Androgyny / Transgenderism: Where does it start?

[fcdc]

So based on a previous post I put in here, I figured I may as well start a thread to the effect. Yes, it's going to be another 'True Confessions'-style thread; skip if you're not interested:

I'm female, 25. I've been sexually active for almost ten years now, only with men. I have only ever seriously considered sex with one woman, and she was fairly butch-looking and fun, so I'd consider that more the exception than the rule, and closer to 'guy' than it might seem. Nothing happened with her, either; it was just a fantasy.

I went to an all-girls' college. I have a pixie cut and wear a leather jacket, and I got hit on by lesbians all the time (because I do look butch). I thought it was a compliment, but never took them up on the offer. I got taken to a gay club once and when I realized that's where we were going and that it wasn't just to hang out, I pointed out I was straight. The girl who had mistakenly invited me on a date and I later became close platonic friends. I didn't change my style when the lesbians were hitting on me, as I feel comfortable looking fairly boyish. I played Viola in Twelfth Night and did it convincingly and well.

I would say that I am almost exclusively straight, judging from most people my age and statistical reports of sexual attraction. Here's my situation, though: My gender identification isn't necessary straight. I feel comfortable being androgynous, and I can pull it off too, thanks to short hair, a slim figure, etc. I do not have a desire for a sex change at the moment, but I also am not entirely averse to the idea; put short, if I feel I need to have it done in the future, I'll have it done.

At the moment, I am comfortable being female-androgynous and straight. Does that make me transgender? I have never considered the possibility, but I am curious if there are resources in the TG community for people like me, who fit more into the 'third gender' classification and don't want a physical change, or whether I would get pushed into the idea of a physical change.

The need for resources came about because I am (despite being very liberal) at a semi-conservative graduate school, and I get sick of not being able to be flat-out honest at the school (and the "dyke" comments that get thrown about, even jokingly by people I otherwise consider my friends.) I think I need perspective, because the assumptions people jump to kill me every day.

Thanks in advance!

 

[Tymeless]

gotta go to bed soon just checking in but i'll respond tomorrow and looking forward to getting to know you better.

 

[fcdc]

To prove the point about me looking androgynous:

http://xs115.xs.to/xs115/07183/test.jpg

Me in Ye Olde Leather Jacket (and leather pants!), albeit When Photoshop Filters Attack! (Don't want to post a hyper-realistic photo on here simply because I'm a coward; no offense.)

I'm physically comfortable with how I look and don't want to have anything chopped off/added on. But from what I know from TG friends at my old liberal all-girls' college (never bothered attending meetings there, as I didn't lack for resources or for people who understood my perspective), such resources tend to focus on physical transitions, so I'm not sure if they'd be any help for someone in my situation.

 

[sister76]

At the moment, I am comfortable being female-androgynous and straight. Does that make me transgender? I have never considered the possibility, but I am curious if there are resources in the TG community for people like me, who fit more into the 'third gender' classification and don't want a physical change, or whether I would get pushed into the idea of a physical change.

The need for resources came about because I am (despite being very liberal) at a semi-conservative graduate school, and I get sick of not being able to be flat-out honest at the school (and the "dyke" comments that get thrown about, even jokingly by people I otherwise consider my friends.) I think I need perspective, because the assumptions people jump to kill me every day.

Thanks in advance!

I want you to relax and feel safe and confident in what you know you are. Only you know what you want and are. Yeah a lot of assholes/regular people might be hassling you right now, but really, who cares? If they do that they are unsure of themselves, I think. You can be honest in everything you think if you want to. I don't think that will be a problem. They will all just adapt to you. You are the agent of change in your own life.

I am not gay, but I have known a few.

 

[sister76]

Not that you are gay - I shouldn't have said that. Sorry. I just thought it from the other stuff you said. Now I see you said you are not.

 

[fcdc]

Haha! I was wondering about that, as that was part of the point of my post.

Nope, straight, which is part of why the comments strike me so weirdly. I almost think it would be easier for my situation here at Conservative U if I were attracted to girls; at least, I'd fit into more of a stereotype so my friends could "deal" with it a little more easily. At 25, I think if I were attracted to women as a rule, I'd know it, especially having attended an all-girls' for undergrad.

 

[stlpenguin]

Well, as for actual "resources," I'm not entirely sure - admittedly, I lurk here quite a bit without sharing... something I intend to remedy, now that I'm a bit more comfortable with who / what I am. (that being a male crossdresser and submissive)

However, if it's support you're looking for, you've found it. This community is full of people who blur the traditional gender lines. Aside from throwing on a skirt or some stockings so and then, I'm one of those guys who shaves his whole body in an attempt to look more feminine. I have my toenails painted right now a nice shade of purple (they're so cute!) and will often push the traditional hard-limits of my gender by using the words "cute," "adorable," etc. as much as possible in every-day speech. Though I appear very much a man, I try to look androgynous. Like you, I'm very much straight, but not ENTIRELY put off by the idea of sexual encounters with a man.

I realize it's not really the same thing... I guess my only point is, there are others here who wonder just how fluid the terms "Boy" and "Girl" are. And thankfully, the GLBT community seems to be where those who wonder often stray to.

Lots of love and support, hon. Thank you for sharing with us.

 

[Tymeless]

So based on a previous post I put in here, I figured I may as well start a thread to the effect. Yes, it's going to be another 'True Confessions'-style thread; skip if you're not interested:

I'm female, 25. I've been sexually active for almost ten years now, only with men. I have only ever seriously considered sex with one woman, and she was fairly butch-looking and fun, so I'd consider that more the exception than the rule, and closer to 'guy' than it might seem. Nothing happened with her, either; it was just a fantasy.

I went to an all-girls' college. I have a pixie cut and wear a leather jacket, and I got hit on by lesbians all the time (because I do look butch). I thought it was a compliment, but never took them up on the offer. I got taken to a gay club once and when I realized that's where we were going and that it wasn't just to hang out, I pointed out I was straight. The girl who had mistakenly invited me on a date and I later became close platonic friends. I didn't change my style when the lesbians were hitting on me, as I feel comfortable looking fairly boyish. I played Viola in Twelfth Night and did it convincingly and well.

I would say that I am almost exclusively straight, judging from most people my age and statistical reports of sexual attraction. Here's my situation, though: My gender identification isn't necessary straight. I feel comfortable being androgynous, and I can pull it off too, thanks to short hair, a slim figure, etc. I do not have a desire for a sex change at the moment, but I also am not entirely averse to the idea; put short, if I feel I need to have it done in the future, I'll have it done.

At the moment, I am comfortable being female-androgynous and straight. Does that make me transgender? I have never considered the possibility, but I am curious if there are resources in the TG community for people like me, who fit more into the 'third gender' classification and don't want a physical change, or whether I would get pushed into the idea of a physical change.

The need for resources came about because I am (despite being very liberal) at a semi-conservative graduate school, and I get sick of not being able to be flat-out honest at the school (and the "dyke" comments that get thrown about, even jokingly by people I otherwise consider my friends.) I think I need perspective, because the assumptions people jump to kill me every day.

Thanks in advance!

Androgyny is completely okay and if you went to my therapist she would tell you that she wouldn't push you into anything but would help you understand yourself better. You seem to understand yourself well enough to know what you want so why don't you just embrace it and relax a bit only then once you relax can you fully understand what you want to be and why. After that it may take some soul searching but you'll come out of it okay and i have a feeling no matter what you decided you would be happy.

best of luck,

Tiffany Lauren

 

[WynEternal]

I am 28, and have considered myself a tomboy for as long as I can remember. In addition to comments about my choice of clothing, I have had to endure comments about my race as well. This has caused me to develope fairly thick skin, which was unfortunate because it caused me to become an even more closed and introverted.

At 19, I had two really good friends ask if was bi, or why I wasn't a lesbian outright (I insisted I was straight.) Two years ago, I admitted to myself that I did find the female body sexually attractive, not just a creation of beauty that I would find in a Botticelli.

But I digress... I have come to the conclusion that if anyone has a problem with the way I dress, they can go bugger themselves. I still get comments today about wearing men's clothing and no amount of explaining that I find it less constraining than women's is going to make them stop. As to my sexuallity, it's none of their concern.

Hope that helps.

 

[Tymeless]

I am 28, and have considered myself a tomboy for as long as I can remember. In addition to comments about my choice of clothing, I have had to endure comments about my race as well. This has caused me to develope fairly thick skin, which was unfortunate because it caused me to become an even more closed and introverted.

At 19, I had two really good friends ask if was bi, or why I wasn't a lesbian outright (I insisted I was straight.) Two years ago, I admitted to myself that I did find the female body sexually attractive, not just a creation of beauty that I would find in a Botticelli.

But I digress... I have come to the conclusion that if anyone has a problem with the way I dress, they can go bugger themselves. I still get comments today about wearing men's clothing and no amount of explaining that I find it less constraining than women's is going to make them stop. As to my sexuallity, it's none of their concern.

Hope that helps.

great response!

 

[darkerdreamer]

...At the moment, I am comfortable being female-androgynous and straight. Does that make me transgender? I have never considered the possibility, but I am curious if there are resources in the TG community for people like me, who fit more into the 'third gender' classification and don't want a physical change, or whether I would get pushed into the idea of a physical change...

..I think I need perspective, because the assumptions people jump to kill me every day...

I can't stress this enough, I know mothers the world around say the same thing, but it holds true: if someone doesn't like you for who you are, they aren't worth your time. It's simple advice but hard to stick to, it can be hard to ignore ignorant comments or sideways glances, especially if they come from friends.

Furthermore, don't let anyone push you into anything. I honestly don't have resources fitting your specific request, but there are hundreds of great articles about gender and one's self-identification, just be wary of the source. But in all honesty, even if there is no official term or parade for whatever role you fit in to, start your own. And most of all, be happy with the person you are, whoever that person is; because the only person who knows you well enough to judge you, is you.

...I have come to the conclusion that if anyone has a problem with the way I dress, they can go bugger themselves...

That's the picture. Pardon moi Français, but fuck those types.

I can't honestly say I know what either of you feel completely, I never could. I'm your "typical straight male"... well except those couple of times.. and all the times I went in drag.

It was for a play, I swear... almost every time!

 

[emap]

Well take what I am going to say with a grain of salt, and keep in mind I am not a psychiatrist or anything. Though based on what little I have read on the matter and own personal experience, the ones who make the comments about your sexuality like you describe, are in certain ways attracted to you and just trying to find a place for you to be in their own mind because they don't want to pursue those thoughts.

Honestly you would be a great person for any bi curious men or women to go to because you are androgynous. Well what you say, I looked at your picture and had two thoughts, cute and female, though suppose I have a more intuitive head than your friends.

Now personally, I think you had best speak to a therapist or full psychiatrist about this matter. Though if you can manage it, stop caring, whatever someone else says about you is not what you say so what, be happy with yourself and live your life the way you want to. If that involves wearing leather jackets and hats and not being terribly feminine go right ahead because simply put, who cares. It's your bedroom not theirs and they really should butt the fuck out unless you take them into your bedroom.

I am a tomboy myself, though have large breasts and appear female, helps I like having long hair. Some have asked if I am a lesbian or some other silly things, I am not though do enjoy the taste of women, I can't get away from a love of hard cock. To some that makes me a bad person, to them I simply say fuck off, I am not you and I do not follow your religion.

I have been told a number of times I will rot in hell because I love sex and got it as often as I could, generally not with the same man for very long. Usually get told that by a one nighter to, next morning while he is praying.

Eeeeeppppp I am off topic now, sorry. Anyway what I mean by this roundabout route is simply, stop caring what others say, generally they want to get in your pants but won't try because of some reason so are trying to place you in their own mind. Simply live your life the way you want and if it means you have less friends right now, so what you will find more later.