How Do I get laid?

[Leeleigh]

Proof positive that despite all of my progress with people, I cannot defy that universal law that men will never fully understand women. I still know next to nothing about them.

I'd be distressed if it weren't normal.

Remember that I am only one woman out of millions. I am sure that others have a different opinion than I do. I have never really been attracted to bad boys.. maybe because I grew up with so many of them that I knew what I did not want, a bad boy.

If you understood us, that would take all the need out of getting to know us, and that, honey is how you find out if you got a winner, or one that deserves the hook.

 

[DrStein]

Remember that I am only one woman out of millions. I am sure that others have a different opinion than I do. I have never really been attracted to bad boys.. maybe because I grew up with so many of them that I knew what I did not want, a bad boy.

If you understood us, that would take all the need out of getting to know us, and that, honey is how you find out if you got a winner, or one that deserves the hook.

Okay, that perspective really helps.

Now, finding women is the problem. Pittsburgh isn't exactly a hot spot for the dating scene, especially for guys like me.

 

[Leeleigh]

Okay, that perspective really helps.

Now, finding women is the problem. Pittsburgh isn't exactly a hot spot for the dating scene, especially for guys like me[/B].

Enlighten me please...

 

[DrStein]

Well, most of the women my age in Pittsburgh spend their time at the club scene... Which I thoroughly hate. Club music I can tolerate, but the relentlessly self-destructive atmosphere there makes me sick to my stomach. I tried it once, and I'm not going back.

Furthermore, many of the neighborhoods in Pittsburgh have a strong streak of anti-intellectualism. I go out to bookstores every weekend to browse, pick up something I like, and hope to network a little. But at any given time, I am the only person in the store still too young to buy beer.

And besides that, I'm a very quirky guy. I admit, I'd probably be relatively high maintenance due to my various idiosyncracies, habits, methods, and hobbies. I make no apologies for being weird. But I don't think that's really helping to clsoe the deal. I'm trying to play up my strengths, but I'm kind of learning how to do that as I go along.

Truth be told, I'm still relatively clueless on how to make it in the dating scene.

 

[Leeleigh]

Well, most of the women my age in Pittsburgh spend their time at the club scene... Which I thoroughly hate. Club music I can tolerate, but the relentlessly self-destructive atmosphere there makes me sick to my stomach. I tried it once, and I'm not going back.

Furthermore, many of the neighborhoods in Pittsburgh have a strong streak of anti-intellectualism. I go out to bookstores every weekend to browse, pick up something I like, and hope to network a little. But at any given time, I am the only person in the store still too young to buy beer.

And besides that, I'm a very quirky guy. I admit, I'd probably be relatively high maintenance due to my various idiosyncracies, habits, methods, and hobbies. I make no apologies for being weird. But I don't think that's really helping to clsoe the deal. I'm trying to play up my strengths, but I'm kind of learning how to do that as I go along.

Truth be told, I'm still relatively clueless on how to make it in the dating scene.

Well if you are still to young to buy beer you are under 21.... so honey, its not unusual to be just a bit clueless regarding the dating sceen. Honey, I am about to turn 50 and I am clueless.

Being quirky is fine. It means that not only do you march to the beat of your own drummer, you lead it.

Hang in there sweetie... you are a pretty smart guy and from what I can read you have a good head on your shoulders. You will not only figure it out, but I am betting that once you figure your niche out, you will excell.

 

[DrStein]

Probably. I'm just going through the phase where you're hitting one obstacle after another and start to wonder if it's worth it.

I'm hoping for more luck after I move to NYC following graduation.

 

[Leeleigh]

Probably. I'm just going through the phase where you're hitting one obstacle after another and start to wonder if it's worth it.

I'm hoping for more luck after I move to NYC following graduation.

Honey.. I am almost 50 years old, I have not had a date in over 27 years, I have not had a man in my life since I buried my SE over 6 years ago.. I haven't given up cause I know that once I find it, it will be soooo worth it.. Don't you give up either.

 

[DrStein]

Thanks. Patience may not be my strongest quality, but I'm going to keep looking.

I see all these frat boys and high school drop-outs wandering around, never with the same girl for longer than a month, and I can't fathom how one could be so consumed by instant gratification that you'd treat relationships like a disposable razor: good for only so long, then you pitch it.

The whole trick for me is convincing women out there that in the long run, I'm the one who's willing to make the effort to make them happy. Of course, I suppose the same could be said for any other guy looking for a serious relationship.

 

[Leeleigh]

Thanks. Patience may not be my strongest quality, but I'm going to keep looking.

I see all these frat boys and high school drop-outs wandering around, never with the same girl for longer than a month, and I can't fathom how one could be so consumed by instant gratification that you'd treat relationships like a disposable razor: good for only so long, then you pitch it.

The whole trick for me is convincing women out there that in the long run, I'm the one who's willing to make the effort to make them happy. Of course, I suppose the same could be said for any other guy looking for a serious relationship.

ah honey, but how many guys are looking for a serious relationship at your age. They want their cake and they want to eat it too... And the girls just don't realize that they are worth more than slam bam thank you maam. Look to a slightly older woman. You may have better luck. They, at least, have moved beyond the idea of a new lover ever night.

 

[DrStein]

Maybe. As much as I'd like to end my romantic drought, however, I'm in no hurry. I have enough on my plate that takes priority as it is.

Still, my philosophy toward this whole situation is that if after a couple months of dating and getting close to one another, the girl decides she doesn't want me for a long-term relationship, her loss. I put the offer out on the table, and if she's going to pass it up, then I pack up and find someone else. Simple as that. If she figures out after the fact that she should have accepted me, she's got no one to blame but herself.

 

[Leeleigh]

Maybe. As much as I'd like to end my romantic drought, however, I'm in no hurry. I have enough on my plate that takes priority as it is.

Still, my philosophy toward this whole situation is that if after a couple months of dating and getting close to one another, the girl decides she doesn't want me for a long-term relationship, her loss. I put the offer out on the table, and if she's going to pass it up, then I pack up and find someone else. Simple as that. If she figures out after the fact that she should have accepted me, she's got no one to blame but herself.

Thats the attitude to have honey.

 

[DrStein]

It's a shame that the dating scene is so rough, though. On the upshot, it's helped me build up a very resilient sense of self-esteem. Rejection still stings, but I get over it pretty quick.

My biggest hurdle is drawing attention and making a positive first impression. That's partially why I'm putting more effort into my guitar practice this summer. Pull out the acoustic at a dorm party and play a Celtic ballad, or get out my electric and let loose with a rocker and that should get people talking to me. Of course, that hinges largely on actually being good at music.

 

[Leeleigh]

It's a shame that the dating scene is so rough, though. On the upshot, it's helped me build up a very resilient sense of self-esteem. Rejection still stings, but I get over it pretty quick.

My biggest hurdle is drawing attention and making a positive first impression. That's partially why I'm putting more effort into my guitar practice this summer. Pull out the acoustic at a dorm party and play a Celtic ballad, or get out my electric and let loose with a rocker and that should get people talking to me. Of course, that hinges largely on actually being good at music.

I hope that you are. You have a good head on your shoulders, you know what you need to do, and you have a game plan. Sugar, you have half the battle thought out and have made plenty of plans.

 

[DrStein]

Thanks for the encouragement. It's true what they: everyone is their own worst enemy. It's good to hear that I'm on the right track. Puts down those nagging doubts.

 

[Leeleigh]

Guys, I thought of this last night

The next time you go out for a walk buy a dozen carnations. When you see a lady who catches your eye, be it her smile, the way her eyes sparkle, the sound of her laugh, the color of her shirt, whatever.. Go up to her and offer her the flower with a comment of "A beautiful flower for a beautiful woman." with something like this..." The sound of your laughter made me think of something joyful" or "Your smile made me smile in return, and made me feel better" or" the color of your shirt gave me a bright spot in my world" You guys get the idea.

And guys, "your hooters are a knockout" is not acceptable..

A motto for you gentleman...

"Find me a woman, and I get laid for today... Teach me to find ladies, and I get laid for a lifetime"

 

[emap]

What she said.

Also keep in mind, we do eat, we do shop and sometimes we even go and do our laundry in a laundromat. You can approach us there, just be nice, honest and complementary. Helps to bring a rose, assuming you've already paid for it of course. Though make it a silk one, that way if she's allergic it's no problem.

 

[DrStein]

And guys, "your hooters are a knockout" is not acceptable..

I figured as much.

The reason most guys wouldn't do this is because they'd be too worried about either being emasculated or because they doubt they would ever be taken seriously afterward.

 

[Leeleigh]

I figured as much.

The reason most guys wouldn't do this is because they'd be too worried about either being emasculated or because they doubt they would ever be taken seriously afterward.

Dr. are you talking about the flowers... honey, women so rarely get flowers unless it is a special occasion... I am a BBW, and men look right through me. I know I would be so touched if someone did that to me, I would at least reward the man with a kiss to the cheek... Trust me on this.... try it.

 

[DrStein]

I'm not saying I wouldn't try it. I'm just saying most don't because they have almost no security in their masculinity.

I on the other hand know I don't have to prove jack shit to anybody. Give a girl a rose, and if she doesn't like it, that's her problem. I was just trying to be a nice guy. Her loss if she doesn't go for the Lord Byron type/approach.

 

[niceguys1st]

I can relate to a lot of the things being said in this thread. I'm 25 and I've never had sex yet. Patience is also not my best quality to say the least. It's hard but it's nice to know there's others out there who are in the same boat as I am.

 

[emap]

Nice just read through the posts, everything us ladies have said is sure fire way to get a date at least.

You just have to be yourself, stop thinking about sex only and pay complements, most of us get them so rarely anybody saying something nice is getting a date.

I'm not kidding here, besides my parents I didn't get a complement from 12 until 20 or so, then what I did get was whistles and 'hey nice ass.' Until I met my guy, besides being a total hunk and a sex god, he says nice things about me to me alot.

Nice things are your hair is wonderful, that outfit looks so good on you, your eyes sparkling in the light is so sexy. Some others that are just so darn corny, but oh hearing them is so wonderful, did you fall from heaven because you are such an angel, can I get an invite to your next model show. Yeah I know, stupid and corny, but they are paying huge complements. Besides we spend so much of our time trying to look like models with great hair hearing about it is something we crave.

 

[DrStein]

I've noticed women really like compliments that aren't blatantly sexual. Although it seems with women who really could make it as models, you have to watch it. If they get guys approaching them a lot, they're probably burnt out on being complimented for their looks, so you probably have to go for a more roundabout approach. At least, that's what I've noticed.

On the other hand, some women are just plain beautiful and thus most guys assume they're unapproachable. I had a teacher in high school who said that her neice growing up never got a date until she went to college because she was so gorgeous every guy she met automatically assumed she was out of their league.

... Jesus, could this get any more friggin' complicated?

 

[Leeleigh]

I've noticed women really like compliments that aren't blatantly sexual. Although it seems with women who really could make it as models, you have to watch it. If they get guys approaching them a lot, they're probably burnt out on being complimented for their looks, so you probably have to go for a more roundabout approach. At least, that's what I've noticed.

On the other hand, some women are just plain beautiful and thus most guys assume they're unapproachable. I had a teacher in high school who said that her neice growing up never got a date until she went to college because she was so gorgeous every guy she met automatically assumed she was out of their league.

... Jesus, could this get any more friggin' complicated?

Doc... honey, its not that complicated... Take a leap of faith and ask that girl out. Maybe she is smiling at something someone said, or maybe she saw you and is smiling at you hoping that you will notice her. Just do it.

Keep repeating to yourself..
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.
Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained.

 

[DrStein]

Yeah, but trying to figure out the nuances of what makes people tick... I'm extremely analytical by nature. A side-effect of being a writer.

 

[Leeleigh]

Yeah, but trying to figure out the nuances of what makes people tick... I'm extremely analytical by nature. A side-effect of being a writer.

I am a writer too, and being a financial person, I am also analytical. Honey, quit trying to figure out what makes everyone tick and just take the person as they come. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Enjoy it.


I will admit, you are indeed quirky.... which makes you interesting as hell and quite a challenge. You are keeping this old broad on her toes.