby: "I'm sorry, there's nothing more I can do for you."
Me: "You could grant me open marriage."
Hubby: doesn't respond.
Couple weeks later, I bring it up again.
Me: "You didn't respond when I suggested you grant me open marriage."
Hubby: "I thought I did. And I that you would. And that I said it was ok."
Me: "No, you definitely did not tell me that. But you're telling me that now? You're ok with me dating, having extramarital sex, sleeping around?
Hubby: "Well, yes... if that's what you need to do."

Congratulations on having the courage to talk about it. And on having a spouse who can handle hearing it.

 

[LookN2Talk]

"It works because we do love each other and don't want to break up and don't blame each other for the sexlessness."

I like what you said here. That is an enormous key! All that rolled up into one.

We attempted this, and it didn't work. I couldn't enjoy the one-sided, empty "sex," so I finally told her I wasn't even going to do it with her anymore. (This did not upset her, go figure)

It took almost another year before she finally recognized that open marriage was the way. I didn't twist her arm into it, she figured it out for herself.

And it was just in time. She didn't know it, but I was this close to calling lawyers when she said she had reconsidered saying "no" to that.

Whew that was close. I felt that way but also knew without a doubt she was/is my best friend. Better than anyone ever before, not even a close second. I could see growing up with her as best buddies from day one and somehow wind up finding out we had best marry each other.

I assure you, I'm a wonderful wife. And honestly, his libido never matched mine. After he granted me open marriage, I think he felt relieved... or for whatever reason, he was noticeably more happy. We need to be open with each other. He loves me dearly, & he wants me to be satisfied & happy. And I estimate he received about 90 bjs over the past 6 months.

Thank you for the addition. THAT is so awesome to hear. Amazing that he seemed relieved. Another Whew! Happier, daaaannggggg, that's crazy. I grew up thinking there is No Way we'd ever go outside or marriage, unthinkable, but darn if it doesn't make a huge amount of sense for many. To bad libidos seldom match up or stay matched up. We should all have a knob for leveling it out. Lol

90??? Holy moly batman/woman/girl, that's the one, Batgirl! Holy moly Batgirl! So he does want and enjoy sex with you. Only not as often as you. Makes sense and sounds so much better, Whew! Wow so many whews lately.

 

[Britva415]

I felt that way but also knew without a doubt she was/is my best friend

I mean, me too, but expecting me to be celibate just wasn't acceptable.

I'm convinced we could have divorced amicably. "Best friend" afterwards? Probably not, but

 

[GoodnessO]

"It works because we do love each other and don't want to break up and don't blame each other for the sexlessness."

I like what you said here. That is an enormous key! All that rolled up into one.



Whew that was close. I felt that way but also knew without a doubt she was/is my best friend. Better than anyone ever before, not even a close second. I could see growing up with her as best buddies from day one and somehow wind up finding out we had best marry each other.


Thank you for the addition. THAT is so awesome to hear. Amazing that he seemed relieved. Another Whew! Happier, daaaannggggg, that's crazy. I grew up think there is No Way we'd ever go outside or marriage, unthinkable, but darn if it doesn't make a huge amount of sense for many. To bad libidos seldom match up or stay matched up. We should all have a knob for leveling it out. Lol

90??? Holy moly batman/woman/girl, that's the one, Batgirl! Holy moly Batgirl! So he does want and enjoy sex with you. Only not as often as you. Makes sense and sounds so much better, Whew! Wow so many whews lately.

My husband has ED, but he's not dead... LOL.

 

[abvt75]

I assure you, I'm a wonderful wife. And honestly, his libido never matched mine. After he granted me open marriage, I think he felt relieved... or for whatever reason, he was noticeably more happy. We need to be open with each other. He loves me dearly, & he wants me to be satisfied & happy. And I estimate he received about 90 bjs over the past 6 months.

@GoodnessO 180/90……… every two days

 

[GoodnessO]

@GoodnessO 180/90……… every two days

Yeah, whatever... you're looking for a sub.

 

[abvt75]

Yeah, whatever... you're looking for a sub.

@GoodnessO The right way to say it would be a willing submissive. Submission has to be by choice, its not the deal breaker.

 

[GoodnessO]

@GoodnessO The right way to say it would be a willing submissive. Submission has to be by choice, its not the deal breaker.

Uh huh. Like I said, yeah, whatever.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I assure you, I'm a wonderful wife. And honestly, his libido never matched mine. After he granted me open marriage, I think he felt relieved... or for whatever reason, he was noticeably more happy. We need to be open with each other. He loves me dearly, & he wants me to be satisfied & happy. And I estimate he received about 90 bjs over the past 6 months.

That’s about 180days, so, a bj ever second day, more or less!

I love the idea of open relationships, but this, if definitively an added benefit!

May you forever be sexually satiated.

 

[BiWifeMyrtleBeach]

In our case, I was already bisexual when my husband Jon and I met. I made a mistake in my previous relationship by hiding the fact from my then boyfriend and when I told him to say he "flipped out" was an understatement. Needless to say things ended quickly.

I determined that if I met another guy I liked, I would be upfront with him about it. After I met Jon, I think it was during the third or fourth time we had sex, I told him about my interest in women as well. OMG did I ever think he was going to fuck me through the bed! That in turn led a few months later to our first threesome with another woman but it was a few years at his urging we brought a second man into bed with us.

We both learned early on we were both highly sexual people with diverse interests in the bedroom. The lifestyle may not be for everyone, but for us it has worked. We have been married for 35 years and still as horny as the early twenties couple we were when we met.

 

[JohnyJ09]

Our transition to non-monogamy came from my realization that the woman who is now my wife, would probably never be able to truly remain faithful. We broke up twice, both times due to her cheating. We reconciled both times obviously, but after the second reconciliation, I not only realized that she would likely cheat again in the future, but also that I actually enjoyed it. So, as part of our reconciliation, I suggested to her that rather than her have to sneak around and me have to harbor secret desires, we might as well try something different and it turned out to be the key to our happiness.

Through our exploration of non-monogamy, I found myself sometimes fantasizing about some of the men that I would share her with. More specifically, I fantasized about playing with their cock and sucking cock. I opened up to my wife about it, and she was not only understanding, but also encouraging. In fact, she's the one who made my first experience sucking cock happened and made me feel comfortable enough to continue doing it. I've never gone beyond oral nor do I have any desire to, but it became something that I absolutely enjoy doing, and that my wife enjoys watching me do as well.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Our transition to non-monogamy came from my realization that the woman who is now my wife, would probably never be able to truly remain faithful. We broke up twice, both times due to her cheating. We reconciled both times obviously, but after the second reconciliation, I not only realized that she would likely cheat again in the future, but also that I actually enjoyed it. So, as part of our reconciliation, I suggested to her that rather than her have to sneak around and me have to harbor secret desires, we might as well try something different and it turned out to be the key to our happiness.

Through our exploration of non-monogamy, I found myself sometimes fantasizing about some of the men that I would share her with. More specifically, I fantasized about playing with their cock and sucking cock. I opened up to my wife about it, and she was not only understanding, but also encouraging. In fact, she's the one who made my first experience sucking cock happened and made me feel comfortable enough to continue doing it. I've never gone beyond oral nor do I have any desire to, but it became something that I absolutely enjoy doing, and that my wife enjoys watching me do as well.

Hey, don’t be a glutton, share the cock with your wife!

In all seriousness, how wonderful for you two!

 

[Vitriolhack]

In our case, I was already bisexual when my husband Jon and I met. I made a mistake in my previous relationship by hiding the fact from my then boyfriend and when I told him to say he "flipped out" was an understatement. Needless to say things ended quickly.

I determined that if I met another guy I liked, I would be upfront with him about it. After I met Jon, I think it was during the third or fourth time we had sex, I told him about my interest in women as well. OMG did I ever think he was going to fuck me through the bed! That in turn led a few months later to our first threesome with another woman but it was a few years at his urging we brought a second man into bed with us.

We both learned early on we were both highly sexual people with diverse interests in the bedroom. The lifestyle may not be for everyone, but for us it has worked. We have been married for 35 years and still as horny as the early twenties couple we were when we met.

Although hard, even very hard, sometimes we get lucky and find the person that is totally adjusted to our particular needs.

Really glad you found yours!

Would love to read that story on lit!

 

[TonyF862]

My favourite type of thread. Reading about how couples moved from straight monogamous to, for want of a better word, swinger.
I've told our story before but to summarise. We were high school sweethearts. We enjoyed sex together, we both had high libidos and were adventurous with each other. But we never talked seriously about our fantasies and desires. Kids, work, mortgage started to rule our lives. Sex became more and more infrequent and boring. One day I discovered a swingers contact magazine. I bought it, took it home, it was a bit like a penthouse forum, articles about sex, wife swapping, etc etc, readers letters sharing there adventures and lots and lots of personal adverts from people, couples looking for others to connect for sex. I showed it to my wife, got the negative reaction I expected but that magazine was a turning point. Over the next few months we started talking about fantasies, role playing and our sex life took off. After about a year it was her who wrote and posted off a personal adverts in the magazine. We never looked back the next 20 years were a lot of fun, many magical moments.

We are at the other end of your "next 20 years" having started just 1 year ago (almost to the day). Would love to hear how that first encounter went?

 

[TonyF862]

I haven't quite dived into polyamory.

I'm curious. I've fooled around with other couples a few times and watched them. Some wanted me as a regular lover, I think most wanted a one-off or we never met again. But I don't think I could easily share a proper sex partner or spouse.

You'd be surprised - especially after decades and good communication. Perhaps not at first or early in a relationship, but with time.

Its exciting to be wanted by more than one person and be shared. It can be exciting to share someone you don't have too many feelings for and watch them being pleasured in front of you like you want others to watch you being pleasured. But it's very difficult for most people when you're truly in love with a person.

I could have thought this too a few years ago, but now I feel the opposite is true. I have never been more in love with my wife of 30 years than I have in the last year when we started swinging. It has brought a level of openness and honesty I only dreamed about in our younger relationship. I truly enjoy watching her being pleasured because the trust is there.

 

[SPARTAN047]

You'd be surprised - especially after decades and good communication. Perhaps not at first or early in a relationship, but with time.

It's very much possible.

I could have thought this too a few years ago, but now I feel the opposite is true. I have never been more in love with my wife of 30 years than I have in the last year when we started swinging. It has brought a level of openness and honesty I only dreamed about in our younger relationship. I truly enjoy watching her being pleasured because the trust is there.

Possible. IDK. A lot of people not into swinging are now and a lot of people who swore off relationships are now in them.

 

[magicalmoments]

We are at the other end of your "next 20 years" having started just 1 year ago (almost to the day). Would love to hear how that first encounter went?

That first time is still my most cherished sexual memory. I don't think I've ever attained such a high level of emotional intensity again, over a lifetime of sexual adventuring. The night itself was fairly simple. She threw back the blankets as an invitation to him to join us in bed. Nothing was said, the light stayed off, he climbed in, they went into a clinch which quickly ended with him covering her missionary style and started pumping her. She came in fairly short order while I lay there beside her stroking her and snuggling against them, just emotionally overwhelmed with what was happening. He came and rolled off. I mounted her and fucked her again, all the while she was in almost constant orgasm. I finished and he mounted her again and so it went on for several hours until both us guys were fully fucked out, neither of us could raise a stiffy. There was a couple of position changes at some point, from missionary to doggy and her sitting stride riding us and some oral, her sucking our dicks but no oral on her. The highlight for me was at some stage sliding my hand between them and feeling his cock sliding in and out of her. I absolutely loved that. That has been a fascination with me ever since. As I say it ended after about 3 or 4 hours. He went back out to the sleepout and we slept. We woke about 3 hours after that as he departed for home, no more sex, but a very fond farewell. She went back to bed and slept through to midday while I stayed up and went over and over the events in my head in some wonder at what just happened.

 

[TonyF862]

That first time is still my most cherished sexual memory. I don't think I've ever attained such a high level of emotional intensity again, over a lifetime of sexual adventuring. The night itself was fairly simple. She threw back the blankets as an invitation to him to join us in bed. Nothing was said, the light stayed off, he climbed in, they went into a clinch which quickly ended with him covering her missionary style and started pumping her. She came in fairly short order while I lay there beside her stroking her and snuggling against them, just emotionally overwhelmed with what was happening. He came and rolled off. I mounted her and fucked her again, all the while she was in almost constant orgasm. I finished and he mounted her again and so it went on for several hours until both us guys were fully fucked out, neither of us could raise a stiffy. There was a couple of position changes at some point, from missionary to doggy and her sitting stride riding us and some oral, her sucking our dicks but no oral on her. The highlight for me was at some stage sliding my hand between them and feeling his cock sliding in and out of her. I absolutely loved that. That has been a fascination with me ever since. As I say it ended after about 3 or 4 hours. He went back out to the sleepout and we slept. We woke about 3 hours after that as he departed for home, no more sex, but a very fond farewell. She went back to bed and slept through to midday while I stayed up and went over and over the events in my head in some wonder at what just happened.

Beautiful!!

 

[Veeweewee]

Both hubby and I were involved in kink and group sex (and other stuff) before we met, which we never admitted to each other for nearly 20 years and never adventured beyond fairly vanilla but very frequent sex, at first.

Eventually through boredom, kids and other life pressures, we just went off the boil for each other. We both started cheating, both always suspecting/knowing what was happening.

Eventually, we had "a talk" about what we needed. It was either that or grow further apart and probably split.

It was hard at first to be totally honest, but over the next little while, we opened up about that, and about our previous sexual experiences, fearful about the result of what the truth actually was. However it lit the fire and we started fucking like mad again, watching porn together and pushing where we thought each other's boundaries were in the context of marriage. In reality there were none, just where we both thought they were at the time.

Though he is very virile, I needed more and continued to cheat, even though I now kept him "mostly" satisfied. He knew, hard to keep secrets in a small city. But the knowledge of that certainly did turn him on even more. Our dirty talk started to include him taking about me being fucked by other men, and even family members.

My response indicated I was willing, but for a while I guess he thought it was just dirty talk, until we had another "talk" where we agreed to possibly start swinging or open or marriage or something like that.

One afternoon he brought his best friend of 25 years home with him. Nothing unusual about that, he and his wife were frequent visitors. This time was different, the conversation was dripping with innuendo and double entendre, but skirting around what we all wanted, and knew, was about to happen.

Hubby eventually put some porn on and started masturbating, quickly followed by the friend. To cut a long story short, they both took turns at me for what seemed like hours.

That was the start of our lifestyle which we continue to this day.

 

[Kolejdayz]

Both hubby and I were involved in kink and group sex (and other stuff) before we met, which we never admitted to each other for nearly 20 years and never adventured beyond fairly vanilla but very frequent sex, at first.

Eventually through boredom, kids and other life pressures, we just went off the boil for each other. We both started cheating, both always suspecting/knowing what was happening.

Eventually, we had "a talk" about what we needed. It was either that or grow further apart and probably split.

It was hard at first to be totally honest, but over the next little while, we opened up about that, and about our previous sexual experiences, fearful about the result of what the truth actually was. However it lit the fire and we started fucking like mad again, watching porn together and pushing where we thought each other's boundaries were in the context of marriage. In reality there were none, just where we both thought they were at the time.

Though he is very virile, I needed more and continued to cheat, even though I now kept him "mostly" satisfied. He knew, hard to keep secrets in a small city. But the knowledge of that certainly did turn him on even more. Our dirty talk started to include him taking about me being fucked by other men, and even family members.

My response indicated I was willing, but for a while I guess he thought it was just dirty talk, until we had another "talk" where we agreed to possibly start swinging or open or marriage or something like that.

One afternoon he brought his best friend of 25 years home with him. Nothing unusual about that, he and his wife were frequent visitors. This time was different, the conversation was dripping with innuendo and double entendre, but skirting around what we all wanted, and knew, was about to happen.

Hubby eventually put some porn on and started masturbating, quickly followed by the friend. To cut a long story short, they both took turns at me for what seemed like hours.

That was the start of our lifestyle which we continue to this day.

Both my first and second wife had experiences with being gangbanged and my first wife brought men home so we could share her

 

[Handydan]

Quite simply after 20 plus years of marriage we were sexually bored. We had done most everything we could sexually with and to eachother and were needing new adventures. We agreed to start exploring threesomes. It turned out a swap with a close couple occurred. We've been in an open marriage since. We mostly play together as we enjoy that most.

 

[Bh39]

My wife and I have been married 20+ years, went from straight and monogamous in about year ten to non-monogamous/polyamorous for a couple years, to non-monogamous and both seeking bisexual relationships this year. I would like to hear other couple’s experiences who have a similar story, the lead up, what the point of ignition for your change was, how your spouse either lead, resisted, or joined you, and the positives or any negatives you can share.

I love stories that have the first-time theme, they are my all time favorite subject. We are set to have several first-time experiences in the very near future (MMF threesome including bisexual male sex, first-time blowjobs, multiple cocks, etc.), and I want to hear what others have experienced. The upside of “the first time” is the fantasy you go into it having, the downside is reality rarely equals expectations, not always bad, but that is the thrust of why I am asking to hear from those more on the other side of it.

As background to our story: We were very religious when we met, raised by religious parents, friends and family were to for the most part. The initial experience began with a “crises of faith”, and my wife having an affair with a good friend of hers/ours. That transitioned to a de facto polyamorous relationship for a couple years. Last year my wife had a resurgence of her libido, to put it mildly, and she has been exploring aspects of her sexuality in multiple forms, mostly virtual so far, and we are doing as much together as she is comfortable with. Early on she told me that her biggest fantasy was for us to “blow a guy together”. I had no bi-curiosity prior to that revelation, but began thinking about it, challenging my long held prejudices and phobias. Through her we became involved with a chat group of bi-curious men and women that have been so positive and supportive (shout out to “The Buds”!), and we are now both very comfortable and excited about the next step of making her fantasy come true.

I have that same fantasy for my wife and I.

 

[Bayzapper10]

I have that same fantasy for my wife and I.

Is she onboard with it too? How did you come to this fantasy? Where are you at in the process and how did it start?

 

[cadman7777]

My wife and I have been married 20+ years, went from straight and monogamous in about year ten to non-monogamous/polyamorous for a couple years, to non-monogamous and both seeking bisexual relationships this year. I would like to hear other couple’s experiences who have a similar story, the lead up, what the point of ignition for your change was, how your spouse either lead, resisted, or joined you, and the positives or any negatives you can share.

I love stories that have the first-time theme, they are my all time favorite subject. We are set to have several first-time experiences in the very near future (MMF threesome including bisexual male sex, first-time blowjobs, multiple cocks, etc.), and I want to hear what others have experienced. The upside of “the first time” is the fantasy you go into it having, the downside is reality rarely equals expectations, not always bad, but that is the thrust of why I am asking to hear from those more on the other side of it.

As background to our story: We were very religious when we met, raised by religious parents, friends and family were to for the most part. The initial experience began with a “crises of faith”, and my wife having an affair with a good friend of hers/ours. That transitioned to a de facto polyamorous relationship for a couple years. Last year my wife had a resurgence of her libido, to put it mildly, and she has been exploring aspects of her sexuality in multiple forms, mostly virtual so far, and we are doing as much together as she is comfortable with. Early on she told me that her biggest fantasy was for us to “blow a guy together”. I had no bi-curiosity prior to that revelation, but began thinking about it, challenging my long held prejudices and phobias. Through her we became involved with a chat group of bi-curious men and women that have been so positive and supportive (shout out to “The Buds”!), and we are now both very comfortable and excited about the next step of making her fantasy come true.

First time themed stories are the best

 

[Matt3427]

We went from monogamous to non monogamous by accident. In short we were together since 19, in our mid 20s I spent time overseas with work a lot, a few years later she told me she had slept with a few men while I was away. We got over it and it became a big turn on and a great laugh for us. Early 30s after getting married we started having kids and all went very quiet and busy for a long time. Was my mid 40s before I tried meeting men. Late 40s we decided to spice things up and find a guy for a 3sum. She ends up chatting to a guy, meets him some time later and has been seeing him alone for the last 3 years. He was only 26 when she first slept with him. Has kept us closer and our sex life alive. Keeps us talking all the time.