Djmac1031
Consumate BS Artist
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2021
- Posts
- 3,902
1) Do you always have to start a new para if you're going to have a new person say some dialogue?
Almost always, yes.
In that moment, I deicded I wasn't going to be cowed'
This one.
I must confess, I didn't sleep particularly well'
This one
Nevertheless, even his attitude seemed to grate'
This one
“You won’t be needing this,” and that easily I was rendered naked before strangers.' vs '“You won’t be needing this,” and that easily, I was rendered naked before strangers.'
Neither. New sentence.
"You won't be needing this." And, that easily. I was rendered naked before strangers.
She smiled at me again as she left, and I was glad that she seemed to like me, given how good a look at me she had just had.'
This one, but strike the first "at me." Redundant.
My uniform was, of course, the same as every other employee I had seen, and in that, there was some comfort.'
This one. Although @SimonDoom has a point about the "employee" thing.
Rework the whole sentence.