How do you help someone get over being abused

[Gil_T2]

I saw this while browsing at babeland.com today, I think it might help some people here

Healing Sex

peace and good luck
SL

Thanks for the link SOUNDLOVER but sex as the answer I doubt as there are many other troubles needing addressing first before sex even comes into it & the link supplied is to sell someones CD & in my opinion just a grab for money so if anyone uses the link do so at your risk.

 

[Orlanth]

You make it sound easy Gil mate.

My family and I want it to stay hushed up. As being in a small town it is like social-suicide to come out and say "I am a man who got raped by another man".

 

[Gil_T2]

You make it sound easy Gil mate.

My family and I want it to stay hushed up. As being in a small town it is like social-suicide to come out and say "I am a man who got raped by another man".

It might sound like I think it's easy mate but nothing could be further from the truth & can imagine that small town gossip would run wild but you ARE the victim & did nothing wrong, I think the next step hould be to findout if a closed court is possible to limit this but in the end it is a needed step to take to rid this scum from society.
If it was easy there would be courts full of these cases with abusers getting what they deserve.

 

[Don K Dyck]

You make it sound easy Gil mate.

My family and I want it to stay hushed up. As being in a small town it is like social-suicide to come out and say "I am a man who got raped by another man".

Orlanth . . . I understand the small town thing . . . but there is a legal process called a "suppression order" that provides you with protection for at least the duration of the trial, and if your brief can convince the judge that you have special circumstances, even afterwards.

A suppression order prohibits anybody from releasing ANY details about the trial matter to the media. A breach of a suppression order is treated as a very serious contempt of court, with radio personalities like Derryn Hinch being jailed for breaching such an order to release the name of a multiply convicted pedophile.

Like Gil says, only on the basis of your information to us there is a serious breach of duty of care that is actionable. For such a person to remain in any position where he could repeat his crime with another person is just socially untenable.

 

[Gil_T2]

Orlanth . . . I understand the small town thing . . . but there is a legal process called a "suppression order" that provides you with protection for at least the duration of the trial, and if your brief can convince the judge that you have special circumstances, even afterwards.

A suppression order prohibits anybody from releasing ANY details about the trial matter to the media. A breach of a suppression order is treated as a very serious contempt of court, with radio personalities like Derryn Hinch being jailed for breaching such an order to release the name of a multiply convicted pedophile.

Like Gil says, only on the basis of your information to us there is a serious breach of duty of care that is actionable. For such a person to remain in any position where he could repeat his crime with another person is just socially untenable.

DON you seem to be able to get the right word to post on most matters so much easier than I do & thanks for being here & now a




BUMP

 

[Gil_T2]

DON you seem to be able to get the right word to post on most matters so much easier than I do & thanks for being here & now a




BUMP

Seeing all those in the US are busy with THANKSGIVING I've decided to give this thread another BUMP.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Seeing all those in the US are busy with THANKSGIVING I've decided to give this thread another BUMP.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Just venting then disappearing to my shadowy den to rest...

Abuse is something no one asks for or deserves yet there are ppl out there who are abusive and think nothing of it. It not only angers me but brings deep sadness and welling of tears to hear of others abuse and at times bad memories of my 17 years of hell and abuse arise. These ppl do not deserve to be a part of the world yet they seem to slither through some of the cracks and know how to put up a facade with others so they don't know the person's true self. I truly believe the old adage, "What goes around comes around." My ex is has gotten to know this but at times still blames everyone else and says what he always said to me "You deserve what you get" or "It's my right to do what I want..."

Pain from abuse lasts a long time but it subsides. We will never forget and may be reminded and brought back into time with just a word or action or something seen or heard but we do find ways to survive and grow stronger and smarter as time progresses.

During this holiday season stress, frustration and anxiety brings out some nastiness in some. Hopefully we can stop and take a breath and think of the real reason why we celebrate Christmas and what it truly means. It is time to celebrate with those we love, cherish and to share good times. Sad to say, commercialism has warped some of our concepts of Christmas and that is why I say "Bah Hum Bug to those businesses who push and push ppl to find "the right" gift and to remind us of the limited time to shop. My bf and I are happy just to give one another a hug, to snuggle and to enjoy the warmth and company of each other for Christmas (although we do that everyday) and to share our inner feelings also. If I could I would reach out and give each and everyone here a big warm hug and a kiss and to say "I love you all" and "Have a warm, snuggly, loving Christmas!"

 

[Gil_T2]

Re: Just venting then disappearing to my shadowy den to rest...

Abuse is something no one asks for or deserves yet there are ppl out there who are abusive and think nothing of it. It not only angers me but brings deep sadness and welling of tears to hear of others abuse and at times bad memories of my 17 years of hell and abuse arise. These ppl do not deserve to be a part of the world yet they seem to slither through some of the cracks and know how to put up a facade with others so they don't know the person's true self. I truly believe the old adage, "What goes around comes around." My ex is has gotten to know this but at times still blames everyone else and says what he always said to me "You deserve what you get" or "It's my right to do what I want..."

Pain from abuse lasts a long time but it subsides. We will never forget and may be reminded and brought back into time with just a word or action or something seen or heard but we do find ways to survive and grow stronger and smarter as time progresses.

During this holiday season stress, frustration and anxiety brings out some nastiness in some. Hopefully we can stop and take a breath and think of the real reason why we celebrate Christmas and what it truly means. It is time to celebrate with those we love, cherish and to share good times. Sad to say, commercialism has warped some of our concepts of Christmas and that is why I say "Bah Hum Bug to those businesses who push and push ppl to find "the right" gift and to remind us of the limited time to shop. My bf and I are happy just to give one another a hug, to snuggle and to enjoy the warmth and company of each other for Christmas (although we do that everyday) and to share our inner feelings also. If I could I would reach out and give each and everyone here a big warm hug and a kiss and to say "I love you all" and "Have a warm, snuggly, loving Christmas!"

Big hugs back to you SD & I too hate the buisness christmas so for years have held christmas after the post christmas sales.

 

[kikmosa]

This has to be the most depressing time of the whole year.

 

[Don K Dyck]

This has to be the most depressing time of the whole year.

Hi Kiki, how goes it??

I spent a couple of dismal Christmases alone in a university college . . . the feeling of alone-ness was enormous . . . but it was just that, a feeling . . . a perception, not a reality . . .

You know, the funny thing that i have found is that when I get distressed with something about my life and want it to change, I just make up my mind that I want something better . . . and voila! . . . an opportunity presents itself, sometimes in the most curious manner . . .

In Science they say, "Fortune favours the prepared mind" then quote the numerous "break throughs" that have been made by one person seeing the opportunity.

Take Penicillin . . . Best in Adelaide found this fungus that had a clear zone around it . . . isolated it and found penicillin . . . sadly, Fleming got all the credit and the Nobel Prize . . . but lasers were the same sort of discovery . . . and the list goes on . . .

Smile . . . good things happen to good people . . .

{{{{{{{KIKI}}}}}}}

 

[Gil_T2]

This has to be the most depressing time of the whole year.

{{{{{{{{{{{{KIKI}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[kikmosa]

{{{{{{{{{{{{KIKI}}}}}}}}}}}}

{{{{{{{{{{Gil}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{Don}}}}}}}}}

Things are going pretty good for me right now, really. It's just this time of year. There is so much I want to do and I just can't. It's depressing.

 

[Gil_T2]

{{{{{{{{{{Gil}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{Don}}}}}}}}}

Things are going pretty good for me right now, really. It's just this time of year. There is so much I want to do and I just can't. It's depressing.

I know how your feeling as every christmas with out my daughter around just leaves me sad & now it's not just my daughter but my grandkids too never see them enough....but that's my rant on things.....now to KIKI is there a soup kitchen you can help out at for christmass lunch or dinner? as I did this some years ago & it was the best christmas for many years.....just a thought help someone worse off than you & brighten both your lives, good deeds are golden moments.

 

[kikmosa]

I know how your feeling as every christmas with out my daughter around just leaves me sad & now it's not just my daughter but my grandkids too never see them enough....but that's my rant on things.....now to KIKI is there a soup kitchen you can help out at for christmass lunch or dinner? as I did this some years ago & it was the best christmas for many years.....just a thought help someone worse off than you & brighten both your lives, good deeds are golden moments.

There are several. Problem is that I'm working right up to 5 or 6 Christmas Eve and going to Mark's parent's after. I'm so busy with work and helping with Mark's dad that I have no time for anything else.

 

[Don K Dyck]

There are several. Problem is that I'm working right up to 5 or 6 Christmas Eve and going to Mark's parent's after. I'm so busy with work and helping with Mark's dad that I have no time for anything else.

Hi Kiki, I found that could happen, I would feel like I was "running on empty".

My response was to take time out for myself, to recharge the batteries, re-fill the tank, just for me, totally selfishly and for good cause.

It is easy to give, give, give. But our minds work like a water tank. If you continue to take out, without putting any back in, then eventually you must have an empty tank.

{{{{{{{ KIKI }}}}}}}

 

[funwdi]

WOW

You don't get people over past abusive situations. (They will in their own time) All you can do is prove that you are patient and kind enough to be there for them.

 

[Gil_T2]

There are several. Problem is that I'm working right up to 5 or 6 Christmas Eve and going to Mark's parent's after. I'm so busy with work and helping with Mark's dad that I have no time for anything else.

Wishing I had the answer your after dear friend but I'm in pain & thinking isn't happening so will just leave a big hug for a very dear lady.

{{{{{{{{{{{{KIKI}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Gil_T2]

Re: WOW

You don't get people over past abusive situations. (They will in their own time) All you can do is prove that you are patient and kind enough to be there for them.

No body here is claiming to have a total cure for abuse victims but we are offering caring & those you see posting regular are helping those who have been abused as well many have also been through the abuse too, I do wish there was a "GET OVER THE ABUSE" system we could lead all who need it to but all we have is this thread with ppl who have been through it to offer help & assistance.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Time and kindness helps those who have been abused and eases the painful memories. There is no cure to rid these memories; we learn or unconsciously place these memories in the recesses of our minds. Unfortunately for many or some of us, certain things seen, said and done may bring these memories to the forefront but with others kindness, love and help we get through these times and learn to deal with them in our own ways so they don't bother us as much later down the road.

Shadow is now going back into her dungeon and await patiently and anxiously for her IsleMaster's return...Aloha to everyone...until next time

 

[Gil_T2]

Bumping the thread again.

 

[kikmosa]

Bumping the thread again.

And again.....

 

[Gil_T2]

And again.....

Hi sweet KIKI I will just bump the thread again with this AUSSIE Christmas tune so turn up the speakers & enjoy.

<http://www.kevfm.com/animations/xmas.htm>

 

[Gil_T2]

I was guided to another thread on abuse where the supporting partner is try to find a way to cope with his partner who was the abused person in this, if you would like to leave some advice or a comment please do so.


https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=10697398#post10697398


And a bump too.

 

[lovepoet99]

I was guided to another thread on abuse where the supporting partner is try to find a way to cope with his partner who was the abused person in this, if you would like to leave some advice or a comment please do so.


https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=10697398#post10697398


And a bump too.

Which brings me ("the supporting partner") back to where my search began. I thought my story was different because I wasn't the victim...but what I've learned so quickly is that indirectly I am.

For a long time I was walking on eggshells because I didn't know how or when to talk to my partner about her abusive past. I was afraid that if I bridged the subject she would pull back even further...so i did not confront the issues...

Big Lesson here folks....don't ignore and don't be afraid to confront the issue with your partner...you are only doing them and yourself more harm.

So last night I confronted my partner with my concerns and told her how I felt. How I've tried to support her but in the end fell victim to her own abuse.

This is what I learned;

She still has nightmares from her past but was afraid to tell me...

She says she is not afraid if I leave her...because she contantly tells herself that "if he leaves, I'll do fine on my own" (I don't think this is true, at least emotionally and she will never begin to heal."

When the subject of counseling came up...she admitted this, "I went to see a counsellor a few times, but I told them what they wanted to hear, I know the theories I know what to say to tell them "I'm okay!"

What I found was a cookie jar full of anger...and there was little room for anything sweet.

She's not okay...but she is aware of where our relationship is at the present. She knows I cannot help mend her wounds but only support her in seeking help and being by her side if she is willing.

So hopefully the healing process has turned in the right direction, for both of us.

In a nut shell, the big thing is Awareness...stay in tune with what's happening in the relationship and don't fall prey to becoming a victim as I did...support as much as you can but remember there is only so much one can do for another....get the issues out in the open and seek additional help if needed.

And sadly, prepare yourself if your partner refuses to accept the support you are able to provide...do what ever is within your power to help but if you're being dragged to the bottom of the sea...you may have to let go

And don't forget...if you are running on empty find support, ask or cry for help.....I did...and I'm much better for it

poet