Can you help me with this description?

[StillStunned]

Last night she hadn't been able to place the memory, and it had tugged at her consciousness the entire time. But now, in the clear light of morning and the executive conference room, it came flooding back.

His chest hair had felt exactly like the carpet at her Nan's place when she was little. The worn, threadbare carpet that must have been laid in the seventies, if not earlier. She'd played on that bit of carpet in the corner of the living room, losing herself in her make-believe while the grown-ups droned on in the background.

When her Nan died, she'd been too young to understand loss. The idea that someone was there one day and gone the next was beyond her child's mind. But she never got to play on that piece of carpet again, that little spot that was all hers in a world that sometimes felt too large. That little slice of heaven was gone forever.

Until last night, when she found it again.

 

[desibabe2705]

Last night and for a couple of hours this a.m., I was distracted from my regular fiction reading by trying to put language to a short scene in my mind. I need some closure for this. Can any of you help?

The setup is this: Two people have a very gratifying one night stand, but both are committed to not getting into relationships and have given false names and telephone numbers. The next morning they find themselves together in a business meeting, being introduced with their correct identities. They subsequently agree to act as if the previous night had never happened. (From The Last Party by Clare Mackintosh). But both their minds refuse to obey. Here's what the woman is thinking (me, now, not Mackintosh). I'm not even going to try to introduce felicitous language.

She focuses on his dress shirt. She imagines running her hand down his chest, feeling the soft/crisp fabric over the warm, hard muscels. She feels the tiny ridges of the chest hair and imagines hooking her fingers behind his belt. Late on I thought I might add that her heart speeded up, her pelvis began to feel full, hur vulva (hate the word pussy) swelled.

That's it. Can you help?

All along I've assumed that I would assure you all there will be no copyright issues, as this is too insubstantial to publish, even for me. But as I type, I'm reminded of my little piece, "Undressing." I think I could slip it in there. So, just in case, don't make any suggestions that you're not willing to have me include in my story without attribution. Although I'd surely acknowledge you here in AH.

Vulva seems impersonal, scientific even. How about loins, if you want to be decent.

 

[Off_base]

Honestly, although I chimed in with my offering, the way chest hair might feel through a shirt is a very specific and unique thing, making it almost impossible to describe with any kind of comparison.

It's like asking someone to describe what styrofoam feels like. Nothing else feels like styrofoam, you can't really create a credible analogy. Especially, in a sexy or colorful way that works for an erotic scenario. You'd just have to assume your readers already know what styrofoam feels like.

Also, why does there need to be an alternate description of the feel of chest hair through a shirt? Is there something the reader wouldn't understand or feel, if you just said she was excited by the feeling of it?

It almost feels like you're having a good laugh at our attempts to offer something satisfactory.

 

[AG31]

So I immersed myself a little more in this snippet of fantasy, inspired by @ShelbyDawn57's excellent advice, and I came up with this. I've put the words that give me the most trouble in square brackets. Any more help?

She laid her hand on his chest, just where the nipple pressed against [the heel of her hand]. As she slid it down the smooth cloth, [the nipple] made a path across her palm, and her fingertips traced over the faint [ridges/ripples/lines] of [masculine hair.]

 

[AG31]

Last night she hadn't been able to place the memory, and it had tugged at her consciousness the entire time. But now, in the clear light of morning and the executive conference room, it came flooding back.

His chest hair had felt exactly like the carpet at her Nan's place when she was little. The worn, threadbare carpet that must have been laid in the seventies, if not earlier. She'd played on that bit of carpet in the corner of the living room, losing herself in her make-believe while the grown-ups droned on in the background.

When her Nan died, she'd been too young to understand loss. The idea that someone was there one day and gone the next was beyond her child's mind. But she never got to play on that piece of carpet again, that little spot that was all hers in a world that sometimes felt too large. That little slice of heaven was gone forever.

Until last night, when she found it again.

A great @StillStunned take on the idea.

 

[AG31]

Honestly, although I chimed in with my offering, the way chest hair might feel through a shirt is a very specific and unique thing, making it almost impossible to describe with any kind of comparison.

I think you may have hit on the crux of my problem. Thanks.

 

[ElectricBlue]

She laid her hand on his chest, just where the nipple pressed against [the heel of her hand]. As she slid it down the smooth cloth, [the nipple] made a path across her palm, and her fingertips traced over the faint [ridges/ripples/lines] of [masculine hair.]

Those are words with a tactile, physical feeling under fingers. Hair is soft, silken, it doesn't have texture like you seem to be describing. Are you trying to describe the firm flesh underneath or the glide of gentle fingers through the soft [or coarse] hair that covers it, like silk or a fine woven web?

 

[AG31]

It's like asking someone to describe what styrofoam feels like. Nothing else feels like styrofoam, you can't really create a credible analogy. Especially, in a sexy or colorful way that works for an erotic scenario. You'd just have to assume your readers already know what styrofoam feels like.

This is so useful! Thank you. In the future when I get really stuck on a description I'm going to apply the styrofoam test!

 

[AG31]

Those are words with a tactile, physical feeling under fingers. Hair is soft, silken, it doesn't have texture like you seem to be describing. Are you trying to describe the firm flesh underneath or the glide of gentle fingers through the soft [or coarse] hair that covers it, like silk or a fine woven web?

Hair can have a texture. It can be coarse and springy. But feeling it through a shirt may be indescribable, like styrofoam.

 

[Britva415]

Last night she hadn't been able to place the memory, and it had tugged at her consciousness the entire time. But now, in the clear light of morning and the executive conference room, it came flooding back.

His chest hair had felt exactly like the carpet at her Nan's place when she was little. The worn, threadbare carpet that must have been laid in the seventies, if not earlier. She'd played on that bit of carpet in the corner of the living room, losing herself in her make-believe while the grown-ups droned on in the background.

When her Nan died, she'd been too young to understand loss. The idea that someone was there one day and gone the next was beyond her child's mind. But she never got to play on that piece of carpet again, that little spot that was all hers in a world that sometimes felt too large. That little slice of heaven was gone forever.

Until last night, when she found it again.

Had had had had had haddy hadhad

 

[Britva415]

Your ideas are good, in the abstract. Can you concretize them?

Not sure. Did you mean, "with examples?" I'm not motivated to do that, partly because it would seem like writing your scene for you.

 

[AG31]

Faint tracery!!!!!!!

Her finger tips trailed across the faint tracery of masculine hair beneath the smooth fabric.

 

[AG31]

Not sure. Did you mean, "with examples?" I'm not motivated to do that, partly because it would seem like writing your scene for you.

Yup. If you re-read my OP, you'll see that that's exactly what I was asking for. But you've given me plenty of food for thought for other kinds of writing puzzles. Thanks for that.