How do I actually go about finding a fetish partner?

[AndNowWeRun]

So I'm not actually looking to date or for a long-term relationship of any sort. More a FWB situation, but for a fetish I have, not for sex. It can be really hard to find someone with the same fetish as you or even just someone who doesn't have the fetish but may be open enough to try it (obviously with full consent and without pressuring them into it).

Trying to find someone like this 'out in the wild' is next to impossible, it seems. But even doing so online seems impossible as well, even with sites aimed at kinky personals and setting up munches and things like that.

It seems like the only way to go about this is to set up one sort of interaction with another person and then get them to do a second interaction with you that they don't realise is a fetish. Obviously, this wouldn't work with certain fetishes.

The problem with this is that, obviously, it's unacceptable behaviour, because you'd then be using someone for sexual gratification without their knowledge or consent. It doesn't matter how seemingly innocuous it is.

But that means there's probably no way to make this work, and you'll never be fulfilled in this core aspect of your life, which sounds insane and completely unfair to me.

Surely, there has to be a solution I'm overlooking :c

 

[NehaGin]

Are you looking for a real life partner or online?

For online you can start a thread about this fetish and see what happens. If people start commenting and discussing, just PM those that have the right ideas and see where that takes you.

For real life, you can probably do the same on FetLife and make it local. But that depends on where you are - in NY you can probably find anybody, but away from major cities it can be hard.

 

[AndNowWeRun]

Are you looking for a real life partner or online?

For online you can start a thread about this fetish and see what happens. If people start commenting and discussing, just PM those that have the right ideas and see where that takes you.

For real life, you can probably do the same on FetLife and make it local. But that depends on where you are - in NY you can probably find anybody, but away from major cities it can be hard.

Real life partner.

I have tried FetLife and live decently close to a major city, it just hasn't worked out in the past. I've tried to arrange things, but the other person always either flakes out at the last second or ghosts me after having had otherwise decent interactions with them :\

 

[NehaGin]

Real life partner.

I have tried FetLife and live decently close to a major city, it just hasn't worked out in the past. I've tried to arrange things, but the other person always either flakes out at the last second or ghosts me after having had otherwise decent interactions with them :\

I would say keep trying.
Stay away from one-on-one interactions for a bit as those can be tricky, as you said, people tend to flake when they realize you actually mean business. But there are those that are ready to play too, it's just hard to find them. Maybe try to organize a local Fet group dedicated to this fetish? This will bring in more people and you might meet the right ones.

If this fetish compatible with party setting, you can try to find who is running them. If there are none, contact people that run different themed bdsm parties and suggest your theme. Who knows, maybe they will like the idea.

 

[AndNowWeRun]

I would say keep trying.
Stay away from one-on-one interactions for a bit as those can be tricky, as you said, people tend to flake when they realize you actually mean business. But there are those that are ready to play too, it's just hard to find them. Maybe try to organize a local Fet group dedicated to this fetish? This will bring in more people and you might meet the right ones.

If this fetish compatible with party setting, you can try to find who is running them. If there are none, contact people that run different themed bdsm parties and suggest your theme. Who knows, maybe they will like the idea.

Oh, I hadn't considered the BDSM theme parties. I don't think my fetish really has its own party setting, but maybe the theme suggestion could work. I'm personally not sure how comfortable I'd be engaging in the fetish with multiple people at once, but I could see myself warming up to it. Or I dunno, maybe it could be done in such a way that everyone could split up to do their own thing within that party.

 

[NightL]

live decently close to a major city

There will be fetish clubs in a major city. You will be able to find them via Google. Some clubs will hold introductory nights. Contact the clubs and simply ask. Find out their policies of attendance and attire. If they don't allow single people then ask a friend who maybe curious to attend with you. If you are female I doubt such a restriction will apply.

Get in the door - make friends. You will be in an environment where you will not be judged. Remember everyone there also had their first time in such an environment.

Fetish clubs are not swingers clubs though there maybe some in attendance. No one will be offended if you say "thank you, but I am just here to make friends at this stage".

If you go to a club, just take your time. It may take many visits before you participate or establish your contacts and friendships.

 

[magic_rat]

Join Fetlife. Look at groups that align with your fetish and make sure you add some relevant detail to your profile. Have some reasonable quality photos on your profile so people don't assume you're a chancer. Go to munches and meet other fetishists; it doesn't matter if they share your fetish or not, you just want to network with people with similar interests, get yourself known, stop being an outsider. It doesn't happen overnight. Talk to people. DON'T be the guy who sits in the corner waiting for people to come talk to him, who then goes home and complains that everyone was unfriendly. People love to discuss fetishes and on more than one occasion I've been able to connect people together with shared interests even though it wasn't an interest of mine.

Look at events in your area. visit the ones that have an even peripheral connection to your fetish; most kinksters have fingers in more than one pie. for instance I attended a rubber fetishists party as photographer in residence not long ago. The focus was rubber, but there were cross dressers, BDSM folk, people into breath play, a rigger and rope bunny...

Just remember you are not alone. There are others that share your kink, and want to share with you. You won't find them straight away but in the meantime you'll meet lots of interesting people.

Out of interest, what's the kink? PM me if you want.

 

[NehaGin]

[...]

All of what he said ^^^

Including the part that any relevant parties/orgies/munches bring in all types of folks.

If your fetish can be made known to others through your clothing, accessories, or something else recognizable by those that know what to look for - great. If not, you will still meet some kinky people that love to both talk and listen. And might know somebody who talked to them before about the same kink.

 

[AndNowWeRun]

There will be fetish clubs in a major city. You will be able to find them via Google. Some clubs will hold introductory nights. Contact the clubs and simply ask. Find out their policies of attendance and attire. If they don't allow single people then ask a friend who maybe curious to attend with you. If you are female I doubt such a restriction will apply.

Get in the door - make friends. You will be in an environment where you will not be judged. Remember everyone there also had their first time in such an environment.

Fetish clubs are not swingers clubs though there maybe some in attendance. No one will be offended if you say "thank you, but I am just here to make friends at this stage".

If you go to a club, just take your time. It may take many visits before you participate or establish your contacts and friendships.

Join Fetlife. Look at groups that align with your fetish and make sure you add some relevant detail to your profile. Have some reasonable quality photos on your profile so people don't assume you're a chancer. Go to munches and meet other fetishists; it doesn't matter if they share your fetish or not, you just want to network with people with similar interests, get yourself known, stop being an outsider. It doesn't happen overnight. Talk to people. DON'T be the guy who sits in the corner waiting for people to come talk to him, who then goes home and complains that everyone was unfriendly. People love to discuss fetishes and on more than one occasion I've been able to connect people together with shared interests even though it wasn't an interest of mine.

Look at events in your area. visit the ones that have an even peripheral connection to your fetish; most kinksters have fingers in more than one pie. for instance I attended a rubber fetishists party as photographer in residence not long ago. The focus was rubber, but there were cross dressers, BDSM folk, people into breath play, a rigger and rope bunny...

Just remember you are not alone. There are others that share your kink, and want to share with you. You won't find them straight away but in the meantime you'll meet lots of interesting people.

Out of interest, what's the kink? PM me if you want.

All of what he said ^^^

Including the part that any relevant parties/orgies/munches bring in all types of folks.

If your fetish can be made known to others through your clothing, accessories, or something else recognizable by those that know what to look for - great. If not, you will still meet some kinky people that love to both talk and listen. And might know somebody who talked to them before about the same kink.

All of you are so sweet, I swear. lol. Okay, I'll be sure to use all your advice here. I'm feeling pretty empowered now to just go and do it. I'll enjoy the journey and not worry so much about the destination. I feel like that's been a big issue for me, honestly. Reading your posts makes me realise the journey is important, too, and it does sound exciting, honestly.

 

[NehaGin]

All of you are so sweet, I swear. lol. Okay, I'll be sure to use all your advice here. I'm feeling pretty empowered now to just go and do it. I'll enjoy the journey and not worry so much about the destination. I feel like that's been a big issue for me, honestly. Reading your posts makes me realise the journey is important, too, and it does sound exciting, honestly.

[Hugs]

 

[NightL]

the journey is important, too, and it does sound exciting, honestly.

It also can be a bit like finding your tribe. The friendships you make along the way may also include others with a different fetish/kink, people you may not play with but totally get and respect who you are.

If you do go to a club, don't be shy. You will probably be very surprised how friendly and open people are in that environment.

 

[AndNowWeRun]

It also can be a bit like finding your tribe. The friendships you make along the way may also include others with a different fetish/kink, people you may not play with but totally get and respect who you are.

If you do go to a club, don't be shy. You will probably be very surprised how friendly and open people are in that environment.

Love that, as I often use the word tribe myself when describing one of the things I desire most. You make it sound wonderful, and I'm sure I'll have a wonderful time c:

 

[Friedfred]

So I'm not actually looking to date or for a long-term relationship of any sort. More a FWB situation, but for a fetish I have, not for sex. It can be really hard to find someone with the same fetish as you or even just someone who doesn't have the fetish but may be open enough to try it (obviously with full consent and without pressuring them into it).

Trying to find someone like this 'out in the wild' is next to impossible, it seems. But even doing so online seems impossible as well, even with sites aimed at kinky personals and setting up munches and things like that.

It seems like the only way to go about this is to set up one sort of interaction with another person and then get them to do a second interaction with you that they don't realise is a fetish. Obviously, this wouldn't work with certain fetishes.

The problem with this is that, obviously, it's unacceptable behaviour, because you'd then be using someone for sexual gratification without their knowledge or consent. It doesn't matter how seemingly innocuous it is.

But that means there's probably no way to make this work, and you'll never be fulfilled in this core aspect of your life, which sounds insane and completely unfair to me.

Surely, there has to be a solution I'm overlooking :c

I would like to chat with you and see if I can help you

 

[magic_rat]

It also can be a bit like finding your tribe.

Totally this. You won’t find what you’re looking for straight away, probably, but you will meet people who don’t judge or shame, you’ll makes friends, you’ll laugh a lot and you’ll have the best time.