Why cant men talk with each other about...

[weed]

That's why it would be so neat to see them let that side of themselves out. Can you imagine men talking the way women do when they share, with a man's pov and preferences

 

[Rambrat]

They are soft and sweet yet leave a bitter taste at times...oh, I cannot resist there eyes or their will but know better than to trust my heart to them for that which fits so easily upon my sleeve is not cherished nor embraced
but rather displaced and trampled...

nothing stirs my soul more than the soft, smooth skin of her lovely body...

 

[weed]

weed loves to listen

 

[LukkyKnight]

I think there's a division based on how you think about "sex. "

For some, it's an event. Talk about going to the game, talk about going to the office, talk about fishing, talk about sex, talk about going to Maui, talk about buying a new car...

For others, it's an extension, or perhaps more correctly an integral aspect of a particularly close relationship. When somebody in this category feels the urge to "talk about sex" it's important to talk about with the person in question.

Does making love start when the eyes meet or when the clothes come off?

 

[hongluobo]

I think there's a division based on how you think about "sex. "

For some, it's an event. Talk about going to the game, talk about going to the office, talk about fishing, talk about sex, talk about going to Maui, talk about buying a new car...

For others, it's an extension, or perhaps more correctly an integral aspect of a particularly close relationship. When somebody in this category feels the urge to "talk about sex" it's important to talk about with the person in question.

Does making love start when the eyes meet or when the clothes come off?

When the eyes meet for sure.

I really don't have that many close male friendships, but have many women friends (that sort of guy I guess), and I agree Men don't really share that much in the way of intimate details (partly vunerability, partly gentlemanly restraint).

I think one problem is that men don't really have as broad a range of sexual feelings as women do (I may be very wrong here) and I actually envy women their orgasms and sensuous range of feelings.

I have this sort of pet theory related to the physical aspect of sex, in that for men it often seems to be a very concious doingness and is somewhat external/outside of themselves, while for women it can be a very vunerable "letting someone in" and an almost surrender to the multitude of pleasurable feelings that result.

But really do women really talk about all the intimate details of love making? how this or that man nibbled on my clitoris the other night? on how rough or gentle he was in his administrations?

A very interesting thread

 

[Kitte]

But really do women really talk about all the intimate details of love making? how this or that man nibbled on my clitoris the other night? on how rough or gentle he was in his administrations?

A very interesting thread

Sometime we give specifics on men, sometimes not...but I know me and my girlfriends do discuss at length our kinks and how we like to be nibbled and how to get that from a man..or our own personal best blow job techniques....or that secret fantasy we have...and there is really a bond, a connection, when we find someone who shares that...a sense of being not so alone. I am not too afraid to admit that I used to be bothered, almost freaked out, by some of my kinks...now I know ALOT of women who share them and I gain from their experience and then pass mine on to others. I do not claim to speak for all women but for the ones I know.

 

[Skibum]

I won't talk about sex with anyone i wouldn't be willing to have sex with, and that eliminates every other guy in the world.

 

[DevilBoy79]

SEX!

I mean do you talk with your guy friends intimately about sex? Or do you just do the old "Yeah I banged her" I know most of my women friends and I tell each other EVERYTHING!!!

So guys dish....do you dish to each other?

hmm not really if i do, its never in detail just vauge,

* what i do know is, dont joke with anyone about sex,even if it willl never happen, you might hurt someone you care for, cause what might be a joke to you isnt to someone else *

 

[Dougy]

I think that many of the guys are missing the point here and taking it to be just a question of whether they give out intimate details about sexual partners. When women talk about sex, I think it is more about what they like and what they do. The partner is implicated by association, but I don't think he/she is the focus of the conversation. As a non-threatening male who has always been more comfortable speaking to women I have been party to several such conversations, and have never been around any involving males. Of course, there could be certain things that my presence keeps them from talking about, but they have been pretty explicit.

Perhaps it just boils down to the fact that men are just interested in finding pussy, while women are looking for pleasure.

 

[Kitte]

Originally posted by Dougy I think that many of the guys are missing the point here and taking it to be just a question of whether they give out intimate details about sexual partners.

I think that may be the case. Guys come on spill your guts. Do you not talk to your friends do you want to? Do you ever sit in the dark at night and wonder if you are the only one? Do you wish that you had someone to talk to?

I really want to know.

 

[scylis]

in order to discuss such things with one's friends, one must participate in such things first.

 

[WhiteRose]

too many men are without because they're so caught up in physical strength, trying to impress each other, and waving thier dicks about

Yah *nods* I kind of thought that's what they do in locker rooms

My ex never talked about intimate details with his guy friends. They rarely even knew who he was seeing, but he's apparently always been very secretive about that (likes to keep his whole life compartmentalized, and Goddess forbid should any information should pass from one compartment to another!)

Even with me at first, he wouldn't talk about things he'd done with other girls, though during the years we were together, he became more open about that as he became more vocal about his wants with me. He was pretty shy about sex when we met. With his friends, if it was a girl they knew or if he felt like bragging about his experience THEN he'd tell them. He'd never talk about his feelings or any details, but basic facts like, "Yah, I did her. She's okay." <-- As I found out afterwards from his best friend after he cheated on me. He never really talked about me to his best friend.

 

[hongluobo]

Perhaps it just boils down to the fact that men are just interested in finding pussy, while women are looking for pleasure.

I think you got it right there. Talking explicitely about what I like in sex doesn't really come very easily - I mean it might offend other women and guys aren't usually approachable in that way. I also am beginning to believe that my experience and range is awfully conventional after all that I have read on Lit.

Since I started drafting this, Kitte posted her plea. And I just been swinging back and forth to her most incredibly sexy stories as well. Well back from Crete and Mila......This is sort of like the True Confessions thread.

I would like to share at least one experience here and will share more about other stuff later....many years ago (DBA - days before aids), I visited a place in Taiwan during a business trip that my buddies called the "Clinic" pure stress relief after a long hard day "wink,wink" as guys would put it. They had wonderfully trained massueses (sp?) there who for additional consideration provided additional services Well on my third trip, I decided to resist the tempation to go for the full course (as they called it) and went for the half course (hand job)...it was awesome!...she put my legs over her thighs as I was spread eagled face down and using hot oil proceeded to give me a hand job from behind sliding her hands up from behind/below pushing my cock up against my abdomen, (I didn't last long -hehe)

Ever since then, my dear wife will occasionally do me with Vaseline and sometimes I actually prefer that to actual intercourse as it is so passive and allows me to really just enjoy the pleasure of being pleasured.

Now that is an interesting one to explore

 

[Lovepotion69]

I think a lot of guys I know don't talk to their friends about their sex lives that much mainly because it's a private issue between him and his partner. He doesn't want the whole world to know what he's up to, and also out of respect for her he keeps shut.

As I have more guy friends than girl friends I tend to speak about sex to them quite a lot. Perhaps they are more comfortable with talking to me about it. I don't know. Some go into explicit detail, others more general stuff, some personal experiences but not too much detail. I enjoy listening to personal experiences (hey, sue me, but it's fun to listen!), but I don't need every tiny detail...

My exes never spoke about sex with me to anyone. I speak about sex with exes openly, but as a rule I don't speak much about the man I'm seeing at the moment. Well, not in RL, but perhaps here....

My current partner does tell me openly what he and his ex were up to, and sometimes in explicit details. And yes, he catches me off guard at times when doing it.

/LP

 

[SlowHand89]

OK. I agree with the Squid King on taking the gentleman's route. My sex life is noone's business and if the chickies want to tell my friends what they like then fine, but it's not my place to share their secrets.

Secondly, Star of Pen. is off base. What does getting validation from others have to do with personal strength and who says personal and physical strength can't both be had. Not that I'm buff or anything. I'm not. Never have been.

It also drives me nuts when people imply that one must 'share' in order to grow or that it's preferable and they feel sad for those who don't or "can't". If you need advice then fine. If you need to talk things over with someone because you don't know what to think, fine. But if you can make up your own mind and don't feel the need to tell everyone about everything then, well, that sounds like personal strength to me.

It's the Stong, Silent Type not the Insecure, Emotionally Challenged Type.

So, No. I don't kiss and tell. And if one of my friends brings it up I'd be like "Dude, I could care less if you like it when she sucks on your left ball. Why should I care?" Now, if it's someone I might want to be with, then I'll listen. Otherwise, not for me.

 

[Dougy]

It also drives me nuts when people imply that one must 'share' in order to grow.
snip
If you need to talk things over with someone because you don't know what to think, fine. But if you can make up your own mind and don't feel the need to tell everyone about everything then, well, that sounds like personal strength to me.

It's the Stong, Silent Type not the Insecure, Emotionally Challenged Type.

So, No. I don't kiss and tell. And if one of my friends brings it up I'd be like "Dude, I could care less if you like it when she sucks on your left ball. Why should I care?" Now, if it's someone I might want to be with, then I'll listen. Otherwise, not for me.

This is exactly what I don't get. One does have to share to grow, and talking things over with someone should not be a means to 'know what to think'. Your views do not spontaneously generate, they come from your interactions with the world around you. By not being willing to talk about things on which you have made up your mind you are closing yourself off from so much of the world, and that is not personal strength. Personal strength is being able to look at information, process it as impartially as possible, and see if it changes your views.

The fact is I will listen to anything, because I want to know what people think, but I don't have to agree. And I do not agree with you on this one.

 

[Guest]

SEX!

I mean do you talk with your guy friends intimately about sex? Or do you just do the old "Yeah I banged her" I know most of my women friends and I tell each other EVERYTHING!!!

So guys dish....do you dish to each other?

Yeah. I talk with my best friend about sex all the time. Usually it's intertwined with general relationship stuff, though. And unfortunately for me, it's often very one-sided (he's had 13 partners to my one). So he ends up teaching me things an awful lot of the time. I've also found out a lot, perhaps more than I wanted to know, from my father (again, most of that coming in discussions about relationships in general).

However, a lot of guys don't have that kind of relationship with other guys that you do with your girlfriends. We just don't get that deep. Hell, we don't talk about our "feelings" with our girlfriends, much less our drinkin' buddies!

TB4p

 

[teddybear4play]

BAH! This last post was mine.

TB4p

 

[SlowHand89]

This is exactly what I don't get. One does have to share to grow, and talking things over with someone should not be a means to 'know what to think'. Your views do not spontaneously generate, they come from your interactions with the world around you. By not being willing to talk about things on which you have made up your mind you are closing yourself off from so much of the world, and that is not personal strength. Personal strength is being able to look at information, process it as impartially as possible, and see if it changes your views.

The fact is I will listen to anything, because I want to know what people think, but I don't have to agree. And I do not agree with you on this one.

How exactly does sharing what I did last night with people who weren't involved help me grow? I'm very much into conversing with people, chilling out and have deep discussions, trading views etc, but 'dishing the dirt', no.


I think I just got pissed off right from the start with the title of the thread. "Why 'can't' men...," rather than "Why 'don't' men..."

 

[WhiteRose]

Over the past couple of hours I've been thinking about this thread on and off, and guys that are "just" my friends are sometimes very open in discussing things with me. If I'm friends with someone I don't have any problems asking them to explain something in detail to me, because there's so much I just don't know, and they've always been open to answering me. I just don't think they'd talk to each other as much in detail.

 

[weed]

Enjoying reading the different pov's....and the sharing (ty hong )

Wouldn't expect all men to just talk about sex all the time, just like I wouldn't expect women to, either. But I do think the occasional sharing with someone you can be open with is enriching...and maybe even educational. (Especially for me if I'm listening)

 

[Kitte]

But I do think the occasional sharing with someone you can be open with is enriching...and maybe even educational. (Especially for me if I'm listening)

I think that is part of my point.

Slowhand~ I am sorry if the title "pissed you off" maybe it should have been dont but the whole thread originated because I was talking with a guy friend and he mentioned that he would like to have the ability to talk about things like this but that it is "uncomfortable with other men....and women think you are trying to pick up on them" So a thread was born.

It has always facinated me to the fact that men dont communicate the things we women seem so ready to talk about. And as I said before I am not talking about dishing details everytime Mr Happy gets lucky...I mean talking about issues etc.

Like Dougy said

When women talk about sex, I think it is more about what they like and what they do. The partner is implicated by association, but I don't think he/she is the focus of the conversation.

 

[SlowHand89]

Hey Kittie

When this thread originally came up I was definately not in the right frame of mind. I had had a few days of stupid arguements with some of my friends and the feeling of sharing with them was just not an option. Sorry for jumping the gun with my reponses rather than thinking them out as I should have done.

During the week, to my surprise, I've realized that I do talk about sex with my friends much more than I thought I did. This thread kept coming to mind with every discussion so I figured I would add this to it.

Granted, the more intimate discussions are with my female friends, mostly due to the fact that they bring it up. The 'guy' discussions will often take the form of a debate. We'll raise points and argue them out.

 

[Kitte]

Slowhand,

Sorry you were having a bad week! I hope this one is looking better.
What do you mean by debating it out? Do you mean like technique? or Just general attitudes?

 

[SlowHand89]

Obviously we can't debate technique. Everyone's different and it has to be creative. We might say things we've done or been asked to do, but we don't normally give details as to 'how' we do it.

We were debating the general attitudes involving sex and sexuality. I was surprised by how prudish the girls were compared to some of the guys. I should clarify, there were girls present during the 'guys' discussion, but we were doing most of the talking.

I can't see myself ever telling my guy friends what I want out of sex because it's so out of their control, unless I'm asking them to try to set me up or something. Just sharing with them won't do anything for me. And as a guy, or at least for me, it's natural to try to help or solve the situation in some way, so I assume it's the same for them.