How do you help someone get over being abused

[grrrlieone]

This thread really struck a nerve in me. I have been abused by more than one man in my lifetime. I felt that I allowed it to happen in most cases. I realized that it was not my fault at all. It was very hard to get over. I'm still working on it. I may for the rest of my life, I just don't know. I know the feeling of utter despair, sister. I have attempted suicide three times. The last time, I almost didn't make it. Please don't do that to the people who love you. Please don't do that to yourself. You are worth far more tham that. Don't let them win.
The best advice I can give you is 'guard your heart', 'be patient', 'know people for who they are before getting involved in ANY relationship, whether it is sexual or not.'
Please talk to me if you need a compassionate ear. I may not be the wisest woman, but I am a good listener. And I do understand.

 

[Cathleen]

Hmmm . . . will have top take some of my own advice here I think . . . just got ripped off by a "mate", now former, over an agistment deal . . . what hurt was that I had helped keep him afloat for the last 3 1/2 years . . . oh well, that's experience . . . there is a saying "Never trust a man who deals deceptively in cattle" . . . end of that friendship . . . now, on with the show . . .

Hi Don.....sure wish you well and am sorry for the hard lesson. People never cease to amaze me....both good and bad behavior. You've always been so kind to me, I just wish there was something I could say in return....other than thanks and please hang in there! I know how betrayal can hurt..... take good care of you, please!!

Cate

 

[BrownEyes26]

This thread really struck a nerve in me. I have been abused by more than one man in my lifetime. I felt that I allowed it to happen in most cases. I realized that it was not my fault at all. It was very hard to get over. I'm still working on it. I may for the rest of my life, I just don't know. I know the feeling of utter despair, sister. I have attempted suicide three times. The last time, I almost didn't make it. Please don't do that to the people who love you. Please don't do that to yourself. You are worth far more tham that. Don't let them win.
The best advice I can give you is 'guard your heart', 'be patient', 'know people for who they are before getting involved in ANY relationship, whether it is sexual or not.'
Please talk to me if you need a compassionate ear. I may not be the wisest woman, but I am a good listener. And I do understand.

((Hugs to you))
BE26

 

[Gil_T2]

Hmmm . . . will have top take some of my own advice here I think . . . just got ripped off by a "mate", now former, over an agistment deal . . . what hurt was that I had helped keep him afloat for the last 3 1/2 years . . . oh well, that's experience . . . there is a saying "Never trust a man who deals deceptively in cattle" . . . end of that friendship . . . now, on with the show . . .

DON isn't it amazing how the ones you let so close are the ones to hurt & dealing with a COW thief who pretended to be a friend should never have been a downer simply because he was meant to be a friend.
Why is it that friends abuse friendship? they are ment to be the trusted ones.

ANOTHER entry on you list of lifes EXPERIENCES.

 

[Gil_T2]

This thread really struck a nerve in me. I have been abused by more than one man in my lifetime. I felt that I allowed it to happen in most cases. I realized that it was not my fault at all. It was very hard to get over. I'm still working on it. I may for the rest of my life, I just don't know. I know the feeling of utter despair, sister. I have attempted suicide three times. The last time, I almost didn't make it. Please don't do that to the people who love you. Please don't do that to yourself. You are worth far more tham that. Don't let them win.
The best advice I can give you is 'guard your heart', 'be patient', 'know people for who they are before getting involved in ANY relationship, whether it is sexual or not.'
Please talk to me if you need a compassionate ear. I may not be the wisest woman, but I am a good listener. And I do understand.

Welcome to the thread & sorry for the abuse your suffered, I'm glad your still alive & can offer others assistance as with most of us here we are all survivers of some form of abuse.
I for the logest time didn't dare look for love & only went after the sex trying to protect my heart from further hurt but then met BANDIT who I let my guard down for & we are so happy together with lots of love,honesty & respect for each other so I can say REAL love can return to us all in time.

 

[babydoll_73]

Well I have been away for a bit but I am back. I am living my hectic life here in Illinois. For those who remember the situation between me and my brother. It was horrible. It is improving now. I have an order of protection on him with court ordered therapy and anger management. I go with him to the therapy. That is the only time he is allowed near me. We do get time to talk but there is always someone present which makes me feel good about it. I can't say that has completely turned around but he is making improvement. I can see it. Maybe one day we can have a semi normal relationship. I am praying for him. But I am still married. To who I feel is the most wonderful man in the world. He has been so strong for me to lean on. Especially through the hard times of my dad dying and my mom living so far away. But we are happy here.

BTW Congrats Gil on you and Bandit.

 

[Gil_T2]

Well I have been away for a bit but I am back. I am living my hectic life here in Illinois. For those who remember the situation between me and my brother. It was horrible. It is improving now. I have an order of protection on him with court ordered therapy and anger management. I go with him to the therapy. That is the only time he is allowed near me. We do get time to talk but there is always someone present which makes me feel good about it. I can't say that has completely turned around but he is making improvement. I can see it. Maybe one day we can have a semi normal relationship. I am praying for him. But I am still married. To who I feel is the most wonderful man in the world. He has been so strong for me to lean on. Especially through the hard times of my dad dying and my mom living so far away. But we are happy here.

BTW Congrats Gil on you and Bandit.

BABYDOLL....So nice to hear from you & knowing your brother is attending these groupes to help him through his problem.
GLAD to see your still married to you man who has been there for you too, this also must make it all so much easier to cope with knowing you have support at home.

 

[shadow_dreamer]

JUST WANTED TO BUMP THINGS UP AND SAY "HI" TO EVERYONE!

It's comforting to know we have somewhere we can come to to bear our souls knowing we will not be judged for actions yet receive support and advice from others who have been through an abusive relationship. I used to believe and think I was the only one who was being emothionally, mentally and physically abused (and led to believe it was due to my own doing, fault) but how wrong I was.

It's strange how I stumbled upon this thread one day while browsing through the list of forums in bulletin board but I'm glad I took the time to read and discover I was not alone. f it weren't for Gil and his starting/creating this thread (and everyone who have been open and honest and helpful) I don't know where I would stand today as a person - I was really messed up!

MAHALO (Thank You) Gil and everyone on the thread!

 

[Gil_T2]

JUST WANTED TO BUMP THINGS UP AND SAY "HI" TO EVERYONE!

It's comforting to know we have somewhere we can come to to bear our souls knowing we will not be judged for actions yet receive support and advice from others who have been through an abusive relationship. I used to believe and think I was the only one who was being emothionally, mentally and physically abused (and led to believe it was due to my own doing, fault) but how wrong I was.

It's strange how I stumbled upon this thread one day while browsing through the list of forums in bulletin board but I'm glad I took the time to read and discover I was not alone. f it weren't for Gil and his starting/creating this thread (and everyone who have been open and honest and helpful) I don't know where I would stand today as a person - I was really messed up!

MAHALO (Thank You) Gil and everyone on the thread!

So happy to see you drop in to let us know your OK & you have to get your SO to give you lots of kisses & cuddles from us ALL.

 

[Don K Dyck]

Hi Guys and Gals . . . back on the boards again while the puta lets me . . .

 

[Gil_T2]

Hi Guys and Gals . . . back on the boards again while the puta lets me . . .

DON great to see you being allowed to play again, lets hope the puta don't let you down again.

 

[Mary Hall]

What about helping someone get over sexual abuse as a kid?

 

[Monazwx]

What about helping someone get over sexual abuse as a kid?

This is a MAJOR topic as reaction to this kind of abuse usually defines an adult life.

There are so many factors, whether or not the person is still in denial, was the prepetrator punished, did the victim tell anyone, admitting that you're not crazy and that it did happen is a powerful step, even if no one believes you. The most painful part is when the beast goes free, esp. if you see them around often. Having self-confidence after that is so challenging.

I have to re-read this thread.

(BTW, I think that I have a few photos of Mr. Orton in a towel somewhere . . .
I have to go and look for them.)

 

[Mary Hall]

I know this guy who got abused as a kid, as an adult he pretty much was in self destruct mode....damn near died but he had to admit it happened, he cleaned up and got sober

 

[Gil_T2]

What about helping someone get over sexual abuse as a kid?

Without know much more that your post to comment on it's sad that so many have had to suffer this kind of abuse & if you can read back through the posts on the thread you will see others who have been victims of this type of abuse, may I suggest that you see if the abused person can make use of the ANON phone help lines to seek the right professional help required (places to go,people to see etc) as often seen if these victims are not helped to come to terms with what has happened to them they often head into a life of self destruction....drink,drugs & anti social behaviour.

Understanding friends are important to assist victims of abuse.

 

[Don K Dyck]

What about helping someone get over sexual abuse as a kid?

Well . . . what about it??

Do you want to know how to help somebody who has been abused, or do you want to refer them to a progamme which will help them resolve the choas that results from abuse?

The major problem with abuse victims is the often complete loss of self-esteem. So your friend was possibly indulging himself in a dangerous activity when he was injured to prove to himself that he was OK . . . the necessary acceptance that child abuse had happened was very positive . . . once a person accepts that for no good reason that they can understand, somebody who should have been trusted has/had violated that trust, and they the victim were not the cause of this abusive action, then the healing can start . . .

 

[ecstacey]

I was married for a long time to someone who didn't appreciate me, who never told me he loved me or found me attractive, who, if I attempted to say no to sex, would get angry and sulk for days and make me feel so guilty that I would give in for the sake of peace. This was my first sexual partner, who date raped me once when he was drunk - to this day I don't think he even remembers it. I had never had an orgasm with him.....I was sexually ignorant and he was too. I didn't even have orgasms from masturbating until I was in my early 20s.

The sexual signal would be the stroke across the top of my head and then his arm would slide round my shoulders. I would immediately stiffen and my heart would sink. I hated his touch.....he would get impatient and make me touch his cock while he held me close to him. I switched myself off.....tried not to feel as he would push into me....but it would hurt, I would lie there and pray that it would be over soon...... I tried to avoid him by staying up late hoping he would be asleep when I came to bed.....I was grateful when I had my period because he left me alone then.....

I finally plucked up the courage and left him 6 months ago. I had vowed that I wouldn't be getting into any relationships for a very long time. I had discovered cybering in the three months before I made the break, and realised what I was missing, I had an intense cyber and phone relationship with a younger guy whom I considered having an affair with, but distance was a factor in that not happening. He remains a good friend to this day though

Three weeks after I moved out I met a guy online. We seemed to click immediately. Within a week I was in love with him and he with me......he's married but it's not a happy relationship. Two months later I drove down to see him. He was aware of my sexual ignorance and what my husband had put me through, but with time, patience, gentleness and love I have discovered that making love is wonderful. I want to do things with him that, if my husband had made me, I would have hated. I feel safe and cherished. Before we made love for the first time he "unmarried" me by removing my wedding ring. One day soon I hope to do the same for him

you slept with a married man? have you no class?

 

[SweetBlindness]

Looking at your own posts, you have nothing to condemn others for. How dare you judge those that you don't know.

 

[Gil_T2]

you slept with a married man? have you no class?

More class than just arriving in a thread & making judgments on others you know FUCK ALL ABOUT & nothing of what their been through.

You are the person with "NO CLASS"

 

[Mary Hall]

if these victims are not helped to come to terms with what has happened to them they often head into a life of self destruction....drink,drugs & anti social behaviour.

That sounds just like my friend

 

[ecstacey]

More class than just arriving in a thread & making judgments on others you know FUCK ALL ABOUT & nothing of what their been through.

You are the person with "NO CLASS"

oh please. i sympathise with the poor girl fot what shes been through. but just because shes been through alot doesnt make it okay for her to sleep with a married man. i know your trying to play this whole *not all guys are abusive, role* by not telling her the truth of what shes done, but someone needs to call her out.

Looking at your own posts, you have nothing to condemn others for. How dare you judge those that you don't know.

how dare you judge my post and tell me i have nothing on it to condem others for. its about principals she should have waited till after he got a divorce.

 

[Bandit58]

oh please. i sympathise with the poor girl fot what shes been through. but just because shes been through alot doesnt make it okay for her to sleep with a married man. i know your trying to play this whole *not all guys are abusive, role* by not telling her the truth of what shes done, but someone needs to call her out.


how dare you judge my post and tell me i have nothing on it to condem others for. its about principals she should have waited till after he got a divorce.

What I do and who I choose to do it with are none of your business. If you want to discuss this further then take it to PMs and leave this thread to its intended purpose.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

 

[Gil_T2]

What I do and who I choose to do it with are none of your business. If you want to discuss this further then take it to PMs and leave this thread to its intended purpose.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

ECSTACEY.... It appears to me your casting decisions on ppl you know nothing about & it seems to me that it shows your own personal insecurity ! Do you not trust your S/O? Has she formed a relationship with a married man who isn't as narrow minded as you are?

The simple fact that you would attact a lady you know zero about apart from one post you chose to pick on would indicate your not a person with CLASS you are just an ASS.

 

[Don K Dyck]

you slept with a married man? have you no class?

Hi ecstacey, welcome to one of Gil's threads . . .

Newbies generally read more than just the last page before they post . . . that helps them to get a better understanding of the conversation that they are joining in . . .

Then as you proceed through life you find that contrary to what we are told in kindergarten, the world is NOT simply black and white on all social questions . . . in fact, there is usually every possible shade of grey, and then some . . .

Whether you are offended by what you read is irrelevant . . . what posters to this thread will find objectionable is your willingness to impose YOUR moral standards on other people without knowing the facts of the situation . . .

Besides . . . what is wrong with sleeping with a married man . . . or married woman for that matter . . . if both are consenting adults and making the decision with a clear mind?

 

[ecstacey]

What I do and who I choose to do it with are none of your business. If you want to discuss this further then take it to PMs and leave this thread to its intended purpose.

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

i never said it was sweet cheeks. you people are getting far to over worked over this. its not like i called her a whore or said she deserved to be abused.

ECSTACEY.... It appears to me your casting decisions on ppl you know nothing about & it seems to me that it shows your own personal insecurity ! Do you not trust your S/O? Has she formed a relationship with a married man who isn't as narrow minded as you are?

The simple fact that you would attact a lady you know zero about apart from one post you chose to pick on would indicate your not a person with CLASS you are just an ASS.

im not attacking anyone. it was a simple question. your quite hypocritcal calling me an ass for attacking someone when your doing the exzact same thing to me. your pathetic attempt to psychologically analyse me by saying I have insecurities isnt working. it couldnt be more further from the truth.