How do u help your girl get over a rape...

[kitsune_kun]

I know you're young, but you need to keep an eye on yourself and look for patterns in your attractions and relationships now. Everyone has issues, but if you find most of the people you're drawn to (even male friends) have a history of major problems, be it a bad childhood, abuse, assault/rape, or similar, you may be what's commonly called a "rescuer" and have trouble carrying on healthy, fulfilling, successful relationships.

It's fixable with awareness and work (no, you wouldn't become an uncaring jerk who can't deal with people who have problems, you'd just become someone who can do it in a healthy way), especially if you catch it sooner rather than later, when you've established patterns and see it as normal. I'm not saying this is the case for you, but it sounds like it's something you'll want to watch out for and look into since you recognize you're attracted to similar people, and those people have major problems.

Or maybe it's simply cus I have also had major problems, and only they seem to get me.

 

[SweetErika]

Or maybe it's simply cus I have also had major problems, and only they seem to get me.

Well, yeah, that's kind of my point. People who have had dysfunctional childhoods, major problems, and/or really bad things happen to them are at high risk for hooking up with others in similar situations, which can lead to "rescuing"/codependent-type behavior and relationships.

It's definitely something you should watch for and look into, and doesn't mean you can't have friends or lovers with problems, only that you may need to change the way you deal with them so BOTH of you can be healthy, happy, and have long-term success.

 

[kitsune_kun]

yeah, by coming here at all is me trying a change.... normally I'd face it myself, like i have everything else in my life. But because i care aobut these people, i chose to see if asking ofr help would help me. And thus, in turn, help them. both friends, and those of a closer relationship.