Some poly, some kink, some other stuff ...

[KimGordon67]

Kim, I have been in several Lit Chat or P.M. interchanges with much younger women. Several have either directly or indirectly wanted to, or did, call me Daddy. And wanted me to be that role to her as a young woman. This was surprising to me (although I am quite old enough to fit that role). I went along with that a couple of times, but of late have declined as it began to feel out-of-place for me. But the (shall I say) impetus is definitely there for some women.

I definitely don't want to call him Daddy, or anything of that nature. (Having said that, we've 'broken' almost every other hard limit we originally agreed on, so who the hell knows, but at the moment that's a definite.)
We talked about it last week, and I asked him what he felt when he said that to me - that was interesting, because it's very much not a 'daddy' thing, but more that when we're in the d/s space, I AM his, and he wants to tell me when I'm being 'good' for him ... as he described it, it makes him feel strong. Not powerful - a lot of other stuff makes him feel that - but rather strong. That actually helped me a lot in terms of making a space for me to feel like that's OK and not weird for me. (Obviously a lot of people enjoy the Daddy/LG dynamic, which is great, but I'm not one of them - it screws with my head in ways I don't like very much.)

There more I think about it, the more I realise it's tied up with a whole lot of issues I do have, and that I think finding a space in which he can say things like that, and I can hear them, is a good thing ... well, I hope it's a good thing.

 

[KimGordon67]

We all want to be somebody's "little girls" at least once in a while. It might have something to do with father issues or it might not, but "good girls" are carefree and protected, it is a good feeling all around no matter what.

I've been thinking it through quite a lot, because it's really on the literal border of what I crave and what I really don't want. I think I'm getting there though - the conversation referred to in the post above helped. I'm lucky that we're able to talk through this stuff, slowly and gently, but we are talking about it.

 

[MrRetro]

So here's a thing I've been struggling with for a while ... a while back - I can't even remember how or when it happened - my in-charge guy said 'good girl' to me at a particularly pivotal moment during sex ... I might have even asked him to, I honestly can't remember.
It seems so innocuous, doesn't it? But I honestly am so conflicted about this ... sometimes I crave him saying that to me more than anything else, and if he does it at the right moment, I'll cum instantly. But then I also hate it, because it makes me feel ... I don't know. Childlike? But I think there's something else going on there too ... I hate to even write this out loud, but unresolved father issues.

Sigh.

Thoughts on a postcard please.

Sometimes we spend too much time trying to psycho analyse ourselves, I’m not sure we’re ever going to work all out entirely.. What is important is providing a space to experience what you desire, so long as that is done with respect.. The fact that you climax instantly indicates your lover is providing you with something that you desire on some level, this is quite beautiful, even if I don’t quite ‘get’ the dialogue.

Communication and respect are paramount though and it seems like you have these ticked off..

 

[Paul_Chance]

Language is always a tricky thing, especially in relationships.

Trigger words and phrases exist in all of us, both the good and the bad.

Some of them just require a quick conversation - do say this, don’t say that.

The deeper the trigger, the deeper the conversation. I’m a firm believer in the importance of counseling with trained professionals when beneficial.

 

[KimGordon67]

Language is always a tricky thing, especially in relationships.

Trigger words and phrases exist in all of us, both the good and the bad.

Some of them just require a quick conversation - do say this, don’t say that.

The deeper the trigger, the deeper the conversation. I’m a firm believer in the importance of counseling with trained professionals when beneficial.

Luckily, I am actually doing that. It's definitely related to some stuff I'm working through at the moment, but I think it's all OK ... I'm being pretty careful with this, because even though it seems very innocuous from the outside, I know what it's largely linked to, and that's a fairly deep pool.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I think a lot of things that happen in the sexual environment cannot be resolved there. Perhaps most of them in terms of problems.

I know too many people who had problems in the bedroom, father with those problems, and then tried to resolve them there when the root cause was elsewhere.

It’s kind of an interesting dilemma when problems from outside the sexual arena manifest as intense and good sex. When you get caught up in these conflicting currents where you should really be encouraging your partner to go to therapy, but they’re resolving their deeper issues will impact the sexual arena.

We are some pretty strange and amazing creatures.

 

[Erotic69er]

Go with the flow

I sometimes think we think too much into things and worry unnecessarily.
I tend to go with the flow. Be happy, optimistic, be kind and live in the day.
I’ve always been poly, enjoyed sharing and giving pleasure.

 

[KimGordon67]

... and then it all turned to crap, and I've now moved on to Mad Cat Lady status.

 

[coati]

a note of optimism...

... and then it all turned to crap, and I've now moved on to Mad Cat Lady status.

Perhaps the last relationship was setting the stage for something more durable.

My intense 3-year fling with a Domme crashed and burned, but it led to a now-15-year relationship with someone who had also just learned some lessons about the importance of mixing sexual intensity with solitude, kindness, and wide open space.

 

[KimGordon67]

Perhaps the last relationship was setting the stage for something more durable.

My intense 3-year fling with a Domme crashed and burned, but it led to a now-15-year relationship with someone who had also just learned some lessons about the importance of mixing sexual intensity with solitude, kindness, and wide open space.

Maybe ... the pool is pretty small here though. I dunno. Maybe I just need to spend a bit of time on my own (well, with the exception of the cat, of course). I'm on Tinder. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago ... 'dates' are a bit of a novelty for me, and it was fun, but it seems the feeling that we didn't really click was mutual.
Summer's approaching, and I live in a surf town, so maybe this summer I'll get myself out there a bit more.

 

[coati]

Maybe ... the pool is pretty small here though. I dunno. Maybe I just need to spend a bit of time on my own (well, with the exception of the cat, of course). I'm on Tinder. I went on a date a couple of weeks ago ... 'dates' are a bit of a novelty for me, and it was fun, but it seems the feeling that we didn't really click was mutual.
Summer's approaching, and I live in a surf town, so maybe this summer I'll get myself out there a bit more.

You can totally ignore me, but here is what I did between my crash-and-burn and the next phase.

I went to a therapist who took me through an exercise where I thought about all prior relationships and developed a list of the most important characteristics I needed in a relationship. It was a process of writing down everything, and then winnowing that list down to the deal-breakers. This helped me choose the next relationship with my conscious mind rather than my subconscious mind.

In the final list of deal-breakers, sexual adventurism was there, but some other important characteristics were there, also.

Turns out, the person who I needed to partner with was someone who I had known a long time.

 

[KimGordon67]

You can totally ignore me, but here is what I did between my crash-and-burn and the next phase.

I went to a therapist who took me through an exercise where I thought about all prior relationships and developed a list of the most important characteristics I needed in a relationship. It was a process of writing down everything, and then winnowing that list down to the deal-breakers. This helped me choose the next relationship with my conscious mind rather than my subconscious mind.

In the final list of deal-breakers, sexual adventurism was there, but some other important characteristics were there, also.

Turns out, the person who I needed to partner with was someone who I had known a long time.

I guess I'm doing that a little bit, in my own way. I'm not a big fan of the 'needing to be a relationship to be happy' model, and I've come out of a 20 year marriage with an overlap of another nearly four-year quite intense relationship. So now I'm wondering if I just need to spend some time on my own ... although, of course, the problem is that I do so love the sex, and doing that by yourself just isn't quite the same.
Perhaps it's time to look at distance options again ... that sort of helps with having some 'company' for the sex, but is a bit easier to keep on a 'non-relationship' basis.
Hmmm.

 

[coati]

I guess I'm doing that a little bit, in my own way. I'm not a big fan of the 'needing to be a relationship to be happy' model, and I've come out of a 20 year marriage with an overlap of another nearly four-year quite intense relationship. So now I'm wondering if I just need to spend some time on my own ... although, of course, the problem is that I do so love the sex, and doing that by yourself just isn't quite the same.
Perhaps it's time to look at distance options again ... that sort of helps with having some 'company' for the sex, but is a bit easier to keep on a 'non-relationship' basis.
Hmmm.

Both my current partner and I also need plenty of "time on my own". We do not live together, and our places are not close enough for spur of the moment drop-ins. But, it is a relationship. And our sexual lives are excellent.

You'll figure out what you need. Good wishes.

 

[KimGordon67]

Both my current partner and I also need plenty of "time on my own". We do not live together, and our places are not close enough for spur of the moment drop-ins. But, it is a relationship. And our sexual lives are excellent.

You'll figure out what you need. Good wishes.

Yes, my likely pool of potential partners is a good two hours away from where I live. (There's a smaller pool that's closer but still an hour away.) That does mean anything I have in RL would be much like that ... I don't I think I want to actually LIVE with another human being who doesn't share my DNA ever again.
I don't know ... I guess I'm in that weird space of knowing what I don't want, but not really being sure what I do want.

 

[KimGordon67]

You can totally ignore me, but here is what I did between my crash-and-burn and the next phase.

I went to a therapist who took me through an exercise where I thought about all prior relationships and developed a list of the most important characteristics I needed in a relationship. It was a process of writing down everything, and then winnowing that list down to the deal-breakers. This helped me choose the next relationship with my conscious mind rather than my subconscious mind.

In the final list of deal-breakers, sexual adventurism was there, but some other important characteristics were there, also.

Turns out, the person who I needed to partner with was someone who I had known a long time.

(I also think its lovely that you ended up in a relationship with someone you'd known a long time - there's a couple of friends in my circle who have those sorts of stories ... it always makes me happy. I'm a great believer in love.)

 

[MrRetro]

I guess I'm doing that a little bit, in my own way. I'm not a big fan of the 'needing to be a relationship to be happy' model, and I've come out of a 20 year marriage with an overlap of another nearly four-year quite intense relationship. So now I'm wondering if I just need to spend some time on my own ... although, of course, the problem is that I do so love the sex, and doing that by yourself just isn't quite the same.
Perhaps it's time to look at distance options again ... that sort of helps with having some 'company' for the sex, but is a bit easier to keep on a 'non-relationship' basis.
Hmmm.

I feel there are a lot of people that will relate, myself included.. Time alone is therapeutic and a necessary component of a healthy life, as is good sex..

Let me know if you manage to find that balance..!

 

[Tallcajun]

Best of luck, KG.
I, for one, love time alone.

 

[coati]

I, for one, love time alone.

Me too. Creative sex, meaningful conversations, and mutual respect tend to be better when I am not up my lover's face all the time.

 

[Cindy69love]

I love having sex with older, strangers. I'm 32 married and love sex.

 

[deepstar7]

I love having sex with older, strangers. I'm 32 married and love sex.

I am old and strange ...

 

[KimGordon67]

I am old and strange ...

Maybe you two could take this elsewhere?

 

[Replicant2018]

Come to New England. 66 yr old

 

[KimGordon67]

Come to New England. 66 yr old

Here's a thread that Cindy started herself. Maybe y'all could take your pursuit of her over there? I'm not claiming 'ownership' of this thread or anything, but these last few posts are entirely off-topic. There's kind of an unspoken etiquette about that sort of thing.

 

[wycaify]

I definitely don't want to call him Daddy, or anything of that nature. (Having said that, we've 'broken' almost every other hard limit we originally agreed on, so who the hell knows, but at the moment that's a definite.)
We talked about it last week, and I asked him what he felt when he said that to me - that was interesting, because it's very much not a 'daddy' thing, but more that when we're in the d/s space, I AM his, and he wants to tell me when I'm being 'good' for him ... as he described it, it makes him feel strong. Not powerful - a lot of other stuff makes him feel that - but rather strong. That actually helped me a lot in terms of making a space for me to feel like that's OK and not weird for me. (Obviously a lot of people enjoy the Daddy/LG dynamic, which is great, but I'm not one of them - it screws with my head in ways I don't like very much.)

There more I think about it, the more I realise it's tied up with a whole lot of issues I do have, and that I think finding a space in which he can say things like that, and I can hear them, is a good thing ... well, I hope it's a good thing.

I am "Daddy" to three precious, intelligent, happy and otherwise kick ass kids. I am Daddy to NO one else and it would be a huge turn off. I do some pretty crazy things but I'm not having that. I speak solely about myself and I am in no way denigrating anyone else's enjoyment of that play. In fact, I'm happy for them if they're happy.