How do you help someone get over being abused

[shadow_dreamer]

Thanks to Gil we have a place to share things with one another BUT this is not the place to cast stones on those you do not really know.

ecstacey it sounded as if you were passing judgement when you questioned Bandit and wrote "you slept with a married man? have you no class?" And the way you came across did sound a bit overboard and I can see where Gil and Bandit are coming from.

I live by the rule "if it doesn't include me it's none of my business; if the person wants to discuss things, have someone listen to them the fine but it does not give me the right to question one's actions.


Everyone has their standards/morals but we have to remember we view life and situations differently. Whether or not we accept someone's actions/views on morals does not give us the right to berate or question others. We all think differently and that is just how the world is.

If I seem harsh then so be it...for Bandit to have opened up was a step forward and not one to be put on center stage to be judged. Hope you can understand why everyone reacted the way they did.

 

[Gil_T2]

i never said it was sweet cheeks. you people are getting far to over worked over this. its not like i called her a whore or said she deserved to be abused.










im not attacking anyone. it was a simple question. your quite hypocritcal calling me an ass for attacking someone when your doing the exzact same thing to me. your pathetic attempt to psychologically analyse me by saying I have insecurities isnt working. it couldnt be more further from the truth.

YOUR NOT ATTACKING ANYONE ???????? well I wasn't the one who came into this thread & picked one post to attack the poster who you know nothing about & you DID pass judgement on her, as for psychologically ANALysing you ! what makes you think I/we would bother wasting time on you, you have already shown your narrow minded view on things, I suggest you start a thread on who has & who hasn't been with a married partner & see how far you get with your attitude.

THIS IS A SEX SITE & as in life ppl make decisions on their actions & like it or not IT IS THEIR decision to make.

 

[Gil_T2]

Thanks to Gil we have a place to share things with one another BUT this is not the place to cast stones on those you do not really know.

ecstacey it sounded as if you were passing judgement when you questioned Bandit and wrote "you slept with a married man? have you no class?" And the way you came across did sound a bit overboard and I can see where Gil and Bandit are coming from.

I live by the rule "if it doesn't include me it's none of my business; if the person wants to discuss things, have someone listen to them the fine but it does not give me the right to question one's actions.


Everyone has their standards/morals but we have to remember we view life and situations differently. Whether or not we accept someone's actions/views on morals does not give us the right to berate or question others. We all think differently and that is just how the world is.

If I seem harsh then so be it...for Bandit to have opened up was a step forward and not one to be put on center stage to be judged. Hope you can understand why everyone reacted the way they did.

ALOAHA SHADOW DREAMER... As many will know I'm defensive of all the ppl on this thread for the reasons of the topic it's on ABUSE
everyone here should NOT be judged by anything the post & it does annoy me when ppl who have no idea of the person or their reason for being here.

 

[Cathleen]

ALOAHA SHADOW DREAMER... As many will know I'm defensive of all the ppl on this thread for the reasons of the topic it's on ABUSE
everyone here should NOT be judged by anything the post & it does annoy me when ppl who have no idea of the person or their reason for being here.

Gil, Bandit is very lucky, but so are we all. I thank you for your kindness and support. All the more power to you!

 

[ecstacey]

YOUR NOT ATTACKING ANYONE ???????? well I wasn't the one who came into this thread & picked one post to attack the poster who you know nothing about & you DID pass judgement on her, as for psychologically ANALysing you ! what makes you think I/we would bother wasting time on you, you have already shown your narrow minded view on things, I suggest you start a thread on who has & who hasn't been with a married partner & see how far you get with your attitude.

THIS IS A SEX SITE & as in life ppl make decisions on their actions & like it or not IT IS THEIR decision to make.

PATHETIC. you say you wouldnt waste anytime on me but here you are posting and debating with me. stop contradicting yourself its getting silly. for the last time if i were to attack her i would be spouting things like whore and slut what i said to her was a simple question which youve turned into a heated arguement. if this girl really didnt want people to comment on her buisness she shouldnt have posted it on a public site plain and simple.

I, too, was married a long time to a man that, I don't think, ever loved me. In all honesty I don't even remember marrying him. I just remember him showing up at a place that a friend and I had gone too and him getting mad because I was there. He made me sit at his table where he could watch me. I do remember getting up to go to the ladies room and coming back. I really don't remember much else for a few days. The next thing I do remember is waking up in a room in a place in Mexico with him beside me. When he told me we had gotten married I thought he was crazy. I tried to leave but I didn't even know where I was and I couldn't speak Spanish. I found out later that everyone in this town was pretty much a member of one family in one way or another so they wouldn't have helped me even if I could have talked to them. He caught up to me and dragged me back to the room and that's when it started. He said he had to teach me to be a good wife. His way of teaching was very painful. After beating me til I could barely move he threw me on the bed on my stomach and tied my arms behind me. Then he raped me. This set the pattern for a long time. I was never alowed to do anything without his permission or I was punished. I couldn't even eat or drink without his permission. For two years I lived like this. Two years of hell. By the time he decided to move, he owned me. And yes I tried to run again. The first time he broke my leg so I couldn't run. The next time he 'gave' me to the cousin that caught me for the night. The thrid time he cut the tendon to my large toe to keep me from walking. The fourth time he told me that if I did it again he was going after my sisters. There was no fifth time. When we moved it was back to the states. He had to be more careful there. Still he found ways to punish me. One night I found several bottles of Tequila that he had put away. I decided then and there that it would be my way out. I snuck them away and got out of the house. I found an empty lot and started to drink. If I had any sense I would have opened all the bottles before I started. I didn't and by the time I got to the fourth I couldn't open it. I passed out and still would have died only someone found me and called the paramedics. When I got out of the hospital He put me back in by beating me for embarrassing him. And the years rolled on. 16 years I lived like that. 16 years of hell. No escape and no hope. Then one day he walks in and tells me he's leaving me for someone younger. Said I didn't scream enough for him any more. God I was so afraid that it was just a new way to torture me. But it wasn't. He did leave and I packed up and ran as fast as I could. I filed for divorce and ran again. It's been four years now and I still live in fear of him. I feel like I can never trust another man to get close to me. And I've tried. God I've tried. The only one I've been able to get close enough to turned out to be a bastard in another way. Seems he was going to do it as a favor for a so-called friend of mine but he couldn't go through with it. Just points out to me how right I was to not trust. I don't know if I can ever heal from this. I carry scars so deep inside of me that they may never go away. I'm not even sure life is worth living anymore. But I've promised someone that I won't do that so it's not an option anymore. But how can I get over this? How can I keep going on? I'm just so tired. Someone, please, tell me how deal with this. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused. I just want it to end......

3) Your story itself. Sure it is horrible, and I wouldn't wish that to happen to anyone, not even my worst enemy. However, I found it somewhat hard to swallow.

In the beginning, you ex's control was pretty tight, but in the later years, you mention that you moved back to the States (no more language problem), you even tried to commit suicide (so you weren't under permanent observation), you were taken to a hospital (lots of people there who could have contacted the local authorities, if you had insisted on them doing so), your own relatives (at least you have sisters), ...

Sure you were afraid, and as I was not in that situation I won't pretend that I could imagine what it was like, but fact is that you could have ran away, you could have asked for help. There is no way that there wasn't this chance in your over 16 years. But you did not.

I'm not saying that what he did is your fault - that's still his deeds and him who should be held responsible for them. However, from a certain point on, you did let that happen to you. There were ways to end/stop it, and you didn't take them - too scared, too afraid. And had he not left you - you'd still be in that situation.


That - in my opinion - is the core of the problem : Your Passivness.

 

[kikmosa]

3) Your story itself. Sure it is horrible, and I wouldn't wish that to happen to anyone, not even my worst enemy. However, I found it somewhat hard to swallow.

In the beginning, you ex's control was pretty tight, but in the later years, you mention that you moved back to the States (no more language problem), you even tried to commit suicide (so you weren't under permanent observation), you were taken to a hospital (lots of people there who could have contacted the local authorities, if you had insisted on them doing so), your own relatives (at least you have sisters), ...

Sure you were afraid, and as I was not in that situation I won't pretend that I could imagine what it was like, but fact is that you could have ran away, you could have asked for help. There is no way that there wasn't this chance in your over 16 years. But you did not.

I'm not saying that what he did is your fault - that's still his deeds and him who should be held responsible for them. However, from a certain point on, you did let that happen to you. There were ways to end/stop it, and you didn't take them - too scared, too afraid. And had he not left you - you'd still be in that situation.


That - in my opinion - is the core of the problem : Your Passivness. [/B][/QUOTE] Yes there were chances to escape him. Some I didn't see at the time, others I was too afraid to try for. And some with consequences that I couldn't live with. Once we were back in the states he used threats to my family to control me. And yes I had family. Some help they would have been. My father, brother-in-law and nephew all knew for years that he cheated on me and one even admited that he suspected that he hit me and yet not one lifted a finger to do anything. As for my sisters, one had already told me that she didn't consider me a part of her family because I was too stupid and ugly to be related to her. The other two rarely talked to me unless they needed something. My mother is the only one that might have helped me and she was handicaped phisically and mentally from a massive stroke. Despite all of this, they were my family and I loved them all. I couldn't let him hurt them and he would have. By that time I had lost all trust in anyone. I felt that this was all that life held for me and all fighting it got me was hurt even more. Some things are too hard to explain to someone that hasn't been there so I'm going to let this go now.

 

[kikmosa]

Bandit, Gil, Don, everyone, I may not be back for awhile. I just want you all to know that I love you all and I'll be thinking of you and praying for you every day. I have some things in my life that I need to deal with and I'm not sure where things are going to end up. As soon as I settle some stuff I'll come back and let you know how I am.
Please continue to keep this thread alive. It's needed by so many out there.
All my love and good wishes.

Kiki.

 

[Gil_T2]

PATHETIC. you say you wouldnt waste anytime on me but here you are posting and debating with me. stop contradicting yourself its getting silly. for the last time if i were to attack her i would be spouting things like whore and slut what i said to her was a simple question which youve turned into a heated arguement. if this girl really didnt want people to comment on her buisness she shouldnt have posted it on a public site plain and simple.








3) Your story itself. Sure it is horrible, and I wouldn't wish that to happen to anyone, not even my worst enemy. However, I found it somewhat hard to swallow.

In the beginning, you ex's control was pretty tight, but in the later years, you mention that you moved back to the States (no more language problem), you even tried to commit suicide (so you weren't under permanent observation), you were taken to a hospital (lots of people there who could have contacted the local authorities, if you had insisted on them doing so), your own relatives (at least you have sisters), ...

Sure you were afraid, and as I was not in that situation I won't pretend that I could imagine what it was like, but fact is that you could have ran away, you could have asked for help. There is no way that there wasn't this chance in your over 16 years. But you did not.

I'm not saying that what he did is your fault - that's still his deeds and him who should be held responsible for them. However, from a certain point on, you did let that happen to you. There were ways to end/stop it, and you didn't take them - too scared, too afraid. And had he not left you - you'd still be in that situation.


That - in my opinion - is the core of the problem : Your Passivness.

AGAIN your shown your utter stupidity of understanding ppl or even grasping the horrors these ppl have suffered so either leave this thread or do some research to know at least what subject your posting on.

& to make things easy on you this will be the last reply to you on this thread & hope the rest will ignore you & your posts in the future.

 

[Cathleen]

Bandit, Gil, Don, everyone, I may not be back for awhile. I just want you all to know that I love you all and I'll be thinking of you and praying for you every day. I have some things in my life that I need to deal with and I'm not sure where things are going to end up. As soon as I settle some stuff I'll come back and let you know how I am.
Please continue to keep this thread alive. It's needed by so many out there.
All my love and good wishes.

Kiki.

Wishing you all the best Kiki......be well.

 

[Cathleen]

AGAIN your shown your utter stupidity of understanding ppl or even grasping the horrors these ppl have suffered so either leave this thread or do some research to know at least what subject your posting on.

& to make things easy on you this will be the last reply to you on this thread & hope the rest will ignore you & your posts in the future.

Already did that Gil. Wish there was one more thing I could do....but I'll settle for ignore.

 

[ecstacey]

AGAIN your shown your utter stupidity of understanding ppl or even grasping the horrors these ppl have suffered so either leave this thread or do some research to know at least what subject your posting on.

& to make things easy on you this will be the last reply to you on this thread & hope the rest will ignore you & your posts in the future.

oh no, dont ignore me, how ever will i go on?!? i have a very good grasp of the horrors she went through. but do you? honestly? you dont seem to. all you do is say *oh you poor thing* while i atleast attempt to find the root of her problem so that she may never experiance it again.and kikmosa i have one last question i know its painful but i think its very important.You are divorced now, right ? But, did you ever report your ex to the police ? You have many issues / problems already as it is, but did you ever bother, with at least one thought, about your successor ? About the younger woman he prefered over you and probably is now in the same situation as you were in for years ? You, of all people, should know how she feels.

 

[Bandit58]

PATHETIC. you say you wouldnt waste anytime on me but here you are posting and debating with me. stop contradicting yourself its getting silly. for the last time if i were to attack her i would be spouting things like whore and slut what i said to her was a simple question which youve turned into a heated arguement. if this girl really didnt want people to comment on her buisness she shouldnt have posted it on a public site plain and simple.

Whether you like it or not, what you originally posted did come across as a judgmental attack on my character. It implied that you think I am a slut and a whore for having a relationship (for that is what it was) with a married man. You don't know anything about his circumstances or mine except what I posted on here.

The original post was in response to Gil's request for experiences to help someone he considers a very good friend. Keep reading my friend, you just might learn something to open that closed mind of yours.


3) Your story itself. Sure it is horrible, and I wouldn't wish that to happen to anyone, not even my worst enemy. However, I found it somewhat hard to swallow.

In the beginning, you ex's control was pretty tight, but in the later years, you mention that you moved back to the States (no more language problem), you even tried to commit suicide (so you weren't under permanent observation), you were taken to a hospital (lots of people there who could have contacted the local authorities, if you had insisted on them doing so), your own relatives (at least you have sisters), ...

Sure you were afraid, and as I was not in that situation I won't pretend that I could imagine what it was like, but fact is that you could have ran away, you could have asked for help. There is no way that there wasn't this chance in your over 16 years. But you did not.

I'm not saying that what he did is your fault - that's still his deeds and him who should be held responsible for them. However, from a certain point on, you did let that happen to you. There were ways to end/stop it, and you didn't take them - too scared, too afraid. And had he not left you - you'd still be in that situation.


That - in my opinion - is the core of the problem : Your Passivness.

Fear is a very powerful thing. Have you ever known how it feels to be afraid of someone you live with?? I can't begin to know the type of fear Kiki lived with for so many years, but I do know about the fear of the unknown, of being afraid to leave an unhappy relationship because over the years you have been "brainwashed" into thinking you can't cope out there in the big wide world alone.

That it could be construed as passiveness, in that she stayed when she could have left, is in fact downgrading her fear not for herself but for her family. Kiki has shown enormous courage in rebuilding her life. I am proud to call this lady my friend.

Good luck Kiki hon We'll be here when you get back

 

[kikmosa]

oh no, dont ignore me, how ever will i go on?!? i have a very good grasp of the horrors she went through. but do you? honestly? you dont seem to. all you do is say *oh you poor thing* while i atleast attempt to find the root of her problem so that she may never experiance it again.and kikmosa i have one last question i know its painful but i think its very important.You are divorced now, right ? But, did you ever report your ex to the police ? You have many issues / problems already as it is, but did you ever bother, with at least one thought, about your successor ? About the younger woman he prefered over you and probably is now in the same situation as you were in for years ? You, of all people, should know how she feels.

Only have a minute before I head to work but wanted to reply to this one. Yes, I have reported him. I was told that since I had not reported this when it happened that there was nothing they could do about it. And I warned her about what I had been through and she refused to believe me about any of it. Said I was just trying to scare her away so I could keep him. Nothing I did or said would change her mind. I still have nightmares about him doing this to her. But some things are beyond our control.
Bandit, Cate, thank you for being there. I just have some decisions to make about my current situation that can't be put off. What I decide now will affect weither I stay in this area or try somewhere new. I'm working double shifts trying to save as much as I can incase I need to move again so I have little time to come here. Just know I love and appriciate all of you. My prayers are with you all.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

Originally posted by kikmosa
Bandit, Gil, Don, everyone, I may not be back for awhile. I just want you all to know that I love you all and I'll be thinking of you and praying for you every day. I have some things in my life that I need to deal with and I'm not sure where things are going to end up. As soon as I settle some stuff I'll come back and let you know how I am.
Please continue to keep this thread alive. It's needed by so many out there.
All my love and good wishes.

Kiki.

Wishing you the best and you're in my thoughts and prayers

 

[ecstacey]

Fear is a very powerful thing. Have you ever known how it feels to be afraid of someone you live with?? I can't begin to know the type of fear Kiki lived with for so many years, but I do know about the fear of the unknown, of being afraid to leave an unhappy relationship because over the years you have been "brainwashed" into thinking you can't cope out there in the big wide world alone.

That it could be construed as passiveness, in that she stayed when she could have left, is in fact downgrading her fear not for herself but for her family. Kiki has shown enormous courage in rebuilding her life. I am proud to call this lady my friend.

Good luck Kiki hon We'll be here when you get back

for the last time i never said that i knew all the circumstances that caused you to be with a married man. you provided your pieces of information and i made an analysis from them, what else did you expect? were you looking for someone to go *oh you poor thing* and continue to tell you how sorry they are for you?

 

[Missingmeds]

To everyone (well, almost everyone) that posts in this thread. Please don't stop posting. You really don't know what good you are doing. Please do not let one person ruin a good thing.

Kiki, you have my support, and my thanks for being the person that has put her entire horror story out there. Kudos to everyone that has posted here. It takes a very strong person to do that.

 

[ecstacey]

how am i ruining things for them? you people are wayyy to dramatic.

 

[ecstacey]

OK I found this thread and it seems close to what I went through growing up. I was not abused by a spouse or boyfriend or even my parents. I was abused by my brother. We are 5 years apart and we got along when we were younger. I don't really remember anything before the age of 6, but I remember we still got along. When I was 7 we moved from the city of Chicago to a suburb of Chicago. I remember the first time he hit me was when I was almost 8. He got mad at me for losing his baseball and threw a rock at my head. From then on whenever he got mad he would hit me and scare me into not telling our parents. I never told because I was young and believed that he would hurt me worse if I told. I told one once when I was 12 and he got grounded and his car was taken away. He waited till my parents were out and killed my turtle. I told from then on but they didn't really do much but yell at him. I don't bruise easy so I couldn't show them how much he hurt me. But then he turned 18. One day I was cooking dinner and he tried to eat some of it. I told him he couldn't because we were all going to sit down and eat together. Well he didn't like that so he picked up a frying pan. It was one of those non stick ones thank God. And he smacked me in the head with it. If it had been cast iron I would have died. Everything went shaky but I stayed up and I ran to the cordless phone and dialed 911. He unplugged the phone to diconnect the call and plugged it back in. When the cops called back he told them I was joking but they made him put me on the phone. I told them the story and they sent a few cars. My brothe being a big shot thought that he would get off the hook cuz he was a security guard but they arrested him. I didn't press charges. My dad got mad at me for calling the cops and him and my mom fought about it. She was on my side. The only way that he could continue living in the house is if he took anger management classes. He started but dropped out. He has moved out of the house now but he is still violent like that. We just got into an arguement recently where he shoved me into the railing for the stairs and smacked my finger really hard into my ear while I was itching my ear. I have long nails so it started bleeding and I had to go to the hospital. I grabbed his arm at one point and pulled my nails through his skin. He had to go and get 6 stitches. I don't even feel bad. My dad has taken his key away. I have lived with this abuse and I notice that I tend to put up with people always putting me down. I have never had a boyfriend abuse me. But I have only had one serious boyfriend and all the others were just short little distractions in my life. I don't know if this really belongs here but it was the closest I could find. The weird thing was that my brother hit me a few times in front of people. One time was a "friend" she laughed while I ran to get tissue for my bloody nose. The other was a complete stranger who chuckled and walked away. I know that if I saw someone getting hit I would call the cops or something. Nobody deserves to be beat. I don't know where these people get it into their heads that they are so superiour that they can beat someone. Oh well that is my piece for now I will be back later to check it out.

es babydoll

i know your story all to well. infact its quite similar to mine. my brother was married to this woman, me and her became instant friends we would talk on the phone for hours she was like a girl version of me. he began suspecting us of an affair but that wasnt the case we were like brother and sister. one night me and my brother got into a heated arguement. needless to say i got beaten up severely to the point i could barely move. he took his pocket knife or some sort of sharp looking object *my vision was highly blurred at the time*and craved lines in my face that were suppose to symbolise tear drops of a p*ssy in his words. but he really got them from a comic book character i and his wife were real fans of and simply immitated that tatoo the character had on me. i didnt press charges, i guess cause of the whole man is a man thing and have since pretty much devoted my life to staying at home on the internet. the scars have faded but are still highly visible. im hoping to one day meet my family again who i wont see till the scars have faded a bit in order not to frighten them.

 

[sheath]

To everyone (well, almost everyone) that posts in this thread. Please don't stop posting. You really don't know what good you are doing. Please do not let one person ruin a good thing.

Kiki, you have my support, and my thanks for being the person that has put her entire horror story out there. Kudos to everyone that has posted here. It takes a very strong person to do that.

I second this, wholeheartedly.

Please, please do not stop posting! For any reason...I haven't been vocal on this thread, but I have been reading it, every day...and finally, I got through reading it all, and I have drawn strength from it many times. The power of sharing your stories is amazing...please never underestimate that.

S.

 

[Bandit58]

for the last time i never said that i knew all the circumstances that caused you to be with a married man. you provided your pieces of information and i made an analysis from them, what else did you expect? were you looking for someone to go *oh you poor thing* and continue to tell you how sorry they are for you?

I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me. I've worked hard to get where I am now. The idea of that post was to show people that it is possible to get out of an abusive relationship, that there is hope they can build a new life for themselves.

That man is no longer in my life, apart from as a friend who I exchange emails with occasionally. He was part of my healing process and I'll always cherish what we had.

I'm in a happy loving relationship now (and I'm officially still married) Oh dear I'm going to go to hell in a handbasket......

 

[Cathleen]

I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me. I've worked hard to get where I am now. The idea of that post was to show people that it is possible to get out of an abusive relationship, that there is hope they can build a new life for themselves.

That man is no longer in my life, apart from as a friend who I exchange emails with occasionally. He was part of my healing process and I'll always cherish what we had.

I'm in a happy loving relationship now (and I'm officially still married) Oh dear I'm going to go to hell in a handbasket......

Hi Bandit.....is there room for me in that basket!!

Missingmeds and Sheath..... nice words... appreciate it.... you know we are survivors....an insentive post now and then can't bring us down!!

Thanks for the support!

 

[ecstacey]

I don't need anyone to feel sorry for me. I've worked hard to get where I am now. The idea of that post was to show people that it is possible to get out of an abusive relationship, that there is hope they can build a new life for themselves.

That man is no longer in my life, apart from as a friend who I exchange emails with occasionally. He was part of my healing process and I'll always cherish what we had.

I'm in a happy loving relationship now (and I'm officially still married) Oh dear I'm going to go to hell in a handbasket......

LOL

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi FRIENDS lurkers & our TROLL.

KIKI.... so glad your PM arrived.I hope it's a short time till life is back on track for you.

Cate,MM,Sheath & any others who are welcome here so pleased that your keeping theintended reason for this thread going & that is to offer support & care to those who need it, the whole reason for this thread is to offer the ppl who have suffered at the hands of an ABUSER a place with ppl who know the struggle the survivers go through, rebuilding self esteem,finding the missing person within you that has been hidden by the abuse to trusting again.

Life is to short to let a FOOL ruin all the time & effort many of us put in on here with no want of thanks but only to help ppl.

 

[ecstacey]

this for kikmosa..




Three things came across quite strongly in your posts on this thread: you hate yourself, you hate the things that happen to you, and you don't think anything you can do will help. They make up a negative cognitive world view, and they team up to make trying to do positive things to change yourself or your life seem overwhelming and impossible.
Therapy, even the sort that just involves talking to someone who will actually listen to you (just someone in your community for example) can help. Often drugs can too, but they're not for everyone. But if you don't want to or can't do those type of things, don't give up.
I think the thing to do is to start small - don't start worrying about the big things, your weight, romance, all that stuff. Instead find something you know you can do... for example, get a pet, or even a plant to look after. Take care of it. Find other sorts of things that you know you can do, practice doing them, and gradually you'll probably find you can cope with more and more - but just take it slowly. Failing once, or even twice doesn't mean that you will fail all the time. Concentrate on the small things, and gradually the big ones will become possible.


Finally, from what I gather in your story, it doesn't sound like you're weak willed. You took everything that your husband threw at you for 16 years and you survived. That takes determination. Compared to what you've been through, everything else is minor. Remember, you survived through the worst of situations...



I apologise if any of this sounds trite or useless.

 

[WildRose40DDD]

I'm back......

Sorry for the long absence! Wanted you to know my new man and I are doing great!! Thanks for helping me find the courage to let him get close to me. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't give thanks for Gil, Bandit and all the rest of you....and of course for my S/O.
It helped that I was able to explain some of what I went through to him....and that he understands. I think this thread helped him understand also. I was so impressed when I led him here and he read not only my posts...but the whole thread. There are still times I lose it, but having him near me really helps.
My biggest problem is that if he gets angry about anything (so far he hasn't been angry at me)....I still expect the anger to be directed at me, or to be blamed for whatever has gone wrong. That is when I usually start crying. His anger dries up almost immediately at that point though....and he is quick to reassure me, that he is not angry with me and I am not the cause. Though I thing the first time it happened he was really worried he had hurt me.
Guess I still have a ways to go! Thanks for keeping the thread alive and thank you to everyone who has shared and who has been here for support!