The Thing About Lit Is...

[Wild_Honey_66]

The irony of Lit is that I get nothing out of it without forming friendships that include emotional intimacy, but that it seems inevitable that I will lose those friends -one way or another- much sooner than I would like.

 

[DarkSimian]

The irony of Lit is that I get nothing out of it without forming friendships that include emotional intimacy, but that it seems inevitable that I will lose those friends -one way or another- much sooner than I would like.

amen.

 

[PeteHulbert37]

The irony of Lit is that I get nothing out of it without forming friendships that include emotional intimacy, but that it seems inevitable that I will lose those friends -one way or another- much sooner than I would like.

Some of us hold on long after the embers have stopped glowing.

The thing about Lit is that there are so many fabulous people and so little time in the day.

 

[Planetbeat]

The irony of Lit is that I get nothing out of it without forming friendships that include emotional intimacy, but that it seems inevitable that I will lose those friends -one way or another- much sooner than I would like.

Just like our lives away from Lit some friendships will endure.....some sadly will not, that's life

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Just like our lives away from Lit some friendships will endure.....some sadly will not, that's life

Lit years are like dog years. Never in my real life have I lost so many dear ones in such a short space of time.

 

[Jaime_H]

Lit years are like dog years. Never in my real life have I lost so many dear ones in such a short space of time.

Even in my short space of time I can recall those who no longer visit.
Sorry, didn't mean for that to sound like an obituary, Honey....

 

[jordanp76]

Lit years are like dog years. Never in my real life have I lost so many dear ones in such a short space of time.

I guess on the upside, it is preparation for old age, when that becomes the norm, if one lives long enough

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

I don't agree with you often, WH, but you're right about that.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Even in my short space of time I can recall those who no longer visit.
Sorry, didn't mean for that to sound like an obituary, Honey....

Jaime, you're always welcome on my threads.

I guess on the upside, it is preparation for old age, when that becomes the norm, if one lives long enough

I can wait.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I don't agree with you often, WH, but you're right about that.

I appreciate your honesty, Dee.

 

[janeyl]

The irony of Lit is that I get nothing out of it without forming friendships that include emotional intimacy, but that it seems inevitable that I will lose those friends -one way or another- much sooner than I would like.

The thing I've found with on line friendships is that they seem to be massively intimate enormously quickly...much faster than off line...I don't know what the reason is, perhaps it's the frequency and length of time we interact when in the first flush of a friendship...but I think by their very nature, that unless they have a way of anchoring in real, off line life, they burn brightly, exhaust themselves then fizzle away...

I was always aware that the person I'm speaking too will very likely be chatting in the same way, with the same level of engagement, with others at the same time and once you delay gratification to someone because real life gets in the way, they turn to other, more available people...or more hypnotising creatures come into the line of sight and I'm no longer flavour of the month...

...it happens, which is why, unless it's going to cross over, I just don't engage on anything more than an entirely superficial level...and frankly, intimacy is always better with someone you're in the same room as...I always found it profoundly unsatisfying in the end...

 

[SomeoneFamiliar]

The thing I've found with on line friendships is that they seem to be massively intimate enormously quickly...much faster than off line...I don't know what the reason is, perhaps it's the frequency and length of time we interact when in the first flush of a friendship...but I think by their very nature, that unless they have a way of anchoring in real, off line life,they burn brightly, exhaust themselves then fizzle away...

I was always aware that the person I'm speaking too will very likely be chatting in the same way, with the same level of engagement, with others at the same time and once you delay gratification to someone because real life gets in the way, they turn to other, more available people...or more hypnotising creatures come into the line of sight and I'm no longer flavour of the month...

...it happens, which is why, unless it's going to cross over, I just don't engage on anything more than an entirely superficial level...and frankly, intimacy is always better with someone you're in the same room as...I always found it profoundly unsatisfying in the end...

Exactly that.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Penuche]

<snip>I was always aware that the person I'm speaking too will very likely be chatting in the same way, with the same level of engagement, with others at the same time and once you delay gratification to someone because real life gets in the way, they turn to other, more available people...or more hypnotising creatures come into the line of sight and I'm no longer flavour of the month... <snip>

More fool me and anyone else who believes the words of such people. They may not mean to do it, but that doesn't negate the damage done.

Online friendships elsewhere* have had a lot more integrity, maybe because even when not meeting in real life the entire board had a very firmly embedded attitude of 'everyone here is assumed to be real and not here for your pleasure/convenience - you'll get what you give'.

*Elsewhere also has a very firmly policed and enforced rule of no sockpuppets/alts and no chances after being permabanned. I'm not saying that it's ideal.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

The thing I've found with on line friendships is that they seem to be massively intimate enormously quickly...much faster than off line...I don't know what the reason is, perhaps it's the frequency and length of time we interact when in the first flush of a friendship...but I think by their very nature, that unless they have a way of anchoring in real, off line life, they burn brightly, exhaust themselves then fizzle away...

I was always aware that the person I'm speaking too will very likely be chatting in the same way, with the same level of engagement, with others at the same time and once you delay gratification to someone because real life gets in the way, they turn to other, more available people...or more hypnotising creatures come into the line of sight and I'm no longer flavour of the month...

...it happens, which is why, unless it's going to cross over, I just don't engage on anything more than an entirely superficial level...and frankly, intimacy is always better with someone you're in the same room as...I always found it profoundly unsatisfying in the end...

Yes, Janey, absolutely. And thank you for weighing in here.

I had no experience with online friendships of this nature before coming here, and it took about nine months for the light to begin to dawn. After two years, now, i feel myself at a real crossroads. So many people here whom I'd be thrilled to have in my real life but can't, or don't, for whatever reason. Unsatisfying to be sure... and there doesn't seem to be a good resolution.

You have the advantage at least, of being in the UK, and within reasonable traveling distance of many Litsters. I envy you that.

 

[DarkSimian]

More fool me and anyone else who believes the words of such people. They may not mean to do it, but that doesn't negate the damage done.

Online friendships elsewhere have had a lot more integrity, maybe because even when not meeting in real life the entire board had a very firmly embedded attitude of 'everyone here is assumed to be real and not here for your pleasure/convenience - you'll get what you give'.

I guess that's my problem too....I'm a real person, and I assume the person I'm chatting with is too. So while I may be flirty, funny, serious, or horny, I am still a real person...

To many people here have that attitude, that "I'm only here for myself and my needs" philosophy. And I for one am getting tired of being played with, then put back in the drawer for the next time you have a need...

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

I guess that's my problem too....I'm a real person, and I assume the person I'm chatting with is too. So while I may be flirty, funny, serious, or horny, I am still a real person...

To many people here have that attitude, that "I'm only here for myself and my needs" philosophy. And I for one am getting tired of being played with, then put back in the drawer for the next time you have a need...

Yeah, that definitely sucks. People running hot and cold, stringing you along, etc. What's wrong with people just being REAL? I think some people just have the attitude that being online absolves you of human courtesy.

 

[DarkSimian]

Yeah, that definitely sucks. People running hot and cold, stringing you along, etc. What's wrong with people just being REAL? I think some people just have the attitude that being online absolves you of human courtesy.

exactly....but god forbid you treat them accordingly

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[DarkSimian]

This theme has come up a lot in my short time here.

I am wondering if you have any ideas how to stop this pattern for ypurselves?

Dark simian...do you really do it to others too? It seems at odds with what you have written.

not sure what exactly you mean; what I meant was that there have certainly been people that have only chatted with me when it was convenient for them, or on their terms. But anytime I have tried to step back, or ignore them....I've heard about it quite vigorously. So I guess I'm just to wait out here in the ether to be summoned, like a good little ghosty

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[DarkSimian]

Ok, I misunderstood what you wrote.


May I ask you something else? If you don't like being treated so, why accept it? Why not stop being the good little ghosty, and draw a boundary, stay friendly but resist temptation with those people / that person if it causes you pain?

I only speak out to make a suggestion because your pain is really very evident, and it's true, YOU ARE REAL! if you hear that it's not fair you cannot chat remind them you ARE real and have life too? Do it kindly, and think of it not as against them but pro you maybe?

( please understand I am not criticising you, and my advice is worthless, so flush it away! But maybe find a strategy that will work, and be the you that you want to be. Not this ghosty. )

maybe I'm just a figment of someone else's imagination.....we all play the roles we're assigned, I just should accept it more gracefully

 

[Sundayschild]

Hmmm. Difficult one this. I admit that I can be selfish sometimes - but I'm not here that often so I try and associate with people who don't mind my dropping in and out. So far I've been let down by a couple of people who said one thing and did another, but most people seem to be genuine - and people have busy lives. Of course, some people need some manners too....

 

[AKentuckyLady]

I guess that's my problem too....I'm a real person, and I assume the person I'm chatting with is too. So while I may be flirty, funny, serious, or horny, I am still a real person...

To many people here have that attitude, that "I'm only here for myself and my needs" philosophy. And I for one am getting tired of being played with, then put back in the drawer for the next time you have a need...

^^ This 100%. I've been struggling with this lately, too.

 

[neakman]

I guess that's my problem too....I'm a real person, and I assume the person I'm chatting with is too. So while I may be flirty, funny, serious, or horny, I am still a real person...

To many people here have that attitude, that "I'm only here for myself and my needs" philosophy. And I for one am getting tired of being played with, then put back in the drawer for the next time you have a need...

^^ This 100%. I've been struggling with this lately, too.

whoa... Let's not forget that being here on Lit is NOT REAL LIFE. This is a fantasy world. Im not saying that we arent real people and we should treat each other with respect while we are here, but the vast majority of us would not act or speak to anyone in RL like we do her on LIT, so Im just saying keep that part in perspective.