❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AveryElle]

I can totally picture you breaking someone's nose!

Awwww love you too!
Or, so that’s why you wouldn’t meet for coffee!

 

[John_Q_Public]

Awwww love you too!
Or, so that’s why you wouldn’t meet for coffee!

I like my nose unbroken please and thank you.

Of course, I would never do anything that would put me in danger of being on the receiving end.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I never had any trouble accepting my own kinks. If anything it was an oh wow moment as each of them was revealed to me. They've always worked as sexual intensity multipliers. I didn't suddenly spring fully grown into my kinks. Each of them was discovered and nurtured by a series of lovers. I think I was fortunate in that my earlier lovers were generally kinkier than I was, so I always had guidance I guess, from sexual mentors.

There were definitely kinks that I took a slow approach to, largely because I had to get my brain wrapped around them first, the two that pop to mind are CNC and sado-masochism. In a classic S&M relationship, where I played the S role, there was some learning there. I'm a person who is capable of great violence, who experienced a lot of violence, giving and receiving. I have a lot of experience in that arena. It took me quite a while to wrap that together with sexuality. Even with a willing partner they were two worlds that in my mind did not overlap.

I've never ended the relationship because of a kink – either unrealized or unwilling to realize. My relationships, the significant ones, actually all ended for the same reason. We grew in different directions in the non-sexual sense – philosophies, careers, lifestyles, locations, etc. I have been very fortunate in this life that each of my major relationships ended very well. They ended with thoughtful discussion and careful contemplation. That's a blessing in itself. My contribution there was being smart enough and lucky enough to fall in love with extraordinary women.

(All in all, at 59, I can honestly say it's been a hell of a good life. Oh I've had my share of bad shit happen to me, but I've always bounced back. I've got a loving family and am surrounded with good friends. A man can’t ask for much more.)

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#32 (suggested)

Acceptance

Was it hard for you to accept your kink or a particular one of your kinks? Did you feel ambivalent, embarrassed, awkward or ashamed of it? How were you able to embrace this as a positive part of yourself?
Are/were there kinks of your partners (past or present) that you had a hard time embracing? Were you able to accept or was it a deal breaker?

Acceptance... no I wouldn't say it was hard to accept. It was hard to understand. I had a hard time narrowing down my kink simply because I had no exposure at all. So I tried to make it fit into other, different kinks. I made a friend who gave me a really solid foundation in bdsm and I was off to the races. I think I was old enough that it all just clicked. On Lit, it's easy to accept, be proud, but when I've brought what I like up to my partner it was definitely an experience full of shame. He's learned to embrace the more... mechanical side of things, shall we say, but the mental power dynamic side is just not there. Just like most things, I'm a bit weird about things I like until I find out there is a name for these things and other people also like them and then it feels normalized for me. Emotional sadism/masochism being a prime example.
My present partner has no or few kinks of which to speak. I almost wish he had something so "out there" that I had to grapple with but no. I had a past partner that was into total sensory deprivation, I've touched on that, but he wasn't very good at it and it wasn't a very good experience. There are, of course, deal breaker kinks but I would also classify those as illegal. There are things I'm simply not into but would try and be game for my partner.

With the exception of feet. Sorry, you can't touch, lick or fuck my feet. (inserts safe word)

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#33

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

Excellent way to piss me off: tell me you're sub, then try to top from the bottom.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Excellent way to piss me off: tell me you're sub, then try to top from the bottom.

That needs to be a whole question... #interested

 

[base10]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

The inability to effectively communicate what they are looking for, and how they feel. Not being honest.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Excellent way to piss me off: tell me you're sub, then try to top from the bottom.

Or, tell me you’re a Dom, and expect ME to top from the bottom.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Or, tell me you’re a Dom, and expect ME to top from the bottom.

Well gosh, you're a strong woman! That should be no problem for you.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Or, tell me you’re a Dom, and expect ME to top from the bottom.

*nods* big deal breaker.
That's irritating.

 

[AlwaysFara]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

Nothing really raises a red flag as far as kinks. If someone has a kink I’m not interested in, I would ignore it, which is probably part of the reason stuff ends.
My kinks have to compliment his, but he has to compliment me, as well. (Complement?)

One thing I know I’m not interested in are men confusing Dominant with domineering. I’m not interested in someone trying to run my life outside the bedroom. BTDT. I like my choices, my voice, my friends, and finding out who I am without some dude’s unasked for 2 cents. I don’t need a protector. I need someone to stand by my side.
So, “macho” type men? Nope. I’m a strong woman. I prefer a feminist (not feminine, FEMINIST) man who is secure in himself.

That being said, I’m not interested in submissive men in the bedroom. At all.

I can do without a man with a foot fetish.
I don’t want to strap anything on and fuck my man’s ass.
I don’t think hot wax is sexy. Keep it.
I don’t like formalities. No one gets to be called Sir unless I am being cheeky.

My forthrightness has been a deal breaker for many a man. I like that. Weed them out.

Non kink? I will never be with a smoker. Or a Republican. Oh...or a cop.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

My forthrightness has been a deal breaker for many a man. I like that. Weed them out.

Great attitude, whether the attribute is forthrightness, or something else.

Thin the herd. Quality over quantity.

 

[base10]

I don’t like formalities. No one gets to be called Sir unless I am being cheeky.

I love this

 

[AlwaysFara]

Well gosh, you're a strong woman! That should be no problem for you.

Ha.
Don’t wanna.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Ha.
Don’t wanna.

I was being sarcastic.

Those annoying stereotypes. Alpha personalities are always dominant, etc. Give me a break.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I was being sarcastic.

Those annoying stereotypes. Alpha personalities are always dominant, etc. Give me a break.

*points to my eyes then to your tits*

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

*points to my eyes then to your tits*

 

[seela]

Nope.

 

[Blue]

People who can't stand dead air.

It's not a kink thing or even necessarily a relationship thing, just a trait I've noticed I can't put up with.

I've met quite a few people who I suppose get the feeling of awkward-elevator-silence easily and feel like they need to constantly talk or converse so they don't feel uncomfortable, even if the conversation itself is insipid small talk.

 

[AveryElle]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

I've discussed kink deal breakers/turn offs. General deal breakers are people that are rude to service staff. And smoking.

I'm boring.

 

[Karabare]

I've discussed kink deal breakers/turn offs. General deal breakers are people that are rude to service staff. And smoking.

I'm boring.

No, this is a good indicator of what kind of person they are. I agree with this

 

[cookiecat]

Excellent way to piss me off: tell me you're sub, then try to top from the bottom.

That needs to be a whole question... #interested

I second this as a topic.

 

[LostGirlTink]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

The whole cuckhold thing holds no appeal for me. I don’t grasp why it has appeal and it isn’t for me. I’m also not into feet or humiliation.

I've discussed kink deal breakers/turn offs. General deal breakers are people that are rude to service staff. And smoking.

I'm boring.

No, this is a good indicator of what kind of person they are. I agree with this

In regards to these comments above if they are nice to you, your friends and people they know but are rude to the wait staff they are not a nice person

 

[Eliphaz]

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

Shittalking other people's kinks or interests, especially in a mocking way. I mean, unless said other people are right there and get off on having their kinks mocked, obviously.