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As The Hospital Pervs

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sweepthefloor said:
I am glad your head feels better, loopy is better than the alternative.

Hehehe yes, we all call it a texas catheter and it's so funny trying to put a thick condom on a limp penis. I am pretty good at it. I always wanted to know why it is called a "Texas"-- I mean really?

The worse is when they don't stay on and we try everything! Barrier spray skin prep works pretty good but it gets sticky.

The craziest is when the confused crazy man starts mumbling: what are you doing to me?

Oh, I am putting on a condom that connects to a bag so that when you make urine, we can measure it. Does that make sense?

"You are playing with my dick, you are a sick one!"
Click to expand...

I've wondered about the "Texas" reference myself. Ours usually stay on pretty well, as long as you activate the adhesive that's already applied to the inside according to the directions - i.e., grab the penis in a firm fist and hold it for 30 seconds to a minute. That's always a bit awkward. At least most of my patients are not able to understand what I'm doing. I feel worse taking them off - it always ends up ripping a bunch of pubic hair out. :eek:


On a completely unrelated topic, we're getting ready for my mom's retirement. 41 years as an RN, 32 of them in the facility where I now also work. She doesn't want a big party - ummm, tough shit ma, a LOT of people want to come and wish you well. We've already had to change venues twice to upgrade to bigger conference rooms because of the number of people we're expecting, and there's still a month and a half to go. It makes me very proud, actually - she's a great nurse, and she is always willing to take the extra time for whatever comes up - to teach and mentor anyone who asks, console grieving parents, step up and help us aides with whatever mundane task we're doing, etc. She thinks that nobody notices, so I think she's going to be overwhelmed when she sees the turnout.
 
LongDrySpell said:
I've wondered about the "Texas" reference myself. Ours usually stay on pretty well, as long as you activate the adhesive that's already applied to the inside according to the directions - i.e., grab the penis in a firm fist and hold it for 30 seconds to a minute. That's always a bit awkward. At least most of my patients are not able to understand what I'm doing. I feel worse taking them off - it always ends up ripping a bunch of pubic hair out. :eek:


On a completely unrelated topic, we're getting ready for my mom's retirement. 41 years as an RN, 32 of them in the facility where I now also work. She doesn't want a big party - ummm, tough shit ma, a LOT of people want to come and wish you well. We've already had to change venues twice to upgrade to bigger conference rooms because of the number of people we're expecting, and there's still a month and a half to go. It makes me very proud, actually - she's a great nurse, and she is always willing to take the extra time for whatever comes up - to teach and mentor anyone who asks, console grieving parents, step up and help us aides with whatever mundane task we're doing, etc. She thinks that nobody notices, so I think she's going to be overwhelmed when she sees the turnout.
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Wow! I never read the directions. I never activated the adhesive because I didn't know it existed. I am going to try it.
---
Your Ma sounds awesome. This story makes me want to be better. That's a long time. Have a great party! :rose:
 
This ride was brought to you by some dirty deeds that are done dirt cheap and I'm about to clean up some ass and balls.

And anesthesia is in the parking lot looking at my car. I'm like what the f you looking at.
 
Bidin~Time said:
I will need one for everyone in the ED, including housekeeping.

It is NOT a good day when an entire dept has that deer in the headlights look.
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I recently got pulled to the emergency department. My role there is to care for those waiting for unit beds. It is all deer in the headlamps look, and I am like: what is going on here?

I didn’t even get report and a man climbing half off the piss soaked stretcher asks me for a dry blanket. Well, he didn’t actually verbalize that but I figured that is what he wanted. He said: I don’t have a problem. I want to leave.

I just looked at the man; blood was dripping out of his mouth. He probably fell, maybe he had a seizure. I picked up his cell phone off the floor and the battery that fell out and handed it to him. The tremors were so bad that he couldn’t put the battery in his phone.

Now, in a perfect world the man would be getting every fifteen minutes Ativan pushed through the intravenous line because if there is one thing I have learned in acute care: you can get on top of the DTs but it takes 1:1 nursing and lots of work.

I am not sure what the science behind the every fifteen minute pushes for the first three hours followed by every one hour CIWA protocol after that, but it works. If you don’t chase it the next week becomes a nightmare, and the only pinch is continuous infusion, heavy sedation and intubation.

You have to know that whatever the prescribed dose is—the chances are high that the nurse is giving more right out of the bag, under these particular circumstances. I am not admitting that I do that.
---

And then the mean-to-me Intensivist gave me the soft eye. I am still mad at him. He wanted the chart to dictate. He said: I promise to bring it back.
 
Dr. Dirty, Intensivist Extraordinaire likes to bother me. He made me cry the first day on my own in the unit because I didn't know when the patient had the central line inserted. And one year later he is waiting for me to take a stand, and tell him where to go. The word in the used utility closet is that he likes it when the nurse fights back.
 
Dr. Dirty wants a struggle but he is going to need a bigger, wider leather belt to beat me with.

I will take a hurting before giving him the joy of my tears, again.
 
Bidin~Time said:
I will need one for everyone in the ED, including housekeeping.

It is NOT a good day when an entire dept has that deer in the headlights look.
Click to expand...

Last time I was at the V.A. a nurse asked me if I had PTSD. I explained that my post-traumatic stress was very orderly.

She marked it as a "no".

SMH
 
sweepthefloor said:
Dr. Dirty wants a struggle but he is going to need a bigger, wider leather belt to beat me with.

I will take a hurting before giving him the joy of my tears, again.
Click to expand...

If you want me to, I can nail his foot to the floor.

Then you and the rest of the staff can keep asking him why he's walking around in circles. 8)
 
I'm going to change the high pitch fast ding of the code blue alarm to the guitar line of thunderstruck.
 
New patient this week, something I thought I'd never have to see again: a little girl (only 6 y.o.) with a MASSIVE unshunted hydrocephalus. Now I am no stranger to hydro, I worked with a woman who had a 56-inch head circumference. But she was much older. You just don't see it in people under 40. Lately they usually detect it in utero, the shunt is placed within days of birth, and the kid stands a pretty good chance of having normal intelligence.

I asked the attending, "why isn't she shunted?" He showed me her MRI. The middle of her brain is missing. The fluid is the only thing keeping her brain from collapsing. She's little enough now that she can still sit in a wheelchair, and she's a sweet kid. Surprisingly smart considering how little brain matter she actually has. But her head is going to keep getting bigger, and bigger, and eventually she'll be confined to a cart or stretcher, unable to support her massive head upright.

Well, fuck.
 
LongDrySpell said:
New patient this week, something I thought I'd never have to see again: a little girl (only 6 y.o.) with a MASSIVE unshunted hydrocephalus. Now I am no stranger to hydro, I worked with a woman who had a 56-inch head circumference. But she was much older. You just don't see it in people under 40. Lately they usually detect it in utero, the shunt is placed within days of birth, and the kid stands a pretty good chance of having normal intelligence.

I asked the attending, "why isn't she shunted?" He showed me her MRI. The middle of her brain is missing. The fluid is the only thing keeping her brain from collapsing. She's little enough now that she can still sit in a wheelchair, and she's a sweet kid. Surprisingly smart considering how little brain matter she actually has. But her head is going to keep getting bigger, and bigger, and eventually she'll be confined to a cart or stretcher, unable to support her massive head upright.

Well, fuck.
Click to expand...

Heartbreaking. I cannot imagine how you cope.
 
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