BDSM: Questions and Answers
- Thread starter cymbidia
- Start date
Wizard
Literotica Guru
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MissTaken said:
~hugs Wizard~
I am glad you like it.....
if making your blood rush means you like it!
Awww yea something about a girl with a nice rope holding her thight and a nice rope running thru her legs like that and even better a few nice flat knots in "Speical places"
Breasts standing at atttention...............chest out...............
whew.......yea I like it......I love it..lol
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RisiaSkye
Artistic
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Re: A very special thank you....
It's a big scary world for everyone, but especially for those of us whose desires don't mesh with the "mainstream" standard. This site and this thread, I think, provide a nice safe haven for those of us who usually can't talk about our sexuality without fear of judgement and reprisal. While I'm touched to be thanked for participating, I'm also chagrined, as I'm nobody's expert--just an opinionated person whose keyboard works overtime.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that MissTaken reminds me to be thankful for what we've got here. And thanks to you all for lending your support, the benefit of your experience and various fields of wisdom, and especially for being willing to read without judgement the often intensely personal things I (and we all) post here. I'm feeling very lucky to know you all, even those of you that I've never exchanged with directly.
On a somewhat related ironic side note: I've been waiting for years to see if and how my personal life would inform my work. Because I'm in Cultural Studies, my professional life is consumed in writing about how contemporary American society works, based on how we represent ourselves. And now, I've just gotten approval to write about how novels about "abuse" reflect repressed desires for sexual dominance and submission, and how reader responses reflect both sadistic and masochistic impulses.
The imagery and fantasy of BDSM informs the "mainstream" world in ways we as a culture have barely begun to acknowledge, and now I'm getting the chance to explore that in an attempt to expose it. I'm powerfully grateful for what I learn here, and for the emotional honesty I see reflected in the evolution of this thread. I'm not so arrogant as to believe that my academic work will have any impact on the kinds of discrimination we face daily; however, I'm thrilled to have the chance to point out some of the hypocrisy that informs it. Like those in Queer studies, I'm trying to "pervert" the system from within, on behalf of all of us.
Think I can fit you all on the acknowledgements page?
RS
Wonderful news! Congratulations to you both for finding each other.MissTaken said:
It's a big scary world for everyone, but especially for those of us whose desires don't mesh with the "mainstream" standard. This site and this thread, I think, provide a nice safe haven for those of us who usually can't talk about our sexuality without fear of judgement and reprisal. While I'm touched to be thanked for participating, I'm also chagrined, as I'm nobody's expert--just an opinionated person whose keyboard works overtime.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that MissTaken reminds me to be thankful for what we've got here. And thanks to you all for lending your support, the benefit of your experience and various fields of wisdom, and especially for being willing to read without judgement the often intensely personal things I (and we all) post here. I'm feeling very lucky to know you all, even those of you that I've never exchanged with directly.
On a somewhat related ironic side note: I've been waiting for years to see if and how my personal life would inform my work. Because I'm in Cultural Studies, my professional life is consumed in writing about how contemporary American society works, based on how we represent ourselves. And now, I've just gotten approval to write about how novels about "abuse" reflect repressed desires for sexual dominance and submission, and how reader responses reflect both sadistic and masochistic impulses.
The imagery and fantasy of BDSM informs the "mainstream" world in ways we as a culture have barely begun to acknowledge, and now I'm getting the chance to explore that in an attempt to expose it. I'm powerfully grateful for what I learn here, and for the emotional honesty I see reflected in the evolution of this thread. I'm not so arrogant as to believe that my academic work will have any impact on the kinds of discrimination we face daily; however, I'm thrilled to have the chance to point out some of the hypocrisy that informs it. Like those in Queer studies, I'm trying to "pervert" the system from within, on behalf of all of us.
Think I can fit you all on the acknowledgements page?
RS
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Natalie Nessus
Gypsy Soul
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I think they do not know what they are in forBlackbich said:
Goodluck
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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Re: A very special thank you....
Personally, i often use this thread as a place of solace, particularly when i need the comfort of other people like me, people who understand the drives i feel, and who know i'm not some kind of weird freak for needing what i need. I come here to express the feelings and experiences that pertain to surviving and thriving as a whole person who happens to be a dedicated submissive. This thread is a place where my thoughts can roam free of the constraints they face in my everyday life.
Every new post here helps all of us to grow a bit more.
Every posted joy brings a smile to face of each of us.
Everyone benefits from the active participation of those who come here.
I'm grateful, MissTaken, that you took the time (regardless of the fact that He wanted you to do it) to let us know of your newfound contentment. Thank you. And... i'm sure i'm not alone in sending smiles and good wishes out into the night for your continued happiness within this new relationship. Please let us know how it progresses.
A new relationship, and one that fulfills you as a sexual person; can life be sweeter? I'm very glad for you, MissTaken, and gratified (almost to the point of tears in my eyes) that this one small thread and those who post their experiences, fears, questions, and meandering thoughts here played even a small part in helping you untangle the crazy, mixed-up bag of needs we all carry with us in somewhat understood form.MissTaken said:
Personally, i often use this thread as a place of solace, particularly when i need the comfort of other people like me, people who understand the drives i feel, and who know i'm not some kind of weird freak for needing what i need. I come here to express the feelings and experiences that pertain to surviving and thriving as a whole person who happens to be a dedicated submissive. This thread is a place where my thoughts can roam free of the constraints they face in my everyday life.
Every new post here helps all of us to grow a bit more.
Every posted joy brings a smile to face of each of us.
Everyone benefits from the active participation of those who come here.
I'm grateful, MissTaken, that you took the time (regardless of the fact that He wanted you to do it) to let us know of your newfound contentment. Thank you. And... i'm sure i'm not alone in sending smiles and good wishes out into the night for your continued happiness within this new relationship. Please let us know how it progresses.
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cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
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- 8,786
Re: Re: A very special thank you....
You're a brain, my friend, and an astutely remarkable woman. You'd be a credit to any little subgroup of humanity, and are certainly such to us, The Sexual Perverts United 'N Kinkiness Yeh! (SPUNKY).
Every time one of us makes a difference within a setting that the 'nillas hold pretty damned unassailable (such as the utter implausibility of attaining a doctorate - and that's where she's going now, guys - in her field with *that* topic), it forces *them* to see us as a group that possesses, in this instance, an amazingly gifted academician within our ranks - and so it strengthens us all collectively.
I'm very proud of you, darlin.
Now go write.
So your thesis proposal has been approved? This is BIG news, Risia, GREAT FABULOUS WONDERFUL news! Congrats! More congrats!RisiaSkye said:
You're a brain, my friend, and an astutely remarkable woman. You'd be a credit to any little subgroup of humanity, and are certainly such to us, The Sexual Perverts United 'N Kinkiness Yeh! (SPUNKY).
Every time one of us makes a difference within a setting that the 'nillas hold pretty damned unassailable (such as the utter implausibility of attaining a doctorate - and that's where she's going now, guys - in her field with *that* topic), it forces *them* to see us as a group that possesses, in this instance, an amazingly gifted academician within our ranks - and so it strengthens us all collectively.
I'm very proud of you, darlin.
Now go write.
Natalie Nessus
Gypsy Soul
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I envy you and am proud at the same time - be true and we will enjoy when you publish
morninggirl5
Secret Dream Machine
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Re: Re: A very special thank you....
Congratulations, RisiaSkye! Getting the approval for the topic is almost as much work as writing the paper. Tell us more about the specific type of novels you're going to be discussing. If you venture into popular fiction or, gasp, romance novels, there are quite a few with some not-so-subtle BDSM themes. It might take a couple of days, but I could dig them all out of their respective boxes and give you titles, etc.
RisiaSkye said:
Congratulations, RisiaSkye! Getting the approval for the topic is almost as much work as writing the paper. Tell us more about the specific type of novels you're going to be discussing. If you venture into popular fiction or, gasp, romance novels, there are quite a few with some not-so-subtle BDSM themes. It might take a couple of days, but I could dig them all out of their respective boxes and give you titles, etc.
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and encouragement. We realize that this adventure upon which we embark will not always be an easy one for either of us. It is our hope, that together we will make it a grand adventure and are very optimistic.
As for me, I have never felt more complete, more "at home." As Cym indicated, this thread has and is a source of comfort for me as well. It is a safe place to go where the moral platitudes of the mainstream are left at the door and we are free to be who we are and find others like us. How can there be anything terribly wrong in recogninizing your needs, fulfilling them and building a relationship based upon trust, devotion, adoration and respect? Isn't that what every 'nilla seeks?
Thank you again....I am sorry to ramble on as if experienced. Howvever, I have thought about little else in the past few weeks and am terribly happy and excited about the potential to find true happiness. And am also happy to have a place to share.
Publicizing was His choice. Posting here was my choice, Cym and I couldn't wait to break the news!
*hugs to all*
As for me, I have never felt more complete, more "at home." As Cym indicated, this thread has and is a source of comfort for me as well. It is a safe place to go where the moral platitudes of the mainstream are left at the door and we are free to be who we are and find others like us. How can there be anything terribly wrong in recogninizing your needs, fulfilling them and building a relationship based upon trust, devotion, adoration and respect? Isn't that what every 'nilla seeks?
Thank you again....I am sorry to ramble on as if experienced. Howvever, I have thought about little else in the past few weeks and am terribly happy and excited about the potential to find true happiness. And am also happy to have a place to share.
Publicizing was His choice. Posting here was my choice, Cym and I couldn't wait to break the news!
*hugs to all*
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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The Story of Miss O
Does anyone know where I can find it? I have tried looking in bookstores and on line. No luck yet!
I had heard that it could be found as an e book on a site with the word "spectre" in it. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Thank you
Does anyone know where I can find it? I have tried looking in bookstores and on line. No luck yet!
I had heard that it could be found as an e book on a site with the word "spectre" in it. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Thank you
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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- Jun 30, 2001
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Sorry to keep posting, but I did find the story on line.
Here is the link:
http://www.angelfire.com/in/chains/soop1a.html
Here is the link:
http://www.angelfire.com/in/chains/soop1a.html
RisiaSkye
Artistic
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- May 1, 2000
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- 4,387
cymbidia, WriterDom, morninggirl, and Nessus
Thank you! I'm jazzed, thrilled, relieved, surprised--and scared stiff. So, more than I already do every day, I really appreciate your support. [Cartman voice: I love you guys...] Just to fill in the blanks a bit, I've been quietly freaking out about getting my dissertation proposal approved for months, and now it's happened. It's taken me three years to find a committee that will let me do the work I went to grad school to do the way I want to do it. I've still gotta pass all the exams and publish my qual. paper, so it's still uphill--but now from the sheer volume of work still ahead. No more fighting the University over the subject matter, something I've been doing for three years.
And, cym, as always--you're the kindest and most supportive friend a kink could want. I'm not nearly that grand, but I appreciate the inspiring sentiment. I finally realized that I no longer had to ignore the way sex informs everything, just because so many do.
morninggirl-- I'm really sorry about this, but you asked, so now you're in for tedium city.
I study primarily "white trash" novels like Before Women had Wings and Bastard out of Carolina and others in which female children are brutally beaten and/or raped, usually by family members. The depictions take up dozens of pages, usually the bulk of the book. The remainder of the book centers around what is essentially a sub-plot about poverty.
So, middle class, primarily female readers (several of these are Oprah's BC titles), perhaps slightly too middle-brow to openly read romance novels, can read novels which vividly portray physical and sexual violence in loving detail without admitting it to themselves. They're reading works by former "low class" women, being "socially responsible," right? And, they're not aroused, they're angry--angry that all those poor people abuse each other like this!
Many people seem to repress their desires, and then project their desires onto other people in the most destructive possible form, then using it as an excuse for supressing "those people." Blackface minstrelsy, for example, projects white desires for leisure, play, and sexual openness onto blacks. If you've read Freud, you know repressed desires come back with a vengeance.
These books project desires for physical and sexual pain and violence onto poor people, in vilified and destructive forms resulting from audience repression and failure to articulate their own desires. Which gives the audience cause to essentially supress two groups of people--the poor, and those who openly explore power, pain, and sex.
To take it further, it often essentially does the same thing with incest. And as we should all know around here, incest gets read--these people just do it in a really sick way, one that actually results in portraying those they project it onto as evil. So, if I were to say, for example, that these book characters are all also Southerners--would you be surprised? Which comes first, the stereotype or the egg? No, the highly-respectable audience wouldn't ever read about incest for pleasure, right? They're reading about that damned trailer trash. It's the same reason Jerry Springer sells.
Sorry...I warned you. You can't ask me about this project without getting my diss. in miniature. Feh, big feh.
Anyway, thank you all very much. And I promise, I'll shut up about this for a good, long time.
RS
cymbidia said:
Thank you! I'm jazzed, thrilled, relieved, surprised--and scared stiff. So, more than I already do every day, I really appreciate your support. [Cartman voice: I love you guys...] Just to fill in the blanks a bit, I've been quietly freaking out about getting my dissertation proposal approved for months, and now it's happened. It's taken me three years to find a committee that will let me do the work I went to grad school to do the way I want to do it. I've still gotta pass all the exams and publish my qual. paper, so it's still uphill--but now from the sheer volume of work still ahead. No more fighting the University over the subject matter, something I've been doing for three years.
And, cym, as always--you're the kindest and most supportive friend a kink could want.
I'm not nearly that grand, but I appreciate the inspiring sentiment. I finally realized that I no longer had to ignore the way sex informs everything, just because so many do.morninggirl-- I'm really sorry about this, but you asked, so now you're in for tedium city.
I study primarily "white trash" novels like Before Women had Wings and Bastard out of Carolina and others in which female children are brutally beaten and/or raped, usually by family members. The depictions take up dozens of pages, usually the bulk of the book. The remainder of the book centers around what is essentially a sub-plot about poverty.
So, middle class, primarily female readers (several of these are Oprah's BC titles), perhaps slightly too middle-brow to openly read romance novels, can read novels which vividly portray physical and sexual violence in loving detail without admitting it to themselves. They're reading works by former "low class" women, being "socially responsible," right? And, they're not aroused, they're angry--angry that all those poor people abuse each other like this!
Many people seem to repress their desires, and then project their desires onto other people in the most destructive possible form, then using it as an excuse for supressing "those people." Blackface minstrelsy, for example, projects white desires for leisure, play, and sexual openness onto blacks. If you've read Freud, you know repressed desires come back with a vengeance.
These books project desires for physical and sexual pain and violence onto poor people, in vilified and destructive forms resulting from audience repression and failure to articulate their own desires. Which gives the audience cause to essentially supress two groups of people--the poor, and those who openly explore power, pain, and sex.
To take it further, it often essentially does the same thing with incest. And as we should all know around here, incest gets read--these people just do it in a really sick way, one that actually results in portraying those they project it onto as evil. So, if I were to say, for example, that these book characters are all also Southerners--would you be surprised? Which comes first, the stereotype or the egg? No, the highly-respectable audience wouldn't ever read about incest for pleasure, right? They're reading about that damned trailer trash. It's the same reason Jerry Springer sells.
Sorry...I warned you. You can't ask me about this project without getting my diss. in miniature. Feh, big feh.
Anyway, thank you all very much. And I promise, I'll shut up about this for a good, long time.
RS
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MissTaken
Biker Chick
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- Jun 30, 2001
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Congradulations, Risia Skye. I was wandering around in my own little bubble and didn't take the opportunity to say , "Well Done!"
Your diss sounds very interesting and I recently had a conversation which included some of the premises you outlined. I look forward to hearing more about it.
Take care
Your diss sounds very interesting and I recently had a conversation which included some of the premises you outlined. I look forward to hearing more about it.
Take care
cellis
Saucy
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Risia Skye, allow me to be among those to offer my congratulations!!!
I really love it when intelligence and perseverance pay off, as in your case...
It is interesting to note how many of those trashy novels (yes, I have read a few LOL) have as a central theme the bound abduction of an "unwilling" woman, who is later taken "against" her will by the abductor.... carted off to a waiting ship or hands bound and mouth gagged ridden off to some remote castle... Ah, yes, I wonder how many of us have lived vicariously through those books... looking, waiting for that One who could fulfill our secret wants and needs to be dominated and to submit.... an interesting premise indeed....
At any rate.... Good Luck!!
I really love it when intelligence and perseverance pay off, as in your case...
It is interesting to note how many of those trashy novels (yes, I have read a few LOL) have as a central theme the bound abduction of an "unwilling" woman, who is later taken "against" her will by the abductor.... carted off to a waiting ship or hands bound and mouth gagged ridden off to some remote castle... Ah, yes, I wonder how many of us have lived vicariously through those books... looking, waiting for that One who could fulfill our secret wants and needs to be dominated and to submit.... an interesting premise indeed....
At any rate.... Good Luck!!
morninggirl5
Secret Dream Machine
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Re: cymbidia, WriterDom, morninggirl, and Nessus
I'll be sending lots of good thoughts your way. I haven't read any books that would fit your criteria. I generally avoid Oprah's BC recommendations and would find it only disturbing to read about a child being abused.
I remember Freud well. (WD's chance to expound on his theory about Psych majors again.) Repressed desires generally manifest themselves with negative rather than positive effects.
I'll stick with my "trashy romance novels," no repression there at all.
RisiaSkye said:
I'll be sending lots of good thoughts your way. I haven't read any books that would fit your criteria. I generally avoid Oprah's BC recommendations and would find it only disturbing to read about a child being abused.
I remember Freud well. (WD's chance to expound on his theory about Psych majors again.) Repressed desires generally manifest themselves with negative rather than positive effects.
I'll stick with my "trashy romance novels," no repression there at all.
morninggirl5
Secret Dream Machine
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- 10,647
cellis said:
Cellis,
How long have you been reading those "few" trashy romance novels? I'm searching for a book I read over 15 years ago and I can't remember the title or author. It was an American historical set in the 1800's. My mother read the first two chapters and it immediately went to the used book store. If you might be able to help, I'd appreciate it.
So as not to completely get away from this thread, the book had BDSM themes throughout, not that I recognized them as such when I read it. No "carting off to a castle," though. I have noticed that authors who incorporate BDSM tend to set their books as historical or medieval (occasionally futuristic), supposedly so as to not offend our "modern" sensibilities.
MG
cellis
Saucy
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- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
morninggirl5 did I fail to mention that I had been reading those books for years... if you can give me a little more to go on I may be able to help you with the book.... and I would also suggest that you check out the romance shelves at your local used book store too...
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Welcome home, Hecate!
I noticed your absence but it's not uncommon for you to travel and be gone from us, is it? In any case, far be it from me to question your comings and goings other than to inquire after your health and well-being.
Was it a good trip?
Where did you go?
We missed you.
I noticed your absence but it's not uncommon for you to travel and be gone from us, is it? In any case, far be it from me to question your comings and goings other than to inquire after your health and well-being.
Was it a good trip?
Where did you go?
We missed you.
Armygirl
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2000
- Posts
- 126
hey cymbidia could you help me?
cymbidia
i was into BDSM for a wile but i could not find
any one to domminate. so i back off
my boyfriend of 1year, and i
want to get into it. (sorry if my words are a little crud)
i like whips
and he loves bindings
could you give me a few hints or starting pointers.
I mite sound stupid but i want to be gentil with the whip
and pleasing to him
any advice it much apricated
Army
cymbidia
i was into BDSM for a wile but i could not find
any one to domminate. so i back off
my boyfriend of 1year, and i
want to get into it. (sorry if my words are a little crud)
i like whips
and he loves bindings
could you give me a few hints or starting pointers.
I mite sound stupid but i want to be gentil with the whip
and pleasing to him
any advice it much apricatedArmy
Merelan
Lady's Love
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2000
- Posts
- 10,812
I knew she was gone, and missed her terribly. Especially as she was here in the States and unable to see me.
Armygirl. If I were you I would go back and find some of the links they have posted. They are super information links and really help get you ideas on how to start and all that. I would post them here but have no idea how to.
Armygirl. If I were you I would go back and find some of the links they have posted. They are super information links and really help get you ideas on how to start and all that. I would post them here but have no idea how to.
Hecate
Lady Hecate will do
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2000
- Posts
- 1,657
I am not cym but *s* ...
If you want to hop over to my web page there are a lot of links that were mentioned in this thread. And in the "Lifestyle" section there is a little essay about getting "started" that I have found usefull.
Hope it doesn't sound too "spammy" .. sorry if it does
Have fun and take care
Hecate
Armygirl said:cymbidia
i was into BDSM for a wile but i could not find
any one to domminate. so i back off
my boyfriend of 1year, and i
want to get into it. (sorry if my words are a little crud)
i like whips
and he loves bindings
could you give me a few hints or starting pointers.
I mite sound stupid but i want to be gentil with the whip
and pleasing to him
Army
If you want to hop over to my web page there are a lot of links that were mentioned in this thread. And in the "Lifestyle" section there is a little essay about getting "started" that I have found usefull.
Hope it doesn't sound too "spammy" .. sorry if it does
Have fun and take care
Hecate
