❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[Blase]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

People who say that they want to be emotionally abused.

Granted, people who say that online are probably mostly new and largely fakes, but we know it happens all too often that someone who is literally asking to be mistreated finds someone willing to oblige.

Somebody wants to be made to feel wanton? I'm all over it.

Somebody wants to be made to feel worthless? Sorry, wrong number.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

^ Well I'm real. And a relatively normal, emotionally stable person who, in the right context, likes that exact feeling. It's definitely a tightrope and you dont want to add to someone's unhealthy attitudes. But we exist!

 

[seela]

Well I'm real. And a relatively normal, emotionally stable person who, in the right context, likes that exact feeling. It's definitely a tightrope and you dont want to add to someone's unhealthy attitudes. But we exist!

Yes we do!

I think I'm quite real, too. And relatively normal.

 

[Mei5ter]

Anyone who insists on calling me Daddy.

I have no problem whatsoever with the DD/LG dynamic, age play, or any of the rest. I can and have enjoyed it in various ways. But that term denotes a biological connection in my mind, and I can’t get past that. If we can’t find another word we’re both okay with, I’m afraid I’m out.

Oh. And people who ask for presents within 24 hours of meeting me here...

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Men who want to know all about my pervy kinks, but don't take the iniative to get to know my limits and triggers before engaging in play.

For example: as a rape survivor, i need to know that they understand that some activities take more out of me than others. I need them to be more attentive to my cues, more appreciative of my willingness, and committed to doing aftercare. If i am going to make myself that vulnerable, they sure as shit had better be a gentleman about it.

 

[AveryElle]

Anyone who insists on calling me Daddy.

I have no problem whatsoever with the DD/LG dynamic, age play, or any of the rest. I can and have enjoyed it in various ways. But that term denotes a biological connection in my mind, and I can’t get past that. If we can’t find another word we’re both okay with, I’m afraid I’m out.

I'm glad I'm not the only one here with that problem. Thank you for articulating it in that way (biological connection)

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

Probably most of what raises my red flags can be summed up by a lack of curiosity or an inability to internalize information.

Curiousity is a turn on for me. But a complete lack of inquiry into what I like, why I like it, what my limits are, places I'm curious to go, etc show a supreme self centeredness, in my opinion. I'm curious about you, return the favor.
Or once I do say something, having to repeat or keep asking is frustrating. And I'm not talking about play (boundary pushing, begging, etc.). Continuously having to say no is a problem.
I'll echo what some others have said also, to profess to be Dom or Top and then have no clue is frustrating. If you don't know, that's totally fine! Ask! There are some subs who would love to educate you but don't pretend to know when you clearly don't. It creates the need to top from the bottom (like Honey mentioned) and that's no fun for anyone.
Also don't profess and promise a whole bunch of things you can't or wont follow through on.
Personal red flags for though are pretentiousness, an inability to keep a conversation going, someone who is all flirt and no substance, and lack of effort.

I'll stop rambling and ranting now though

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

As an aside, i think it's interesting to note that the term 'Daddy' has been in use to refer to a romantic/sexual partner for decades already. The BDSM community didn't make that up, they just gave it more screen time.

Similarly, 'Mami' and 'Papi' mean, literally, Mommy and Daddy, but are used as terms of endearment with partners.

I happen to be super comfortable with the term 'Daddy,' but I've seen threads on FetLife with lists of creative alternatives. As Mei5ter said, the important thing is to find something that works for both people in the relationship.

 

[AveryElle]

Similarly, 'Mami' and 'Papi' mean, literally, Mommy and Daddy, but are used as terms of endearment with partners.

I think if my native language were Spanish, I’d feel the same way.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Excellent points, PLP. These in particular, for me:

Also don't profess and promise a whole bunch of things you can't or wont follow through on.
Personal red flags for me though are pretentiousness, an inability to keep a conversation going, someone who is all flirt and no substance, and lack of effort.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I think if my native language were Spanish, I’d feel the same way.

No judging here, just presenting information.

 

[Blase]

^ Well I'm real. And a relatively normal, emotionally stable person who, in the right context, likes that exact feeling. It's definitely a tightrope and you dont want to add to someone's unhealthy attitudes. But we exist!

No offense meant, PLP. More power to you and Seela if you can enjoy something like that without imploding, but I can't see myself going there, even from the other side of the equation.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

No offense meant, PLP. More power to you and Seela if you can enjoy something like that without imploding, but I can't see myself going there, even from the other side of the equation.

No offense taken it's just something I've thought a lot about. If you're interested (and at the risk of sounding self promotional we did a podcast on this exact topic - https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=90113605&postcount=498) If not, not worries!!

 

[barefootgirl69]

Anyone who insists on calling me Daddy.

I have no problem whatsoever with the DD/LG dynamic, age play, or any of the rest. I can and have enjoyed it in various ways. But that term denotes a biological connection in my mind, and I can’t get past that. If we can’t find another word we’re both okay with, I’m afraid I’m out.

Oh. And people who ask for presents within 24 hours of meeting me here...

I thought you were going to take this a different direction.

As someone on the small side of the slash, I can say there are plenty of other terms of endearment one can use.

What I thought you were going to point out is when someone calls you "Daddy" right away, when there is no relationship or consent for them to do so. Consent works both ways, in my opinion.

My red flag is when a guy immediately starts calling me babygirl or referring to himself as "daddy" when we are getting to know one another. It's a creepy feeling.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

^^ yes!! terms of ownership without earning them...

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

^^ yes!! terms of ownership without earning them...

Ugh, yes.

And don't call me Mistress or capitalize my pronouns if we've only just met. My name is Honey and you don't get to call me anything else until and unless i agree to it.

So fucking annoying.

 

[midwestyankee]

You know how they say that porn, like art, is something that you know when you see it? I have a similar kind of red flag: batshit crazy. I don't care to share any specific examples for reasons of anonymity and all that, but you know batshit crazy when you see it and it's an absolute deal breaker for me.

 

[13Fantasies]

#33

Kink Deal Breakers

What in a <insert your kink here> partner raises a red flag for you? What traits would be deal breakers? Has someone ever pointed out a trait in you that was a deal breaker for them?

Sex at all costs.

One lady and I were in a distance relationship. Different cultures, but sex was a necessity for her. She would happily sleep with other guys because I couldn't be there every day. It was just sex to her and she needed it she said.

I thought it would be a deal breaker, but she really cared about me and stopped having sex. For nearly two months. Then, she met a local guy who was just like me. She broke up with me and is with him. I've learned that distance is more of a deal breaker, especially when older.

Not mine necessarily, but that it works against me.

 

[AlwaysFara]

People who say that they want to be emotionally abused.

Granted, people who say that online are probably mostly new and largely fakes, but we know it happens all too often that someone who is literally asking to be mistreated finds someone willing to oblige.

Somebody wants to be made to feel wanton? I'm all over it.

Somebody wants to be made to feel worthless? Sorry, wrong number.

Why do you think they are fakes?

 

[AlwaysFara]

Probably most of what raises my red flags can be summed up by a lack of curiosity or an inability to internalize information.

Curiousity is a turn on for me. But a complete lack of inquiry into what I like, why I like it, what my limits are, places I'm curious to go, etc show a supreme self centeredness, in my opinion. I'm curious about you, return the favor.
Or once I do say something, having to repeat or keep asking is frustrating. And I'm not talking about play (boundary pushing, begging, etc.). Continuously having to say no is a problem.
I'll echo what some others have said also, to profess to be Dom or Top and then have no clue is frustrating. If you don't know, that's totally fine! Ask! There are some subs who would love to educate you but don't pretend to know when you clearly don't. It creates the need to top from the bottom (like Honey mentioned) and that's no fun for anyone.
Also don't profess and promise a whole bunch of things you can't or wont follow through on.
Personal red flags for though are pretentiousness, an inability to keep a conversation going, someone who is all flirt and no substance, and lack of effort.

I'll stop rambling and ranting now though

This is true. There are many natural, innate Dominants who have no idea they are, simply because they haven’t been able to flex that.
The outcome of a loving sub with a man like this can be beautiful.

 

[AlwaysFara]

As an aside, i think it's interesting to note that the term 'Daddy' has been in use to refer to a romantic/sexual partner for decades already. The BDSM community didn't make that up, they just gave it more screen time.

Similarly, 'Mami' and 'Papi' mean, literally, Mommy and Daddy, but are used as terms of endearment with partners.

I happen to be super comfortable with the term 'Daddy,' but I've seen threads on FetLife with lists of creative alternatives. As Mei5ter said, the important thing is to find something that works for both people in the relationship.

I had a Spanish guy who called me Mami. I swooned.

 

[AlwaysFara]

I thought you were going to take this a different direction.

As someone on the small side of the slash, I can say there are plenty of other terms of endearment one can use.

What I thought you were going to point out is when someone calls you "Daddy" right away, when there is no relationship or consent for them to do so. Consent works both ways, in my opinion.

My red flag is when a guy immediately starts calling me babygirl or referring to himself as "daddy" when we are getting to know one another. It's a creepy feeling.

This.

 

[base10]

This is all endlessly interesting, thank you ladies

 

[MaBelle3120]

In DD/lg, my pet peeve is when a Dom makes all the rules to revolve solely around his needs and pleasure.

Part of the reason why I was attracted to DD/lg was the guidance and nurturing aspect of the dynamic that is present is a large number of DD/lg relationships. The Dom's need to guide, which can often manifest itself in making rules for the benefit of the relationship and the growth of their sub, that is one of the things I love most about the dynamic.
So if all of the rules are just about the Dom's pleasure, not for the growth of the relationship, that just personally leaves me wanting for 'more' and leaves me without the guidance I sometimes crave.

Just my two cents

 

[Blase]

Why do you think they are fakes?

Of course they're not *all* fakes, but when someone brand new to the boards puts up an ad that says little more than, "Treat this whore like the worthless cumbucket she is", or something to that effect, it makes me think that at the very least she has little experience, because an ad like that will bring the jerks and wannabees out in droves while giving little real information to the more experienced members who want to hear a little more than, "Treat me as your punching bag", before deciding to contact someone, because they're looking for a person rather than a toy.

And let's be real: The more over the top an ad sounds, the less likely it is that responders will find the product to be exactly as advertised.