Sex only affair

ask your hubby to let you do this and give him a free pass too. I did and he let me. I had a great time too.
 
All I'm going to say is this.

When you are somewhere you are not supposed to be, with someone you are not suppose to be with, doing something you are not supposed to do... the odds are you are going to get caught by someone.
 
Since there have been a few new replies here, I thought I would share that there has been no movement with the ex. We still chat and text from time to time, but I don't see anything physical happening with us. Ultimately, his fear of getting caught is too great.
 
Since there have been a few new replies here, I thought I would share that there has been no movement with the ex. We still chat and text from time to time, but I don't see anything physical happening with us. Ultimately, his fear of getting caught is too great.

An interesting thread. I'm not going to moralise nor am I going to offer hints and tips as to how to avoid problems because every answer offered here has a potential catch in it and it depends on your circumstances as to whether an issue is likely to arise or not.

I had an affair (not my first) that lasted for over 5 years. I was married to an alcoholic, she to a husband who hadn't wanted sex with her for 15 years. We met through a group of which we were both members which, as luck would have it, organised regular trips away. Neither of our spouses were at all interested in our shared pursuit. Needless to say, the group became 'extremely active' and as far as our spouses were concerned, met every two or three weeks in places that always required an overnight stay. To my amazement, both accepted it.

Maybe one or both guessed and simply didn't want to rock the boat, as long as their faces weren't rubbed in it; I don't know. Maybe for her hubby it solved a problem - she was getting the sex and loving that he didn't want to give her, and therefore she was a lot happier, while he got his meals cooked and his washing done and still had her company the rest of the time.

We set up private web-based email addresses for 'sensitive' communications but that was all. We used open emails (and phone calls) as well, to create the impression that we were just pals. Hotels were paid for by card, but that was ok because spouses knew we were staying away - just not together. The realistic subterfuge solved most of the logistical problems; we were both where we were supposed to be, doing what we were expected to be doing. It's just that there were a few extras!

We had a very good time. In the beginning we both said that it was serious between us and we wanted to make more of it, but practicalities always stood in the way. Finally, a serious possibility arose of it becoming practicable. That forced her to think about the realities, and the stress and upheaval of walking out on a 30-year marriage, even a sexless one, didn't appeal; she just had too much invested in it. It went downhill from that moment and ended soon after.

Would I do it again in a similar situation. Yes, definitely. I'm unconvinced that monogamy works. No one person can give another everything they want. Maybe it worked when people only had a 50-60 year life span; and in times when life was a lot harder, not getting enough good sex or whatever wasn't top of the list of priorities. Nowadays some variety can be a good thing and can help to make the main relationship more enjoyable or, in some cases, tolerable. Being wanted by someone, as opposed to being taken for granted at home, does everyone's ego a power of good.

If your ex is too scared of getting caught, then it's unlikely to happen and, even if it did, he'd be looking over his shoulder so much that he wouldn't be looking at you. That's not the idea.

However, I sense from your opening post that you want something outside of your marriage. Why focus that want on an ex, who might well come with a whole load of unnecessary baggage - I assume there's a reason he's an ex? Why not look at other options?
 
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