Sub frenzy and beginners

[PaxNurgle]

About a week or two ago, I responded in a thread with some advice that was probably unsolicited and only of questionable relevance to the original post, and for that I apologize, since I apparently rubbed some people the wrong way. But my response got me to thinking, everyone had to start somewhere.

I am sure my awakening to these intense feelings of submission were not unlike those of many other people, and a lot of posts remind me of myself on the early stages of my journey into BDSM and submission. We have these intense fantasies, we want to try everything, we want to SUBMIT and have a strong partner take control, be degraded, spanked, whipped, or have other things done to us that I wont describe (but use your imagination) by our dream dominant partner. I remember these feelings, how powerful and erotic they were, and now and again I still find myself going down this dark path with my own fantasies.

But it is, alas, so common to get so caught up in these fantasies that people come across as pushy and/or crude without realizing it. And sometimes people eventually realize that like any relationship, there has to be a connection, common goals, interests, and it's not all just fantasy subspace all the time.

So I guess I'm saying, I try to be tolerant of newbies who gush out all their fantasies, because I was there once too, and I was probably pushy and crude back then too. However I was never on the receiving end of hundreds of creepy messages from hundreds of horny pervy dudes either, so I cannot speak to that experience. I can only look back and try to learn from it. And since then; 20 years ago, I can say I've come full circle; I am now realizing that a dream D/S, female led kink relationship, where all those sub-frenzied kinky fantasies come true, is probably not a realistic goal for me, and so now I've gone back to trying to embrace my vanilla self. There is a lot of beauty and fulfillment in being with someone you love, even if it means burying your darker desires. While of course, as long as I'm single, I will still be "open" to something more adventurous if it comes my way.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Sub frenzy is absolutely a thing and I think you were right to point it out.

Being accepting and understanding is nice and all, but I think indulgence as in not calling it out is a disservice. Not being honest about the difference between fantasy and reality is just adding to the confusion for new people and can actually put them in dangerous situations.
For me, this is one of the reasons why I think it is important to keep up the line between this sub forum, roleplaying and fetish and sexuality.

 

[Acktion]

Frenzy is absolutely a thing, Pax.

But, with all due respect, it is neither a submissive only issue nor a newbie only issue.

Quite frankly, I have yet to meet anyone who hasn't at some point felt loneliness so deep and driving that it hasn't ever made them lower their standards to the point they do things they later regret with people they later regret. A forty-year practicing Dom can be hit just as hard as a fresh-faced submissive with no experience.

**shrug** And, quite frankly, defensiveness and denial that the frenzy could exist when someone who has been there, done that, and has the scars points out some problem places is a pretty sure indication that the frenzy is real.

I don't think it's possible to yank anyone out of a frenzy by the hair when they are in full denial mode. At least, I've never had any luck. That need for acceptance, to belong, is a potent drug. And just as with most every drug, you've pretty much got to let them hit rock bottom and make their own choice to get better before anything you say will matter.

Does that mean you shouldn't try? Absolutely not. What kind of dick sees someone running into a burning building and doesn't try to tackle them?

All I can tell anyone is this; "what is it about this person that you want them specifically? If it's just that they will have you, then that's not enough."

 

[Bramblethorn]

About a week or two ago, I responded in a thread with some advice that was probably unsolicited and only of questionable relevance to the original post, and for that I apologize, since I apparently rubbed some people the wrong way.

Don't beat yourself up*. From what I recall, your post in that thread was reasonable and relevant, and the blowup that followed was not a reasonable/proportional response to what you'd posted.

*unless that's your thing, of course

 

[PaxNurgle]

I remember reading, I don't recall if it was on this forum or somewhere else, but the saying was:

"There are only two possible outcomes for a sub that says he or she has no limits. One, is that they won't be taken seriously. The other is, that they will."

It's easy for a newbie to say "Oh I have no limits, I'll try anything" but not really know what all that could entail. Or, more mildly, to get so caught up in their own kinks but to not realize what else- the NON-kink aspect so to speak, such a relationship entails.

And of course, there are plenty of unscrupulous people out there willing to take advantage of male sub frenzy. The gold diggers and financial dommes- in those cases yes, at least you do get SOME interaction and some "play time" which is great, but ultimately it is unfulfilling because it is inpersonal, and such relationships cannot be sustained in any case. I myself have gone down this path, and after a while it simply wasn't fulfilling anymore. But for some people, probably a lot of people, things go like this: You respond to an online profile, they sound great, look great...until the ultimate and inevitable request to send cash before you actually meet in person. And once you send the cash, you usually never hear from either your domme to be or your cash again.

 

[Acktion]

Some limits we know before we sign up to ride this merry-go-round. Others, we won't even know are a thing until the pavement reaches up and scars our chin.

When my sweet little spice of my twilight first started chasing after me, she had a bit of a blow-up one night. I guess she'd been talking with someone else (we weren't a thing, yet) and had gotten told to look stuff up instead of wasting time with so many questions.

Well, she came at me with it, and because I'm a big boy, I took it on the chin.

And she had a pretty valid point. "How DO you look something up when you don't even know enough to know what questions to ask?"

I get it. It used to make me nuts when lazy teachers would tell me to look a word up in the dictionary. "And just how the hell am I supposed to look up phlebotomy in Funke and Wagnall if I don't know how it's spelled, jackass?! Why am I even here? Why are you?" (Yes, in fact, I spent a rather inordinate amount of time in the Principal's office. Why do you ask?)

So, we started with burning 50 Shades and a few other bodice rippers with Fabio on the cover and had class, complete with homework and pop quizzes. What can I say? My second career was a college professor and I dug it. And my bachelor's was focused on becoming a sex therapist. Put the two together and it's hard to keep my yap shut or my fingers braided.

It's also why I get tickled when someone flashes up and criticizes me for writing too much. I do it, not for them, but for the people in the rafters that don't know enough yet to know which questions to ask.

About the only other thing I know to say is; people can lie. They can lie with their words. They can lie with singular actions. But, it's pretty difficult to lie with an overall pattern of behavior spread over time.

Case in point, some little bunny introduced herself. Not seven minutes later some swinging dick was telling her to turn her PMs on. I noted he'd been around even longer than me and had only seven posts. So, I went scrounging and with one exception they were all, all across the years, telling someone to turn PMs on or empty their inbox.

Not my monkey, not my circus. So, I left Elmer Fudd to his bunny hunt.

But, it raised a question... how do you see the pattern from a profile? Well, other than doing exactly what I did?

I gotta admit, though, Pax, I still am grappling with the way y'all are using FinDomme. Or I guess the way they are. I've done some FinDom. But, for me, it was basically accounting and financial planning to help someone get their debt and spending under control. Their money remained theirs. It sounds, though, like the way y'all are using it, it's basically paying for their services?

I don't know, man. I'm not knocking anything that everyone involved is into. I just don't. But, I think I can see how a professional transaction would be lacking in interpersonal connection. And from everything I know from those college courses long ago and the years of professional and personal experience since the frenzy is all about craving the connection and acceptance on a personal level.

 

[PaxNurgle]

For me, going the "seeing a pro/financial domme thing" was due to the simple lack of opportunities to connect with a dominant female any other way.

As most people realize after a while, the number of submissive males greatly outnumbers the number of dominant female partners by a significant margin. And of those dominant females, the odds of a submissive male connecting with one who shares the same relationship goals, personality matches, kink matches, and physical and sexual chemistry is lower still. So, like many a newbie who succumbed to sub frenzy, I succumbed to the temptation to go the professional route. There just wasn't much of a D/s scene in the town I lived in, and what little there was- was (as expected) mostly sub females and dominant males, and maybe one or two frumpy, middle aged dominant females who were interested in nothing more than a source of free labor ("You can be my live-in domestic servant and clean my house top to bottom for me every day, slave" kind of thing.) Okay, I know this sounds cynical, and for that I apologize, but, that was what I found- and I'm sure this situation is typical of most places, for most submissive males.

So I met the domme of my dreams. For a few sessions, it was great- I got to have my fantasies fulfilled, but I quickly realized it wasn't enough. I wanted more than "Sessions." I wanted a companion, someone to go on walks with, hang out with, float the river with, go to dinner, movie nights, etc with and maybe stay at home and snuggle in front of the TV with- after taking her corporal punishment and being tied up, of course (you get the idea.) But after the first few sessions, came the requests for gifts, more and more expensive gifts, clothes, boots, designer shades, $400 trips to the makeup counter, and so on- in addition to the hundreds of dollars I shelled out for each session with her. And that was where the fantasy quickly wore thin and the reality was, this wasn't working for me anymore. One problem was, she didn't advertise herself as a financial domme at all; that only became apparent after a few sessions, and I actually had trouble finding the courage to break off the relationship, impersonal and professional though it was.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I gotta admit, though, Pax, I still am grappling with the way y'all are using FinDomme. Or I guess the way they are. I've done some FinDom. But, for me, it was basically accounting and financial planning to help someone get their debt and spending under control. Their money remained theirs. It sounds, though, like the way y'all are using it, it's basically paying for their services?

Findom as I understand it, and I think as PN's using it, is where the act of payment itself is the kink. Some people get off on having their wallets drained.

 

[PaxNurgle]

Basically, yes. Taking over another's financial affairs as an act of wisely disicplining someone's spending habits is different than using someone as a cash cow/sugar daddy, which is how I always defined "Financial domination." And I've seen, on other (now defunct) dating sites where many young 18-22 year olds advertise themselves as "Dommes" but with Financial Domination as their only stated kink interest (perhaps this is not surprising.)

 

[cookiecat]

I was a phone sex operator for a while. I had a few callers who got off on Financial Domme stuff. I charged 1.99 a minute. They'd call, talk a bit and then ask me to raise my rate. Of course I would!

It was weird though. I had to play the game. Like I had to insult / humiliate them - asking them why they thought they were worth my rate. Prove to me they were worth my time. And the whole time I'm thinking, ummm, yeah - call me right back at 5.99 a minute. And then 9.99 a minute...

A couple guys wanted me to use TeamViewer to get in to their computer and look at bank account info. Figure out how to blackmail them for money. I never did.

It's interesting to me that this seems to be mostly a male submissive desire.

I have no clue what the appeal is? In a way, it was sad. The moral dilemma was a struggle. I kept thinking these guys have free will. And yet - that sub frenzy will make people do crazy things.

When I was new to bdsm, about a million years ago, I remember staying up soooo late talking to guys - either on the phone or online - who would order me to do things. Spank my own ass. I stuck tongs up my pussy role playing a doctor exam and hurt myself. I'd be late for work because I'd still be talking... ugh. I lost my mind.

I call it pussy love. As opposed to love you feel in your heart and your brain. Pussy love makes me think I actually love someone. It feeeeeeeeeeeeeeels like it. Consumed with the person and my orgasms at the expense of my real life.

It happened to me recently! At my age! After I set up all these rules for meeting someone new, especially online. The feelings of lust made me think I was in love. We'd never met in real life but we talked for hours about everything. LOL. In reality, we talked a LOT about kink, sex, M/s, what a Daddy is, yada yada. We never talked about much else. We told each other we were in love.

It felt really really good.

Frenzy is a real thing, for sure.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Basically, yes. Taking over another's financial affairs as an act of wisely disicplining someone's spending habits is different than using someone as a cash cow/sugar daddy, which is how I always defined "Financial domination." And I've seen, on other (now defunct) dating sites where many young 18-22 year olds advertise themselves as "Dommes" but with Financial Domination as their only stated kink interest (perhaps this is not surprising.)

Tangent: not long ago, an Australian bank launched an app to teach kids how to save money. They named it "Pay Pig".

Apparently nobody thought to google this name or check it on Urban Dictionary...

 

[ultramarineblue]

Tangent: not long ago, an Australian bank launched an app to teach kids how to save money. They named it "Pay Pig".

Apparently nobody thought to google this name or check it on Urban Dictionary...

That's just wow. I think sometimes I'm really not that smart but then I read something like this and wonder how some people manage to survive at all.

To add to the frenzy discussion, it is really hard to avoid even when you're aware of it and are trying to not get sucked into it because (personally) there is a sense of finally, someone who is somewhat wired like I am and it just feels so good and so it is easy to just keep wanting more and more and more.

 

[DreamingOfMyEx]

That's just wow. I think sometimes I'm really not that smart but then I read something like this and wonder how some people manage to survive at all.

This is just a wild guess, but maybe they survive by not wasting their time watching weird shit on their computers.

 

[ultramarineblue]

This is just a wild guess, but maybe they survive by not wasting their time watching weird shit on their computers.

So you mean they are the ones posting that stuff instead of watching it?

 

[Bramblethorn]

This is just a wild guess, but maybe they survive by not wasting their time watching weird shit on their computers.

If you're launching a product, it's basic common sense to take sixty seconds to google the name and see whether it has any unfortunate associations.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

If you're launching a product, it's basic common sense to take sixty seconds to google the name and see whether it has any unfortunate associations.

Exactly this!

OMG a few years back a large public school district near me made highly inappropriate shirts. I work with school districts across our whole state and have contacts at many, but it is also difficult to reach out to teachers and admin you only know professionally and say “There’s a connotation to these shirts that I’m sure you all did not intend…” I did reach out to someone after I saw a pic of a class wearing the shirt. It was a reward they could earn.

The shirts looked like the I NY shirts, but the text read “I DP.” (For (insert city name that starts with a ‘D’) Public).

 

[HordHolm]

The shirts looked like the I NY shirts, but the text read “I DP.” (For (insert city name that starts with a ‘D’) Public).

If those shirts still exist and they can 'fall out of a store room', you could probably earn a few bucks selling them in these here parts...

 

[ToPleaseHim]

If those shirts still exist and they can 'fall out of a store room', you could probably earn a few bucks selling them in these here parts...

I did try to come up with an angle to get my hands on one or a few, lol. Ultimately I didn’t want to risk my relationship with the people I knew exclusively professionally and was worried that might happen. My close friends wouldn’t bat an eye at me trying to get one, of course.

 

[HordHolm]

I did try to come up with an angle to get my hands on one or a few, lol. Ultimately I didn’t want to risk my relationship with the people I knew exclusively professionally and was worried that might happen. My close friends wouldn’t bat an eye at me trying to get one, of course.

And did the school system eventually work out what they'd inadvertently done?

 

[IrisAlthea]

Exactly this!

OMG a few years back a large public school district near me made highly inappropriate shirts. I work with school districts across our whole state and have contacts at many, but it is also difficult to reach out to teachers and admin you only know professionally and say “There’s a connotation to these shirts that I’m sure you all did not intend…” I did reach out to someone after I saw a pic of a class wearing the shirt. It was a reward they could earn.

The shirts looked like the I NY shirts, but the text read “I DP.” (For (insert city name that starts with a ‘D’) Public).

The kids can’t have been teenagers I guess? Still I have to wonder if the people really had that clean minds or if everyone feels like you TPH and just don’t want to be the first to mention it?

Our bakery recently started selling sandwiches that they call the Baker’s Big One.
There were no jokes made when they announced it on facebook. At last I had to ask my husband if I was the only one with the one track, dirty mind. He assured me I was not but I was still relieved when I told my old collegues about it at a party and they had as much fun and as many good ideas for new specials as I did.

As many have said frenzy doesn’t have to be because you are new or sub. Perhaps part of it is just that horniness and critical thinking don’t go very well together. A friend of mine jokes about the jerk off test, meaning that it is wise to get off first and then see if the idea seems as reasonable/attractive/wise.
I still think there is another layer added when you are in a new situation as when you’re new to BDSM. The normal points of reference don’t apply and that makes you more unsure and vulnerable.

 

[txblush]

Some limits we know before we sign up to ride this merry-go-round. Others, we won't even know are a thing until the pavement reaches up and scars our chin.

When my sweet little spice of my twilight first started chasing after me, she had a bit of a blow-up one night. I guess she'd been talking with someone else (we weren't a thing, yet) and had gotten told to look stuff up instead of wasting time with so many questions.

Well, she came at me with it, and because I'm a big boy, I took it on the chin.

And she had a pretty valid point. "How DO you look something up when you don't even know enough to know what questions to ask?"

I get it. It used to make me nuts when lazy teachers would tell me to look a word up in the dictionary. "And just how the hell am I supposed to look up phlebotomy in Funke and Wagnall if I don't know how it's spelled, jackass?! Why am I even here? Why are you?" (Yes, in fact, I spent a rather inordinate amount of time in the Principal's office. Why do you ask?)

So, we started with burning 50 Shades and a few other bodice rippers with Fabio on the cover and had class, complete with homework and pop quizzes. What can I say? My second career was a college professor and I dug it. And my bachelor's was focused on becoming a sex therapist. Put the two together and it's hard to keep my yap shut or my fingers braided.

It's also why I get tickled when someone flashes up and criticizes me for writing too much. I do it, not for them, but for the people in the rafters that don't know enough yet to know which questions to ask.

About the only other thing I know to say is; people can lie. They can lie with their words. They can lie with singular actions. But, it's pretty difficult to lie with an overall pattern of behavior spread over time.

Case in point, some little bunny introduced herself. Not seven minutes later some swinging dick was telling her to turn her PMs on. I noted he'd been around even longer than me and had only seven posts. So, I went scrounging and with one exception they were all, all across the years, telling someone to turn PMs on or empty their inbox.

Not my monkey, not my circus. So, I left Elmer Fudd to his bunny hunt.

But, it raised a question... how do you see the pattern from a profile? Well, other than doing exactly what I did?

I gotta admit, though, Pax, I still am grappling with the way y'all are using FinDomme. Or I guess the way they are. I've done some FinDom. But, for me, it was basically accounting and financial planning to help someone get their debt and spending under control. Their money remained theirs. It sounds, though, like the way y'all are using it, it's basically paying for their services?

I don't know, man. I'm not knocking anything that everyone involved is into. I just don't. But, I think I can see how a professional transaction would be lacking in interpersonal connection. And from everything I know from those college courses long ago and the years of professional and personal experience since the frenzy is all about craving the connection and acceptance on a personal level.

I know that feeling and have to admit I don't know what questions to ask. I take it is stride though, when I receive a message and point out I'm not here to be someone's fantasy fodder. I'm here to live and learn what I don't know about the lifestyle and have experienced the sub frenzy in my vanilla relationship with sprinkles.

 

[Somethingdifferent74]

First off I'd like to say this is my own personal opinion based off my own personal experiences that being said...

"Dom and sub Frenzy" is a real thing and can occur on both sides of the slash. I have come across many subs so eager and willing to "submit" and get into a D/s relationship. I had on occasion been called a "fake Dom" because I didn't want to see a girls naked pics while just getting to know her. My cases the "sub" wanted to rush into it and declared tasks (often physical and to be done irl) of my choosing. I declined as that's not how I partake in the lifestyle.

For those that do by all means have at it. I'm not here to judge anyone but myself. I will tho hope they understand the risks associated in performing and engaging in such acts within your kink/fetish interests.

I try to pass on some things that I have learned and share my experiences and "teach" the lifestyle as I have learned it over the years and how I have grasped the knowledge with what works for me and my partners I had engaged with online and off. As well what I have learned from real life communities, in person events as well as so many "real lifers" that share their experiences and thoughts within online communities. Online there is soo many misrepresentations of the lifestyle, movies, stories and as well as books. There again that's the individuals take on how they view and see the lifestyle. If it works for them and their partner(s) then by all means "you do you".

The key to it all are many things but 1st and foremost are INMHO....
consent
Respect
Trust
And knowledge

Anyone I encounter I express and help them to identify personal dangers from themselves as well as others with understanding these...
P.R.I.C.K. ~ Persononability Informed Consenual Kink (which to me means taking personal accountability to understanding any type of lifestyle scenario of play, sexual, intimate or anything above and beyond prior to engaging in kink/fetish activities of any magnitude)

R.A.C.K ~ Risk Assessment Consentual Kink (to me means understanding the risks involved when engaging in any kinks and consenting to them of sound mind)

S.S.C. ~ Safe Sane Consent (to me means practicing Kinks Safely and of sound mind, body and consensual NOT inebriated in anyway ie. Drunk, drugged or under the influence of any kind of meds illegal or OTC that could alter judgement or if you might be depressed or in a "low" part of your life)

Of course much can be added to any of the above that I have listed just the "short and to the point" version I'd say.

If you'd like to add or protest my words thats fine I know there are many ways of seeing things differently than my own and open to other opinions and suggestions. As I said this/these are my interpretation. Any personal attacks can be sent to my PM. I'd appreciate kept out of public view and keeping this thread drama/bully free.

Thanks for taking the time to read if you do in advance.
There is so much more I can add but I need to get to my chores/tasks irl.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

About a week or two ago, I responded in a thread with some advice that was probably unsolicited and only of questionable relevance to the original post, and for that I apologize, since I apparently rubbed some people the wrong way. But my response got me to thinking, everyone had to start somewhere.

I am sure my awakening to these intense feelings of submission were not unlike those of many other people, and a lot of posts remind me of myself on the early stages of my journey into BDSM and submission. We have these intense fantasies, we want to try everything, we want to SUBMIT and have a strong partner take control, be degraded, spanked, whipped, or have other things done to us that I wont describe (but use your imagination) by our dream dominant partner. I remember these feelings, how powerful and erotic they were, and now and again I still find myself going down this dark path with my own fantasies.

But it is, alas, so common to get so caught up in these fantasies that people come across as pushy and/or crude without realizing it. And sometimes people eventually realize that like any relationship, there has to be a connection, common goals, interests, and it's not all just fantasy subspace all the time.

So I guess I'm saying, I try to be tolerant of newbies who gush out all their fantasies, because I was there once too, and I was probably pushy and crude back then too. However I was never on the receiving end of hundreds of creepy messages from hundreds of horny pervy dudes either, so I cannot speak to that experience. I can only look back and try to learn from it. And since then; 20 years ago, I can say I've come full circle; I am now realizing that a dream D/S, female led kink relationship, where all those sub-frenzied kinky fantasies come true, is probably not a realistic goal for me, and so now I've gone back to trying to embrace my vanilla self. There is a lot of beauty and fulfillment in being with someone you love, even if it means burying your darker desires. While of course, as long as I'm single, I will still be "open" to something more adventurous if it comes my

About a week or two ago, I responded in a thread with some advice that was probably unsolicited and only of questionable relevance to the original post, and for that I apologize, since I apparently rubbed some people the wrong way. But my response got me to thinking, everyone had to start somewhere.

I am sure my awakening to these intense feelings of submission were not unlike those of many other people, and a lot of posts remind me of myself on the early stages of my journey into BDSM and submission. We have these intense fantasies, we want to try everything, we want to SUBMIT and have a strong partner take control, be degraded, spanked, whipped, or have other things done to us that I wont describe (but use your imagination) by our dream dominant partner. I remember these feelings, how powerful and erotic they were, and now and again I still find myself going down this dark path with my own fantasies.

But it is, alas, so common to get so caught up in these fantasies that people come across as pushy and/or crude without realizing it. And sometimes people eventually realize that like any relationship, there has to be a connection, common goals, interests, and it's not all just fantasy subspace all the time.

So I guess I'm saying, I try to be tolerant of newbies who gush out all their fantasies, because I was there once too, and I was probably pushy and crude back then too. However I was never on the receiving end of hundreds of creepy messages from hundreds of horny pervy dudes either, so I cannot speak to that experience. I can only look back and try to learn from it. And since then; 20 years ago, I can say I've come full circle; I am now realizing that a dream D/S, female led kink relationship, where all those sub-frenzied kinky fantasies come true, is probably not a realistic goal for me, and so now I've gone back to trying to embrace my vanilla self. There is a lot of beauty and fulfillment in being with someone you love, even if it means burying your darker desires. While of course, as long as I'm single, I will still be "open" to something more adventurous if it comes my way.

If I may chime in.
You mentioned about burying your desires. I ask you. Can you really bury your desires? Can you really walk out of the rabbit hole?
I’m thinking once you start down the path. You learn and explore. You find desires you didn’t know you had. You can’t unsee. If you are a true sub, switch, dom. How can you walk away from who you are?

 

[PaxNurgle]

Yes, I believe you can bury your desires. Maybe not completely, but largely with effort I believe you can. I want to believe so anyway. You just keep it repressed. Or avoid walking INTO the rabbit hole to begin with; as sometimes I regret doing so. Or at least, avoid walking deeper in.

And remember that a person is so much more than just the sum of their sexual fantasies. You can be an artist, writer, musician, rare coin collector, web designer, engineer, or an accountant. You can enjoy hiking, movies, art galleries, history, golf, fishing, camping, travel, Mexican culture, and any and all combinations of the above- and what turns you on sexually is only a very small part of that. Focus on the other stuff, and then, when you meet a romantic partner, focus on their needs and commit to being the kind of lover that they want, and need, you to be.

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Yes, I believe you can bury your desires. Maybe not completely, but largely with effort I believe you can. I want to believe so anyway. You just keep it repressed. Or avoid walking INTO the rabbit hole to begin with; as sometimes I regret doing so. Or at least, avoid walking deeper in.

And remember that a person is so much more than just the sum of their sexual fantasies. You can be an artist, writer, musician, rare coin collector, web designer, engineer, or an accountant. You can enjoy hiking, movies, art galleries, history, golf, fishing, camping, travel, Mexican culture, and any and all combinations of the above- and what turns you on sexually is only a very small part of that. Focus on the other stuff, and then, when you meet a romantic partner, focus on their needs and commit to being the kind of lover that they want, and need, you to be.

I don’t think one can repress who they really are. Least not long term. A few examples.
People that hit 40 ish. Realize they aren’t feeling like they did when they were in 20s.
Male/ females realize they want/ need a change. Many leave a partner they been married to for 20 ish years.
Some of them give into desire to explore. Some might explore bdsm. Other’s might leave a marriage and give into their need to explore a same sex partner.
I’ve had a number of friends that told me.
My wife/ husband divorced me after x years and are with same sex partner.
I’ve had numerous friends tell me. My husband/ wife came to me. They have a need/ want to explore a sub/ dom lifestyle. I can’t do that. I’ve never been kinky. I don’t know what to do.
These are reasons I don’t think anyone can repress desires long term.