The beauty of submissive men

[just4friends]

Yup

Mum... Or yes Ma'am is the word... Or just silent

 

[jtank86]

Amazing thread, my focus is on pleasing my partner. Femdom though sometimes erotic, it is more about service and finding what pleasure you can bring to your partner. If that is through scrubbing in the shower great, if through submitting physically thats fine too.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

It would certainly be a priviledge and an honor to do so for you, Ms Rose.
Maybe you have better plans for my energy than chopping wood.
So sorry i dozed off, but i did wake to rush back and check the thread.
Ok, back to my snooze
Night, Ma'am

I do appreciate that... I could have used a massage last night to help me sleep.

Yes but she may not want suggestions anymore than drivers want directions from the back seat. Submissive should first understand what is expected of him and follow that lead. To do otherwise is not to follow regardless of the merits of your intentions.

As my mistress told me early on - start by shutting the fuck up and doing as your told and we'll take it from there.

Offering directions when you don't the destination is frustrating, self-indulgent and clearly not following. A man pestering a woman for what he wants and pretending he is serving her interest is no different than any other.

Right now, I just have an online sub. I give him the opportunity to express what he would like but he listens to me otherwise. That said, when you are first starting, I would say that this is part of the negotiation that happens. But once you accept someone as your Domme, you have to be willing to trust them.

I did sub for a bit, and if I wanted to offer input, I would ask my Dom if I could make a suggestion or something else similar, not tell him what to do.

 

[LucianDevine]

You guys seem to forget one important factor here. In any d's relationship, you "should" be a couple first, not a Master/Mistress and sub. If the two can't connect on a vanilla level, then anything else they try is almost guaranteed to fail. The Master/Mistress obviously has the right to want what they want, and demand it, but the sub also has the right to want what he wants as well. He doesn't get to tell the Master/Mistress what he/she wants them to do to him/her, but the sub is still a part of the relationship. It is just as much the Masters/Mistress' duty to take care of their sub as it is for the sub to serve their Master/Mistress.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I know many who are in a D/s relationship that has no romance to it, it is all about the D/s dynamic.. granted, these tend to be those who are poly or who are looking for D/s outside of a marriage.

 

[Veroe]

But Lucian has a point too. Even an outwardly abusive or sadistic seeming master/mistress definitely has a responsibility to their submissive. The definitions of just what that responsibility entails may be debatable but the responsibility is still there.

Also any D/s relationship is going to be very complicated, hell even vanilla relationships are complicated, even ones where romance does not enter the situation between sub and Dom(me).

So communication and honesty IMO must always be paramount between participants.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

But Lucian has a point too. Even an outwardly abusive or sadistic seeming master/mistress definitely has a responsibility to their submissive. The definitions of just what that responsibility entails may be debatable but the responsibility is still there.

Also any D/s relationship is going to be very complicated, hell even vanilla relationships are complicated, even ones where romance does not enter the situation between sub and Dom(me).

So communication and honesty IMO must always be paramount between participants.

i 100% agree. Thats where communication and negotiation comes in

 

[MsAmative]

But Lucian has a point too. Even an outwardly abusive or sadistic seeming master/mistress definitely has a responsibility to their submissive. The definitions of just what that responsibility entails may be debatable but the responsibility is still there.

Also any D/s relationship is going to be very complicated, hell even vanilla relationships are complicated, even ones where romance does not enter the situation between sub and Dom(me).

So communication and honesty IMO must always be paramount between participants.

... this. We are getting down to communication and compatibility again.


In some dynamics suggestions of ways to serve could be useful or wanted. You cannot simply assume that staying quiet will get either people where they want to go. Not everyone wants a relationship (romatic or otherwise) where they are simply a servant... but some live for it. Service also isn't what defines who is or is not a sub. Submission means different things to different people. Both have to get what they need for the dynamic to work. I think one should not be criticized for wanting a different dynamic.

How they are led or want to be led is that dynamic. Not what you want? Not compatible. Doesn't make them any less sub then the next... just means they aren't sub to you.


Perhaps you all are right about just4friends, or perhaps we are making huge assumptions over one small comment. I have had many partners over the years in both play and partnership scenario, face to face, locally in real time. None of them are the same. Relationships are like snowflakes (cliche or not) none of them are same. I loved all my dynamics, each in their own way.

 

[pensivepoet]

I've been to Latin dance clubs and left astounded by the moves i had seen.
I've also been wowed by c/w line dancers.
And i love watching a waltz by a couple when four feet seem to fluidly move as two.
All of them are dancing, just doing it to different music.
The trick seems to be, find your music and a compatible partner.
~and maintain a respect for those of different tastes.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I've been to Latin dance clubs and left astounded by the moves i had seen.
I've also been wowed by c/w line dancers.
And i love watching a waltz by a couple when four feet seem to fluidly move as two.
All of them are dancing, just doing it to different music.
The trick seems to be, find your music and a compatible partner.
~and maintain a respect for those of different tastes.

So true Poet!

 

[pensivepoet]

Thanks Ms Rose
Notice i said watch? I can't dance for shit.
Augh!

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

Thanks Ms Rose
Notice i said watch? I can't dance for shit.
Augh!

Nothing wrong with watching.. and what if your Domme said to dance?

 

[pensivepoet]

Nothing wrong with watching.. and what if your Domme said to dance?

I would dance without question, Ma'am, just poorly.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I would dance without question, Ma'am, just poorly.

Good answer

 

[pensivepoet]

Good answer

Thank you Ms Rose
Two posts without reprimand. I'd better not push my luck.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

Thank you Ms Rose
Two posts without reprimand. I'd better not push my luck.

You have behaved so no need to punish.

 

[Erochic]

Thank you Ms Rose
Two posts without reprimand. I'd better not push my luck.

Snigger
I for one am really enjoying your contributions to this conversation

And I really appreciate all the great posts... And such an interesting, fascinating discussion.
I've been really busy recently and haven't posted much, but I keep checking the thread and reading posts and thinking "Ooo good point" or "that's an interesting way of thinking about it, that hadn't occurred to me" etc.

This is all ... And more ... That I hoped for when I started this thread.
Thank you everyone

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

Snigger
I for one am really enjoying your contributions to this conversation

And I really appreciate all the great posts... And such an interesting, fascinating discussion.
I've been really busy recently and haven't posted much, but I keep checking the thread and reading posts and thinking "Ooo good point" or "that's an interesting way of thinking about it, that hadn't occurred to me" etc.

This is all ... And more ... That I hoped for when I started this thread.
Thank you everyone

It is fun. and nice to talk to others about this aspect as in the places I hang out, there are not a lot of female Dommes

 

[Erochic]

I've been to Latin dance clubs and left astounded by the moves i had seen.
I've also been wowed by c/w line dancers.
And i love watching a waltz by a couple when four feet seem to fluidly move as two.
All of them are dancing, just doing it to different music.
The trick seems to be, find your music and a compatible partner.
~and maintain a respect for those of different tastes.

I love to Latin dance... And actually it was very hard for me to learn to follow

This analogy occurred to me recently too....
I'm still learning the "steps" in this female dominance dance... But I have the rythmn and it feels good - so I need my partner to just quietly follow and support and enjoy the dance together with me

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I love to Latin dance... And actually it was very hard for me to learn to follow

This analogy occurred to me recently too....
I'm still learning the "steps" in this female dominance dance... But I have the rythmn and it feels good - so I need my partner to just quietly follow and support and enjoy the dance together with me

I need a like button... that is a good example

 

[pensivepoet]

I've really enjoyed this thread, too.
A lot of great contributions so far and nary a stupid post to derail it.
Thank you
Actually, i didn't know there was even one Lady on lit with dominant tendencies. So i've really enjoyed getting to know how you both view the lifestyle.
One step at a time, i'm learning to dance.

 

[ARoseSoSweet]

I've really enjoyed this thread, too.
A lot of great contributions so far and nary a stupid post to derail it.
Thank you
Actually, i didn't know there was even one Lady on lit with dominant tendencies. So i've really enjoyed getting to know how you both view the lifestyle.
One step at a time, i'm learning to dance.

My guess, just based on what I have seen, is that female Dommes are in the minority. Male subs also are in the minority as society doesn't seem to support them. I have run into several males who have sub tendencies but they keep them quiet for that reason, or want to appear to be Dom in public so consider themselves switches at most, but typically Dom.

 

[pensivepoet]

It's funny, i rarely dance. Takes a few drinks to give me courage. But a week or so ago I met a Lady in a pub with music. She asked me to dance, i told her i really couldn't. In her heels she was taller than me, and she told me, "just let me lead and you follow"
I did, and it was great!
Still, i'm sure i danced like shit, but if she thought so or minded, she didn't say so.

 

[just4friends]

Oh

Sorry to have been the always stupid post...

 

[Erochic]

Sorry to have been the always stupid post...

Someone has to be


No don't worry.
The only posts that I think were stupid were the earlier posts from the trolls or the drive by arseholes belittling submissive men.

Your posts were about the discussion and and some people might have thought you were wrong and told you so, but that doesn't mean that your posts were stupid or that you shouldn't have posted it.

I missed the actual point that was discussed, but I think it's something I am still thinking about.
I've realised that I *do* want input from a submissive man and I do want to know what turns him on and what his fantasies are .... And feedback about what he thinks about what I'm fantasising about.

It might be because I'm still fairly new to embracing dominance - but without that it feels a bit to me like I'm working in a vacuum.

One thing I did was that I discovered I like playing "Truth or Dare" - except it's only one way.
So I got my sub to admit that he had been thinking about me and fantasising about me .... And then got him to describe his fantasies.
There was no expectation that I would follow his fantasies... But it gave me ideas... And so I included some of the ideas that appealed to me along with things I felt like doing.