How do you help someone get over being abused

[iamthemac]

He will understand
and he knows LOVE DEFINITELY RULES MY WORLD..
Now if I could just wake him up.....

Im here and awake I understand my love because your love rules my world.

Much LOVE and HUGS to the people in this thread sending happy vibes to all of you.

 

[sxcascinn]

Im here and awake I understand my love because your love rules my world.

Much LOVE and HUGS to the people in this thread sending happy vibes to all of you.

As yours does mine...
You have no idea how happy you make me
And I am ever so glad you came here toooo

 

[PertPerth]

It's amazing how quickly pain is forgotten when you know and remember that you're loved. Family, friends, a partner or a pet. Love is love and it has amazing healing properties.
Gotta love human hormones!

 

[Gil_T2]

It's amazing how quickly pain is forgotten when you know and remember that you're loved. Family, friends, a partner or a pet. Love is love and it has amazing healing properties.
Gotta love human hormones!

Love is a fantastic healer, pain reliever, sadness defuser & lifts self esteem.

 

[Dvision]

Love is a fantastic healer, pain reliever, sadness defuser & lifts self esteem.

That is SO true.

 

[Gil_T2]

Love is a fantastic healer, pain reliever, sadness defuser & lifts self esteem.

A bump for the thread.

 

[PertPerth]

I went out to dinner with my boy on the weekend and I was planning on wearing a dress, but he asked me not to wear any panties. I've done this once before and was okay with it (actually, he took them off before we went out) but then the skirt I had on was way below my knees. I have come SO far from where I used to be , but I can't wear a skirt which is shorter than that and have no nickers on!
I tried to explain to him that "I don't want to do a Britney" (ie flash) and that it's more than that. I feel vulnerable. I think he'll just have to deal with that!

 

[Bandit58]

I went out to dinner with my boy on the weekend and I was planning on wearing a dress, but he asked me not to wear any panties. I've done this once before and was okay with it (actually, he took them off before we went out) but then the skirt I had on was way below my knees. I have come SO far from where I used to be , but I can't wear a skirt which is shorter than that and have no nickers on!
I tried to explain to him that "I don't want to do a Britney" (ie flash) and that it's more than that. I feel vulnerable. I think he'll just have to deal with that!

I'm the same - so many say they get turned on by not wearing panties but I feel uncomfortable and yes, vulnerable. Knee length skirt is ok but shorter ones no....although if Sir orders it this subbie will do as she's told

 

[Gil_T2]

I went out to dinner with my boy on the weekend and I was planning on wearing a dress, but he asked me not to wear any panties. I've done this once before and was okay with it (actually, he took them off before we went out) but then the skirt I had on was way below my knees. I have come SO far from where I used to be , but I can't wear a skirt which is shorter than that and have no nickers on!
I tried to explain to him that "I don't want to do a Britney" (ie flash) and that it's more than that. I feel vulnerable. I think he'll just have to deal with that!

I'm sure he appriciates the step foward that doing this was, small steps & things will be OK, it is a display of trust you have given him.

There is a limit to how short I'll ask BANDIT to wear just for that reason.

 

[Gil_T2]

I'm the same - so many say they get turned on by not wearing panties but I feel uncomfortable and yes, vulnerable. Knee length skirt is ok but shorter ones no....although if Sir orders it this subbie will do as she's told

Knowing full well that I'd never risk putting you in danger.

 

[PertPerth]

I'm in a little bit of a mess at the moment, so excuse my rant...I just need to vent.
My date with my boy last night was a disaster. He was tired and hadn't been well all week. I'd been over doing things in the garden and was tired to the point where EVERYTHING hurt. I was fine up until yesterday morning when I suddenly got all hormonal and emotional - because of a conversation I had with my cousin a few days before.
My cousin asked how my brother was; I replied I'd not spoken to him in months - not since he made me cry and I hung up on him because he'd not change the subject when I asked repeatedly. He's not called to apologise. Anyway, she dismissed the issue totally because she (nor anyone else in my family) knows what happened. I guess I was hoping for a little support...but it was impossible for her to support me because she didn't understand why I needed it.

I haven't seen my brother in 6 months and I'm dreading Christmas day. I don't want to see him. I'm happy - I don't want him to try and take that from me again.

I'm thinking I should tell my boy about my issues with my brother - not necessarily for me, but for him to understand why I'm so highly-strung at the moment. I don't want to lose him, but then I don't want him to feel sorry for me.

 

[Bandit58]

Pert I also think you should sit your boy down and explain things to him. You know why you're feeling the way you do, but he doesn't - poor guy is probably wondering what he did to upset you. If he knows what is going on then he can be there for support - that way you'll have one person who understands, if you can't tell anyone else.

As for seeing your brother on Christmas Day.....I can understand the feeling of dread, because I used to feel much the same if I had to see my ex for any reason. How I used to get through it was this - I told myself that he couldn't hurt me any more and that I was happy, and not going to let him take that away from me. If brother dear gets snarky or tries to push your buttons - walk away, or say "I don't have to listen to this". Brother can only take your happiness from you if you let him.

 

[PertPerth]

Brother can only take your happiness from you if you let him.

Thank you, Bandit. I needed to be reminded of that.
I phoned my boyfriend a little while ago to apologise for being a grump. I'm going to see him tomorrow (to give him his present and cookies I'm making), so I'll explain things to him then.

 

[Gil_T2]

Thank you, Bandit. I needed to be reminded of that.
I phoned my boyfriend a little while ago to apologise for being a grump. I'm going to see him tomorrow (to give him his present and cookies I'm making), so I'll explain things to him then.

Pert this thread is here so ppl can rant,vent or any reason at all.

A worry shared is a worry halved.

 

[Horus_rules]

It is nice to find a thread of people who seem to be supporting each other through the abuses that some of suffer in life.

My own experience happened when I was 7 or so. It happened twice and was limited to oral sex from a male babysitter. I was 21 before I told anyone, the relief was amazing! I was able to release a lot of guilt I felt over the last several years.

I think it is that Guilt that racks us the hardest and so helping someone see that their abuser was the one with all the power has been a powerful tool for healing in my life. I am always amazed at how 'we' seem to find each other. I can not tell you how many people I have meet in my life who have had some kind of abuse in their lives. We always end up sharing stories and maybe feeling a little better because we know we are not alone.

I see my as part of my past that shaped me into who I am today. I am working through intimacy issues still and being able to let go and just experience pleasure without a self-induced pressure to perform.

I guess the other healing force in my life is that I do not feel like broken or damaged goods. I just had a couple of bad experiences as a child. Pert, I understand you not wanting to feel pitty from the man in your life. Explain to him that you need his support, not pitty.

As for your brother, Face him as a Survivor. You are a stronger person because you have been tried by adversity and you have conquered it! He is the weak one, not you.

My thoughts and even prayers will be with you.

Horus

 

[Gil_T2]

It is nice to find a thread of people who seem to be supporting each other through the abuses that some of suffer in life.

My own experience happened when I was 7 or so. It happened twice and was limited to oral sex from a male babysitter. I was 21 before I told anyone, the relief was amazing! I was able to release a lot of guilt I felt over the last several years.

I think it is that Guilt that racks us the hardest and so helping someone see that their abuser was the one with all the power has been a powerful tool for healing in my life. I am always amazed at how 'we' seem to find each other. I can not tell you how many people I have meet in my life who have had some kind of abuse in their lives. We always end up sharing stories and maybe feeling a little better because we know we are not alone.

I see my as part of my past that shaped me into who I am today. I am working through intimacy issues still and being able to let go and just experience pleasure without a self-induced pressure to perform.

I guess the other healing force in my life is that I do not feel like broken or damaged goods. I just had a couple of bad experiences as a child. Pert, I understand you not wanting to feel pitty from the man in your life. Explain to him that you need his support, not pitty.

As for your brother, Face him as a Survivor. You are a stronger person because you have been tried by adversity and you have conquered it! He is the weak one, not you.

My thoughts and even prayers will be with you.

Horus

Thanks for your post Horus & great words you share with those here.

As to the amount of ppl that come into our lives that suffer or have suffered abuse is extreemly high yet so many feel that they are alone in their pain.

Lit offers a place where ppl can put on a normal face to hide the problems they have like health issues & abuse, I'm so glad that this thread offers a place for some to find others who have been through their own abuse.

My thoughts and even prayers will be with everyone who have been through abuse like you & so many others.

 

[PertPerth]

Horus, thank you for sharing your story with us. Indeed you're right; it's amazing the number of people who have been abused and never talk about it. Sharing stories and hearing other people stories definitely helps to heal the wounds.

Thank you Gil and Bandit - and everyone else too.

Happy Holidays


Pert

 

[GentleSub_Ivy]

I'm so glad this thread is still going strong in it's support of people. Have a happy holiday season everyone.

*hugs*

 

[tbon455]

hi gil and bandit i got your email from noor and wanted to thank you guys. im out of the hospital now and doing ok. im in a little pain but the fusion they just did does restrict me even more. i did do alot of thinking when i was in there but not sure if it did any good. im not a money gambler but i gambled with my life so to speak. i lived hard. wel my conclusion is there are 3 strikes in baseball well i think i just had my 3rd one and i craped out. the doc told me to never think about working agian the new procedure will slow things down alot but never be a perminent fix. plus ive made up my mind they can put me in a wheele chair before i ever have surgery agian. 3 in 3 yrs is to much. thanks agian for the email. and hope you are doing better

 

[JustSkye]

I still get comfort reading this thread...

 

[sweet_marie]

Hello to Everyone!!!!!

I have not been on my beloved computer since the semester was over and now, that it starts on Monday, thought I would catch up. Well, on page four of this thread (going back in history) that catching up process became way too much for me, I think I had at least another four until my last post.
Blushing
So.....I'll catch up eventually, but meanwhile, Happy New Year to Everyone, Gil I love your Santa costume....and big hugs.
Marie

 

[Dvision]

Happy newyear to everybody, stay on the LOVE TUNE.

My girlfriend sometimes can not accept the beautiful things I say about her.
But she is precious, so precious to me. This new years evening she wore a skirt and a string , she felt really good

that was good, sharing stories is probably ok ,but my gf
does not like to talk about it, it came slowly, bit by bit,
it is only since this week that i think I know everything,

She finds it difficult to talk about it, I think for as far as i know,
a lot of people find it extremely diffiult to talk about it, even to close
family members.

 

[sxcascinn]

Happy newyear to everybody, stay on the LOVE TUNE.

My girlfriend sometimes can not accept the beautiful things I say about her.
But she is precious, so precious to me. This new years evening she wore a skirt and a string , she felt really good

that was good, sharing stories is probably ok ,but my gf
does not like to talk about it, it came slowly, bit by bit,
it is only since this week that i think I know everything,

She finds it difficult to talk about it, I think for as far as i know,
a lot of people find it extremely diffiult to talk about it, even to close
family members.

I have found the more I talk about it... The easier it gets...
But I also have found there is always more...
I tell me Mac a little here and there.. I think most is pushed down buried deep inside... When something jolts a memory loose now I like to talk about it and get it out. Rather than keep it bottled up inside..
The more I let them out, the less they have the power to hurt me... the more I run from the memories the more of a hold they have over me.
When I was younger, I used to hide the fact that I was abused, like it was a dirty secret. When it swept through my school I was ashamed... Now if it comes up in conversation, for eg... If someone asks about my dad I will say I have nothing to do with him. if they keep asking questions I tell them straight out look he abused me when I was younger. He doesn't have the right to be in my life. That I am so upfront and honest about both shocks the hell out of people and usually sends em running... I guess they are uncomfortable with the subject...
My friends all know. some of my relatives know... when my children are old enough to know they will too..
Guess I am sick of secrets and lies and things being kept hidden the way they were when I was growing up...
I guess what i am trying to say is I have come a long way from when i was younger. I don't hide it anymore, I don't run from it, I accept that it has affected my life greatly and choose to let others know that I was abused if they dig deep enough. If they can't handle my honesty it is their problem. I would rather surround myself with supportive and loving friends who can listen without making me feel bad for talking....
Ok now I am all typed out lol I really do talk to much!!!!!

 

[Bandit58]

Happy newyear to everybody, stay on the LOVE TUNE.

My girlfriend sometimes can not accept the beautiful things I say about her.
But she is precious, so precious to me. This new years evening she wore a skirt and a string , she felt really good

that was good, sharing stories is probably ok ,but my gf
does not like to talk about it, it came slowly, bit by bit,
it is only since this week that i think I know everything,

She finds it difficult to talk about it, I think for as far as i know,
a lot of people find it extremely diffiult to talk about it, even to close
family members.

I tried to tell my mother once how my ex emotionally abused me. She didn't want to know and i haven't tried again This thread was my "place" to get my feelings out....lol and look what happened I met a wonderful man and have never been happier

I still have self esteem issues. I find it hard to believe that I'm an attractive sexy woman....Gil points it out every day, and others have too but there's still that "little voice" inside that puts me down. I'm a whole lot better than I was 5-6 years ago though. It takes time - I've lived through years of emotional and verbal abuse that's not going to go away overnight.

My kids know how my ex used to treat me. My son, at 18, when I told him I was leaving said "What took you so long?" My daughter, at 14-15, when she was living with him, realised what a control freak he was and they used to and still do butt heads a lot...she is a lot stronger than I am though and doesn't put up with shit for which I am extremely relieved and grateful plus proud that I raised such a one

 

[Dvision]

I have read both of the replies above....

I think talking about abuse issues can be a healer, I strongly believe that, but my gf is reluctant to talk about it, it comes out slowly, it is in her mind ' a dirty little secret', she is also afraid for the reactions of other people. When she tells me something, she thinks I need to take some distance from her. I don't want to take any distance from her, I want to hold her tight to me.

She does not come to the lit, because of the 'porn' label, she dislikes any kind of fysical, verbal, emotional negative vibe, wether it is on the net, the TV, or the real life. She does not look at the TV because she can be confronted with violence, so that is an indication how bad things were. she describes it as terror.

I think she just wants to forget it, but I think that will empower her negative emotions. But I can't force her to talk about it, just the feeling that she is pushed in some directions gives her the feeling off being forced.

I would like to strenghten the 'godess' in her and disarm the negative emotions in her, for now I give her a lot of love, kissings, tenderness,
boost her confidence, be with her, talk with her, and she gives me a lot of love back.