CreativeSubmissions
Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 17, 2004
- Posts
- 104
Thank you I look forward for an input of my emotions within
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Originally posted by Bandit58
It's kind of like "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?"......are we born submissive or do we become that way because of the abuse, both physical and mental![]()
) and other fetishes and my SO and I gladly indulge ourselves whenever possible (because of my medical condition we are limited). Like you Bandit, in the end we enjoy lots of passionate kissing, petting, cuddling and more. 
imarrja said:Before I begin--a bit about me. I was sexually abused at age 8 by a babysitter and molested by my father from the time I was 11 or 12 until I was nearly 16. My mother and extended family reacted very badly to my going to the authorities, so in addition to the incest I was also subjected to ostracism as well as verbal and emotional abuse.
I then entered a "mutually aggressive" relationship at age 17 that lasted 14½ yrs and produced 2 children. So, although we've been divorced for 4½ years, the relationship isn't truly "over" and won't ever be, because of the kids.
As a result of the circumstances, I have PTSD---post-traumatic stress disorder--which swings into depression if I'm unduly stressed. To top that off, I have to take meds for it (currently about $300USD/mo), probably for the rest of my life. As if that weren't enough, because of my predisposition to depression, I also have SAD (how ironic)--seasonal affective disorder--which means the switch to daylight savings time and dark winter months are really bad for me.
The reason that those of us who were abused as children tend to wind up with abusive, manipulative, controlling a-holes of people (which, as I understand it, is nowhere near the same thing as being a submissive in a Dom/sub relationship) is that we were taught early on that certain patterns were normal, so we sought relationships that fit that pattern. Whether those patterns were healthy and good for us didn't enter into the equation. From the cradle, we had been wired for survival in very harsh emotional environments and were utterly unequipped to function in any other. We did what any critter would do to survive--we sought out the familiar.
Then a chain of events occurred that began to completely undo our carefully crafted survival plans. Something clicked and we realized that there is a difference between surviving and living. At some time, we realized we were surviving rather than living. Something else clicked and we realized that we want and deserve to live. Somewhere inside us a bell went off and we realized that if we didn't get out of there, we wouldn't even survive, let alone live. So now, here we are, stuck in "no man's land" and having to learn a whole new way of being. No wonder it's so freaking difficult, not to mention terrifying.
While attemtping to navigate the terrain of "no man's land", here's what I've come to realize:
1. I'll never "get over it". Because I am still growing as a person (may I never stop!), my perspective will change and I'll react differently, but I'll always have to deal with it to some degree or another.
2. I have the right to be angry about what happened to me as a child. Part of the "changing perspective" mentioned above means that anger which I thought I had "under control" is going to resurface at odd times, or a new rage will be triggered by things I never dreamed would make me angry. When I get angry, I have the responsibility to not hurt myself or others, and to seek help if I need it.
3. Because of the emotionally unhealthy environment I was raised in, I made really bad decisions as a young adult. Even so, they were decisions and I am responsible for my part in them. (At first, this really pissed me off. Then I realized that the concept liberates and empowers me, and absolutely does NOT make me responsible for someone else's bad behavior.)
4. I need to forgive myself for the bad choices I made and move on.
5. Setting boundaries is crucial. I have to limit my contact with certain people. Certain topics are not up for discussion or debate. There are jokes that just ain't never gonna be funny to me, and that doesn't make me a prude. Some people I just have to "blow off". (Be forewarned: setting boundaries changes the power structure of the relationship and the other party/parties will not like it. Things tend to escalate, so you may need to do what it takes to ensure your safety, emotionally and physically.)
For friends and loved ones watching people deal with this, go with your gut. To a certain degree, all you can do is be there. Don't be afraid to obtain/suggest professional help, but make sure it's qualified, experienced help. Bad therapists cost a lot more than $$$.![]()
On 2 separate notes--
-I notice many of you are Aussies. I'm not, but my husband is
-Gil, here's a Q you can throw at the Dom/sub crowd the next time they give you agro: who has the safe word, the Dom or the sub? Therefore, who *really* has the power in a Dom/sub relationship? As long as your sub is pleased with you--which she obviously is--then I'd say you're doing your job as a Dom & the folks giving you agro can go to buggery.
although all the others I've had MASTER/sub play with have been free of abuse & just had the desire to be or try the sub life, ALL were given & reminded of the safe words before,during & after we played, the play itself ranged from spanking,bondage (cuffs,rope,scarves etc),toys &
when even our straight sex reached new heights.CreativeSubmissions said:I am still looking to find the right dom for me,but at times I get afraid be taken advantage of...once again. How does a submissive find the right one? I am still trying to find the answers...to many questions that remain unanswers![]()

Originally posted by CreativeSubmissions
Well I have joined some adult person sites,but its hard to find just the right one for me,lol

Originally posted by Bandit58
Just letting everyone know, Gil is in hospital with peritonitis and they are keeping him in for a few days.....I've just got home, he kept trying to send me home but I didn't want to leave himI am tired and a bit stressed but ok otherwise, will post an update when I know more......
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Bandit58 said:Just letting everyone know, Gil is in hospital with peritonitis and they are keeping him in for a few days.....I've just got home, he kept trying to send me home but I didn't want to leave himI am tired and a bit stressed but ok otherwise, will post an update when I know more......
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BrownEyes26 said:Hey Guys
How is everyone doing? I am okay, but not great. My negative self talk has been taking over my life and making me feel like shit about myself. I have also been sabotaging a wonderful relationship with the man that I love. I keep pushing him away and hurting him in attempt to hurt myself. I feel like I dont deserve his love.
I will be going back to a place that has no real counselors and was wondering what I can do for myself to turn off the negative self talk . I was also wondering what I can do to change my mistaken beliefs about myself.
Thanks a lot
BE26
I love him, and he loves me, that's all that needs to be said as far as I'm concerned.

Don K Dyck said:Hi Brown Eyes . . . don't put up with negative self-talk. Instead, every time you catch yourself being negaitve, tell yourself something positive.
Make a list of positive things like
1. I am a loving and capable person.
2. I am prepared to work for what I want.
3. I deserve a happy and fulfilling relationship.
and so on. Generally a list of about a dozen is enough. Don't forget to list your many positive achievements, no matter how small they seem, because they are all important. In a really bad attack of the negatives, write out your list until your mind-talk says that "I am a loving and capable person".
And it is obvious that you are a "loving and capable person" because the people on Gil's thread take the time to communicate with you.![]()
for everyone !
and hope he is home with you soon

He is so frustrated with being in there, and it's not like he doesn't have anyone to look after him 
Bandit58 said:Bumping the thread with the news that Gil will hopefully be home tomorrow - fingers crossedHe is so frustrated with being in there, and it's not like he doesn't have anyone to look after him
I can't wait to have him back here with me, we have both missed the cuddles sooooo much......
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