An interesting question that was posed to me

[BigCk47]

I was asked this question
“What do you require from your submissive in an online relationship?”
I’m going to get a bunch of different responses. Please be kind to my interpretation of this answer. There is no right or wrong answer. I just want to hear from other submissive’s or even Dom’s. This is supposed to be a friendly conversation, discussion. But this was my response
I want it to last. I’m not looking for a one night stand. I want an online relationship to develop a report. We should develop a connection. I’m not just a Dom, you are your own person and as am I. A submissive should have your own feelings as do I. A relationship should mean that we can go to each other for problems or anything else. It’s not just about ownership or just sex. We go through real life stuff. I’m going through serious real life stuff. Sometimes I get down and don’t have anyone to turn to besides my parents. I’m getting back in BDSM. I’m going to make mistakes too. I’m not experienced as you may think I am. It’s been 25 years or so since I was in BDSM. I do have a global online slave. We are developing a report. We trust each other. I want to have that same trust with a submissive. This isn’t just about fucking a woman. I want a submissive relationship to mean something.

 

[NehaGin]

All of what you said - close relationship first, fuckery second.
Plus geographic proximity. Close time zones are helpful. A chance to meet every now and then in person is priceless.

 

[BigCk47]

All of what you said - close relationship first, fuckery second.
Plus geographic proximity. Close time zones are helpful. A chance to meet every now and then in person is priceless.

I completely agree with you!

 

[CMChristo]

I believe the points you've each made are spot on. I've had online Ds relationships that have continued for years and they have been the most meaningful and fulfilling. It's been hard to meet the proximity requirement. An afternoon or evening online scene is fun, but doesn't compare to time spent with someone you know intimately.

 

[BigCk47]

I believe the points you've each made are spot on. I've had online Ds relationships that have continued for years and they have been the most meaningful and fulfilling. It's been hard to meet the proximity requirement. An afternoon or evening online scene is fun, but doesn't compare to time spent with someone you know intimately.

That’s my hope. In my ad in personals I state that too. But it’s hard for in person. Which is why I thought it would be a fun discussion.

 

[MagicFlute]

Yes. All of that. Online dynamics are great if one or both parties are in a vanilla real life relationship. As long as there is trust, honesty and communication they can work and be fulfilling for both parties.

 

[NehaGin]

Yes. All of that. Online dynamics are great if one or both parties are in a vanilla real life relationship. As long as there is trust, honesty and communication they can work and be fulfilling for both parties.

Why does the real life relationship has to be vanilla?

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Why does the real life relationship has to be vanilla?

I didn't read where they wrote,"has to be"..

 

[MagicFlute]

Why does the real life relationship has to be vanilla?

It doesn't HAVE to be vanilla. But if you have needs that need to filled, having an online D/s relationship helps fill the void.

If you have a D/s in both worlds then more power to you!

 

[Tigertiger55]

All of what you said - close relationship first, fuckery second.
Plus geographic proximity. Close time zones are helpful. A chance to meet every now and then in person is priceless.

Well said. The connection is so important firstly.

 

[PaxNurgle]

One issue I have with "Online only" relationships, especially D/s, is, you are interacting only with a face in a JPG file, and some words on a screen. You trust- HOPE- that the person on the other end is really who they say they are.

However, it might not be the case. That dream domme you are submitting to online may be actually a dorky fat guy with access to some model's pics he downloaded off of the internet, and because you never meet face to face, you never discover the truth. So, online just doesnt work for me.

I guess to answer the question, "What do you require from your submissive in an online relationship?" If I was a dominant, then I would say- an in person meet-up.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

It's very important to vet who you are being submissive to.
There's so many fake Dom's, it's important to learn about them to a point.
I know my Dom is 100% legit.
Why would anyone just trust without a voicemail, live chat, personal video?
Yes you can fake texts and pics. But there can be real online D/s Dynamics

 

[NehaGin]

One issue I have with "Online only" relationships, especially D/s, is, you are interacting only with a face in a JPG file, and some words on a screen. You trust- HOPE- that the person on the other end is really who they say they are.

However, it might not be the case. That dream domme you are submitting to online may be actually a dorky fat guy with access to some model's pics he downloaded off of the internet, and because you never meet face to face, you never discover the truth. So, online just doesnt work for me.

I guess to answer the question, "What do you require from your submissive in an online relationship?" If I was a dominant, then I would say- an in person meet-up.

"Online only" is not the same as text only. You can easily ask for a phone call. Or even a video call. Doesn't have to be all out cyber sex video, fully clothed in a generic public place to protect the privacy will do as well - it will definitely be enough to tell the difference between a dream domme and a dorky fat guy.

 

[Lady2020]

I tend to think this is more an ol issue, not just D/s. You can only trust ol to a point. I have to assume my current ol relationship is who he says he is bc he's posting in the moment, texts and videos. On his end, he's only seeing texts from me, so he's taking more of a risk. I could be anyone as far as he knows. I think he's been around Lit long enough to know who I am.

 

[abvt75]

"Online only" is not the same as text only. You can easily ask for a phone call. Or even a video call. Doesn't have to be all out cyber sex video, fully clothed in a generic public place to protect the privacy will do as well - it will definitely be enough to tell the difference between a dream domme and a dorky fat guy.

Agree with you @NehaGin. I always have a hard time for ladies to just have a voice call. Hearing each other is fun and interesting too. A persons voice can lead to different sense of feeling, especially in Dom sub relationship.

The variety of apps out there for communication are so many which has lead to more inertia in communication. I loved the old days…. When there was just Yahoo Messenger or Skype! Less choice made it easy…… now there are so many. @PaxNurgle

 

[NehaGin]

The variety of apps out there for communication are so many which has lead to more inertia in communication. I loved the old days…. When there was just Yahoo Messenger or Skype! Less choice made it easy…… now there are so many. @PaxNurgle

Why does the choice of app matter? Just pick one that either one of you already have on the phone and go with it. Start somewhere, it doesn't matter where. If later on you need some functionality that is not offered, you can always switch to a different app, but to get to that "later" you have to start. Kik, skype, whatsapp, FB/IG messenger, whatever else is out there.

For long writing I like to use a shared google doc of all things - it's fun to see letters appear on screen in real time if you happen to be online when the other side is writing. I was told by a few writing partners that they really enjoyed seeing the writing process - the sentence being typed, errors fixed, then things changed a bit a sentence or two later when I need a word that I have already used and don't want to repeat it. It's Lit, so there are people around here that actually like writing

 

[abvt75]

Why does the choice of app matter? Just pick one that either one of you already have on the phone and go with it. Start somewhere, it doesn't matter where. If later on you need some functionality that is not offered, you can always switch to a different app, but to get to that "later" you have to start. Kik, skype, whatsapp, FB/IG messenger, whatever else is out there.

For long writing I like to use a shared google doc of all things - it's fun to see letters appear on screen in real time if you happen to be online when the other side is writing. I was told by a few writing partners that they really enjoyed seeing the writing process - the sentence being typed, errors fixed, then things changed a bit a sentence or two later when I need a word that I have already used and don't want to repeat it. It's Lit, so there are people around here that actually like writing

@NehaGin i agree with you. I use Kik and Skype but not many people are on it. I hear more about signal and telegram or Snapchat. Sometimes what’s app and google chat.

I wish I had the time to be part of the live writing session of stories as you described above.

Ron

 

[Cuddlycarebear]

I was asked this question
“What do you require from your submissive in an online relationship?”
I’m going to get a bunch of different responses. Please be kind to my interpretation of this answer. There is no right or wrong answer. I just want to hear from other submissive’s or even Dom’s. This is supposed to be a friendly conversation, discussion. But this was my response
I want it to last. I’m not looking for a one night stand. I want an online relationship to develop a report. We should develop a connection. I’m not just a Dom, you are your own person and as am I. A submissive should have your own feelings as do I. A relationship should mean that we can go to each other for problems or anything else. It’s not just about ownership or just sex. We go through real life stuff. I’m going through serious real life stuff. Sometimes I get down and don’t have anyone to turn to besides my parents. I’m getting back in BDSM. I’m going to make mistakes too. I’m not experienced as you may think I am. It’s been 25 years or so since I was in BDSM. I do have a global online slave. We are developing a report. We trust each other. I want to have that same trust with a submissive. This isn’t just about fucking a woman. I want a submissive relationship to mean something.

I totally agree that you need to establish good open communication on a regular basis. I was a dom around ten years ago and it lasted for two years. It would have continued but i wanted a submissive who desired to meet up once in while. We talked at least 3 times a week and texted often. We established a good friendship and slowly i helped her expand her boundaries and guided her on exploring her fantasies. I would be open again to start developing a new relationship if any females are interested. Just send a message and we can chat.

 

[NehaGin]

I would be open again to start developing a new relationship if any females are interested. Just send a message and we can chat.

For that to happen you might want to add a bit more info to your profile - age, location (at least what time zone you are in. Especially given that you want in-person play too), relationship status (many women will not chat with married men, for others it doesn't matter),...

 

[pinkhighlighter]

Following. This is a great topic.

 

[mentor2dom]

This is really a great topic, thank you for starting it @BigCk47
I have quite some experience in online D/s, albeit I started in my 20s, before internet. So, if most people go from online to real, I started from real and added online eventually.

In my book - open and frequent communication is the key. Of course, life comes first, I mean it is not realistic to expect people to have so much time to chat for hours every day, but checking-in messages are feasible for everybody.

Also, online relationship is a Relationship. I get very agitated when people say that online is not real - I mean you have no idea. Having said that, it is important to have vanilla talks at least as much as kink ones. To watch a same movie and comment it together, or read the same book, or an essay.

Optionality to meet few times a year helps a great deal.

Audio calls, and video calls if possible really help creating a better bond. Hearing a voice, seeing a facial expression are just some of the added values to text chat.

When it comes to kink - realistic rules and realistic expectations. You cannot ask a mother of two toddlers to answer to your texts within 5 minutes. Fixed time for sessions, real time ones, once a week, also works well.

But it all comes back to having a good communication.

 

[Deleted member 6353684]

I have been fortunate to have met a sub online here.vwe are I. The same country timezones talk regularly. Snapchat regularly. We have learnt so much about each other. Its astounding how much we have in common.
We areboth married and in stable relationships although lacking certain emotional needs. We are able to give each other what the other is missing.
I know there are plenty of judgmental people out there but this is how it is for us.
It works.
Open honest communication is yhe key. Get to know the real person as best as possible.
Follow your instincts. If it feels off, then it is probably is.
Good luck.

 

[panty_chap]

I had an online dom for a few years but he was literally half way around the world, and it eventually fell apart. It was fun while it lasted, and I still welcome contact from him, but it rarely happens.

It fell apart after I became busy with other obligations and couldn't spend as much time online as before. Though I also stopped putting as much time in when he wasn't as responsive as he had been.. so it was a snowball effect I suppose.

 

[Patsysub]

This is really a great topic, thank you for starting it @BigCk47
I have quite some experience in online D/s, albeit I started in my 20s, before internet. So, if most people go from online to real, I started from real and added online eventually.

In my book - open and frequent communication is the key. Of course, life comes first, I mean it is not realistic to expect people to have so much time to chat for hours every day, but checking-in messages are feasible for everybody.

Also, online relationship is a Relationship. I get very agitated when people say that online is not real - I mean you have no idea. Having said that, it is important to have vanilla talks at least as much as kink ones. To watch a same movie and comment it together, or read the same book, or an essay.

Optionality to meet few times a year helps a great deal.

Audio calls, and video calls if possible really help creating a better bond. Hearing a voice, seeing a facial expression are just some of the added values to text chat.

When it comes to kink - realistic rules and realistic expectations. You cannot ask a mother of two toddlers to answer to your texts within 5 minutes. Fixed time for sessions, real time ones, once a week, also works well.

But it all comes back to having a good communication.

let,s start!

 

[Smoothshavendad]

I am an experienced daddy dom and looking for a sexy sub.