Wife has questionable past

[Cardinal]

Mind your business

 

[TonyF862]

Don't do the above. That's using your illicitly gained knowledge to manipulate her.

Either resign yourself to keeping the secret forever that you read her stuff, or, be prepared to get honest about it as part of any such conversation about any unspoken desires you want to ask her about having.

Also, consider not making it about you, if you do ever bring it up.

Good advice

 

[TonyF862]

1) I'm not sure "cleaning out the closet" counts as snooping. Granted reading the letters crossed over a bit, but it was honest curiosity.
2) If you are committed to your wife and are willing to take her response in a loving manner - then it may be something she has been wanting you to know, but just hadn't found the way to tell you.
3) If she is upset - is it that you KNOW or that you were "snooping"? If she's upset that you know - then I'd begin having a conversation about more honesty and trust in the relationship.

 

[Herbihusband]

My wife has been away for a week at a trade show and I cleaned out our closet to stay busy. I am giving away perfectly good shoes and found several boxes in which to store them. One contained a bundle of letters - wrapped in rubber bands. I put the letters back in the box and just before I closed the lid I saw a few words of endearment on the top letter. I took out the bundle and unwrapped the bands. I felt odd reading letters not intended for my eyes but these are intriguing. Women's handwriting on front and back of the papers. It's not my style to do that but the more I read, the more questions I had. It became obvious my wife had been in a relationship in 2002 (before we were married) with a woman and her husband. The letters went into great detail about their feelings for each other and how my wife was growing and learning. None of the letters were written by the man; only the woman. Who were these people? Where did she meet them? Where are they now and does she maintain contact? This was a dominant/submissive arrangement and it's obvious my wife engaged in lesbian / lezdom activities. I have sooo many questions. But I can't ask one since I had no business reading anything of hers. I'm completely surprised as she could be considered vanilla by anyone who knows her. What is your advice? I don't know what to say to her... if anything. I have no right

Personally, I would just wait till she got home and tell her you did some housecleaning while she was gone and came across the box with letters in it. You could put the box of letters on the table when you’re talking to her and nicely ask her if she could help you understand what the letters were about and expressed to her that you were not judging her but you are curious why she never brought this up since you’re both in the marriage and have no secrets from each other about your past. If she gets defensive about privacy, remind her that the letters were never locked away. They were just sitting in a box and also remind her that you two were not supposed to have secrets, and she still is insisting that she violated her privacy. I would start to wonder if there is still something going on and maybe she does not want you to find out.

 

[curioustxn]

My wife has been away for a week at a trade show and I cleaned out our closet to stay busy. I am giving away perfectly good shoes and found several boxes in which to store them. One contained a bundle of letters - wrapped in rubber bands. I put the letters back in the box and just before I closed the lid I saw a few words of endearment on the top letter. I took out the bundle and unwrapped the bands. I felt odd reading letters not intended for my eyes but these are intriguing. Women's handwriting on front and back of the papers. It's not my style to do that but the more I read, the more questions I had. It became obvious my wife had been in a relationship in 2002 (before we were married) with a woman and her husband. The letters went into great detail about their feelings for each other and how my wife was growing and learning. None of the letters were written by the man; only the woman. Who were these people? Where did she meet them? Where are they now and does she maintain contact? This was a dominant/submissive arrangement and it's obvious my wife engaged in lesbian / lezdom activities. I have sooo many questions. But I can't ask one since I had no business reading anything of hers. I'm completely surprised as she could be considered vanilla by anyone who knows her. What is your advice? I don't know what to say to her... if anything. I have no right

It depends on what you want your marriage to be? If you want to continue a vanilla marriage, then forget about the letters and get on with life. On the other hand, if you want to add kink to your marriage, don't tell her you know about the letters, and show interest in broadening your sexual experiences within the marriage. From the letters, you know she has had interest in kink in the past, so, discuss *your* fantasies with her, and see if she is still interested in kink.

 

[gtnlynn]

I know almost everything about my wife's past, since we started datng at 15. She still has a few secrets. I know that because she told me there are few things she will not tell me. That's fine. I'm not going snooping to try to find out what those secrets are.

 

[curioustxn]

Although not always obvious, communication is an ongoing problem in many marriages. A woman will often keep secrets, not because she is ashamed of her past, but because she thinks her husband may not approve. And a man will often keep secrets for the same reason. When a couple can share past secrets and current fantasies/desires, without fear of being judged, their marriage can be stronger, not to mention much more interesting.

 

[Noor]

They used her body to produce a baby

So what? It’s her body, she chooses.

 

[Ciceri]

So what? It’s her body, she chooses.

I know. I'm happy for her

 

[Noor]

I know. I'm happy for her

The term “ used her” didn’t sound like that

 

[Ciceri]

She conceived and carried the fetus to term. I chose 'used' but didn't mean anything negative

 

[ReadyOne]

Find some MMF context (movie, article, public couple). With that as the motivator for your thoughts, just offhandedly ask if she has any experience with MFF.

What ever she answers, accept it and move on. If you are really lucky, she will say "in a previous life time".

Or she may flip it back "why, are you suggesting?" Or you may get, "not a topic I want to go into."

Asking is not a crime; pressing is.

 

[Sgts19]

We talk about this often and even after all these years I'm always finding out something new. We live in the same town she grew up in so I know a cpl by sight and I can't see how they got in her pants, she must have been extra horny. Back story to this but before I'd even seen what she looked like I heard her with her them boyfriend in the next bedroom, still jerk off to that memory. Anything about her past turns me on

 

[NormalMarriedWhiteGuy]

My wife has been away for a week at a trade show and I cleaned out our closet to stay busy. I am giving away perfectly good shoes and found several boxes in which to store them. One contained a bundle of letters - wrapped in rubber bands. I put the letters back in the box and just before I closed the lid I saw a few words of endearment on the top letter. I took out the bundle and unwrapped the bands. I felt odd reading letters not intended for my eyes but these are intriguing. Women's handwriting on front and back of the papers. It's not my style to do that but the more I read, the more questions I had. It became obvious my wife had been in a relationship in 2002 (before we were married) with a woman and her husband. The letters went into great detail about their feelings for each other and how my wife was growing and learning. None of the letters were written by the man; only the woman. Who were these people? Where did she meet them? Where are they now and does she maintain contact? This was a dominant/submissive arrangement and it's obvious my wife engaged in lesbian / lezdom activities. I have sooo many questions. But I can't ask one since I had no business reading anything of hers. I'm completely surprised as she could be considered vanilla by anyone who knows her. What is your advice? I don't know what to say to her... if anything. I have no right

Well, it's not like she cheated on you. But you did ask a lot of good questions. Here is some you didn't ask: Did she regret doing this? Was this something she did when she was just beginning to explore her sexuality? Would she do it again? If the answer to the last question is no thne you have to get over it.