Ask a MtF TG a question

[BradBigBrain]

You didn't say how your client reacted, but I wouldn't be offended. I'm over the fact that I won't carry my own children and that I will never have that level of function of a cis-gender woman. There are plenty of cis-gender women that can't have children either ( I know one ) and I know that they bury their hurt when questions of children come up.

I'll add a little to this later, thank you for your question but I gotta dash right now xx

Plenty of cis-gender men, too.

 

[stickygirl]

Plenty of cis-gender men, too.

That's very true Brad and I can't begin to imagine how heart-breaking it must be to make that discovery as an adult, full of plans for the future. I'm lucky that I grew up knowing that children were "unlikely" to be an option, but at the time it was the last thing on my mind anyway. Maybe children are a bonus, not a right - just like a lot of things in life - like good health if we have it?

"Unlikely" but one makes plans, just in case...

 

[Stella_Omega]

What did you think about Canada allowing a change to the kid's birth certificate pre-op?

Very compassionate

Thousands of us will never be able to afford sex reassignment surgery. It doesn't make us any less trans.

 

[stickygirl]

Very compassionate

Thousands of us will never be able to afford sex reassignment surgery. It doesn't make us any less trans.

Of course, but it does add a legitimacy as far as the state is concerned AND make everyone's life easier. Bureaucrats and state officials don't want to waste their time any more than we do - they've got more important things to do (unless he or she is a complete cunt and wants to call you out ).

 

[JHouston]

I did not read all the posts, so, pardon if these questions were already asked:

(1) Do mostly all MtF TGs want to lose the penis? I have watched some TG porn and it seems that some MtF TGs are very skilled at using their penis.

(2) Does MtF TG surgery reconstruct/recycle the entire penis into a vagina, or is some of it cut off and discarded? Does anyone keep the rejected portion for science or other purposes, or is it discarded?

I've always been curious with these questions.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Of course, but it does add a legitimacy as far as the state is concerned AND make everyone's life easier. Bureaucrats and state officials don't want to waste their time any more than we do - they've got more important things to do (unless he or she is a complete cunt and wants to call you out ).

Well, yeah, but I was meaning the surgery requirement.

I did not read all the posts, so, pardon if these questions were already asked:

(1) Do mostly all MtF TGs want to lose the penis? I have watched some TG porn and it seems that some MtF TGs are very skilled at using their penis.

That's because they are doing porn. It's a job. Depending on how deep a girl is into her estrogen replacement, she may have difficulty achieving an erection, but that little Blue Pill overrides almost any reluctance, or so I've been told.

And that can be okay for some women, or horrifying.

There are about a hundred different ways any particular person will feel about their genitals, from "I still love my dick (or vag) junk" to "who gives a shit, it's what I've got," to "would rather it weren't there" to "I will suicide if I have to live with the wrong junk all of my life."

Most of us would really truly prefer to have the junk that is part of our gender, all things considered.

(2) Does MtF TG surgery reconstruct/recycle the entire penis into a vagina, or is some of it cut off and discarded? Does anyone keep the rejected portion for science or other purposes, or is it discarded?

I've always been curious with these questions.

I love me an inquiring mind!
Google is your friend

Be careful opening some of those links-- visceral and sometimes disturbing images. Medicine is not for the faint of heart. It's sloppy, bloody, brutal in application, but the results? So worthwhile.

 

[stickygirl]

Very compassionate

Thousands of us will never be able to afford sex reassignment surgery. It doesn't make us any less trans.

Oh re-reading the question: is Brad referring to birth certificate or actual surgery?? Have they lowered the age permitted for SRS?

 

[Sasha69]

.....

Be careful opening some of those links-- visceral and sometimes disturbing images.

I couldn't leave this sentence unresolved, regarding my own experience. I had the opportunity of being in regular contact with two pre-op MTF folks because of were I worked. I would see them once or twice a week, I was of the impression they roomies, at a minimum. Then all of a sudden, over a period of time, only one of them, always the same one, would make her usual apperances. i asked her where her friend was. She looked a little pained and said her friend "couldn't hang on, and had to go" I asked where, and she just looked up. It made me catch my breath. I went to a different shift shortly after that, a did not see her againfor quite some time.

I was working days now when I heard a voice behind me say "Hello". It was her, but thenagain, not her. I recogonized her but there was something just so different about her. And it occured to me, it was her bearing. Before, when i saw her and her friend, and later herself, they always had a hunted, intimidated (?) look about them. They always glancedd around, always walked hunched over, shuffling. The person before me now stood tall (nice kicks), looked confident, and had a dazzling smile, that was never there before. I said hello, and that she looked well. And then she said "Yeah, I owe that to someone" and she walked away. Never saw her again. I wish her well.

If what the knife does to one of these gentle souls is "visceral", I cannot fathom what the carnage is like inside they're heads. All I can say is that, she taught me something about life that has made me a better person. And I don't even know her name.

My question is this. Can anyone offer an example of where the "physical" surgery went ok, but brain never makes a "successful" transition? Is this even possible ? Thanks. I spent a wonderful two hours chatting with a very pretty, confident and well dressed pre-op MTF last weekend. And next weekend she's coming over for tea and to help me with some education about SRS.

 

[stickygirl]

Hi Sasha

Could you clarify what the one lady went when you said she 'looked up' - do you mean she took her own life?!

As for your question: surgery good but brain not? It has happened, but it is extremely rare, when someone has undergone surgery but then de-transitioned after. No responsible surgeon would dream of performing SRS until the patient's psych counsellor had evaluated her or him over a period of at least a year and even before that evaluation period, the patient has to live in their chosen gender for one or two years.

So it's a long process of assessment by medical professionals before surgery. More important than any external permissions is how the individual themselves feel about surgery. As Stella mentioned, many transitioned ( ie living full time in their gender ) decide that surgery is not for them, but that doesn't invalidate their status as trans men or women.

Surgery is not a magic wand and is unlikely to cure any deep-seated mental issues, such as clinical depression - that's why they assess us and not everyone is approved for surgery. Trying to convince your therapist, who may have outdated criteria for assessment, is quite another matter….
It won't stop transphobic hate, nor are you free of hormonal therapy, but provided your head is straight, it sure as hell will make you feel a damned sight better about yourself!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Oh re-reading the question: is Brad referring to birth certificate or actual surgery?? Have they lowered the age permitted for SRS?

He was talking about the birth certificate, I'm pretty sure.

Sasha, was a sad, troubling story:rose

I don't know many post-op women at all, myself. the ones that I do know-- seem about as sane as any of the rest of us, which is always a bit sketchy LOL

I know one trans guy who decided that he wanted to de-transition. I just talked to him again after a year of no contact. He said he was profoundly uncomfortable with estrogen running his brain, and went back onto Testosterone and feels better-balanced.

He's very femmy! I guess you could call him a trans tranny!

 

[stickygirl]

I know one trans guy who decided that he wanted to de-transition. I just talked to him again after a year of no contact. He said he was profoundly uncomfortable with estrogen running his brain, and went back onto Testosterone and feels better-balanced.

Cis-folks tend to concentrate on the obvious physical changes - and why wouldn't they: we can't look into another person's thoughts? For me, the peace I have in myself is by far the most significant change from hormones. The physical changes meant that it became easier for cis-folks to read my gender, along with clothing and my body language. It's only when I'm engaged in conversation that the final pieces fall into place for them. Acceptance is a big feedback loop to us: if only people would just accept us, without looking for the gaps or giving us 'that' look - it's so crushing.
... I started off on a big rant... don't be needing that right now so I deleted it
Instead I'll mention that I'm still smiling about the blouse I found on the clearance rail for £3.49 Yus!

He's very femmy! I guess you could call him a trans tranny!

Oh Lord!

 

[JHouston]

Two questions:

(1) Can you explain what are the differences or similarities between the terms below and what are the PC terms that should be used. I got these terms from porn, so I apologize if they are not PC.

T-girl
She-male
Ladyboy
Sissy boy
Crossdresser

(2) Where do I fit into this spectrum? I live mostly a "normal" heterosexual life. I enjoy romance and sex with females very much and I have the typical heterosexual fantasies about strippers and girls in tiny schoolgirl skirts. But, I also have very intense fantasies of being "feminized" - crossdressing and being "used" for sex by a big guy. (I'm on the short side.) In these fantasies, I want to look like a girl and be treated like girl. I am submissive in these fantasies and the man "using" me is very dominant. I have even fantasized a couple of times about being forced to "become a woman" through a forced sex operation, but, except for such extreme fantasies, I have never had any genuine desire to grow breasts or change my sex organs.

 

[stickygirl]

Two questions:

(1) Can you explain what are the differences or similarities between the terms below and what are the PC terms that should be used. I got these terms from porn, so I apologize if they are not PC.

That's a fair question and the problem is they are all slang terms used in porn, though cross-dressing may be in the Oxford Dictionary! My interpretation of the slang use is only what I've observed and the boundaries are kinda blurred..

T-girl / She-male - you may need an expert to distinguish how the terms are used. So far as I can make out they are the same. May or may not be on hormones ( or reduced dose to soften the features ). Often have breast implants but the ones that don't look cute. They probably identify their gender as female but if they're online, it stands to reason they are making a living from the sex trade.

Ladyboy - usually Thai, petite, normally have breast implants. May or may not be on hormones... Difficult to know if they ID as female but they probably do.

Sissy boy - Often play a sub role and I doubt if they live their lives as women. Some may play with hormones but generally they are cute guys who love spunk, other men's dicks and getting nailed for love of it.

Crossdresser - Guys who may or may not get a sexual kick out of dressing: often the desire is not sexual but something more subtle. They take a pride in their looks but often wear far too much pink and frills. Some don't even shave their legs

All are likely to use Viagra and such - surely everyone making porn does?

(2) Where do I fit into this spectrum? I live mostly a "normal" heterosexual life. I enjoy romance and sex with females very much and I have the typical heterosexual fantasies about strippers and girls in tiny schoolgirl skirts. But, I also have very intense fantasies of being "feminized" - crossdressing and being "used" for sex by a big guy. (I'm on the short side.) In these fantasies, I want to look like a girl and be treated like girl. I am submissive in these fantasies and the man "using" me is very dominant. I have even fantasized a couple of times about being forced to "become a woman" through a forced sex operation, but, except for such extreme fantasies, I have never had any genuine desire to grow breasts or change my sex organs.

It sounds like you have a touch of sissy about you. If you never actually want to 'be' a woman, except for the sexual side of things, then I doubt you'd be one of the other labels, like gender-queer, but I'm no expert. Labels, labels... they cause more harm than good. There plenty of guys around with that kink and that's totally cool.

Hmmm... ramble alert -> not direct at you Houston, it's just something that has puzzled me a while.

I wonder if guys find it a pain having to live up to the stereotype of alpha macho all the time? So there's an oppositional sexism at play because "If I don't want to be Mr Macho tonight, then I'll be the opposite, which is... a woman" because 'men are strong and women are weak' So you want to play a non-dominant role but the go-to is a woman, because we all know 'women are weak (therefore sub)'. That also gets you off the no-homo hook because you're being a woman tonight and that is more attractive and less shameful than being a sub-gay man?

Sorry ^^ this isn't meant to sound snarky. It never gets talked about though, which makes me suspect there is shame attached, so guys don't want to talk about it. If I'm at all near the mark, then what a damning indictment of the patriarchy: why do guys have to play a macho role foisted on them by society? That's not fair, but hardly surprising. It's all such BS.

 

[BradBigBrain]

Saw this on FB today and thought of you.

 

[haurni]

I wonder if guys find it a pain having to live up to the stereotype of alpha macho all the time?

Yes.

It never gets talked about though, which makes me suspect there is shame attached, so guys don't want to talk about it. If I'm at all near the mark, then what a damning indictment of the patriarchy: why do guys have to play a macho role foisted on them by society? That's not fair, but hardly surprising. It's all such BS.

You got it, hun.

 

[stickygirl]

Saw this on FB today and thought of you.

that'll be going on my Tumblr

 

[Stella_Omega]

I wonder if guys find it a pain having to live up to the stereotype of alpha macho all the time? So there's an oppositional sexism at play because "If I don't want to be Mr Macho tonight, then I'll be the opposite, which is... a woman" because 'men are strong and women are weak' So you want to play a non-dominant role but the go-to is a woman, because we all know 'women are weak (therefore sub)'. That also gets you off the no-homo hook because you're being a woman tonight and that is more attractive and less shameful than being a sub-gay man?

A quote I got just the other day from tumblr;

"people who talk about "opposite sexes" remind me of little kids who think that "cat" is the opposite of "dog."

 

[Sasha69]

.....

 

[JHouston]

It sounds like you have a touch of sissy about you. If you never actually want to 'be' a woman, except for the sexual side of things, then I doubt you'd be one of the other labels, like gender-queer, but I'm no expert. Labels, labels... they cause more harm than good. There plenty of guys around with that kink and that's totally cool.

Thank you. I think that is very accurate.

It is hard to form an identity for myself based on any one of my fantasies though, because, they are all over the place - from hetero fantasies of dominating a submissive female in slave outfit (Princess Leia-look-alike), to fantasies of fem worship (worshipping Wonder Woman and kissing her boots), to fantasies of being a submissive sissy in sexy girly clothes used and abused by a dominant male.

I wonder if guys find it a pain having to live up to the stereotype of alpha macho all the time? So there's an oppositional sexism at play because "If I don't want to be Mr Macho tonight, then I'll be the opposite, which is... a woman" because 'men are strong and women are weak' So you want to play a non-dominant role but the go-to is a woman, because we all know 'women are weak (therefore sub)'. That also gets you off the no-homo hook because you're being a woman tonight and that is more attractive and less shameful than being a sub-gay man?

Sorry ^^ this isn't meant to sound snarky. It never gets talked about though, which makes me suspect there is shame attached, so guys don't want to talk about it. If I'm at all near the mark, then what a damning indictment of the patriarchy: why do guys have to play a macho role foisted on them by society? That's not fair, but hardly surprising. It's all such BS.

Maybe this is true for some. However, when the sissy fantasy is playing in my head, I am delighting in shame, not running away from it. Being a hetero man turned "sissy" in girly clothes seems more "shameful" to me (and therefore, more intense and stimulating) then just being a plain gay guy. There are plenty of respectable and very dignified gay guys, so being just "gay" is not enough for a fantasy that craves shame and humiliation.

Also, I don't think that associating sissy with humiliation and shame reveals a bigoted notion that being a female is a despicable and shameful thing, but rather, that being a sissy is shameful. A "sissy" (in my fantasy version, which is probably not the same as someone's lifestyle version) is a male who lacks what it takes to be a "real" male and cannot attract a female partner, so he tries to assume a girly role with a pretty dress to attract a male partner, but he fails at that too (or is not capable or willing to make the full commitment to becoming a female), so he ends up stuck somewhere in between as an object of ridicule, shame and abuse. Guys use him to get off, but, he is not taken seriously by either gender.

Maybe, in this day and age, the opposite of an alpha macho is not woman (there are plenty of strong and confident alpha women around) - but a rather a pathetic little sissy, who is uncertain about his role and is the object of ridicule and shame. So, to escape from the pain of having to live up to the stereotype of alpha macho all the time, we may be pushed to find comfort embracing the little sissy.

 

[stickygirl]

I stand corrected and thanks for the insight. I've never been able to see inside the sissy frame of mind and though oppositional sexism certainly exists, I can see it doesn't apply here: this is much more complicated.
I wasn't suggesting that being a woman is somehow shameful - hardly - but rather that sissy's don't regard themselves as gay ( which isn't shameful either! ). So it's the shame thing, at least for you and so perhaps for many others?
I don't understand it but I don't understand BDSM either. It's interesting though - food for thought, so thanks for posting and for your frankness.


Thanks for everyone's posts today - it's made for some interesting reading

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you. I think that is very accurate.

It is hard to form an identity for myself based on any one of my fantasies though, because, they are all over the place - from hetero fantasies of dominating a submissive female in slave outfit (Princess Leia-look-alike), to fantasies of fem worship (worshipping Wonder Woman and kissing her boots), to fantasies of being a submissive sissy in sexy girly clothes used and abused by a dominant male.

Your identity and your sexual orientation are kind of side-by-side things, but not the same thing. Seems your fantasy 'you' is always a sissy, no matter who she is being owned by.

Maybe this is true for some. However, when the sissy fantasy is playing in my head, I am delighting in shame, not running away from it. Being a hetero man turned "sissy" in girly clothes seems more "shameful" to me (and therefore, more intense and stimulating) then just being a plain gay guy. There are plenty of respectable and very dignified gay guys, so being just "gay" is not enough for a fantasy that craves shame and humiliation.

Also, I don't think that associating sissy with humiliation and shame reveals a bigoted notion that being a female is a despicable and shameful thing, but rather, that being a sissy is shameful. A "sissy" (in my fantasy version, which is probably not the same as someone's lifestyle version) is a male who lacks what it takes to be a "real" male and cannot attract a female partner, so he tries to assume a girly role with a pretty dress to attract a male partner, but he fails at that too (or is not capable or willing to make the full commitment to becoming a female), so he ends up stuck somewhere in between as an object of ridicule, shame and abuse. Guys use him to get off, but, he is not taken seriously by either gender.

Maybe, in this day and age, the opposite of an alpha macho is not woman (there are plenty of strong and confident alpha women around) - but a rather a pathetic little sissy, who is uncertain about his role and is the object of ridicule and shame. So, to escape from the pain of having to live up to the stereotype of alpha macho all the time, we may be pushed to find comfort embracing the little sissy.

Thanks for these thoughts. I've been playing with the idea of helplessness for a couple of years now, posting little vignettes to my blog. I won't go into it here-- would be a total threadjack!

 

[Bramblethorn]

I know one trans guy who decided that he wanted to de-transition. I just talked to him again after a year of no contact. He said he was profoundly uncomfortable with estrogen running his brain, and went back onto Testosterone and feels better-balanced.

He's very femmy! I guess you could call him a trans tranny!

I have a trans guy friend who self-describes as a camp gay guy. It really confuses the TERFs

 

[stickygirl]

I have a trans guy friend who self-describes as a camp gay guy. It really confuses the TERFs

Here's one for the TERFs

 

[BradBigBrain]

Love the sentiment and the graphic reminded me of your av. In other words I'm thinkin' 'bout you at bath time!

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks 3B xx

Right then *cracks knuckles*
Just read this post via Tumbr ( it's far too long and concludes nothing but raises something I'd like to clarify from my own perspective )
http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2014/06/25/3449462/drag-queens-trans-women/

To that I replied, for all the good it'll do.
"Tranny is the word of choice when I am abused and threatened. Period. Don't give me that crap that the word is "safe" or humorous" or "empowering" in the 'right context'. Tranny might be used to tease someone you know well, in the same way Nigger is used in the black community. What is said privately does not legitimize its use in a public arena and RuPaul is certainly not my spokesman and I won't have anyone in the entertainment industry telling me the word is acceptable. Nor Is Julia Serano correct saying "it's just a word" because "context" counts: tell that to the man who punched me in the face. Words count, words have meaning and in the mouths of the common cis-gendered transphobics, they have a very specific, hateful meaning. Stop kidding yourselves."

I've tried, I've tried really hard to be objective about this debate, but how can I? How can I be a witness without describing things that have happened to me and continue to happen to my trans* friends every day.