How Do You save A Marriage?

[Unregisstered]

Yes, I know I already started one thread, but I seem to be just attracting advice on how to leave, or it is just the way I am reading it. So, more directly to the point. How do you save a marriage. We both are trying to make it work and I have identified why I have these reactions to him and aversions. What I want to know now is how to get past that, repair the relationship and make it work.

Any and all help is appreciated.

 

[peachykeen]

okay not to sound like a broken record, since I just posted similar advice to someone else, but I really think you (and your husband, or just you if he can't handle it right now) should be talking to a therapist, not a bunch of random strangers on a porn board. I mean there are lots of good and nice and well meaning folks here, many of whom might have experience to share, but seriously - this is your marriage. Talk to a professional.

 

[Marxist]

I say blow the fucking marriage up and start over.

If both parties don't wanna live that life, they shouldn't be forced to.

 

[tulip2lipservice]

I doubt you will find the answers here

you are looking for. For they lay within you and your partner. I am no expert on marriage for I have yet to cross that thresh hold given several opportunities I had in the past. I can however tell you that I feel that marriage is a sacred thing to ME and when I do take those vows I would want it to be for my life.

Some suggestions from my observations in life that you can take or leave......(None of these are guarantees but perhaps it will give you a starting point)

Try to remember what attracted the both of you together in the first place. There are many reasons why the two of you decided to get married.

You have to try to remember to place each other first. This is difficult if children are involved for so many get side tracked and start devoting their lives to the children. This is a good thing but some where along the line you forget about the other. When they are all grown it will be back to the two of you and you might end up being strangers so do the best you can to keep your best friend and love in the present.

Make a list of the pros and cons.

Look at the problems directly and look for solutions. Again write them down.

Try to take a step back and grow for the positive. (if you stay together or not you will have to do this)

If you can seek a counselor that both of you trust. If one is against it at least support the other for going.

Start a journal together as if it was like chat. It is amazing how much of ourselves we share on line and yet with a partner we don't. Sometimes the written word can open up some feelings you didn't know.

Try your best not to point the blame in his direction with you should of... but instead we can.....I could of.... (take credit for what you have done wrong) Too many of us start off with blaming another first for our unhappiness. This only starts off on the defensive and the point is you both want to be able to keep the line of communication open.

Seek support from a network of friends or find a group of friends you can trust. Something for just you. Allow him something for just himself.

I do not know the implications of what is "going wrong" in your relationship and I do not need to know. From the sounds of it you are at your wits end and are grasping for something to fix it. Remember nothing is 100% in life and there are so many reasons why others want to throw in the towel. Do your best to salvage what you have and if it gets to the point that you will loose yourself in this all, it might be a good reason to get out.

Remember to breath and things do have a way of working out. Much luck to you.

Peace of Body
Peace of Mind
Peace of Spirit
Simply Peace for YOU!
Tulip