Sub frenzy and beginners

[MaraschinoCherry]

I have been with a number of Doms in person and also online. I am by no means new to the lifestyle. But in my most recent relationship, I think I had sub frenzy for the very first time. At times, I think I knew it was happening—I even asked my D about it—but he discounted it, because I think he too was pretty frenzied himself.

Over time, it abated a bit and I was able to see there was a lot about the relationship that just wasn’t healthy for me at all. I did my due diligence with all my heart; I communicated constantly, negotiated and discussed and reevaluated. Perhaps I’m being cynical, but I think he saw me moving out of the frenzy and wanted to stay there himself, so the goalposts kept moving and I started to feel very, very unbalanced.

So god yes, the frenzy on both sides of the slash is real, even if both parties are very experienced.

Miss the hell out of him, even if I am completely exhausted.

 

[Booboobear84]

I have been with a number of Doms in person and also online. I am by no means new to the lifestyle. But in my most recent relationship, I think I had sub frenzy for the very first time. At times, I think I knew it was happening—I even asked my D about it—but he discounted it, because I think he too was pretty frenzied himself.

Over time, it abated a bit and I was able to see there was a lot about the relationship that just wasn’t healthy for me at all. I did my due diligence with all my heart; I communicated constantly, negotiated and discussed and reevaluated. Perhaps I’m being cynical, but I think he saw me moving out of the frenzy and wanted to stay there himself, so the goalposts kept moving and I started to feel very, very unbalanced.

So god yes, the frenzy on both sides of the slash is real, even if both parties are very experienced.

Miss the hell out of him, even if I am completely exhausted.

The incandescence of some relationships is hard and painful to give up: the highs are so high.

 

[MaraschinoCherry]

The incandescence of some relationships is hard and painful to give up: the highs are so high.

SO high.

 

[seekingAlpha]

When I am dealing with a sub that is new to BDSM I intentionally take things slow and focus on expectations management until I am sure they are making rational decisions. There have been multiple times where I have had a sub say that they want to try everything and try it as soon as possible. It is a fine balance of supporting their enthusiasm while allowing them to grow and discover BDSM at a manageable level. I always emphasize depth verses breadth until they have an idea about their limits.

 

[artslut86]

About a week or two ago, I responded in a thread with some advice that was probably unsolicited and only of questionable relevance to the original post, and for that I apologize, since I apparently rubbed some people the wrong way. But my response got me to thinking, everyone had to start somewhere.

I am sure my awakening to these intense feelings of submission were not unlike those of many other people, and a lot of posts remind me of myself on the early stages of my journey into BDSM and submission. We have these intense fantasies, we want to try everything, we want to SUBMIT and have a strong partner take control, be degraded, spanked, whipped, or have other things done to us that I wont describe (but use your imagination) by our dream dominant partner. I remember these feelings, how powerful and erotic they were, and now and again I still find myself going down this dark path with my own fantasies.

But it is, alas, so common to get so caught up in these fantasies that people come across as pushy and/or crude without realizing it. And sometimes people eventually realize that like any relationship, there has to be a connection, common goals, interests, and it's not all just fantasy subspace all the time.

So I guess I'm saying, I try to be tolerant of newbies who gush out all their fantasies, because I was there once too, and I was probably pushy and crude back then too. However I was never on the receiving end of hundreds of creepy messages from hundreds of horny pervy dudes either, so I cannot speak to that experience. I can only look back and try to learn from it. And since then; 20 years ago, I can say I've come full circle; I am now realizing that a dream D/S, female led kink relationship, where all those sub-frenzied kinky fantasies come true, is probably not a realistic goal for me, and so now I've gone back to trying to embrace my vanilla self. There is a lot of beauty and fulfillment in being with someone you love, even if it means burying your darker desires. While of course, as long as I'm single, I will still be "open" to something more adventurous if it comes my way.

This is a very thoughtful post.
Thanks for sharing. As a noobie I can certainly see some of myself in your comments.
Deep breathes all round!!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

@artslut86 This is a good thread

 

[artslut86]

@artslut86 This is a good thread

Yes. I read it...and um... WOW.

 

[Subsy]

BDSM….Subsy and her magic words….the magic words can begin the fervor of desire….to experience intense sensations and to cause those desperate passions….aroused and demanding…..in myself and/or others. The need I feel…often locked away as if in a cage with door bolted from the outside is suddenly freed…as if a bird….to soar and swoop…
Who unbolts the cage ? A person with the magic words…..”get your ass over here bitch” could be magical…the threat of having to act out a public humiliation …..such as ordering fast food at the counter or drive through with cum on my face….could be a magic key…..the threat alone is enough for the moment but doing the novel deed provides for sweet memories when alone too.
So for myself….BDSM is a passage way….a means of transport to that special….erotic….satisfying place beyond words.
I was once only an easy to arouse slave girl…..but have gone beyond that. Now I can also feast on arousing others…..overt kindness works….gentle touches too….a suggestive pat….hug….smile….to man or woman. To a woman a suggestion of a massage….to a man a peek of my girlish breasts and reaching overhead when wearing a short school girl skirt. I love when arousal leads them to confess their desire, their need for erotic completion.

 

[artslut86]

Thats what kind of happened to me...
via text "I like all the punishments you chose, strip and prepare yourself"
Like an electric shock.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I have felt loneliness due to the difficulty in finding proper Dommes around, they're quite difficult to get and keep. I've chased after them, been upset, and stalked them, and it's never helped. I've learned to be upset on the inside and move on, but it cuts so deep as I've found 3-4 people who were compatible and they always were chatting to others. I can sort of see why players do what they do.