How Do I get laid?

[emap]

Oh incredibly silly man.

What your describing is actually most of the country, everywhere you go you will find people who don't bath often, if at all. You will find people who wear the same clothes until they fall off, they may or may not change then. And so forth, you can see the same thing in other countries also, there are people living in a foodless area for no apparent reason, some are there because of religous reasons, most are still there because they don't bother to move, just hope it changes.

Also have to say this, in the afternoon or evening you are going to be seeing people just out of work and/or the gym, usually the worst looking people are from work or the gym. Just talk to them anyway, you will be surprised.

Oooooo, almost forgot, sometimes woman will go out places and not dress up or put on makeup because we don't want to get some selfish jack**s hitting on us, easier to go in scruffy clothes and messy hair without makeup. Of course the only way to tell is by talking to her, and/or going out on a date, not that night of course, but the next or that Friday.

 

[DrStein]

I guess I really should stop being picky. It's really not getting me anywhere so far.

 

[emap]

To certain degree yes, you still should go and talk to the women you find attractive, and yes we can tell if you don't. But you need to not worry to much about what they are wearing, most of the time we are just like men in that we don't really bother to dress up and look nice when we are going to the store.

 

[DrStein]

Well, I still think it's fair to say that any woman who goes out to the grocery store showing more cleavage than a plumber's ass and wearing enough jewelry to set off the metal detectors in an airport 10 miles away is not someone I want to be too closely affiliated with.

 

[emap]

The jewelry part is a couple different things, either she doesn't trust anybody enough to leave anything at home or she has a rather rich guy who gives her jewelry alot and being a proud happy woman wears it alot.

The cleavage part, well if you want to get some sex talk to them, either they are not dating anyone and want some sex, or they are married and not to happy. Hmmm, there is a third option for those, they are married and happy but either he makes her wear revealing slutware or she does, either reason can lead you to sex with her, but not always.

 

[DrStein]

As nice as sex would be, I'd prefer to have a relationship built on a little more than anticipation of the next orgasm.

 

[emap]

I knew that, I was just explaining it a little for anyone who reads this and wants to know, also to get those horndog a**holes to leave us happy women alone.

 

[DrStein]

Well, been a while since anyone's posted here, but I have a couple thoughts I need to get out. Specifically, I'm looking for feedback again.

I'm the type of person who likes to rehearse things. It's not that I lack quick wit. It's just that I feel more comfortable when I've had time to map out a gameplan first. To that effect, I've been mentally rehearsing a couple of different scenarios. Breaking the ice has always been the most difficult part for me, so I'm concentrating and how to do that then get the conversation rolling.

The first one I thought about is for when I'm out at a cafe or something and see a girl who looks like she's feeling depressed. Though not the most empathetic guy in the world, I like to try and give people a boost when their spirits are low. So I imagine doind something like this:

ME: Hi. I noticed you sitting alone here, thought you looked a little blue. Having a bad day?
HER: (nods)
ME: Oh. (pause and sit down, thinking) Would it help if I jumped up on the table, stripped to the waist, and started singing Melt With You by Modern English?... I'm not gonna! I don't even know you, for god's sake. I just need to know how high the bar is set. (say all this with a straight face)

And I'm hoping at that point she laughs. Would this work?

Another one I wanted to try was if I'm already in a conversation with her, and for one reason or another I mention I listen to heavy metal to which she reponds with the old, "Isn't that all Satanic?" routine. My response:

ME: (with a straight face) Oh yeah, that reminds me. It's Virgin Sacrifice Saturday this weekend.

How do you think most people would react with that? Bear in mind, you're talking to a social retard so you really do have to assume I'm that dense.

Another I had in mind was I see a girl at a restaurant on karaoke night and she does a song by a band I really like (i.e. The Eagles, Judas Priest, Led Zeppelin, etc.). On her way back to her table, I stop her and say the following:

ME: Excuse me, do you take requests?
HER: Sure. (or something like that)
ME: Great. Don't do any more songs by (insert band here). I love their music too much.

Naturally, I'd say all that in a tone that lets her know I'm joking. I'm not sure how it would go down though, which is why I'm putting it out for criticism.

Another I had in mind would be to a response I have actually seen used on other guys. A lot.

HER: (after whatever quirky introduction I use) You're not my type, you know.
ME: (looks around) Uh, lady? Is there an invisible man around hitting on you, or do you just have a habit of saying things like that to complete strangers? Either way, it's... kinda creepy. (walks off with a shrug without waiting and a look on my face like I think she's nuts)

The desired outcome would be that she goes after me and apologizes for jumping the gun, because at that point I wasn't hitting on her, I was just being friendly.

Which is essentially the approach I'm going for. I don't want to meet a girl giving her the impression I'm only interested in getting into her panties. What I want instead is to leave her with the impression that I'm just a friendly, quirky guy whom they're not sure was attracted to them or not. The goal: make myself seem so interesting and different from the rest of the pack that I'm worth thinking about even after I've left.

The whole point to using my admittedly quirky sense of humor is like an acid test. I want to date a girl with a good sense of humor herself, and one who can appreciate the fact that I like to be ironic, sarcastic, and occassionally bust people's balls in good fun. If she's turned off by that sort of humor, then she's not going to enjoy being around me in the long-run, and the feeling will become mutual.

EDIT: Grr! I'm such a bad typist! I ommitted whole words from some of those sentences. :upset:

EDIT 2: And they don't even have the proper smiley to convey my frustration.

 

[emap]

Eeeppppp your evil, it's 4:46 and you just had to post this now.

Ok, the first thought was perfect, I just hope your not dense enough to assume a pouting goth woman is down. Though I'm thinking it will get her to smile, heck that one got me smiling and it's pretty darn late you evil man you.

OK, the second one I recomend you not say, probably not that many women are going to find the joke in that. Think up something else unless she's got a kidding face when she asks about the devil worship.

Karaoke night one, BURN it, toss it in a pool of molten lava fish it back out drop it under the air force testing napalm bombs then stick it to a rocket going into the sun. Not kidding, it's bad for an introduction, instead of doing that say that you liked her rendition of the song but feel she would do an alternate song/band better. If she likes you she will sit or drag your butt to her table and talk.

The fourth one actually is pretty good, I'm doubting she would chase after you unless you say it with a flair and panache she likes. Keep in mind we are visual just like men, unlike most men we tend to look for more than good looks and a big dick.

Now all that out of the way, a quirky wit and all can be good, but you need to pick and choose your moments. If your having a good humor day let them rip, if your not let the first one die a lonely death. And keep the jokes to a minimum for a while on the first date, it takes us a while to loosen up to someone and quirky wit isn't always appreciated. Not saying don't crack jokes, just try and keep them rather mundane until she's opening up.

 

[DrStein]

Thank you. This should be proof that I mostly hang out with guys. We very sarcastic, sometimes caustic things to each other all the time for sport.

The first one really is the one I feel the most proud of.

I'll modify the second one, considering that I do tend to meet a lot of people that aren't... musically inclined outside of MTV.

The third one, as I said, should show you I mostly hang out with guys. That's par for the course with us, and busting each other balls without actually offending one another is a fine art for us.

On the fourth one, flair really isn't that difficult because I'm a very dramatic person.

 

[Leeleigh]

Thank you. This should be proof that I mostly hang out with guys. We very sarcastic, sometimes caustic things to each other all the time for sport.

The first one really is the one I feel the most proud of.

I'll modify the second one, considering that I do tend to meet a lot of people that aren't... musically inclined outside of MTV.

The third one, as I said, should show you I mostly hang out with guys. That's par for the course with us, and busting each other balls without actually offending one another is a fine art for us.

On the fourth one, flair really isn't that difficult because I'm a very dramatic person.

Doc.........

Honey....a pouting or seemingly down girl may be down because she just broke up with her boyfriend.. and that may NOT be the best time to try to get playful.. Try it with someone who is looking more bored than unhappy..

The second one....... really bad move.. Politics and religion(Satan falls under that) bad conversation pieces unless you have known the person for a long long long long time.

The third one.. hope you pick somone who can at least sing.. this might not work will if she sounds like fingernails on a chalk board..

Fourth one... quirky introduction....... honey, define quirky and we will go from there.

 

[emap]

Eeeeppp, your right it was late and I didn't think, that first one isn't so good for the crying women, usually what happened is really bad.

 

[DrStein]

Doc.........

Honey....a pouting or seemingly down girl may be down because she just broke up with her boyfriend.. and that may NOT be the best time to try to get playful.. Try it with someone who is looking more bored than unhappy..

Point taken.

The second one....... really bad move.. Politics and religion(Satan falls under that) bad conversation pieces unless you have known the person for a long long long long time.

I guess I've gotten too comfortable. I have friends with opposing ideologies to mine, but we're all secure in our beliefs and get along fine.

The third one.. hope you pick somone who can at least sing.. this might not work will if she sounds like fingernails on a chalk board..

That was what I had in mind. I'd only do it if it's obvious the girl can really sing and knows it, if it's obvious she's had professional lessons and years of practice.

Fourth one... quirky introduction....... honey, define quirky and we will go from there.

/sigh
This is why I talk to people who know what they're talking about: because I don't.

I'm the type of person who believes that when I meet someone for the first time, they should get a really good idea of my usual demeanor and a rough idea of my personality. Anything else is false advertising.

To that effect, I'm sarcastic, ironic, and have a strange fascination with the esoteric and obscure. I listen to bands that few people have ever heard of (i.e. Tarot, Running Wild, The Michael Schenker Group, The Darkest of the Hillside Thickets) and watch lots of out-there or unusual movies (Zatoichi the Blind Swordsman, Donnie Darko, The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra). I have several mental disorders including clinical depression, but am too proud to take medication. I collect plush Cthulhus. I look and dress like a cross between a psychotic metalhead and Lord Byron. I'm analytical, artistic, picky, and generally laid-back.

It's difficult to explain, but in short, I just can't seem to do anything the normal way. So I figure when I meet people for the first time, they might as well know up-front that I'm not going to be easy to figure out, and you're going to have to put some effort forward to understand me.

 

[emap]

Well first off, swallow your pride and take medication.

After that, it's OK to let people know your odd, but keep it nice. Don't do any tirades, keep the conversation simple and toss in complements anytime you get the thought that anything on her looks good, or her thinking is particularly good. Especially remember the old stand-by's, you know, the light on your eyes makes me believe I'm in heaven. You can be corny, but make it a complement, doesn't matter how much she says oh not that old one again or anything like, she's flattered and that's good.

 

[DrStein]

It would probably help if I had the money to pay for anti-depressants. But as it is... I don't. I already have a couple prescriptions I need to take to function on a day-to-day basis.

Truth be told, I'm getting a little frustrated. The dating scene is like a race, and right now I feel like I'm on a treadmill. Just when I think I've made progress, I find out I've been standing still the whole time.

And yet, I must be a complete masochist because no matter how frustrated and upset I get over my failures and lack of progress, I just keep staggering back into the game. I signed up for a dance class next semester at college partly because it fulfills a requirement, but also because those classes are almost always 90% women who tend to have pretty adventurous personalities and/or open minds. Which, in theory, means that there is a slim chance I can find a girl who would be interested in me.

Nevertheless, it is ridiculously frustrating. It's starting to feel as if I have to sell my soul to get noticed. And to be honest, I'm getting tired of all the bullshit involved in the process. The thing is, I have yet to see a woman in Pittsburgh as smart as any of you. At college, I could probably find some success with some of your suggestions. But in this town... if I tried the whole rose approach in this community, not only would the girl laugh in my face, every male within earshot woudl immediately leap to the conclusion that I'm not straight enough and would drag me out into the street, hang me by my thumbs, and beat me like a pinata.

I fucking hate people. I won't lie. The person is smart, but people are stupid. And where I live, finding a person is difficult because it's filled with people... if that made any sense.

 

[emap]

I can't decide between your giving us to much credit or we just know so much because we've been there a while ago.

Anyway, there should be a state insurance program there, I know there's one here. That should lower or totally take care of the medication expenses, not sure if it covers mental problems.

Now as for the frustrating part, it's going to be, dating is like that, sometimes you think you've found the perfect guy for you and he very isn't, sometimes you can't stand this person, but you can't get rid of them and so forth. Dating is just frustrating, but finding the right one for you makes you forget all about it.

I can't really anything about Pittsburgh, I don't live there, however i can say that here is the same problem, not that many actual persons, most of the time all you see are people, incredibly stupid, annoying, and loud people. The trick is to forget that it's a person standing over there, but instead to realize that's it a beautiful woman just waiting to meet the right guy, which could be you.

 

[Frank.S]

Dont worry about thinking about what your going to say it will come to you. Confidence is the only Key. Its some magical mystery, but many girls can tell a confident man from one who is not.

Just go up to women and start conversations. Its not hard, see where it goes, it might suck and you might get denied but in the big picture who cares. Dating is not a race, it just takes a little practace.

I used to be you 2 months ago, no jokes. One night I decided I had enough of being the shy guy in the corner and I started a conversation with some women that I had never met before. It turned out great, and from that point on I really have no issues.

Dont get down, dont be thinking about what anti-depression drugs are best. Just go out and have a good time, smile, and youll have success I garentee you. Life is Short, relax have fun and it will all come.

 

[DrStein]

I admit I was in a bad mood when I punched all of that out last night.

However, I stand by my stance that it is frustrating that I'm not making any progress. And it pisses me off to see so many people who would rather be told how to live their lives than actually life them. I want friends and a significant other with a mind, but in my hometown I've grown up beside the MTV generation. On the streets, I see nothing but Ashlee Simpson and Ashanti clones, wiggers, punk wannabes, pseudo-Goths, mallcore junkies, and black people that are walking stereotypes. 90% of the people in this town are 1-dimensional sheep terrified of people like me who yearn for and prove that there are bigger and better things out there than what gets handed to us by the TV.

I'm just getting tired. Everyone talks about confidence like it's supposed to be so easy, but the reality is that it's not. It takes a lot of sweat and getting kicked in the face, and I'm already burnt out on both. I just want to live my life without being hassled gratuitously.

God, I sound like such an emo kid, sometimes.

 

[emap]

Your still in a bad mood silly.

YOur also not thinking about something, what a person wears doesn't make them a drone or anything else, just means they think they look good in that outfit. Besides most people in their early 20's are still in the high school looks are everything phase, just because your seeing alot of women wearing Ashlee Simpson outfits or Ashanti outfits doesn't mean they are stupid or brainless, they are trying to look good the best they know how.

Granted it means they are all dressing alike, but think about it this way, at one time a beehive was the 'in' thing to have atop your head.

 

[DrStein]

Trust me, I've heard a lot of these people talking as well as walking around. With few exceptions, they're not the brightest crayons in the box. I used to go to school with a lot of them, and not much has changed in hte last couple years.

As I said, the communities around here have adopted a strong streak of anti-intellectualism. Their ideas of what make a guy masculine, virile, and (believe it or not) straight, are archaic, backwards, short-sighted, and just plain stupid. Their ideas of what make women worthwhile aren't much better. Either way, wanting to be different is a bad thing in their eyes.

I walk to my own song, and a lot of them can't seem to comprehend that. Either that or they feel intimidated by me because I defy their world view. Whatever the reason, I've spent my entire life in Pittsburgh as a pariah because I refused to conform. Leeleigh, you said yourself that some people mature slower than others and others never do (yes, I know I'm paraphrasing). The majority of my generation in this town has yet to grow up past 8-9th grade. They may be in their early 20's, but their still acting as if they're 15-year-old rebels without a clue.

 

[emap]

Try a different area, not kidding you seem to be living in the same place as you grew up in, not all areas are going to be like that.

 

[DrStein]

Well, I'm moving to New York after graduation. If nothing else, at least that city doesn't frocefully stamp out any real attempt at counterculture.

 

[DrStein]

I think I've just had a revelation.

I've known for a while now that women enjoy sex as much as men do, and in my effort to figure things out, that fact gave me an interesting theory.

As I said before, a lot of the young women in Pittsburgh are usually seen in the company of braindead wiggers, clueless gangsta wannabes, and other similarly shameful representations of the male half of the species. I couldn't fathom for the life of me why girls would be attracted to such ignorant, uninspired SOBs who think more with their dicks than their brains.

And then it hit me. A lot of these girls don't actually want a real long-term relationship. What they want is a fuck buddy. They just call these guys boyfriends because they don't want to be labelled as sluts.

Am I finally wising up to the obvious, or is this the hokey theory of a stressed-out mind of a guy trying to rationalize his chronic datelessness.

 

[emap]

I don't know if New York is such a good idea, I think New York has more nutcases than Los Angeles, but not sure, it's so close.

Actually you are more or less right, some woman pick a moron to date because it makes them look smarter, sometimes it's just because he only has the one tiny brain so their nights generally are filled with sex, though I have to admit sometimes those morons aren't.

Seriously, just because somebody says 'Like gag me with a spoon why don't you' doesn't mean they are brainless, some people think it's funny to say that. Also, not all rednecks have split teeth, drool all over the place and say 'watchya git ther.'

People are dual layered, there's the stuff you can see, and there's the stuff you don't. The only way to get to the second layer is know the person for a while. Think of an Idiot Savant, terribly bad name for them, but some of them can play a piano to make the best piano player in the world jealous.

Basically just because a person can't talk well, or repeats the dumbest stuff, doesn't mean they are stupid, their mind just works differently.

 

[DrStein]

I still think that some conclusions wouldn't be too far off. A girl walking around with a Good Charlotte T-shirt and one of her dad's old ties probably isn't going to be into... about 90% of the bands I listen to (i.e. Judas Priest, Children of Bodom, Norther, Opeth, Death, Motorhead, Nightwish, Blind Guardian, Edguy, Dio, King Diamond).

A girl who says she doesn't like foreign films isn't going to be too happy when I want to watch Akira Kurosawa or Zatoichi movies.

I know there are piss poor examples, but my whole point is that I need to find a girl with a more open mind than I generally see around this town.

As for New York being full of psychos, I am one anyway, so it doesn't make much of a difference. Besides, all of my relatives are on the East Coast.