BDSM: Questions and Answers
- Thread starter cymbidia
- Start date
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Hecate, thank you.
I so appreciate you helping with Armygirl.
I don't know what to tell her. I mean, i know what i should tell her, but i just can't do it. Can't. So i couldn't even look around in here over the last day or so without feeling guilty and anxious.
Just so you know, i'm going through a really rough patch at the moment and have very little extra to hand out to anyone right now, emotionally or of a helpful nature. I've got essentially nothing, perhaps, to give complete strangers.
So thank you, Hecate, for jumping in and saving me from the stress i was feeling every time i saw Armygirl's post.
Armygirl, please accept my apologies for not answering your request for help. I am sorry i left you hanging.
I so appreciate you helping with Armygirl.
I don't know what to tell her. I mean, i know what i should tell her, but i just can't do it. Can't. So i couldn't even look around in here over the last day or so without feeling guilty and anxious.
Just so you know, i'm going through a really rough patch at the moment and have very little extra to hand out to anyone right now, emotionally or of a helpful nature. I've got essentially nothing, perhaps, to give complete strangers.
So thank you, Hecate, for jumping in and saving me from the stress i was feeling every time i saw Armygirl's post.
Armygirl, please accept my apologies for not answering your request for help. I am sorry i left you hanging.
Last edited:
ShyGuy68
The Dane with a cane
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2000
- Posts
- 24,017
Wizard said:Hecate, are you sporting a nice tan?...............How was Fla.?
Hope ya had fun.
I had the pleasure of getting together with her for a little more than 24 hours when she were going home from Florida. I'm in Atlanta on vacation, and when we found out that she would be flying through it, it didn't take long for us to arrange a get together!
If any of you ever have the chance to meet her, look forward to it, because she's a wonderful person to be with! Not that I ever had any doubts about it!
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
Welcome back, Hecate.... I have really missed your posts...
cymbidia... Please you have given so much to me personally and to those of us who are new and searching and sometimes lost and floundering.... if there is anything I can do to help, please just let me know....
_________________________
nothing is as strong as gentleness or as gentle as strength....
cymbidia... Please you have given so much to me personally and to those of us who are new and searching and sometimes lost and floundering.... if there is anything I can do to help, please just let me know....
_________________________
nothing is as strong as gentleness or as gentle as strength....
Natalie Nessus
Gypsy Soul
- Joined
- Apr 27, 2001
- Posts
- 5,740
Re: Just a little note ...
You are back? I was away as well, will be again soon. Welcome back H.
Hecate said:
You are back? I was away as well, will be again soon. Welcome back H.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Thank you, WD, for the bday wishes. And in red! I'm... touched.
Thanks you, cellis, for your kindness when i was (momentarily - and i shouldn't have been posting during the moment, either!) down the other day. I am having a hard time right now but it's nothing i can't handle, nothing that will last too long, and nothing that won't work out well in the end. I feel fortunate in all that, to be honest. It speaks well of you to have so openheartedly offered your help and i cherish the sweetness of spirit that prompted such an offer.
Thanks you, cellis, for your kindness when i was (momentarily - and i shouldn't have been posting during the moment, either!) down the other day. I am having a hard time right now but it's nothing i can't handle, nothing that will last too long, and nothing that won't work out well in the end. I feel fortunate in all that, to be honest. It speaks well of you to have so openheartedly offered your help and i cherish the sweetness of spirit that prompted such an offer.
Blackbich
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2001
- Posts
- 2,564
RisiaSkye...
YOU GO GIRL!! Many congratulations your way. I KNOW you'll do a wonderful job.
cym...
Love the new avatar. I'm with cellis, is that you? I have many thoughts going through my head - many which include a cold shower.
Well, Hecate, we're still waiting to hear how your trip was, maam.
YOU GO GIRL!! Many congratulations your way. I KNOW you'll do a wonderful job.
cym...
Love the new avatar. I'm with cellis, is that you? I have many thoughts going through my head - many which include a cold shower.
Well, Hecate, we're still waiting to hear how your trip was, maam.
What I/i believe about a D/s and M/s relationship.
What Makes a Great Master/Mistress?
What should a Dominant be? The question can only be answered individually, by both the submissive and the Dominant alike. The Dominant should be in control of Himself/Herself first and foremost. He/She is confident, caring, and understanding. He/She does not allow His/Her ego to get in the way of His/Her learning, both about Himself/Herself and His/Her submissive. He/She knows how to love and cherish the gift she/he has given to him.
When the Dominant meets a new submissive, He/She is kind and guiding, without demanding any ritual from her/him. He/She does not demand her/his respect, He/She earns it. He/She explores her/his mind First! Learning her/his strengths and weaknesses. He/She does not seek to seduce her/him, but gets to know her/him as a Person first, building a Relationship, and Slowly discovering if there is to be one.
If He/She is a good Dominant He/She does not do this to gain a submissive, but because He/She is able to befriend someone, without any trappings of sexuality. He/She is not a Predator, but instead is a Teacher, Ready and Willing to pass on His/Her knowledge, with little or no expectations of a Reward. But instead, for the Pleasure and Pride of knowing He/She Can, and for the Satisfaction of helping Someone define her/his own path.
If the time comes, when she/he offers herself/himself to His/Her service, the Dominant is the First to question her/his decision. He/She is The First to ask her/him to look inside herself/himself and Discover if He/She is what she/he really Wants and/or Needs. He/She is the First to mention Safety, to volunteer His/Her References, and to tell her/him to seek More. He/She insists on Safe calls and Public meetings First. And her/his safety is foremost in His/Her mind at this special place in the Beginning of T/their relationship.
If He/She decides to take her/him as His/Her submissive, and takes her/him into His/Her service, He/She is the First to Mention Negotiation, and First to offer His/Her own personal information, before Asking for her/his. He/She fully Realizes the Extreme Danger she/he could be putting herself/himself in, if her/his gift was given into the wrong hands. And He/She seeks to Guide her/him in Protecting herself/himself.
He/She Does Not dismiss her/his Worries or Fears, for He/She Knows her/his risks are All Too Real. He/She knows His/Her Safety also depends on Honesty, on Communication, and on Love. He/She is at first Only as protective of Himself/Herself as He/She needs to be, being Open and Honest about His/Her Life, Tastes, Feelings, and Exactly what He/She Expects. He/She Knows that she/he will be taking a Leap of Faith, by giving her/his Gift to Him/Her, and is Supportive of her/him.
To Truly Possess her/him, He/She Knows He/She must First Earn her/his respect. To do this, He/She must Prove He/She is Who and What He/She Says He/She is, that He/She Loves and Cares for her/him. That He/She would Only push her/his limits to Build her/his Strengths. That He/She is Ready and Willing to spend the Time to learn her/him as a Person first, only Then as a submissive.
He/She Knows how Wonderful the Gift is that she/he Offers, and is Ready and Willing to Live Up to her/his Trust in Him/Her. To this end, He/She Talks with her/him, Learning her/his Secret Needs and Desires, and in Turn Expressing His/Her Own, Always Ready to Affirm her/his Worth to Him/Her, and to herself/himself. Increasing her/his Confidence in herself/himself, And in the Gift she/he gives. Gently pushing her/his limits, to show her/him that she/he Can be More than she/he feels she/he is. That she/he Can go Farther than she/he Ever thought possible.
He/She will Slowly open the Flower of her/his submission, Coaxing her/his Passion for Him/Her into Full Bloom. If she/he lacks Self-Esteem He/She Tells and Shows her/him He/She Respects her, and finds her/him worthy of His/Her time. He/She shows her/him she/he has Beauty in His/Her eyes, Thus she/he Is beautiful. When He/She focuses on her/his Weaknesses, it is to Show her/him her/his own Strength. When He/She focuses on her/his Strengths, it is to Show her/him her/his own Worth. He/She will Softly explain that the Gift she/he gives is the Most Wonderful Gift of All, herSelf/hisSelf.
He/She takes the Time to learn her/his Soul, Before thinking of Learning her/his Body. As the Dominant learns His/Her new submissive, a Connection takes place Allowing Him/Her to Sense her/his Desires, her/his Needs, her/his Passions. With this new Knowledge, the Dominant is Able to take His/Her submissive to New Heights of Pleasure. And is Able to guide her/him and Walk With her/him as T/together T/they seek New Levels of Love and Fulfillment.
In taking a submissive into His/Her Service the Dominant takes on Many responsibilities. He/She Pledges to Help Guide her/him on her/his path, Not Only in the Bedroom, but Also in Life. He/She Pledges to Be There for her/him, when she/he Needs Him/Her. He/She Pledges to Care for her/him, to Ease her/his Pain, when she/he is Depressed, to Comfort her/him when she/he is Ill. He/She Pledges to Assist her/him in Overcoming her/his Fears and Worries, And to Hold and Love her/him when she Needs Affection. He/She Does This because He/She Can, for This is His/Her Gift to her/him. As her/his Gift was given Willingly, so His/Hers is Returned with Joy.
He/She Seeks to Understand her/his Mind. To be Able to Gaze into her/his Soul. Because only Then can the T/two Become More than each Could Ever Be as individuals. Always she/he is His/Her most Precious Possession. And He/She Strives to Prove His/Her Love, Much the way she/he will, Every Day.
The Dominant Does Not seek to Change His/Her submissive Into what He/She Wants, but instead, Revels in the Chance to show her/him what she/he can Become. He/She Enjoys showing her/him those Strengths she/he already possesses, and Guides her/him Only, Helping her/him to Grow into the Person she/he Wants to Be. He/She Coaxes her/him into Finding her/his Own Path, but Never states outright What that Path should be. Once Found, He/She will keep her/him to her/his Task, Gently pushing her/him to Become the woman/man He/She Knows she/he can be.
Is there a Profile of the perfect Dominant? I think not... Perfection is Something W/we A/all Strive to Obtain, but is Forever out of Reach. It is the Struggle to Find Perfection that is the mark of a Good Dominant. There is not One description of a Good Dominant; Just as Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, So Too is No Viewpoint ever Wrong, merely Different.
All that can be Said I believe, is that a Good Dominant should have Good Qualities, which Include Strength, Ability, Confidence, Control, the Ability to Learn, and the Presence of Mind to know that He/She can Always Learn More. He/She should be Loving, Encouraging, Honorable and Chivalrous. He/She should Respect and Cherish His/Her submissive, and Show that Respect to Others. He/She should show others the Respect that He/She Himself/Herself wishes to be Shown. The Dominant should be Sure of Himself/Herself, and In that Confidence not think That to build Himself/Herself, He/She Has To look Down at Others.
He/She should be Sure of His/Her ideals, but not So Sure that His/Her Way is the Only path. He/She can Allow Others to follow their Own Paths, no Matter How different, Without Ridicule. If He/She Witnesses a Wrong He/She seeks to Right it, but Without pressing the View that His/Her Way is the Only One, but Only to express the Danger of Another's Action or Offering His/Her Assistance to Help Guide them out of danger.
He/She Knows the Difference between Punishment and Play, between Pain and Sensation. He/She Never exerts His/Her power in Anger, He/She Never brings Anger or Hostility into a T/their lives. He/She does Not use this Gift to vent His/Her Anger, but Leaves Outside concerns Outside. He/She Knows that to Control Others He/She must First Master Himself/Herself.
He/She can exercise His/Her Art, to Help His/Her submissive Become the woman/man she/he has Always Been, deep within her/his Spirit. He/She takes her/his Gift of submission Seriously, Knowing that it is Not given Blindly or Lightly. He/She Always Remembers how Precious her/his Gift is, and How Rare it is, How Beautiful it is. For she/he has Given Him/Her Something that Cannot be Taken, but Must be Given, the Gift of herSelf/himSelf, her/his Soul. And the Dominant should Cherish that Gift as the Rare Jewel it is.
The submissive should be Firm in her/his Femininity/Masculinity. And she/he Must offer herself/himself to the Dominant Freely, of her/his Own choosing. When she/he Gives the Gift of her/his submission it is in Exchange for His/Her Love, Care, Knowledge and Protection. When she/he Obeys it is because she/he Chooses To, Not because she/he is Forced to.
The submissive comes to Him/Her a woman/man, but Unsure of her/his Role in Life. Seeking His/Her Guidance. And Quickly Learns what is expected of her/him. With this Learning, and as He/She Opens More of Himself/Herself to her/him, she/he Continues Giving More of herself/himself, of her/his Soul, her/his Secrets, Until, All the T/two can Share is Already Learned. Building T/their Relationship, Sharing T/their Secrets and T/their Souls, so T/they may Walk This Path T/together.
There is No power Lost, no Control Wrested from her/him, she/he Gives it Willingly, the Dominant giving of Himself/Herself Until, an Immense Measure of Trust is Built Between T/them. The submissive Must trust her/his Dominant Completely in order to Give Him/Her So Much of herself/himself, and the Dominant Must trust the submissive, in Order for Him/Her to Accept her/him and her/his Gift. "Training" (which Should be Just Another Word for Teaching) is Only the Process of Learning what the Dominant Desires. The submissive Must Learn When to Kneel, How to Sit to Please her/his Dominant, How to Address her/his Dominant, and so on.
When she/he does Learn These Things, it is because she/he Wishes To, her/his Only Wish is to Please her/his Dominant in All Ways Possible. Even as the Dominant comes to Know, just What her/his limits are. It is Said that the Dominant holds All of the Control, and in Some Ways He/She Does. But in this Type of Relationship, it is Very important that it be a Consensual Relationship. The Dominant holds Control, but Only as Far as the Submissive is Willing to Go. He/She May push her/his Limits, for the Pleasure of T/them both. However, the Submissive can Walk Away at Any Time, Hard as That May Be, if the Dominant loses Sight of her/his Needs.
It is Said that the submissive Has No Responsibilities, but a Deeper Observation shows Otherwise. It has been Said by Many, that the Dominant holds All the Responsibilities. However, Many of her/his Responsibilities are So Subtle as to be Overlooked, she/he Must Please her/his Dominant, she/he Must Act, as He/She would Wish, as her/his Every Action Reflects on her/his Dominant. At All Times she/he must Uphold His/Her Honor, as He/She must uphold hers/his, and Protect her/him. The submissive Must have Faith and Trust in her/his Dominant, Just as He/She must Prove her/his Trust Well Founded.
The submissive Needs the Strength of Will to know When her/his Dominant is acting in her/his Best Interests, and be Willing, to do as He/She asks her/him Within her/his Limits. Because That is what her/his Dominant Wants and What she/he Wishes is to Please Him/Her. And she/he would Even do That Which Seems Difficult and Even Embarrassing at the Time. Never should she/he Follow Blindly, but Must See that What her/his Dominant Asks of her/him is for the Pleasure of T/them both.
At Times the Dominant, May Understand, that the submissive Really Can go Farther than she/he Thought. And with the use of Safewords, He/She is Able to take her/him There. In the Beginning of All Relationships, it is Most Important to Abide by the Discussed and the Perceived Limits, and it Must be taken Slowly. If a Safeword is Used and the Dominant Does Not Heed her/his Perceived Limit, then an Important Trust is Broken. The Use of Safewords Should be Stressed in Any New Relationship so that the Trust and Understanding are Able to Grow.
With Time and Understanding, however, the T/two Can Reach a Point where the Dominant Knows how Far the Submissive can Go Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually. And the submissive can Come to Trust her/his Dominant's Decisions. Even Then a Safeword is Still an Important Safety Tool. It Can be Dropped in Session, but a Worthy Dominant Still holds the Value of using Safewords in New and Uncharted Territory. Even in a Long-Standing and Trusting Relationship. The Caring Dominant Knows He/She Cannot Read Minds, Even if He/She knows His/Her submissive Extremely Well.
The submissive has a Wonderful Role to Live With the Right Dominant. With Him/Her, she/he will Grow Emotionally and Spiritually into what she/he Wishes to Become, Learning to Love Freely and Unconditionally and find the True Power deep within her/him. The Dominant Also Becomes the Man/Woman He/She Feels within His/Her Soul, Proud to be Able to Walk the Honorable Path of Teacher, Poet, Warrior, and Protector. Proud of His/Her Charge and the Pleasure T/they bring E/each O/other. T/together the T/two will Embark on a Journey that will take T/them Out of the Realms and Limits of Society and Into the Timeless Dimensions of the Universe.
What Makes a Great Master/Mistress?
What should a Dominant be? The question can only be answered individually, by both the submissive and the Dominant alike. The Dominant should be in control of Himself/Herself first and foremost. He/She is confident, caring, and understanding. He/She does not allow His/Her ego to get in the way of His/Her learning, both about Himself/Herself and His/Her submissive. He/She knows how to love and cherish the gift she/he has given to him.
When the Dominant meets a new submissive, He/She is kind and guiding, without demanding any ritual from her/him. He/She does not demand her/his respect, He/She earns it. He/She explores her/his mind First! Learning her/his strengths and weaknesses. He/She does not seek to seduce her/him, but gets to know her/him as a Person first, building a Relationship, and Slowly discovering if there is to be one.
If He/She is a good Dominant He/She does not do this to gain a submissive, but because He/She is able to befriend someone, without any trappings of sexuality. He/She is not a Predator, but instead is a Teacher, Ready and Willing to pass on His/Her knowledge, with little or no expectations of a Reward. But instead, for the Pleasure and Pride of knowing He/She Can, and for the Satisfaction of helping Someone define her/his own path.
If the time comes, when she/he offers herself/himself to His/Her service, the Dominant is the First to question her/his decision. He/She is The First to ask her/him to look inside herself/himself and Discover if He/She is what she/he really Wants and/or Needs. He/She is the First to mention Safety, to volunteer His/Her References, and to tell her/him to seek More. He/She insists on Safe calls and Public meetings First. And her/his safety is foremost in His/Her mind at this special place in the Beginning of T/their relationship.
If He/She decides to take her/him as His/Her submissive, and takes her/him into His/Her service, He/She is the First to Mention Negotiation, and First to offer His/Her own personal information, before Asking for her/his. He/She fully Realizes the Extreme Danger she/he could be putting herself/himself in, if her/his gift was given into the wrong hands. And He/She seeks to Guide her/him in Protecting herself/himself.
He/She Does Not dismiss her/his Worries or Fears, for He/She Knows her/his risks are All Too Real. He/She knows His/Her Safety also depends on Honesty, on Communication, and on Love. He/She is at first Only as protective of Himself/Herself as He/She needs to be, being Open and Honest about His/Her Life, Tastes, Feelings, and Exactly what He/She Expects. He/She Knows that she/he will be taking a Leap of Faith, by giving her/his Gift to Him/Her, and is Supportive of her/him.
To Truly Possess her/him, He/She Knows He/She must First Earn her/his respect. To do this, He/She must Prove He/She is Who and What He/She Says He/She is, that He/She Loves and Cares for her/him. That He/She would Only push her/his limits to Build her/his Strengths. That He/She is Ready and Willing to spend the Time to learn her/him as a Person first, only Then as a submissive.
He/She Knows how Wonderful the Gift is that she/he Offers, and is Ready and Willing to Live Up to her/his Trust in Him/Her. To this end, He/She Talks with her/him, Learning her/his Secret Needs and Desires, and in Turn Expressing His/Her Own, Always Ready to Affirm her/his Worth to Him/Her, and to herself/himself. Increasing her/his Confidence in herself/himself, And in the Gift she/he gives. Gently pushing her/his limits, to show her/him that she/he Can be More than she/he feels she/he is. That she/he Can go Farther than she/he Ever thought possible.
He/She will Slowly open the Flower of her/his submission, Coaxing her/his Passion for Him/Her into Full Bloom. If she/he lacks Self-Esteem He/She Tells and Shows her/him He/She Respects her, and finds her/him worthy of His/Her time. He/She shows her/him she/he has Beauty in His/Her eyes, Thus she/he Is beautiful. When He/She focuses on her/his Weaknesses, it is to Show her/him her/his own Strength. When He/She focuses on her/his Strengths, it is to Show her/him her/his own Worth. He/She will Softly explain that the Gift she/he gives is the Most Wonderful Gift of All, herSelf/hisSelf.
He/She takes the Time to learn her/his Soul, Before thinking of Learning her/his Body. As the Dominant learns His/Her new submissive, a Connection takes place Allowing Him/Her to Sense her/his Desires, her/his Needs, her/his Passions. With this new Knowledge, the Dominant is Able to take His/Her submissive to New Heights of Pleasure. And is Able to guide her/him and Walk With her/him as T/together T/they seek New Levels of Love and Fulfillment.
In taking a submissive into His/Her Service the Dominant takes on Many responsibilities. He/She Pledges to Help Guide her/him on her/his path, Not Only in the Bedroom, but Also in Life. He/She Pledges to Be There for her/him, when she/he Needs Him/Her. He/She Pledges to Care for her/him, to Ease her/his Pain, when she/he is Depressed, to Comfort her/him when she/he is Ill. He/She Pledges to Assist her/him in Overcoming her/his Fears and Worries, And to Hold and Love her/him when she Needs Affection. He/She Does This because He/She Can, for This is His/Her Gift to her/him. As her/his Gift was given Willingly, so His/Hers is Returned with Joy.
He/She Seeks to Understand her/his Mind. To be Able to Gaze into her/his Soul. Because only Then can the T/two Become More than each Could Ever Be as individuals. Always she/he is His/Her most Precious Possession. And He/She Strives to Prove His/Her Love, Much the way she/he will, Every Day.
The Dominant Does Not seek to Change His/Her submissive Into what He/She Wants, but instead, Revels in the Chance to show her/him what she/he can Become. He/She Enjoys showing her/him those Strengths she/he already possesses, and Guides her/him Only, Helping her/him to Grow into the Person she/he Wants to Be. He/She Coaxes her/him into Finding her/his Own Path, but Never states outright What that Path should be. Once Found, He/She will keep her/him to her/his Task, Gently pushing her/him to Become the woman/man He/She Knows she/he can be.
Is there a Profile of the perfect Dominant? I think not... Perfection is Something W/we A/all Strive to Obtain, but is Forever out of Reach. It is the Struggle to Find Perfection that is the mark of a Good Dominant. There is not One description of a Good Dominant; Just as Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder, So Too is No Viewpoint ever Wrong, merely Different.
All that can be Said I believe, is that a Good Dominant should have Good Qualities, which Include Strength, Ability, Confidence, Control, the Ability to Learn, and the Presence of Mind to know that He/She can Always Learn More. He/She should be Loving, Encouraging, Honorable and Chivalrous. He/She should Respect and Cherish His/Her submissive, and Show that Respect to Others. He/She should show others the Respect that He/She Himself/Herself wishes to be Shown. The Dominant should be Sure of Himself/Herself, and In that Confidence not think That to build Himself/Herself, He/She Has To look Down at Others.
He/She should be Sure of His/Her ideals, but not So Sure that His/Her Way is the Only path. He/She can Allow Others to follow their Own Paths, no Matter How different, Without Ridicule. If He/She Witnesses a Wrong He/She seeks to Right it, but Without pressing the View that His/Her Way is the Only One, but Only to express the Danger of Another's Action or Offering His/Her Assistance to Help Guide them out of danger.
He/She Knows the Difference between Punishment and Play, between Pain and Sensation. He/She Never exerts His/Her power in Anger, He/She Never brings Anger or Hostility into a T/their lives. He/She does Not use this Gift to vent His/Her Anger, but Leaves Outside concerns Outside. He/She Knows that to Control Others He/She must First Master Himself/Herself.
He/She can exercise His/Her Art, to Help His/Her submissive Become the woman/man she/he has Always Been, deep within her/his Spirit. He/She takes her/his Gift of submission Seriously, Knowing that it is Not given Blindly or Lightly. He/She Always Remembers how Precious her/his Gift is, and How Rare it is, How Beautiful it is. For she/he has Given Him/Her Something that Cannot be Taken, but Must be Given, the Gift of herSelf/himSelf, her/his Soul. And the Dominant should Cherish that Gift as the Rare Jewel it is.
The submissive should be Firm in her/his Femininity/Masculinity. And she/he Must offer herself/himself to the Dominant Freely, of her/his Own choosing. When she/he Gives the Gift of her/his submission it is in Exchange for His/Her Love, Care, Knowledge and Protection. When she/he Obeys it is because she/he Chooses To, Not because she/he is Forced to.
The submissive comes to Him/Her a woman/man, but Unsure of her/his Role in Life. Seeking His/Her Guidance. And Quickly Learns what is expected of her/him. With this Learning, and as He/She Opens More of Himself/Herself to her/him, she/he Continues Giving More of herself/himself, of her/his Soul, her/his Secrets, Until, All the T/two can Share is Already Learned. Building T/their Relationship, Sharing T/their Secrets and T/their Souls, so T/they may Walk This Path T/together.
There is No power Lost, no Control Wrested from her/him, she/he Gives it Willingly, the Dominant giving of Himself/Herself Until, an Immense Measure of Trust is Built Between T/them. The submissive Must trust her/his Dominant Completely in order to Give Him/Her So Much of herself/himself, and the Dominant Must trust the submissive, in Order for Him/Her to Accept her/him and her/his Gift. "Training" (which Should be Just Another Word for Teaching) is Only the Process of Learning what the Dominant Desires. The submissive Must Learn When to Kneel, How to Sit to Please her/his Dominant, How to Address her/his Dominant, and so on.
When she/he does Learn These Things, it is because she/he Wishes To, her/his Only Wish is to Please her/his Dominant in All Ways Possible. Even as the Dominant comes to Know, just What her/his limits are. It is Said that the Dominant holds All of the Control, and in Some Ways He/She Does. But in this Type of Relationship, it is Very important that it be a Consensual Relationship. The Dominant holds Control, but Only as Far as the Submissive is Willing to Go. He/She May push her/his Limits, for the Pleasure of T/them both. However, the Submissive can Walk Away at Any Time, Hard as That May Be, if the Dominant loses Sight of her/his Needs.
It is Said that the submissive Has No Responsibilities, but a Deeper Observation shows Otherwise. It has been Said by Many, that the Dominant holds All the Responsibilities. However, Many of her/his Responsibilities are So Subtle as to be Overlooked, she/he Must Please her/his Dominant, she/he Must Act, as He/She would Wish, as her/his Every Action Reflects on her/his Dominant. At All Times she/he must Uphold His/Her Honor, as He/She must uphold hers/his, and Protect her/him. The submissive Must have Faith and Trust in her/his Dominant, Just as He/She must Prove her/his Trust Well Founded.
The submissive Needs the Strength of Will to know When her/his Dominant is acting in her/his Best Interests, and be Willing, to do as He/She asks her/him Within her/his Limits. Because That is what her/his Dominant Wants and What she/he Wishes is to Please Him/Her. And she/he would Even do That Which Seems Difficult and Even Embarrassing at the Time. Never should she/he Follow Blindly, but Must See that What her/his Dominant Asks of her/him is for the Pleasure of T/them both.
At Times the Dominant, May Understand, that the submissive Really Can go Farther than she/he Thought. And with the use of Safewords, He/She is Able to take her/him There. In the Beginning of All Relationships, it is Most Important to Abide by the Discussed and the Perceived Limits, and it Must be taken Slowly. If a Safeword is Used and the Dominant Does Not Heed her/his Perceived Limit, then an Important Trust is Broken. The Use of Safewords Should be Stressed in Any New Relationship so that the Trust and Understanding are Able to Grow.
With Time and Understanding, however, the T/two Can Reach a Point where the Dominant Knows how Far the Submissive can Go Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually. And the submissive can Come to Trust her/his Dominant's Decisions. Even Then a Safeword is Still an Important Safety Tool. It Can be Dropped in Session, but a Worthy Dominant Still holds the Value of using Safewords in New and Uncharted Territory. Even in a Long-Standing and Trusting Relationship. The Caring Dominant Knows He/She Cannot Read Minds, Even if He/She knows His/Her submissive Extremely Well.
The submissive has a Wonderful Role to Live With the Right Dominant. With Him/Her, she/he will Grow Emotionally and Spiritually into what she/he Wishes to Become, Learning to Love Freely and Unconditionally and find the True Power deep within her/him. The Dominant Also Becomes the Man/Woman He/She Feels within His/Her Soul, Proud to be Able to Walk the Honorable Path of Teacher, Poet, Warrior, and Protector. Proud of His/Her Charge and the Pleasure T/they bring E/each O/other. T/together the T/two will Embark on a Journey that will take T/them Out of the Realms and Limits of Society and Into the Timeless Dimensions of the Universe.
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Blackbich, cellis - thanks for the av approval! And no, cellis, the av is simply a pic, one of many BDSM-themed pics that april-wine gave me for my birthday.
MS made nipple shields for us but the last time i was there with him, my newly re-pierced nips were too sore to play with the shields so MS got them all to himself. We have pics; gonna be just a little while until we can get them in uploadable form.
Anyway, here are some links to sites that offer shields for sale. The photography at some of these places is worth the trip - even if you're not buying!
http://www.inforoute.net/users/impaled/
http://www.xcentricities.com/nipple.htm
http://projectx.safeshopper.com/141/cat141.htm?258
http://www.ladyring.dk/
http://omspecialties.com/bodyjewelry/page6.html
http://www.hedoniagallery.com/shop/productlist.phtml?group=233&category=52
And welcome to you, Wolfwind. What an elightening bit of philosophy you've brought along.
MS made nipple shields for us but the last time i was there with him, my newly re-pierced nips were too sore to play with the shields so MS got them all to himself. We have pics; gonna be just a little while until we can get them in uploadable form.
Anyway, here are some links to sites that offer shields for sale. The photography at some of these places is worth the trip - even if you're not buying!
http://www.inforoute.net/users/impaled/
http://www.xcentricities.com/nipple.htm
http://projectx.safeshopper.com/141/cat141.htm?258
http://www.ladyring.dk/
http://omspecialties.com/bodyjewelry/page6.html
http://www.hedoniagallery.com/shop/productlist.phtml?group=233&category=52
And welcome to you, Wolfwind. What an elightening bit of philosophy you've brought along.
carrie-on
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2001
- Posts
- 7,010
WolfWind, Thank you very much. As a submissive I agree with cellis,that one who finds the other with the qualities you mentioned is very lucky indeed.
Cymbidia, I also love your avatar as it is a very sexy pic. Thank you for the links to look at more of them.
Cymbidia, I also love your avatar as it is a very sexy pic. Thank you for the links to look at more of them.
SpectreT
Knight in Tarnished Armor
- Joined
- Mar 1, 2001
- Posts
- 1,905
WolfWind; Nice post, even if all the Her/Him's and he/she's did give me a wrenching headache. If I read your post right, and as a switch, (by temperment, if not experience) I should try to grasp it in its entirety, this (BDSM, though my desires are more BD than SM) is an often intense avenue toward increasing self-knowledge and self-control, and demands of its practitioners something that is slipping in this culture: Awareness.
I originally had a question regarding the link between intelligence and deviant sexuality, (BDSM, Crossdressing, and bisexuality to name a few) but from what I can see, it boils down to alertness and self-knowledge, two things that exercise and engage the active mind, and enrich and enlighten spirits.
If anyone else has an opinion, an expansion, or noticed something I misstated or did not fully grasp, well, that's what discussion is about; sharing knowledge, diversity, and ideas to strengthen us all through expansion of those qualities, and the addition of another quality:
Unity.
Honor, Dignity, Respect, and Trust.
-Tom.
P.S. A sense of humor never hurts, either...
I originally had a question regarding the link between intelligence and deviant sexuality, (BDSM, Crossdressing, and bisexuality to name a few) but from what I can see, it boils down to alertness and self-knowledge, two things that exercise and engage the active mind, and enrich and enlighten spirits.
If anyone else has an opinion, an expansion, or noticed something I misstated or did not fully grasp, well, that's what discussion is about; sharing knowledge, diversity, and ideas to strengthen us all through expansion of those qualities, and the addition of another quality:
Unity.
Honor, Dignity, Respect, and Trust.
-Tom.
P.S. A sense of humor never hurts, either...
RisiaSkye
Artistic
- Joined
- May 1, 2000
- Posts
- 4,387
Wolfwind & SpectreT--thank you for your posts, headache inducing gender-fairness and all. I appreciate your insights and eloquence.
Oh, and Blackbich--thanks for the encouragement. Good luck to you in your (current?) campaign!
Love all. Serve all.
That's my $.02 motto for the day.
RS
Oh, and Blackbich--thanks for the encouragement. Good luck to you in your (current?) campaign!
Love all. Serve all.
That's my $.02 motto for the day.
RS
cymbidia
unrepentant pervert
- Joined
- Mar 8, 2001
- Posts
- 8,786
Love all? ~aghast~ Really?
I don't want to love all! There are some i can barely tolerate standing next to in the checkout line at the grocery store.
Tom, beautiful condensation of that long and extremely prose-dense post from Wolfwind. You're a marvel.
I have some kinda emotional reaction against all the She/He and Him/Her kinda stuff, though i've most definitely used it on occasion when i wanted to be very very very very exceedingly sure to not offend my audience. We never use that kinda speech when we're actually talking to other folks, do we? Funny how stilted we can be when we're writing, and especially how stilted we can be when we're writing for each other, us perverts, about what we do with our partners, how we think and react, and what we need.
That said, my world has sparkles and color in it again. I'm never depressed for long so if i go there again, just sorta pat my head and give me a hug and wait for the wind to change, okay? (Yes, Risia. It went well. WAY better than either of us dared hope. Phone soon, okay?) Also... less than a month before i move back to the SF Bay area and MS and begin the joined part of our lives. That's a wildly smile-making thought for me.
Okay, then! Enough about me. What's going on in your life?
I don't want to love all! There are some i can barely tolerate standing next to in the checkout line at the grocery store.
Tom, beautiful condensation of that long and extremely prose-dense post from Wolfwind. You're a marvel.
I have some kinda emotional reaction against all the She/He and Him/Her kinda stuff, though i've most definitely used it on occasion when i wanted to be very very very very exceedingly sure to not offend my audience. We never use that kinda speech when we're actually talking to other folks, do we? Funny how stilted we can be when we're writing, and especially how stilted we can be when we're writing for each other, us perverts, about what we do with our partners, how we think and react, and what we need.
That said, my world has sparkles and color in it again. I'm never depressed for long so if i go there again, just sorta pat my head and give me a hug and wait for the wind to change, okay? (Yes, Risia. It went well. WAY better than either of us dared hope. Phone soon, okay?) Also... less than a month before i move back to the SF Bay area and MS and begin the joined part of our lives. That's a wildly smile-making thought for me.
Okay, then! Enough about me. What's going on in your life?
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
Well, it is me again... wondering if some of the submissives here could talk about this sub-drop thing.... I had, of course, read about it, but had never experienced it until just the last few days... and Himself is out of town, so I can't discuss it with Him, although I did send Him a long email about how I felt... I was just caught unaware... didn't even think about it happening... and not almost 2 days later.... and I have not even been able to write about until today....
I would appreciate some feedback on this.... Thanks...
I would appreciate some feedback on this.... Thanks...
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
I don't know if I can really, cymbidia... it was like I was soaring after being with Himself and having what I guess you would call a scene... all that day and most of then next and then suddenly it was like the bottom fell out of me... emotionally and physically.... I just crashed.... first of all I don't sleep very much... at the most about 5 hours a night... and I slept for 10 hours.... and then there were these intense feelings of neediness and I am not a needy person... I really don't know how else to describe it... being kind of new to this kind of thing.... I don't if this makes sense to you at all.... it was not really a depression... I think I know the difference....
Thanks about the Av....
Thanks about the Av....
cellis
Saucy
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2001
- Posts
- 4,186
here is a link that might explain it better than I can....
http://www.twoheartsonesoul.com/subdrop.htm
http://www.twoheartsonesoul.com/subdrop.htm
Hecate
Lady Hecate will do
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2000
- Posts
- 1,657
First of all something I really want to comment on - after that there will be the "news" about my trip to Florida *s*
Sub / top - Drop
NOPE! never ever expereinced that and *shudders* hope I never will!
Cellis - it is stunning you should experience that and thanks for sharing. I admit - I was not aware of this effect. I know of sub/Dom - space and all sorts of odd effects that intense "togetherness" can cause but never really considered "a drop" into a low as described in that link you posted.
Maybe I am just an extremely self centered person or it doesn't happen to Dommes as much or .. whatever. But I have not so far encountered it in myself or in anyone who was after all willing to share it with me.
A lot of importance is in the immediate time after a scene, I TOTALLY agree to that (and the "aftercare is so very personal and different in each case as is each personality) - but to think someone would "drop into an abyss" days after or even "out of the blue" is scary for me - very scary.
So sorry cellis - I can't help you with that. I just can express that I too obviously am still learning new stuff on this thread (just in case some of you were wondering).
I hope you can cope with the sensations that are tearing at you right now and I hope you know that you can get in touch any time if you need to bounce off some or self-reflect on whatever may bother you *smiling warmly and offering a hug if so desired*
Now what else ...
cym - totally cool av and I hope you are gonna share any more pics you are having soon! So totally thrilled to hear you awil have "made it" soon and be together with MS "for good" *happy smile and definitely a huge hug - wanted or not)
Spectre T - nice to see you "over here" *winks* feels definitely slike you should be here with the BDSM crowd! (I know - that isn't new but I think I haven't expressed that yet)
Wolfwind
Nice post - indeed! Welcome aboard. Uhm - in case I am simply silly or haven't had enough time to find out ... am I welcoming a male or female fresh wild breeze? (and any interest in the works of Robert Jordan's Wheel of time series? The handle would kinda suggest such)
Now for everyone else (or at least for those who want to know *g*) - re my trips....
yeah - trips ... after my Florida trip I almost immediately was heading off to the mountains to have a (company payed) couple of days to celebrate the end of a successfully finished project.
Do I have a nice tan?
NOPE! what a bummer but it was "hurricane season" meaning it as raining pretty much most of the time so nope - no tan at all *g* thus no reason to show it off on any pics.
Did I have a good time?
YES YES YES!!!!
I did meet some fellow Literoticans *g* and we had a GREAT TIME! Even though the time way way too short for that !
I spent most of the time at Ft. Lauderdale with relatives so that was kinda tame - and the really biggest "down side" was that we went to Key West during Fantasy Fest time and had my bf's mom with us - so no real fun for us *still pouting about that lost chance indeed!!!*
The party time at Orlando though sure was making up for that, where I met one of the most elusive and enchanting "feline" members of this site *winks* and she sure has shared some .. uhmmm ... tell-tale ... pics about the fun we had and I know where that kitty rubbed her cute little nose off *g*
Anyway - the last section of the trip took me to a "stop over" to Atlanta where I sure experienced another highlight meeting some more esteemed fellow BDSM Literoticans for 24 hours filled with fun and party. On a fun side note ... I met Shy Guy there who is actually living a lot closer to me (after all we are both in Europe) but we never meet - we only meet some odd places all over the world when we are travelling *lol*
To make a long story short ... I had FUN FUN FUN! And if I some time should get into a really mischievious mood I might even share some pictures of my Halloween costume *g* (yeah - it was Halloween while I was in the States so I had to get a little somethng after all, right? Too bad I only got a wig and a maske *G* ... don't you agree????)
Still - I had serious Lit withdrawal symptoms and just for that I am so glad to be back home! So .. anything else of importance I missed?
Sub / top - Drop
NOPE! never ever expereinced that and *shudders* hope I never will!
Cellis - it is stunning you should experience that and thanks for sharing. I admit - I was not aware of this effect. I know of sub/Dom - space and all sorts of odd effects that intense "togetherness" can cause but never really considered "a drop" into a low as described in that link you posted.
Maybe I am just an extremely self centered person or it doesn't happen to Dommes as much or .. whatever. But I have not so far encountered it in myself or in anyone who was after all willing to share it with me.
A lot of importance is in the immediate time after a scene, I TOTALLY agree to that (and the "aftercare is so very personal and different in each case as is each personality) - but to think someone would "drop into an abyss" days after or even "out of the blue" is scary for me - very scary.
So sorry cellis - I can't help you with that. I just can express that I too obviously am still learning new stuff on this thread (just in case some of you were wondering
). I hope you can cope with the sensations that are tearing at you right now and I hope you know that you can get in touch any time if you need to bounce off some or self-reflect on whatever may bother you *smiling warmly and offering a hug if so desired*
Now what else ...
cym - totally cool av and I hope you are gonna share any more pics you are having soon! So totally thrilled to hear you awil have "made it" soon and be together with MS "for good" *happy smile and definitely a huge hug - wanted or not
)Spectre T - nice to see you "over here" *winks* feels definitely slike you should be here with the BDSM crowd! (I know - that isn't new but I think I haven't expressed that yet)
Wolfwind
Nice post - indeed! Welcome aboard. Uhm - in case I am simply silly or haven't had enough time to find out ... am I welcoming a male or female fresh wild breeze? (and any interest in the works of Robert Jordan's Wheel of time series? The handle would kinda suggest such)
Now for everyone else (or at least for those who want to know *g*) - re my trips....
yeah - trips ... after my Florida trip I almost immediately was heading off to the mountains to have a (company payed) couple of days to celebrate the end of a successfully finished project.
Do I have a nice tan?
NOPE! what a bummer but it was "hurricane season" meaning it as raining pretty much most of the time so nope - no tan at all *g* thus no reason to show it off on any pics.
Did I have a good time?
YES YES YES!!!!
I did meet some fellow Literoticans *g* and we had a GREAT TIME! Even though the time way way too short for that !
I spent most of the time at Ft. Lauderdale with relatives so that was kinda tame - and the really biggest "down side" was that we went to Key West during Fantasy Fest time and had my bf's mom with us - so no real fun for us *still pouting about that lost chance indeed!!!*
The party time at Orlando though sure was making up for that, where I met one of the most elusive and enchanting "feline" members of this site *winks* and she sure has shared some .. uhmmm ... tell-tale ... pics about the fun we had
and I know where that kitty rubbed her cute little nose off *g* Anyway - the last section of the trip took me to a "stop over" to Atlanta where I sure experienced another highlight meeting some more esteemed fellow BDSM Literoticans for 24 hours filled with fun and party. On a fun side note ... I met Shy Guy there who is actually living a lot closer to me (after all we are both in Europe) but we never meet - we only meet some odd places all over the world when we are travelling *lol*
To make a long story short ... I had FUN FUN FUN! And if I some time should get into a really mischievious mood I might even share some pictures of my Halloween costume *g* (yeah - it was Halloween while I was in the States so I had to get a little somethng after all, right? Too bad I only got a wig and a maske *G* ... don't you agree????)
Still - I had serious Lit withdrawal symptoms and just for that I am so glad to be back home! So .. anything else of importance I missed?
